Chances
by taoist elf
Summary: Returning home for a year, Bella struggles both with chances lost and taken and what to do with the last one she'll ever have. It's more complicated than she'd ever imagined. Raw, realistic and messy, this isn't the typical JxB. Takes place 8 years after BD wedding.
1. Part I - Parties

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Blah blah blah... just havin' fun._

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Yeah I know I said I was ducking back out of fanfic – grimace - but I got on a reading kick and after a bunch of old-skool JxB fics I couldn't find one that hit the mark I wanted. This is just an odd little ditty that takes the story as it was and develops JxB in a gritty, realistic way.

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**Ground rules:** Everything from Twilight through Breaking Dawn's honeymoon holds true. The _only_ book universe cannon I really changed was the (idiotic) idea that vampires somehow have living semen.

No prereader/beta – don't mind the typos. Quick, rough and short... ish, I just write it as I see it and thought you might be interested in coming along for a weekend romp.

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**Be warned:** Parts of this turned out pretty raw, dark and naughty – like AP, definitely not a romancey-romance. Sorry I'm in such an edgy space right now. Hopefully no one is young enough to need the reminder that these are not role models but fictional characters – and troubled ones at that.

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Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy.

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**'**

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**Chances - Part I**

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Bella's eyes darted down to the glass in her hand and spun it restlessly on the bar.

_He'd changed so much. _

Her father had said as much, hadn't he? Even her sole childhood friend that had survived adulthood, Angela, had said something about it. And she'd previously only met him twice: once at school on a motorcycle in leather and the other at Bella's wedding. She'd never understood how Angela could possibly notice at just a chance meeting at First Beach, but she had.

Of course, now she did.

Bella picked up the short thick glass and tipped back a mouthful of Jack Daniels– swishing it around in her mouth for the numbing effect before her eyes ventured over the rim.

Jacob was standing in the far corner of the ballroom with one foot up on a chair and his forearm resting on his thigh. In the other hand he held a long-neck amber beer between two fingers, absently swinging it to and fro while he held court with his men.

Bigger now than any of the giants around him, he was wearing a blue dress shirt that was tailored perfectly to cling to his trim torso in spite of massive shoulders. Sleeves rolled up setting off the toffee bulk of his forearms, he'd left the top buttons temptingly open and tucked it in black jeans. Like most of the men here, he was trolling the casual side of dressy, but then again, so was the groom.

Bella swallowed her mouthful of liquor as her eyes darted automatically across the room to where her father sat with his new bride. Arm over the back of her chair, he was leaning in while they shared secrets and smiles like two high school sweethearts.

Actually Bella supposed they were.

Charlie and Sue had known each other since childhood but she'd married into the auspicious Clearwater bloodline probably from tribal pressure and parents. Bella was glad to see they weren't making the same mistake twice.

Bella's eyes returned to Jacob, now offering the man in front of him a terse nod. Even his face had changed. The softness of youth had evaporated from a rugged athleticism. His brow was so severe it threw intense eyes into mysterious shadow and his strong jaw was lined with scruff. Like his father and others on the Council, he'd grown his hair out but if anything it just harshened his features instead of softening them as it had when he was a boy. He had it pulled back into a tight shiny braid that hung halfway down his back.

With absent coordination, Jacob hiked the bottle into his palm with jerk of his wrist and tipped it up to his lips while he kept his eyes locked on the man.

His back to her, she had no idea who he was talking to so intently. By his coloring, the man was Quileute but so was half the room. The union of a respected Council Member and Police Chief had brought the two towns together, if only for the night.

But by the man's size Bella could easily guess he was Pack. Even they had changed. Gone were the rambunctious boys, running extra hot on a superhero adrenaline high. At the beginning of the night the Pack had slipped into the room one by one - yet somehow as a group – silent and secret and exuding a dark and palpable power. She'd been watching for them, of course, but she wondered if she would have noticed them otherwise. The wolves had an eerie way of fading into shadows – like a dream caught just in the corner of your eye.

Not one of them had brought his mate.

Bella picked up her glass again and emptied it all the way back so the ice cubes slipped up the side with a final clink. She set it down on the bar and looked up to find the bartender watching her with a raised brow.

"Another," she gasped absently wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

It came back with Mediterranean Spice lipstick smeared across her pale skin. With an irritated noise and roll of her eyes, Bella pulled her purse from the bar. She fished out her little lipstick case with a mirror on the lid that she'd gotten in San Francisco's Chinatown and went to work.

After being a human dress-up doll, over the last five years she'd avoided make-up just on principle alone, but she figured she owed it to her father to break her dry run for his wedding day.

At the thought Bella froze, and then pressed her lips together as she tipped the mirror up to her eyes.

That was a fucking flat-out lie and she'd _promised_ not to tell those to herself anymore. She glared a warning at those brown eyes for a moment (at least she had a little hazel around the iris to keep them from looking like mud). With a frown, she picked a miniscule flake of mascara from under her eye and then tipped the mirror back down to her lips. Rolling them again, she put the lipstick away.

Snapping her purse closed, her eyes swept up to the real reason she'd worn make-up tonight. As sick as it was, she was going to tell it to herself straight:

She'd worn it for Jacob Black.

Not that it mattered - he'd been completely ignoring her just like he had her all emails and phone calls she'd made to him this last year.

Bella didn't blame him. Not one little bit.

"Here you go, gorgeous," the bartender said, setting the glass on a little square napkin.

She looked up with a cock of her head, trying to decide whether he was in it for the tips or just placing bets down the bar hoping something came back lucky at the end of his shift.

She decided it was both. "Thanks," she smiled.

"I'll have one of those too," a smooth baritone murmured at her elbow.

Bella turned to where Seth gave her a lackluster eyebrow wiggle.

"If you think I'm picking up your tab…" she threatened humorously – trying to lighten him up as she took her drink and turned to face him.

His lips stretched in a subdued smile that still had remnants of its boyish charm even though he'd turned legal last year.

"How 'ya doing sis?" Seth leaned back against the counter with a cavalier prop of one foot over the other.

Bella wrinkled her nose. "Jack's making it a little better," she muttered, picking up the drink and taking a mouthful of the liquor. She knew she leaned on it too much, but honestly changing that right now was about the last thing on her mind.

Seth was the only one of the Pack she'd see much less heard two words from when she came home for visits and she was fairly sure he did both only for obvious reasons.

Leah had left the Pack just a little after Bella did so she didn't count. She came back as little as she could and had sneakily proffered the perfect excuse of a hot-shit modeling shoot to avoid this wedding. And, more to the point, the Pack.

Sue understood.

So did Bella.

They certainly hadn't been friends in Forks, but surprisingly, Leah had made sure to stay in touch with her throughout the years. Bella was pretty sure it was just to piss the Pack off - they'd even go to dinner whenever she was in San Francisco for a job.

The bartender slid Seth his drink and he plopped down a ten as he snatched it up, turning out to the room. He took a long draught and then smacked his lips as his eyes scanned over the several hundred people all seated at tables around the dance floor and waiting for the reception to officially start.

Bella watched him out of the corner of her eye, reading all the little latent expressions in his face. He was here under duress. Uncomfortable and trying not to be. If she had to guess his mother had made him do it.

"Quite a party," he sniffed tipping another mouthful back.

Bella's eyes fell to her drink and she shook the glass restlessly, making the ice swirl. She looked up again at his profile. "Seth."

He turned to her with a casual lift of his brow.

"It's okay," she said quietly. "You don't have to do this."

He blinked twice, a confused furrow to his brow and she held his gaze with unadorned eyes.

"Well alright," his lips lifted in a smile that looked odd. "See you around." He held up his glass.

Bella offered hers out automatically and he touched the bottom with a soft clink.

"At least it's not for long," he finished, and then took a pointed sip while he held her eyes.

Bella's gaze fell to the glass in her hands. It was a furtive insult wrapped in sympathy and a well-crafted toast. Seth had gotten clever in his old age.

But apparently he didn't know she planned to stay for a year. She was both touched and pleased Charlie had kept her secret with is fiancé but it was probably because he was guessing she had a 50-50 chance of changing her mind.

Bella looked back up to see Seth melting into the crowd and took another long swallow of her drink. She knew Seth had been struggling with loyalty lines since Sue and Charlie decided to tie the knot. Apparently Jacob was the kind of Alpha who inspired devotion bordering on worship – or so Leah claimed.

Bella's gaze returned to where it had lingered all night. She could see what Leah was talking about clearly in the postures of those around him - a subtle submissive tip of a chin, respectful clasped hands, men sat on the edges of their seat or stood angling their bodies away.

While Jacob lounged with one foot on his chair and a body language that was open and confident.

Cocky, even.

Tipping the bottle up all the way, he emptied the beer and handed it absently to someone who solicitously ferried it away.

It was fascinating, really.

She'd always been an observer. But especially after she got back out into the world of the living, she found a renewed interest in facial expressions. Vampires really didn't have them she discovered, even if they'd learned to mimic them so well that some of them were internalized. But how can you really have an expression when you don't have feelings to go with it?

"Hey Bella!"

Bella's eyes fluttered closed just long enough to stifle her groan before she turned out to see Mike Newton's watery blue eyes and sappy smile.

Bella forced a smile. "Hey Mike."

She spent the next ten minutes mentally cursing the bartender for taking his fucking sweet time with the cranberry juice for Mike's wife. Bella found out Jessica was pregnant, due in three months, and had seen a baby picture for each month of their two year old before the drink finally arrived.

"It's on me," Bella told him with a saccharine smile that he just lapped up like sugar.

And then he scurried back into the crowd.

Bella's gaze darted across the room to where the Pack's little impromptu meeting seemed to be dissipating and men were settling into their seats. It was echoed around the room and Bella realized the program was about to start.

Turning around she sipped on her drink while one of her father's deputies and the MC for the night, took the mic. Feedback grated harshly as it was turned on and her fingers flew to one ear while her eyes darted reflexively across the room. Every one of the Pack had painfully cringed at the sound… everyone except Jacob. Shoulders relaxed and face expressionless, he tipped his chair back and kept his eyes riveted on the man.

"Sorry," Jerry chuckled into the mic with untroubled ease.

He was a clean-cut dirty blond with kind eyes and a complex smile and Bella had gone to a rehearsal dinner with him last night. Her father hadn't been subtle about seating them together. Jerry had the kind of mind and manners that would make him a perfect candidate for a fling if not more. But Bella wasn't interested and had told him so frankly at the beginning of the night through an unapologetic smile. She was through lying to herself and she tried to extend the same courtesy to others.

And so a blissfully short program began.

Bella watched various speeches stammer or slur by with only half her mind. The other half was occupied by the man in the corner, balanced perfectly on the back legs of his chair. One arm was folded behind his head, grasping the top of the banquet chair and cocking a gun that was easily the circumference of her thigh. The other hand lifted a beer with a distracted tips while intense eyes stayed riveted like rifle sites on the podium up front.

Now and again one of the wolves would slip to his side and lean into his ear with words that made him either nod curtly or shake his head once. If she didn't know better she'd have thought they crouched politely, trying not to obscure the view of the one table behind him – which was all Pack by the looks of it. But if she looked closely it was more of cowering stance that was trying to stay below his height in the chair.

Though she hadn't spent much time around the Pack, she knew she'd never seen this kind of dynamic when Sam was in charge. Things had been much less formal, but then again they'd been eight years younger too.

She wondered what else had changed under the leadership of Jacob Black.

More importantly, she wondered if she'd ever have the chance to find out. Bella's eyes fell back to her glass as she considered the bared ice cubes.

Suddenly music started over the loudspeakers and she squeezed her eyes closed in dread.

_Now, everyone's favorite: humiliation in front of a room that already fucking hates my guts, _she thought bitterly.

She'd negotiated with Charlie to stay off the front lines so to speak, but Sue had been kind but firm in that no matter how uncomfortable or chronically uncoordinated, there was no way she was getting away without dancing with her father.

Frankly it was enough to make her consider following Leah's example, but as much as she supported her father, this wedding wasn't the reason she'd come back. It was just the perfect excuse.

Bella tipped her glass all the way up so the ice cubes came crashing against her nose. Lowering it to the bar, Bella grabbed the little square napkin and dabbed it on her face this time. She'd made sure to time it so she had at least two strong drinks under her belt for this.

She pulled out the little lipstick case and peeked in the mirror, just to make sure she hadn't smeared her makeup again . Then she got the bartender's attention and settled the tab while she glanced over her shoulder at Charlie box-stepping around the dance floor, completely divorced from the beat as far as she could tell.

_But the look on his face. _

Even beet red, he was smiling down at Sue like he'd just won the Powerball lottery. Bella smiled along with him as she slapped down a tip and turned away from the bar. She could do this for him; he deserved to be this happy after all these years.

Hitching her small purse up on her shoulder, she glanced down at her dress, just to make sure a bra strap or something wasn't showing. It was a simple gauzy cocktail number that she'd bought for a luncheon back in San Francisco. Her roommate Jon had picked it out, gushing that it brought out her hair and her eyes while smoking her figure with the exuberance that only a gay man pull off properly.

The song ended and the newlyweds kissed to the applause of the room. Bella clapped her hands as she wandered slowly from her safe little corner toward the dance floor. The DJ mumbled something unintelligible as the next song started up and her father scanned the room as Seth flowed out on the dance floor like liquid silk to take his mother in his arms.

Taking a deep breath she hastened the rest of the way, shimmying between tables with a raise of her hand.

Charlie's eyes found her and beamed a smile that made all mortification worth it several times over. She stepped into his arms and he pulled her into a hug.

"You look beautiful," he murmured in her hair.

Bella pulled back with a blushing smile. "You look handsome," she arched a brow. "And Sue looks amazing," she added, glancing over her shoulder at where Seth was spinning her around.

"Yeah, she does," Charlie breathed.

Bella turned back to stars in his eyes. "Shall we?" she asked with a private smile.

Charlie's gaze snapped back to her as he stammered and the blush deepened to painful as his arms wrapped around her in waltz position even though the DJ was playing some kind of sappy 80s love song.

"Wonder if any couple's ever danced with four left feet," he mumbled.

"I know, right?" Bella laughed as she pulled her hand from his and rested it on his shoulders. "Let's just make this simple."

Charlie's gaze finally stopped darting around nervously and landed in her eyes. He gave her a grateful smile and rested his hands at the small of her back.

Together they just swayed back and forth, looking like complete and total morons. Bella didn't mind. She stepped in and laid her cheek on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He smelled like Old Spice and memories. The last and only time she'd danced with him was at her own wedding eight years ago.

"Are you doin' okay?" her father asked quietly. "I know this has been real tough, Bells. I appreciate you hanging in there."

"It's okay," she whispered. "It's just the way it is – I knew that. And watching you and Sue makes up for it - I'm so happy for you, Dad."

"So you're still planning on staying?" he murmured, his arms unconsciously tightening around her waist.

She'd talked to him about her plans to come live here for at least a year. Bella had a job editing science texts that most would find boring but she loved as it brought together her love for science and English (and the pay wasn't bad at all). While the company was based in San Fran, she could certainly work from anywhere.

She nodded against his shoulder. "Just to see what happens."

Her father sucked in a breath and pulled back and she turned up to his sincere gaze. "I'm real proud of you for that."

Bella gave him a soft smile and nodded. She knew this was going to be hard – but she hadn't realized just how hard until she'd seen Jacob with her own eyes.

Charlie did a quick circuit of her face. "Everything's okay with the house?"

"Yeah," she hedged. "There's something wrong with the water heater and there are some screens that need fixing, but Mr. Phelps is coming out on Monday." She'd wrangled a year lease on a furnished vacation rental down by the lake.

Paternal protectiveness flared in his eyes in the only place where he actually had the power to protect her. "He should be down there tomorrow."

Bella smiled again and shook her head, leaning her cheek back on his shoulder. "It's alright. It's Sunday. I can take a shower at your house."

Her father's feet stopped moving with thoughts.

"I'll keep an eye on it for you this week," she continued quietly, answering him. "But I'm not going to stay there." There were too many ghosts in his house.

"I'm going to call that Phelps," Charlie harrumphed with indignation again at her imperfect rental and started swaying again on his feet.

Bella smiled – it wouldn't do any good to try to convince him otherwise. These days, Bella tried her hardest to take things as they came – even if she had to rely on a few vices to keep her sanity. It was the reason she'd come back now: she figured she was in as good a place as she was going to get. After several years of hell after her failed marriage, she'd taken the time to try to get herself together and figure out what she wanted. She figured she had a 50% success rate between the two: at least she knew what she wanted.

Just then the DJ made another mumbled announcement that she couldn't understand for the life of her and her eyes popped open. Apparently she was the only one, because smiling people started pouring on the floor in pairs.

She picked her head up. "They're taking pity on us," she chuckled, relieved not to be on display anymore.

Charlie sniffed a distracted laugh and Bella's eyes snagged on the way he was searching her face. "You still talk to them, Bells?" he whispered.

Bella tipped her head, reading all the things her father wasn't saying: the worry, disgust, protective rage. He knew what the Cullens were now.

"We've passed a few emails back and forth," she told him. "Edward's moved on – that's good." She raised her brow.

It had taken two years to extricate herself from that mess, but it had only taken resolved UST and a few months living with them to realize what a big mistake she'd made. Edward didn't love, he possessed and it really wasn't his fault. His idea of love was merely infatuation with scent and silence. But vampires couldn't feel anything. Not really.

The Cullens had constructed their lives around memories and a moral compass but the only thing that drove them was hunger: for new experiences, distraction, blood – it didn't matter. Finally Bella had come to understand the meaning of the word undead: they weren't living and loving, they were _consuming_.

She could see Charlie pressing his lips over rehashing the same argument they had every time the Cullens came up. He was horrified that as a father he'd allowed his daughter to marry a monster.

Every single time Bella told him she'd been selfish and stupid… and young. It was her mistake to own, not his.

Suddenly Chariles eyes snapped over her shoulder. Like someone had instantly shucked all the blood to his face it darkened and that vein popped in his forehead. Bella glanced over her shoulder, following his gaze, and then turned back with a sigh.

It was certainly her mistake to own, and right here were the consequences.

"That bastard," he spat under his breath.

"Shh," Bella soothed him with a palm over his shoulder. "It's okay. He doesn't owe me a thing, you know that."

"But he don't need to flaunt that here," Charlie muttered.

"I thought that was his calling card these days," she countered quietly, slowly pulling him around from the inflammatory sight. He was furious - she'd gotten her protective instincts from her father after all.

As she turned him around, of course Bella got a perfect an unobstructed view of a leggy blond brazenly wrapped around the incomparable Mr. Jacob Black.

Actually they were more like dry humping on the dance floor – which was no small feat to a sappy 80s love song. Bella was impressed.

The girl was tall with legs that went on for miles courtesy of six inch heels and dressed in a skin tight billboard advertising she was available for the night. Still being the giant that he was, Jacob towered over her another six inches. His big hand was placed obscenely on her apple-bottomed ass, pinning her to his torso, while the other pushed brassy curls over her shoulder as he leaned down and whispered something in her ear.

Bella could hear the girl's giggle over the music as she coquettishly slapped against his chest. Predatory eyes washing over the woman's perfectly made-up face, he gave her slow sly smile. His hand skimmed down her back to join the other as he slowly ground against her.

Bella squeezed her eyes closed and tried to tame the rush of jealousy and heat - she _knew_ this was going to complicated. _She knew it!_

She just hadn't been prepared for how it would _feel_. Because, unlike vampires, Bella did feel. Very deeply, Jasper had always claimed.

And right now it hurt like a bitch.

Trying to draw a deep breath through the pain in her chest, she opened her eyes to her father's gaze – a volatile mixture of pique and pity. She tried on a wan smile and it flopped immediately off her face.

Charlie wrapped his arm around her and turned her away, guiding her off the dance floor.

"Who is she?" Bella whispered, it came out more like a rasp.

"The town whore," her father spat. "They deserve each other." While he respected Jacob as a leader, over the years her father had become increasingly disgusted with him.

"Dad!" Bella whipped around in surprise – she'd never heard him talk like that.

Her father rolled his eyes. "She's Mason's granddaughter. Comes up from LA for summer fun every year."

With that info, Bella glanced over her shoulder again where they'd turned profile so she could see just how close they were. One of her hands was enjoying his very fine derriere while the other was stuffed down between their fused hips.

Bella turned away as she pulled her lip into her mouth-…

And then stopped herself. With a lick to her lower lip, she set it free. That's not who she was anymore.

Charlie was watching her closely as he slowly led them toward the front of the room. Bella took a deep breath and tried to let it all fall from her shoulders.

"Sure you want to do this to yourself?" he asked quietly.

"If I don't, I'll always wonder what would have happened if I'd tried harder," Bella whispered. "You let Sue pass you by the first time too."

A slow smile took over his face and his eyes darted up to where Sue was panting happily as her son guided her to her seat, showering her with a sunny grin.

"I'll be okay, Dad," she murmured. "This is your night."

He turned back to her encouraging smile.

"It's _her_ night," he corrected, with the sappiest twinkle she'd ever seen in his eye.

Bella went up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. He squeezed her and then she stepped out of his embrace. She watched him go back to the head of the room, turning with an adorable little wave before he immersed himself again in nuptial bliss.

Sighing happily, she turned around. As she made her way back to her little corner – and of course to get another drink – she tried _not_ to watch the couple on the dance floor. In spite of her best efforts, she found herself snatching self-destructive glimpses whenever she could.

Bella's bar stool was still unoccupied and she promptly took it over again. With a final glance at where Jacob was now bending the girl back while he practically had his face buried in her chest, she turned to the bartender's waiting smile.

"Another," Bella sighed.

'

By the time Bella had sucked down half of her drink and then dared to turn back around, Jacob and his escort were nowhere to be seen. It made her snort into her glass at the childishness of it – he'd pulled the girl out for a five minutes just for Bella's benefit?

Some pitiful sick part of her was actually pleased: it meant he'd actually known she was there even though his eyes hadn't strayed once her way.

Over the last healthier years she'd tried to get him on the phone or by email or stop in on holidays back home, to no avail. This was as much acknowledgement of her existence as she'd gotten since her wedding day.

The unbidden memory bubbled up, making her suck in a breath at the jagged flash of pain. Bella bowed her head over her drink for a moment. She'd never forget how it had felt being held in those arms. Steady and strong and perfect – even though she was breaking his heart. Looking back on it over the years that followed, she remembered that dance like it was the first one she'd had with her groom.

When she'd finally gotten the divorce and her freedom, she'd stumbled through a year of good ole' gutter diving and self-destruction. It took a few more to heal and search for what was missing in her empty heart. She'd tried to fill it with everything from backroom sex to a brilliant PhD student offering a ring on bended knee.

No one had what she was looking for. She missed the silence, the friendship, the laughter. Strong giving hands, a sunny smile and warm heart that beat in endless eyes.

Quite simply, no one was Jacob Black.

As it became more and more clear what she needed and that she needed to come back home for a second chance to get it, her father had warned her repeatedly that some things just can't get fixed and sometimes you only get one try.

With a humorless laugh, Bella poured another long drink down her throat. Right now Charlie was looking like he was abso-fuckin'-lutely correct. She drained the glass and then slammed it a little harder than she intended on the bar.

But if Jacob was important, he was worth giving it her best shot. She'd made a pact with herself that she was going to give it a year, no matter what.

_What's the worst that could happen, anyway?_ She'd just end up more fucked up. Past a certain point it didn't matter anyway.

She slapped a ten down on the bar and scanned the room. It looked like a lot of the Pack had left. There were still two men standing in the corner with Seth – one looked like Paul and the other… Embry? They'd all changed so much over the years.

She slipped off the stool and then steadied herself against it. She could hold her liquor, but she'd thrown back a few in a short time. She wasn't a fool though – she'd scheduled a cab for 11 o'clock sharp to take her back to her new home.

Pulling her purse up on her shoulder, Bella pushed her way through the crowds. The two measly inches her pumps gave her weren't really much help, but any more would have been as good as a guarantee to break her neck. Truthfully, even in these, it was still a distinct possibility.

She breathed a little easier out in the hallway of the little clubhouse that was on the outskirts of town. Her high school held its graduation party here every year and she knew her way around. After a stop by the restroom, she made a beeline for the front door and out into the parking lot. She knew that out back there would be too many people milling around in the gazebo and patio and Bella wanted to be alone.

Her shoes crunched on the gravel as she looked for a place to sit down. At one far corner of the building under a street lamp was just what she was looking for: a bench set up for staff to take a smoke break. She made her way toward it as she scanned the silent lot.

With a long sigh, she sat down and leaned back against the building for a moment. Staring up at the cloudy sky, she pulled her purse into her lap and fished out her cigarettes. Like the drinking, she knew it was a nasty habit but right now she desperately needed the crutch.

And with a click of the lighter, she was sucking in a long-term addiction and blessed five minutes of relief. Leaning her head against the building, she blew the smoke out in a long stream into the sky.

"Mmm."

A deep hum had Bella blinking and picking her head up.

The sound of rushing whispers and then a soft giggle tiptoed around the corner... it sounded like a couple was running hot and heavy a ways on the other side of the building.

Bella rolled her eyes and banged her head back against the cement. Whatever. At least _someone_ was having fun.

Bella drew in another long drag of smoke while she pulled her phone out of her bag and checked the time. Just another hour of torture. She needed to start this marathon year out slower and build up her resistance to the pain.

She let her head flop back against the wall as she blew out another drag. She pulled her sandaled foot up on the bench, rearranging her skirt decorously and tried to enjoy her cigarette and ignore the soft moans.

"Just like that, baby."

The words were drawn out in a deep velvet croon and Bella's eyes popped open wide. No, surely fate wouldn't be that cruel. That voice was deeper than Jacob's… but, then again she hadn't heard him speak since the wedding.

"Oh God, yeahhh," that blackstrap bass was creamy and low and it made a shiver shuttle up her spine.

Bella sat up a little more pulling her knee to her chest a little tighter. Her cheeks weren't the only place blood had raced to pool with heat. She adjusted herself on the seat and took a sucking drag of her distraction.

Any normal person would have gotten up and moved, but no, not Bella. This was _her_ bench, _her_ moment of solace and _her_ second of three cigarettes she allowed herself tonight.

And _that voice_.

"Just like that."

Breathy and low, it wrapped around her like a caress, turning her on something fierce. She could feel her heartbeat between her legs as she lowered her foot slowly back to the ground. She took another desperate draw of smoke as that voice dove down into husky groans that made her insides melt into a puddle of pure hot and sticky want.

She couldn't believe it.

In her dark days, she'd done a bunch of stupid things she wasn't proud of, but she'd never been the kinky type. Yet here she was getting off on listening to someone else have sex. She'd definitely reached an all-time low.

"Shit!" the man hashed lustily through gritted teeth.

Bella nearly came on the spot.

She gripped the bench with both hands while she tried to get her bearings. She was flushed and panting and about ready to go out of her mind from the throbbing ache between her legs.

Deciding that she had engaged in enough voyeurism to last several lifetimes, Bella fumbled with her purse and shakily stood.

The sound of whispers and crunching gravel from around the building made her freeze in her tracks.

_Oh shit._

Bella didn't konw what the hell to do. This tipsy, she'd never make it away fast enough in these shoes before they came around the corner and it might look worse if she were caught running away. Closing her eyes, she drew in a deep breath and tried to call upon what composure she could muster.

And then sat back down.

She still had another half a cigarette anyway.

Setting her bag on the bench, she pulled her knee back to her chest and rearranged her skirt like she was only taking an innocent little break from the party. She was just lifting the cigarette to her lips when couple rounded the corner:

Mason's granddaughter and, of course, Jacob Black.

Shirt untucked and long braid laying over one shoulder, he had his arm wrapped around the girl whose hair was now mussed along with her dress.

The sheer shock made Bella gulp down her mouthful of smoke – which was a strange sensation.

Her expression must have been pretty funny because the girl loosed a flirty little giggle that sounded more coy than embarrassed.

Deciding all she could do was ignore this like it was the nightmare it was, Bella quickly took another drag of her cigarette and decided to check that time on her phone again.

"Bella." Neither question nor greeting, it was more of a blasé acknowledgement.

_But oh God_, _that voice._

It had deepened into a dusky bass over the years and it rolled over her name like a velvet carpet.

Pressing her lips together for a moment, Bella slowly looked back up.

And for a moment she gagged on her heart. Jacob had passed sorta beautiful a million miles ago, this man was simply drop-dead gorgeous.

And he was staring at her with stone-cold eyes.

She blew out her lungful of smoke. "Hey, Jake," she choked.

"Dee, why don't you go in," he looked down at the girl and his face transformed with a roguish smile that was definitely calculated to melt the panties off any girl in nanosecond flat. Bella could vouch that it worked.

The girl smiled up at him and then her gaze swept out to Bella. She brazenly sized her up as a non-threat with a dismissive sniff and then her gaze darted back to Jacob with a private smile like they were sharing a joke at her expense.

It made Bella's blood boil.

To add insult to injury, the girl strode out from under his arm with perfect poise in gravel in spite of six-inch heels.

"Um," Bella called blandly as she passed. "You've got some grass or something on your knees." (Which she actually did.)

The girl whipped around with a fierce scowl and finally tottered on those death-traps. With uncanny reflexes, Jacob was at her side, steadying her with a hand at her elbow.

"Shh," he murmured, gently slapping her butt. "Go on."

Nostrils flaring, she glanced up at him and then turned back around, pointedly ignoring Bella altogether.

Bella hugged her shin a little tighter and took a drag of her cigarette while Jacob watched the girl sashay off. The lights over the parking lot clung to his skin, sketching his features in harsh shadows.

He turned back to her after the girl had made it back to the steps with absolutely no expression on his face whatsoever.

And he stared.

Oh, his face looked like a version that had been aged to utter perfection, but those hard lines and heartless eyes were like a mask. He was nearly unrecognizable.

Bella frantically reminded herself that this was the man who had been her best friend . He was the one she couldn't forget. The heart that was woven into her soul. After all this time and these stupid decisions, she'd decided to risk her heart and dignity for a second chance.

And she'd just listened to him get a blowjob around the corner.

_Holy shit. What the hell do you do with this?_ Adrenaline, alcohol and the utter absurdity of it all, razed everything to ashes.

All that was that was left was the immutable familiarity of the friendship they had once shared.

"Do you need a cigarette?" she asked with a lift of her brow, the corner of her mouth jumping up at the humor without her permission.

Not a single reaction flickered over his face. But suddenly, with those lightning lupine reflexes, his fingers were plucking the cigarette from her own.

Bella sucked in a breath of surprise as he stepped back and leaned against the building and brought the cigarette to his lips. Squinting slightly he took a long draw that hollowed his cheeks and made the glowing tip race like detonating cord. Lowering it to his side, his eyes stayed locked with hers as he let some of it leak from his mouth to be sucked over his lip by his nose in that way that Bella still hadn't figured out.

Finally he huffed out a murky breath. "Why were you watching me?"

Bella blinked at the sound of his voice, so much like the smoke made into sound. As soon as her brain clicked into first gear, her pulse charged from zero to sixty straight for her cheeks.

"I-I wasn't," she stammered, horrified. Her agitated foot slipping to the ground. "I was just out here for a smoke break. It's too crowded out back. I didn't-…" Bella stopped herself in the middle of the crash and just let it futilely burn.

With a flick of ash, Jacob's lips hitched up in a cocky smirk that looked like one of his old sunny smiles crumpled up in a ball and thrown into the side of his face.

"I know."

Bella blinked, suddenly wondering just what was encompassed in those two words. He'd had to have known a bunch of things -_like that she'd been there_. She wasn't used to dealing with supernatural senses anymore.

"Inside," he tipped his chin toward the door.

Bella drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes at its apex, and tried to reset. She wasn't off to a very good start. This was the first time he had spoken to her in 8 years and, while it certainly wasn't under ideal circumstances, she needed to give it her best shot.

She let her shoulders flop down with her exhale and opened her eyes.

Jacob was handing the cigarette back with probably two drags hanging on the filter. Bella took it without thinking. She stared at it for a second as she tried to get her bearings.

"I don't kiss," Jacob sniffed a laugh.

Bella looked up with artless confusion.

His eyes dipped down meaningfully to the cigarette in her hand.

_Ohhhh, now she got it._ (It was actually a fascinating piece of information.)

"Doesn't matter," Bella brought the cigarette to her own lips with a little shrug. "I know where her mouth's been."

A laugh burst out in a snort and Bella looked up to see a flash of appreciation in his eye before he shuttered it away behind steel.

As sick and twisted as this place was, it still had the familiar residue of their friendship hanging in the corners.

Bella would take it.

She settled back against the bench again and leaned her head against the wall, taking her time to bring herself back to focus. She absently brought the cigarette up to her lips and then froze.

Sniffing delicately, she lowered it again with a pensive brow. Was it her imagination, or could she smell him on it? Just the faintest hint of pine.

Though it was silly and desperate and pitiful, there was something really intimate about the fact his mouth had been on this – wherever it had been. She brought it up to her lips for a restorative drag.

Bella needed to get her fucking head in the game. She was several Jacks down, after all. She'd decided long ago that she would just use the simplest policy as much as she could: honesty

"I was watching you," she blew out with the smoke, turning to look at him. "Because I want to talk to you and I was trying to figure out how to say what I want to say."

Jacob's nostril's flared once and then in a supernatural second he had plucked the cigarette from her fingers. Closing his eyes, he put it between his lips and sucked the thing on down in a flash of orange and then threw it to the ground.

"There's fucking nothing left to say," the words were deep like the fires of hell and born on a rush of smoke.

When it cleared all that was left was Jacob's stare, dark and hard like cooled magma.

Abruptly the door banged open behind her, making Bella jump with a little shriek as she whipped around. A loud group of townies spilled out, laughing boisterously and cracking jokes as they stopped right outside the door, obviously planning to say their good byes there. Bella turned back to Jacob.

With a jerk of his chin, Jacob whipped around on his heel.

Bella stared after him for a moment as he strode with that loose liquid gait toward the corner of the building. He rounded it without looking back to see if she followed.

With a glance over her shoulder, Bella picked up her bag and followed after.

This was the service side of the building with no windows – the perfect place for privacy, and no wonder...

Jacob was stalking away from her in the little yard beside the dark loading dock, raking his hands through his hair.

He turned suddenly on her, his eyes flashing. "Stay out of my fucking way this year," he hissed. His lips flashed up from canines in feral punctuation.

Bella blinked in surprise at both the venom and revelation. She had no idea how he knew she'd planned to stay unless he'd heard it from Seth – and he didn't seem to know earlier.

Bella slowed her steps, studying him in the dim light. His face was hard, his body held taut and proud. But there was the smallest quiver to his hands, held woodenly at his side.

She stopped, her eyes dipping to the ground and wishing her head weren't quite so fuzzy so she could think. She licked her lips and looked up again.

This year was her only chance.

"I was hoping-…" she whispered and the candor caught thickly in her throat. She drew in a deep breath and tried again. "Jacob, I was hoping we could spend some time together."

"Hope's a losing bet every time," he barked a derisive laugh.

The ground was swaying under her with the centrifugal force of her reeling heart and mind. She leaned her shoulder against the wall. It was cool and rough and grounding.

She'd spent many emails apologizing and begging for his forgiveness and she knew good and well that words weren't going to fix this right now. Only time. Even if she only got his friendship back…

"It doesn't have to be much time," she ventured quietly. "Or now... any time you wa-…"

"Goodbye, Bella," Jacob snorted and started stalking past her.

Desperation tumbled over her lips in a jumble. "I miss you and I just came back to try again, Jake!" she blurted. "Whatever you want-…"

Jacob jerked around with a bitter laugh. It was an ugly guttural sound.

"I _know_ why you came back," he hissed, quick and sharp like a sword drawn from a scabbard.

Jacob cocked his head crisply as his eyes bored into hers and she turned to face him fully, leaning back against the comforting grounding of the wall.

"You came back to see what it was like," he whispered.

Bella swallowed thickly as he prowled toward her with the words. There was no way she could be afraid of Jake… she was just confused and trying to keep up.

Spine straight and chin high, he stopped less than a foot away, staring down at her over the plains of his cheeks.

He was so close.

She could _smell_ his dark woodsy musk, _feel_ that unnatural heat, _hear_ his breath, tumbling unevenly like waves against the rocks. Those razor blade eyes tore through her heart and she had to blink to keep her eyes from bleeding.

It had been so long.

"You came back to see what it was like," he repeated, the words barely audible.

"What," she whispered - her breath was too shallow to make it a question.

His lips kicked up on one side in a cold parody of a smile.

"This," the world was flipped through his teeth like a curse. She blinked in surprise as his hand raised abruptly to her cheek.

But the touch of his fingertip was gentle... and like a match to kerosene blood.

Fire raced through her veins as his finger ghosted down her cheek. Slowly his hand molded to her skin, skating so sensuously along her jaw that she instinctively leaned into his palm while her eyes swam. His hand smoothed down the side of her neck, fingers curling at the nape of her neck while his thumb stroked over her windpipe to the hollow of her throat.

She held his dark unreadable eyes as her breath fluttered like a moth over her lips.

Abruptly his hand dove into her thick hair and fisted soundly, pulling a gasp of pain from her lungs. Widening eyes searched his face wildly for clues.

Not a muscle twitched under his skin.

Slowly pulled her head to the side. She submitted as Jacob braced his other hand against the wall and bent down over her neck.

Bella was confused. "Jake," she gasped. "What-…"

All questions were instantly irrelevant at just a whisper of his touch. He brushed his nose across her skin, leaving a blazing trail in its wake.

Bella's hands came up to his chest both bracing herself and desperately searching for boundaries.

Slowly he traced the curve of her neck all the way down to her shoulder, his jagged breath pouring over her chest while her heart stuttered and long-smoldering embers whipped into flame.

Without warning his hot tongue lapped deliberately up her jackhammer pulse to her ear. "This," he whispered.

He released her hair and his hand crept down her neck then brazenly over her breast. Her nipple rose eagerly to meet him as chills raced over her skin like rain.

"Jake," she hissed, trying to keep her head above water as her traitorous body melted into putty in his hands. For crissake, he'd just been with _someone else_.

But...

He felt so incredibly good. She'd missed him so much.

His hand made its way from her breast slowly, deliberately down her side to covetously mold to her hip while his nose traced along her jaw.

Their cheeks brushed and Bella moaned softly as she turned toward his mouth.

Jacob immediately jerked away, straightening enough so that his mouth was now at her temple.

"I don't kiss," he breathed and then he dragged his lax lips over her brow.

She could scent his breath, warm and erotic with a smoky finish as it tumbled in hitching waves over her face.

His roaming hand returned from its journey down her leg and up the sensitive inseam of her thigh dragging a hiss through her teeth.

"Jacob," she called more urgently, her hands pushing against his chest. "Not like this."

He chuckled low, a deep private sound in his chest.

Bella felt like she was fighting a wildfire. She had no idea what was happening but her body certainly didn't seem to care.

Her mind made a desperate swipe at sanity. "Jacob," Bella spat, trying to scoot from between him and the wall. She couldn't think while he was touching her.

His other hand snapped up to the wall with a hard slap, caging her between them and Bella looked up to eyes of blown glass. One corner of his mouth kicked up, as he sniffed a laugh.

"You don't want it like this?" he crooned, low and languid.

Bella searched his face looking for anything familiar. She shook her head vigorously in flagrant contrast to her body's demand.

Jacob threw his head back with a laugh. "You, Isabella Cullen, are a liar."

In a single head-spinning movement, he scooped her up in bulky arms and pressed her into the wall.

Bella blew apart at the seams. The long awaited feel of his heat, his skin on her bare arms, his scent, his chest pressed to hers… it nearly made her cum on the spot.

While his hot lips dragged over her throat, Jacob pointedly rolled his hips, grinding his hard body right into the apex of that want.

She threw her head back with a craving whimper. From his magical childhood hugs to arms that held her when she was falling apart to a life-changing kiss, his touch had always done something that no one else could.

Pinning her to the wall with his big body, one hand left its post to slide over her thigh, pushing her skirt up higher. Her legs had automatically wrapped around his hips like they belonged there.

"I think you ripped this a little," he chuckled darkly over her skin.

The human words were cold and sobering like catching ice cubes in a funeral pyre where she was burning alive. She turned them over in her mind before they melted in the licking flames of desire.

"This _isn't_ it," she gasped, even as she tipped her head to the side to give his moist lips better access. The suckled hard against her skin making her groan and instantly retract such a ludicrous assertion.

This was _everything_.

"Yes it is," he nipped her in reprimand and then picked up his head.

Bella's lids weighed a million pounds as her eyes rolled forward.

"You came back for a taste of what you left behind," he hissed, the acidic words in flagrant contrast to the tenderness of his touch.

He brushed his knuckles over her cheek and then pushed her hair behind an ear while he watched his hand. "A little taste of the Rez," he bit the words out like broken glass, fingering the shell. "A fling with some nice dark meat."

His eyes met hers. "Slumming it," a derisive brow kicked up.

"Jake!" she gasped, suddenly cold sober.

She searched his eyes in disbelief. They were dark and empty – a burned out shell of the boy she had known.

"That's not it _at all,"_ she whispered, straight from the core of everything she was.

He feigned a solemn nod while his hand rubbed lazily over her ass.

"Put me down," she told him quietly.

He bit his lower lip as shook his head slowly.

"Jake," she complained, wiggling in his grip.

With a slow roll of his hips, he stopped her cold like he'd flipped a switch. She was helpless in this riptide desire. Watching her eyes, he thrust several times right into that burning need while his hand smoothed firmly up her body to her breast. He circled a nipple with a finger and watched her eyelids droop with languor.

Jacob leaned slowly to her ear, pushing his body against hers while her traitor heels tried to pull him closer. "I'm going to let you have it," he breathed in midnight velvet. "So you can tick it of your bucket list and then go home."

Her body had a mind of its own and Bella's hands had somehow found their way to his broad shoulders and were currently clawing into his shirt with ardor. Sucking in a breath she changed her grip and tried to push him away.

"No, Jake," she ground out with the effort.

He didn't budge an inch. His mouth, having delivered its message to her ear, had started sensually surveying the other side of her neck with open mouthed kisses.

Bella felt like the world was tilting on its ear – her mind was woozy and worried, her heart was pounding, her body was on _fire_... while that lazy contentment hummed in her chest like it always did whenever he touched her.

To say her libido was willing was the understatement of the year, but _everything_ about this couldn't be more wrong.

"**Jacob, stop,**" she said firmly, hands stilling on his massive shoulders.

He ignored her as his body continued to undulate sensuously over hers. His hand pinched a nipple on its way down and Bella hissed, throwing her head back painfully into the wall as she tumbled back into the pit of fire.

"Careful." The word was pressed against her skin by heated lips.

Bella's eyes blinked open as she felt the fabric of her skirt being yanked up from between them. "Jacob, no!" she hissed.

"I can scent you," he breathed, lapping along her collar bone.

"B-but-…"

In the next second the feel of his calloused hand rubbing under her panties and over the bare flesh of her bottom made her shudder.

Jacob chuckled, the sound vibrating against her chest as continued to roll his body rhythmically over hers. She felt two sharp jerks of her panties and then they were yanked away, leaving her weeping flesh bared to the rough ridge of his jeans.

Scraping together any last scraps of sanity to be had, Bella picked her head up and pounded a fist against both shoulders. "I don't want this," she spat. "**Stop**."

Jacob picked his head up with a dark espresso smile. His eyes were hard and unreadable as they did a crisp single circuit of her face.

They returned to hers and locked like magnets, challenging, hard. "Scream and I will."

Bella's eyebrows pinched as her eyes darted rapidly between his. Everything between them had been hushed and private – he was drawing a boundary for her.

That smile oozed up lazily on one side while he pulled back just enough that he could work the buttons on his jeans.

"You always wondered, didn't you," he sniffed humorlessly. "How it would have been if you'd fucked me in that tent."

The shock of the words was like a slap, but Bella took it. Her eyes continued to search that hardened mask for clues. There was something much deeper going on underneath.

Holding her gaze, his arms moved with little jerks as he unbuttoned his jeans. "Or maybe a one-night-stand before you married the leech," a brow ticked up. " 'Don't think Eddie would have minded."

Bella didn't say a thing but just watched his eyes very carefully.

She could see it now: under the calcified bitterness, there was the slightest glimmer of liquid pain in the corners. Like a pinhole snapshot of his battered heart. She'd known she'd hurt him badly.

But she'd never really understood _just how much_ until that moment. It staked her heart.

His finger stroked up her swollen wetness, making her jerk back to the present in his arms. She stifled her moan behind stalwart lips as every neuron lit up like a Christmas tree.

Challenging eyes locked with hers, he brought his hand around and popped his finger in his mouth, then pulled it slooowly back out over full russet lips.

And then something clicked: _he_ needed it like this.

Jacob's warm heart had been buried so deeply under all the scars that he didn't even know how to love anymore. As fucked up as this was, it was the best he could do.

Bella could work with that.

Without warning, her hands snapped up to his head and she crashed into his mouth. Jacob's gasp tore the air from her lungs as he tried to pull away but her mouth was relentless, vicious. All the anger and sadness and longing of the last decade, fused into white hot passion and she branded it against his lips.

It only took a few seconds. With a soft growl, Jacob aggressively took over the kiss as he pushed her back so hard her head cracked against the wall.

Neither of them noticed.

His tongue mapped and marked every inch of her mouth as they grunted in syncopation to the clicking of their teeth. Rolling begging hips, she groaned her body's plea into his mouth. In response, his nails dug into the skin of her ass as he readjusted her in his arms.

And in a single thrust he was sheathed in her body balls deep.

Bella ripped the kiss in half with a hoarse cry.

"Holy shit," he ground the curse into her jaw. Every muscle was jumping and quivering against her like live wires as Jacob froze, presumably to give her a chance to adjust.

She appreciated the gesture; Bella hadn't taken a lover in almost two years and he was bigger than any she'd had.

But his restraint frayed quickly. His face buried under her jaw, soon he was moving - pulling out of her and pushing back in, each stroke dragged fire through her body and then fanned the flames higher. Bella clamped her lips over her moans as her hands dug fiercely into his shoulders.

With each slow thrust, his hands slipped up her back until her shoulders and tailbone were cushioned by his arms against the rough concrete.

Then he picked up his head and Bella's listing eyes rolled into focus.

His face was an impenetrable mask but his eyes were voracious. He gulped her down in a single sound blink. Panting over parted lips she held those savage eyes as he drew his hips back and then slammed back into her so hard her head ricocheted off the wall.

And then he started fucking her.

Like a cord had snapped he thrust into her with a rhythm that was instantly ardent and demanding. One of Bella's hands dug into his shoulder, the other wrapped his braid around her fist while he pumped muted groans of pleasure over her lips.

With soft guttural grunts he slammed into her body over and over.

Bella's eyes cracked opened from overwhelm to find him. Inches from her face, he was watching her from above over the plains of his cheeks while his nostrils flared and two pearly teeth bit into his lip so hard that blood was pooling around them.

But _those eyes_.

They ate her alive, devouring everything she had to give and demanding more.

Bella's lungs were desperately clawing at air while the pleasure built to crushing proportions.

The blood finally dribbled over his lip and down his chin and Jacob's eyes snapped closed as his head collapsed against the building beside hers with a throaty groan.

She pressed her temple into his jaw as she crested a peak that was dizzyingly miles high.

Bella jumped.

Freefalling, the wind was sucked from her lungs by a silent scream as she plummeted down pleasure's face.

She landed so violently she shattered into a milling incoherent shards while heat exploded deep inside her.

Sucking in a whooping gasp like she was waking from a dream, she blinked rapidly against her blackened vision. Jacob's body was pressed soundly against her, each heaving breath pushing her against his hands.

Numb fingers relaxed their clawing grip and she let the braid uncoil from her hand like a snake. Her mind was numb. Her body was more alive than it had ever been.

Pressing her lips together, she smoothed over the indents in his shoulders and idly drew a finger through the beaded moisture on his skin.

Jacob sucked in a juicy breath through nose and mouth and slowly lifted his head.

But he didn't meet her eyes. Gaze lowered, he looked sad and lost as he licked the blood from his lips and then rolled them once. It was a precious glimpse behind that mask and something about it reminded her of the boy she'd known.

Bella wanted to hold him so badly. Just hold him.

She reached up with a tender thumb to the streak of blood on his chin.

Jacob jerked away. With a blink, he turned to look at her, the mask falling into place like a lead curtain.

Her eyes searched his face as he pulled a hand from under her shoulder and roughly smeared his fist over his mouth.

His eyes captured hers and held them in a hematite vise while he rearranged her in his arms and then pointedly pulled out of her body. Lowering her to unsteady feet, he waited until she had her balance and she braced herself against the wall before he stepped back.

Jacob smoothed his hands over the stray hairs that had pulled loose from his slick tight braid while he stared down at her with a face that was a blank slate. Then his hands came down to his pants, pushing up his untucked shirt while he rearranged himself.

Bella curbed the urge to look as she shook out her dress and readjusted the straps – hands numbly going through the motions. Her mind tried to occupy itself with the useless mundane like the fact that the flowing gauzy panels camouflaged the rip well enough for low light.

"You got what you wanted," Jacob's voice snapped her head up.

It was rough and gravelly like he'd smoked a pack of cigarettes at three am. "Go home."

Her eyes narrowed as she desperately propped herself up against the memory of their friendship.

"You know," she told him with a little cock of her head, that camouflaged the way she was crumbling inside. "That's not the first time I've been taken against a public wall."

She didn't think he needed to know right now that it didn't even come close to how he'd made her feel – nothing in her life to date had.

His eyes did a quick silent circuit of her face while he buttoned his jeans.

Bella stooped to pick up her purse from the ground, idly dusting it off. "And it's not what I came for," she murmured, all sarcasm shed for quiet sincerity. She looked back up at him and held his gaze with earnest, eyes trying to open them down to her broken heart.

She turned to face him as both hands gripped the purse like a life ring. "The reason I came back," she whispered, pausing to wet her lips.

"Is because I still love you, Jacob."

His brow slowly knit over eyes that paced between hers like a caged animal. Then he yanked his shirt brusquely down.

"Don't fucking _ever_ say that again," he snarled.

Whipping around, he prowled toward the parking lot with a hunting cat stride that rounded the corner in seconds.

Closing her eyes, Bella drew in a long slow breath and then stepped back and slowly slide down the wall until she was seated in the grass. She propped her arms over her knees and rested her head against them.

This was so fucked up.

With a defeated sigh Bella opened her purse. She was in shock, drunk and she really didn't want to think about what she'd just done. She decided it was the perfect time for that last cigarette.

Feeling like she was in a daze, she pulled it out and smoked it listlessly while she checked the time on her phone.

Only about fifteen more minutes. Picking a piece of tobacco from her tongue with her thumb and pinky, she flicked it away as she stared vacantly out into the night. Her only hope was that he'd give her a chance when he saw she wasn't leaving after "_getting a taste of the Rez_" – Bella's mental voice quoted him in a dorky voice.

She snorted a laugh of disbelief and blew out a stream of smoke. He knew her better than that.

But it still made her pause; he was so twisted and broken. She wondered if she'd ever be able to get him back in any form at all.

Truthfully that's what she'd missed – not what they could have been, not what they were – just him.

She'd _never_ in her life had the kind of relationship she'd had with him with anyone, male or female. Being with him used to be easy as breathing. When she was young she just hadn't understood how incredibly precious that was. She didn't really care what kind of relationship he wanted – a sister, a friend… a best friend.

She wouldn't lie: she'd really really hoped for more.

Bella collapsed against her arms. Maybe her dad was right and it was just too late.

For a long time she just sat there in the silence... all while her body hummed, mind spun, and her heart ached

The butt of a cigarette burned so close to the filter she could feel the heat on her skin before she finally lifted her head.

Tonight she'd _seen_ he was still in there somewhere, she'd just have to have a little patience and see where things went. Even under all that thick scabbing, she'd caught a glimpses of that same warm caring heart in his eyes, in that subtle concern, in his touch and consideration – hell even with that slut in heels.

"Who are you calling a slut, Bella?" she laughed softly to herself.

Correction, she really _really_ didn't want to think about what she'd just done.

Bella had had to do it before, and this was survival 101: everything but the basics could wait until tomorrow.

She shook her head at herself as she achingly peeled herself off the grass and dusted herself off. She was going to be sore… and bruised. Her body didn't give a shit it felt so amazing – at least _someone_ was happy.

As her eyes scanned the ground for her ruined panties, her soft smile morphed into a scowl. They were ivory lace, there was enough light and she didn't see them anywhere.

Hiking her purse up with a huff, she tottered over the gravel toward the parking lot, glancing down and making sure she looked as presentable as one could look after being fucked like a maniac against the wall.

She was still pretty drunk, but she could certainly use another - too bad there was no way in hell she was going back in there tonight.

Bell rounded the corner to pretty much the last thing in the world she wanted to see: four of the Pack standing in a tight semi circle, talking quietly with none other than the illustrious Jacob Black.

_Fate was such an incredible bitch._

He didn't so much as glance her way, of course – thankfully the others ignored her too. The kicker was that with supernatural senses, the rest of them knew _exactly_ what they'd been doing just ten short minutes ago.

With those senses he'd have known she was still around the corner and it made her mad that he had them out here to shame her.

And that the little brat had stolen her underwear.

Obviously drunker than she thought, Bella decided to tell him so and that he owed her a drink as penance because why not just make things worse while she was at it? She picked her way across the gravel to the men– who she'd have to pass anyway whether she went inside or out in the lot.

Jacob was now speaking to them in a low rushing voice.

She stood just outside the group of large men for a good 15 seconds before her hands flew up to her hips.

"Jacob?" she asked in an even voice stretched tightly over blushing indignation. "Can I talk to you a s-…"

"You will not interrupt!" his words flicked out like a switchblade.

And effectively snipped off any word or thought whatsoever in the shock. He sounded dark-alley dangerous and apparently he was. All five of the Pack had taken a step back with heads feverishly tucked and tilted to the side.

_But those eyes._

Those dark eyes had skewered her with full-on Alpha fury making them flicker like coals. This was nothing like the cocky broken man she'd seen today or the boy she'd known years before.

He'd changed but _this_ was something completely different.

Bella's heart had pumped her mouth dry like a sump pump and she struggled to swallow saliva that had turned to dust.

"Paul, take her inside," Jacob hissed, holding her gaze and searing straight through her with heated power.

With a blink he turned back to his men.

Like he'd broken a spell, suddenly she could breathe again and the world rushed back in. Bella felt dizzy.

At movement, her eyes darted up to Paul Lahote's snarky smirk as he broke ranks and strode toward his duty. "C'mon leech-lover," he snorted trying to herd her with intimidation alone.

But there was no way she was going back in there looking like this. Mouth popping open in fury, her eyes darted up incredulously to Jacob who was now happily pretending that she didn't exist.

And he hadn't just been inside his former best friend's body. For the first time.

Paul's palm settled on her shoulder as he tried to urge her around.

Bella turned on him with a glare. "Get your fucking hands off me," she spat.

It was instantaneous.

Paul took a brisk step back while his chin snapped down to his chest. As incredulous eyebrows knit together, her gaze ran over his almost theatrically contrite posture trying to figure out if it was some kind of joke. Until Paul's eyes ventured up from under his lashes.

Then she could see it clearly.

Bella's swallow crinkled in her ear. She'd asked Jacob one time why all the boys listened to Emily like she was their mother or something and he'd told her that the Alpha's imprint naturally shared rank and power in the Pack.

Slack jawed, Bella's gaze swept out to where all the men stood still and silent with their eyes carefully averted. But Jacob was watching her carefully.

With unreadable eyes he held her gaze for a moment. Then, pressing his lips together, he blinked and his eyes slipped silently to the floor.

Like metal filings to a magnet, one by one all the little details came together from this evening and years ago.

_No._

_No- no- no! _

She was wrong, she was drunk, she was crazy – that's all there was to it.

Swallowing a sob, Bella turned and ran past them in to the parking lot, numb feet tripping over gravel.

With eerily perfect timing, a car with a yellow light pulled into the lot. Tears streaming down her face, Bella waved at it frantically as she stumbled her way toward it. The car stopped and the cabbie leaned out the window.

"Miss. Bella Sw-…"

"Yes!" she gasped yanking open the door and throwing herself inside.

The older man glanced into the rearview mirror. "You okay miss?" he asked as he put the car in drive.

Silent tears were streaming down her face as she nodded briskly. "You have the address?" she hiccupped.

"Yes ma'am," he nodded.

"Can you put this thing up…" Bella whimpered, indicating the glass partition that no one used in Forks.

"Sure thing. I'll put some music on too," he murmured kindly, as he pulled out onto the road and the window groaned up between them.

Bella hunched down in the seat, trying to suppress her sobs as she clawed at her purse.

_Not all this time._ She was wrong… that's all there was to it.

She frantically found the contact she wanted and dialed, holding it to her ear while her sobs battered their way out in gasping hiccups.

There was no answer.

Biting her lip she pulled it back down in her lap and dialed again.

"What the fuck, Swan," Leah's voice was hoarse, sleepy and very pissed. "Do you know it's the butt crack of dawn in New Y-…?"

Bella interrupted tersely.

"Did he _imprint_ on me?" she hissed into the phone, reflexively glancing up at the cabbie.

Silence rang in her ear then there was a thump like she'd collapsed back on a bed. It was followed by a long-suffering groan.

The phone was trembling against her cheek in Bella's numb hand. "**Leah**!" she shrieked.

Through the speaker, Leah huffed a long defeated breath.

"Shit Bella," she sighed.

"Who the fuck told you."

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_Review if you like. _


	2. Part II - Pool

Yeah so I'm writing this fast– okay, its going to be longer than 2 chapters *snort* (yeah, I don't know why I do either). If you feel so moved, keep me going with reactions/comments so I can get this all out.

Well, actually, you may not want me to after this chapter, but hey, you were warned... These guys are pretty damaged, but they would be if they were trying to fill the void of the other, wouldn't they? I'll fix them… maybe. ;-) And I developed a more cannon view of imprinting, as you'll see (like any of this is really cannon lol).

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_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

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**Part II**

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Bella's eyes popped open to dim lamp light and a strange room. Head pillowed on her cheek, she didn't dare move. Her heart lunged into a sprint while she desperately tried orient herself.

Slowly it came back.

Blinking her eyes swept the large cottage. The ceiling vaulted up to the sloping roof, exposed the beams and made this main room seem airy. So why was it that Bella felt like she couldn't breathe?

Rubbing her puffy face, she pushed herself achingly off the bed and tried to get the lay of the land. She was wearing the same tee shirt of Jacob's from high school that she'd had on for the last four days and laying amidst twisted sheets of a bed that hadn't been made for the same amount of time.

Her stomach roiled in complaint and she closed her eyes for a moment until the world stopped spinning. She leaned forward blindly and felt for the glass of water on the night stand and then pulled it to her lips, effectively sloshing water all over her.

Her eyes popped open. "Shit," she hissed, slapping ineffectively at the water soaking her shirt.

Whatever.

Bella took a long gulping swallow, nearly draining the glass before she set it back on the table with a gasp. She grabbed her cell phone on the way back and absently clicked it on.

2:11 am.

And seven missed phone calls – that was actually quite a record. Bella wasn't really the phone call kind of gal. Sniffing, she rolled through the roster:

_Leah _

_Leah_

_Jon _(fuck, she called him?)

_Leah_

_Mr. Phelps_

_Charlie _(double fuck)

"Damn it, Leah," she spat. She'd said Charlie and Sue hadn't known - no one outside of the Pack and the purview of an Alpha Order did. Of course with the Order, Leah probably just told him she was upset.

She typed a quick text to her father while she leaned on one elbow.

_I'm fine. Need time. Will call nxt wk. Njoy ur honeymoon! __3__ U_

Tossing the phone on the pillow, she sat up all the way and rolled stiff shoulders while she stared blearily out the dark floor-to-ceiling windows that ran the entire length of this main room facing the lake. Combination living room (love seat and chair), dining room (table and 4 chairs) and the bed up a few steps in the back, there was a nice-sized partially opened kitchen which was the main attraction in an otherwise cozy but plain little house. Besides, when it was light outside, no one would care what the hell the room looked like – it was all about the view.

Pushing off the bed with a groan, Bella padded across the room for a trip to the bathroom. Flicking on the switch, she blinked painfully at the bright light as shuffled in and caught her reflection in the mirror.

Big mistake.

"Holy shit," she croaked leaning over the sink to examine the hideous creature closer. Her hair was all over the fucking place – half put up in a bun but most running wildly on the lam. Her face was wan and puffy with chapped lips and there were two sets of circles under her eyes – one from fatigue and too much alcohol and the other from remnant mascara from the party _four_ nights ago.

Shaking her head at herself, she used the restroom and turned the light out on that monster as quickly as possible.

Bella wandered back out, rubbing her palms over her face.

She needed a drink.

Shuffling on sock feet, she made her way to the table where there was half a bottle of Jack and a few empties that she hadn't bothered throwing away. She'd pretty much survived on a steady drip of alcohol, Cheetos and Oreos over these last days.

Bella poured herself a generous glass and then grabbed her smokes from the table. Taking a sip, she trudged to the couch and pulled off the quilt on the back and then headed for the patio outside. With a grunt, she opened the sliding glass door and stepped out on the deck.

She closed it behind her and almost immediately she could breathe again.

It was peaceful here.

There were a few cabins around the bend in the lake but this spot was pretty much secluded at the edge of the woods. The large deck ran down almost to the water. She could hear it lapping gently at the little row boat making it gurgle and clop against the little dock. A chorus of peeping lakeside frogs was joined by buzzing crickets in the woods and the slight wind whispered through the pines.

Bella threw down the blanket on the lounge chair and collapsed into it. She set her cigarettes and drink on the armrest and wrapped the blanket around her as she stared up at a rare starry sky.

What the hell was she going to do?

With a heaving sigh, she fished out a cigarette while her mind spun out, searching for traction just like it had been doing pretty much 24/7 since that conversation with Leah.

She lit the cig and took a drag.

It had been an Alpha Order – first by Sam at Jacob's request and then by Jacob himself. Apparently that shit still worked even after a wolf stopped Phasing because Leah still couldn't say the words. They'd had to have the conversation in a kind of code.

But now, it made a lot more sense why Leah had reached out and kept in touch all these years. She was morbidly fascinated to see what would happen – and of wanted to feed her unhealthy hate for her cousin and Sam.

Leah confessed she wasn't so sure she hated them so much anymore – watching Bella and Jacob fall apart made the alternative look pretty damn good.

But _this_ where it bothered her: she'd decided to come back _on her own_… she'd thought.

It was very disconcerting to think that maybe all the shit that had happened in her life had been because of some woo-woo supernatural curse.

But all the decisions that had led her still were true.

Edward was a controlling bastard and he and his family were fucking _undead vampires_ for crissakes (no brainer on too many levels to count). She'd known Jacob way before the imprint and had been best friends with him – frankly it had been much easier _before_ he'd phased. Of all the people she'd met and relationships she'd had, none of them were compatible as the one she'd had with Jacob.

The only thing that was probably true, was without the imprint she would have settled for one of her past semi-serious relationships. There had been a couple good ones… but in the end, in comparison to Jacob, it would have been settling for second best.

Normal people settled all the time, she supposed.

Bella took another drink of liquor and swished it around her mouth as she pulled her knees up to her chest under the blanket. But she wondered if she would have chosen Jacob over Edward if she hadn't been so terrified he'd imprint. Frankly that was the hardest obstacle she'd had to overcome to admit that she wanted to take a chance on Jacob – even if he did end up imprinting.

Bella had had _major_ abandonment issues from several sources - but perhaps most notably Edward – and the threat of an imprint just played right into the hand of that terror.

Fucking_ Edward._

He _must_ have known, the fucking bastard. She certainly wasn't going to contact him and confront him, though. She wouldn't communicate with any of them again.

And Bella would never forgive him as long as she lived.

If Jacob had just _told_ her. She knew what she would have done: she'd have chosen him and eventually forgotten everything to do with her teen infatuation. There had never been love there, just security.

But back in those days, Bella knew Jacob better than herself and she knew _exactly_ why he hadn't told her: he wanted to give her a choice. Jacob had hated being forced into his fate and he was giving her a chance at the freedom he didn't have.

Jacob had always been giving to a fault.

Tears prickled in her eyes yet again. She really didn't understand how she had any left. Certainly she'd cried them out faster than they could be manufactured.

This whole situation _fucking pulverized_ her heart.

It was a profound and soulful ache of knowing she'd deeply hurt someone she loved. Without even knowing about the imprint it had taken years to forgive herself for how poorly she'd treated him. She'd dropped him like a hot potato and gone to Italy after he'd taken such good care of her. But even worse she hadn't been able to let him go… she kept dragging him under the bus. Over and over she kept stomping on his heart, but still he kept loving her.

Part of her wondered if that was the imprint, but in her soul she knew it was just the way Jacob had always been.

But one thing was for sure, if he hadn't been shackled to the imprint, that resilient personality and irrepressible spirit would have found a way to get over the bitterness and forgive her. Maybe he would have settled for second best too or maybe in the end they'd have found their way back together.

But all along they would have _definitely _stayed friends.

They didn't even have friendship any more.

Tears surged over the seawall and shook her shoulders as she crumpled in on herself. She sobbed piteously clutching her stomach with one hand. Her muscles were sore and cramping from crying so much.

How could she fuck up this badly?

Jacob was twisted into something unrecognizable. To hear others talk about it, being away from their imprint was painful. They worried about her constantly and longed for her touch. As unfair as it was, she was the "center of their world."

_Even worse_, a wolf would be whatever his imprint needed to be happy… it was tragic, really.

That warm heart had been gouged out and chewed up until there was nothing left. It all made sense now: he'd been fighting the wolf so she could have her freedom and it had destroyed him. Everything had gotten stunted and twisted.

She didn't even know how to hold him anymore.

Choking on her sobs, she coughed several rounds and grabbed her drink and swallowed the burn down. Gasping, she leaned back and set the glass down. She flicked the cigarette and then lifted it to her quivering lips while her breath hitched with lingering tears.

She knew she couldn't keep going like this, but Bella had no idea what to do.

But she did know one thing: she wasn't going to abandon him again.

It was going to take a long time to fix this – and maybe it never could be – but she was in this thing for the long haul no matter how much it hurt.

On some level he still cared, didn't he?

Leaning over the edge of the chair, she stubbed the butt out in the coffee can and then sat back up pulling the blanket around her shoulders. She needed to come up with a plan.

She sniffled through her stuffy nose and then wiped it on the blanket. Out in the forest winking lights caught her attention and she blinked, sitting up a little more.

Fireflies?

Two fireflies?

Stationary, close together and staring back at her?

Wolf

…

…

….

For several laps of her racing heartbeat Bella stayed frozen, staring back at those eerie incandescent eyes. It would be too much of coincidence for a real wolf to be here and standing in her yard, plus their eyes reflected light, they didn't glow.

Bella swallowed thickly and sat up a bit more.

"Jake," she croaked.

Those eyes tilted on their axis like it cocked its head.

Absently wiping her nose again, Bella scooted to the end of the lounge chair and slipped her feet down to the deck. She stood slowly, like she was scared she'd spook him and drew the blanket around her shoulders like a cape.

"Hey," she whispered. "Thanks for coming."

Those eyes tipped the other way.

"Can you come up and talk?" she asked quietly, walking slowly toward the edge of the deck. "I won't say anything, I'll just listen. Promise."

The animal didn't do anything but just stared at her with eyes of lambent gold.

Bella pressed her lips together as she continued to creep across the floorboards, terrified he'd leave and with no idea what to do to make him stay.

But he did stay – even when she leaned over the railing.

"Jake," she called out. "Please."

In the dim circle of light cast by the house, she could just see the huge hulking shape of the wolf. It was definitely a shapeshifter - no natural canine was as big as pony.

Bella pressed her lips together as tears again rallied behind her eyes. She wanted to touch him so badly. Just hold him. Never did she feel as at peace as she did in his arms.

That part was probably the imprint. Long before monsters, his hugs had always been magical and a haven in her storms. But, looking back at it, after his Phase it had been jacked up to supernatural proportions. She didn't understand how she didn't see it before.

No, that was a lie… she did: she'd been a selfish little bitch.

Tears spilled over her lids and streamed down her cheeks while her sobs hitched in her chest.

The wolf whined and shuffled forward.

"Jacob, please," she whimpered.

With a chuff and shake of its pelt that wolf lifted its muzzle to the air and licorice nostrils stretched. It danced a little closer – even though they were ginormous their animals always looked like they were floating on air.

With a whining yowl, it came a little closer.

Now she could see that it was Jacob clearly. Holy shit, he'd gotten bigger as the wolf too. Dark teak in the dim light, his pelt was shiny with a thicker ruff around his neck and his face was fierce and proud. With a form that was all savage grace, a lean muscular body was held at taut attention. No one would have doubt that this wolf was the Alpha.

"Please Phase back, Jake," she begged, leaning over the railing.

Ears and quivering attention, the wolf cocked his head in that crisp lupine way….

_Like it was trying to understand the words._

With a gasp of understanding, Bella froze as the animal paced in the yard to one end of the deck and then back again with its light step, keeping a 20 feet away.

Maybe Jacob couldn't Phase back? He'd had talked about battling instinct and the animal that shared his soul. Had he lost the fight?

She looked at him with new eyes.

This animal held itself differently – the Jacob-wolf she remembered had some familiar mannerisms that reminded her more of a dog. This beast was all wild.

The animal kept pacing restlessly, chuffing and shaking its ruff like it was agitated.

Bella bit her lip, trying to figure out what it wanted. "Hey," she gentled her voice.

The animal stopped – one paw off the ground, blinking at her with solemn eyes.

Slowly, Bella pulled her hand from the blanket and stretched it out toward the creature. "Hi, Jake," she whispered.

The wolf pranced with a listing sidestep looking like it was torn – like a wild animal would be around a human.

Flicking her lip with her tongue, Bella withdrew her hand and then slowly edged her way along the railing.

The wolf's ears perked up again while it sharp eyes stayed trained on her like rifle sites.

When she got to the three steps that went down to the yard, Bella slowly stepped down the first step and gradually lowered herself to the deck. Hugging herself under her blanket, Bella leaned over her lap and just watched.

The animal lifted its muzzle again, huffing several breaths while it crept forward several paces.

Bella's face stretched in the first sincere smile she'd had since she'd gotten here. At least _part_ of Jacob was trying to connect with her.

The animal slunk a few steps closer with a shimmying step, a soft rumble percolating in its big barrel chest. About ten feet away it stopped. And then gracefully lowered itself to its haunches.

Bella giggled for really no good reason except she was happy and the beast's ears perked up again, making its forehead bunch. A grin cracked her face in half as she crossed her arms over her knees and then leaned her chin on them.

She supposed it made sense that this part of him would want to connect since the imprint was really about the wolf. It didn't really matter - Jacob's wolf had searched her out and was sitting 10 feet away in her yard.

Bella would take it.

Happily.

Suddenly things didn't seem so hopeless anymore. And if she was going to fight for him, she was going to have to do a hell of a lot better than this: a blubbering borderline alcoholic who spent four days in the same damn shirt eating Cheetos and cookies.

Bella shook her head at herself with a sniffing laugh.

There'd be time to think about that later. Right now she was going to guzzle down this blessed moment of peace.

The frogs were chirping, the crickets humming, the lake was lapping gently at the shore. Every once in a while she could hear the wolf's huff a sigh or he'd make a little sound in his throat and for some reason each one made her insanely happy. Just little reminders that it was here.

Maybe it was the same for him?

"Do you like the quiet?" Bella asked softly.

The wolf's head snapped up from where his muzzle had been laying on its paws. Ears alert, he watched her with those intense eyes. Like he was waiting for more.

"How about I tell you about this last year, Jake," she murmured, laying her cheek on her arm while she watched him. He seemed to lap up each word. Those fiercely intelligent eyes were locked on her….

Like she was the center of its world.

A buckling sadness rose in her chest, making her nose prickle. She hadn't meant to, but she'd made them both suffer so much. And she wouldn't lose herself in selfish tears - if the wolf liked her voice she'd talk all night.

"So I missed y-…" the words got caught in latent sobs and she wiped her nose on the blanket and started again. "I'm never going to abandon you again," she whispered.

Bella began a long soft soliloquy about what had happened this year to culminate in finally coming home.

The wolf listened with rapt attention, ears twitching curiously in a way that told Bella that it was _definitely_ not understanding the words, but it didn't matter. Eventually though the wolf lowered its muzzle back to his paws and watched her with keen eyes. Slowly, they started blinking until finally they closed them altogether.

Bella continued talking in hushed pastel tones, lacing her voice with comfort and love as she watched the animal sitting still and silent before her. She wasn't sure how long they stayed like this - Bella talked about everything she could think of. In fact, she was about to start into a riveting abstract of the organic chemistry text book she was editing, when howls climbed the distance.

Faster than Bella could blink, the wolf had snapped to its feet feet, his body quivering at attention.

To always be in the starting blocks of a sprint… Bella's brows knit in disbelief.

With a glance over its shoulder, the animal promptly trotted off into the trees, paying no mind to the human convention of goodbyes. Bella waited to see if he came back. He didn't.

She stood up stiffly from the steps and stretched. It was still dark out, but dawn was coming soon – she could see the faint traces in the eastern sky. She knew exactly what she was going to do – she'd talked to the wolf about it in fact.

On a mission, Bella strode into the house, pulling the sliding door open and not bothering to close it as she made a beeline for her phone. Grabbing it off her pillow, she clicked it on: 5:21 am.

Bella scrolled though her contacts and found the one she was looking for. With determined fingers, she sent a text to Jacob Black:

_Talked 2 ur wolf 2night. Need 2 talk 2 man. 15 min. Promise._

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Bella pushed the door open to the sound of loud conversation, droning sports channels, clinking glasses and the grungy grate of classic rock. She hunched her shoulders to her ears as she stepped inside the dim room that reeked of stale beer and musty darkness.

Cliff's Dive was something of an icon in Forks, being the only real hardcore bar. In high school it was talked about as the brass ring of coolness, but Bella had never been there before. She scanned her surroundings uncomfortably. A long bar to the left was lined with truckers hunched like vultures on the stools and there were tables filled a few 20-somethings who sat up straight, feeling "edgy" sprinkled in with the working class slumped over a routine beer after a long day. Along the wall opposite the bar were deep booths and…

A loud clack ricocheted off the dark wood-paneled walls.

And apparently pool tables in the back room that was partially open to the main room.

He wasn't here yet.

Bella pulled her lip into her mouth-… and caught herself. With a reprimanding press that made them tingle, she set them free and shoved her hands into the pockets of her zip-up hoodie instead.

It wasn't that this place was intimidating, it's that it was all too familiar. In darker days she'd found comfort in liquor and even some back-room company in a place where broken people were the norm.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to shake the sensation of going back in time and shimmied her way around some tables to the corner of the bar. A burly trucker sized her up with a glance out of the corner of his eye while he took a swig of his beer.

"Hey," Bella called to the bartender.

A bleach blond with bodacious silicon boobs glanced up at her with instant irritation.

Bella ignored it and tried not to let it bitchify her voice. "Can I sit anywhere?"

Eyes flicked up under long fake lashes and she waved a dismissive hand. Smacking her gum she went back to what she was doing.

Annoyed, but not surprised, Bella turned and scanned the room again– just to make sure she hadn't missed him.

Bella snorted to herself – as if she could miss a fucking 6'7'' body builder. Especially looking the way he did.

Spying an empty booth in the far corner, Bella shimmied and scooted between tables toward it. She slid onto the padded plastic seat that had been repaired by duct tape that was now gummy. The backs of the booth went up a good six feet giving it a dark sense of privacy and this side had a perfect view of the door.

She idly reached for the plastic menu holder and scanned down the list of fried appetizers with a wrinkled nose.

She hadn't expected Jacob to get back to her so quickly. Hyper aware of her phone, she'd bolted up from her nap at the ding of his text around noon:

_Cliff's 8p_

It took her a little to figure out what it meant and she hoped she got it right and that apostrophe wasn't a typo. She still had – she pulled out her phone from her pocket and clicked it on – twelve minutes.

"What will you have?"

Bella looked up to –thankfully- another waitress. This girl was younger than Bella with hair pulled back in a messy pony tail with pen stuck in it. She looked like a college student working her summer job with that innocent optimism of kids before life had smacked them down.

Bella's mouth curved. "Rum and coke." She was going lighter on the liquor – she needed to have her head.

The girl nodded. "Ice?"

"Yeah."

Her smile brightened with a nod and she turned on her heel. Bella sniffed - didn't even card her. . Well she was pushing thirty and even though the girl was probably only about five years younger, somehow it seemed like decades.

Bella turned back to the table and rearranged her phone on the laminate table so that it was perfectly perpendicular.

Then horizontal.

Then she spun it around.

With a sigh, she clicked it on. Two minutes had passed.

Leaving the device on the table (perpendicular) she flipped up her hood against previous oily heads and leaned back against the wood and stared at the door.

Like magic it opened…

And in stepped a couple.

Deciding that watching the door was going to be painful, Bella idly scanned the room, watching people and deconstructing them as was her hobby. The couple that came in was new and holding hands - but he was into her more than she, him. The man in the corner was depressed about something and the big burly guy at the bar looked like a psychopath.

The waitress brought the drink then and Bella handed her a ten. "Keep the change," she murmured turning to her drink.

"Thanks," she piped with another smile and then hustled eagerly off to the next table like a golden retriever.

"Stop it," she bit out to herself under her breath as she took a sip through the little straw to wash the bitterness away.

She was being extra critical because she was- … well, because she was still a fucked up mess. She'd gotten about 10 hours of sleep – which helped a lot – and had actually eaten a sandwich and taken a shower. But she was still kind of puffy and hung over and generally looking like she felt. She hadn't even bothered with make-up this time. It really wasn't salvageable and she'd probably end up crying it off again anyways.

Plus she didn't think it would help.

She was feeling pretty down again – yet still determined. Jacob's wolf had lit that pilot light of hope and it flickered, tiny and fragile, in the midst of the wreckage.

Bella sighed and took another sip as she watched yet another not-Jacob walk into the room.

The loud crack of a break-shot sounded from behind her and Bella leaned over, and peered around the booth at the back room.

And her heart stopped.

There were several pool tables with anonymous people but she really didn't notice, all she saw was…

Jacob Black.

He was in the far corner leaning over a green-felted table and sliding a cue back and forth over his hand. It might as well have been a rifle by the look on his face. He was staring down cue with a cold intensity like an assassin with his hit in his sights.

With a jerk of his arm there was clack and the smooth shoop of a perfect shot.

She pitied whoever was stupid enough to play him, seeing as he had not only supernatural everything but murder plainly gleaming in his eye.

But tearing her eyes from him and scanning that dark corner, she didn't see anyone else actually.

Taking a deep breath, Bella put her phone in her pocket, pulled her hood back and fluffed up her hair (yeah, pitiful) and then grabbed her drink as she slipped to the floor.

She sucked up another mouthful through the straw as she slowly made her way toward him, absently skirting obstacles while her eyes stayed focused on her destination. She knew he had to know she was coming.

In this even murkier back room, partially shielded from the bar, there wasn't the same muddled din of conversation and competing tv channels, but the music was much louder. AC/DC seemed to hang in the air like an acid mist.

Bella glanced at the players as she skirted the room, giving her as much time as she could just to scope things out and build up her courage. They were set up on this far side– as far as Jacob as they could get, apparently. Rough and tough and dressed in leather sporting oily long hair, chains and bandanas – the whole nine yards - they looked like some reality show biker gang.

One of the guys caught her eye and gave her winking smile. Bella quickly averted her gaze and focused again on Jacob.

He was dressed in a dingy wife-beater that showed off his ridiculous muscles and brawn and his rich toffee skin to perfection. Leaning over the table with an amber beer bottle standing at his elbow, his black braid drooped over his back and faded 501s were slung low on his hips making that ass…

_Oh my fucking God._

Bella squeezed her eyes closed trying to temper the reaction of her body. Probably some of it was the imprint, but holy hell, most of it was just the natural feminine reaction to pure and potent virility. It oozed from his pores: dark and bitter and sticky and a gazillion percent male.

Shoving her free hand in her pocket to fiddle restlessly with her phone and then tipped the drink to her lips – to hell with the straw.

The sound of a pointed clearing of throat nearby, made Bella's gaze dart to her periphery and a guy with a deadpan stare. Shaggy beard, weathered face and shades propped on top of his bandana wrapped head, he immediately capture her eyes with his.

"Y'know him?" he asked gruffly, tipping his head to Jacob's corner.

Bella's brows jumped together in confusion. "Yeah," she whispered.

The man briefly searched her eyes and then nodded curtly as he turned back to his game.

It only took a second for her to understand – he was a good guy and was just checking to make sure she knew what she was doing. Jacob either had a reputation or just a vibe that even made these guys a little nervous.

Bella stayed her course with slow steady stride along the back wall until she was stepping over the invisible line and into the territory of his table.

He ignored her, of course.

_Clack!_

The ball skated across the green felt with a shot so perfect that it hit the inside wall of the table with a loud crack.

Bella stopped, leaning against the wall as she watched him straighten with nothing but slaughterous concentration. Then he circled the table like a predator. He chose his prey and then cocked his head in the same way his wolf had done last night while he studied the shot. Biting his lip, he leaned down and aimed the cue, dagger eyes staking his victim.

The muscles in his arm rippled as he pulled the rod back. With a fluent thrust, he punched the ball smoothly into the pocket. But the movement had a subtle violence under the surface, like he'd just as soon be ramming that cue through someone's heart.

A chill shimmied down Bella's spine and she sucked rum and coke up her straw. When he straightened again without a glance and started stalking his next shot, Bella realized she was going to have to start this thing.

She licked the sweet coke and sting from her chapped lips. "You're not playing anyone?" she asked with a casualness that sounded as forced as it was.

Eyes on the table he slammed the cue handle down on the floor and picked up a blue square of chalk and for moment she didn't think he was going to answer. Until he did.

"They'd never get a turn," he bit out, twisting the chalk over the tip and then offhandedly tossing it down to the table. The cube hopped and jumped on the six inch ledge, landing precisely in the middle of a corner, indented side up.

Bella's blinked in awe as he slowly bent down for the shot with that tense grace.

Her eyes took the chance to dart around this dingy corner of the room. Several faded 80's pictures of beer and half naked girls adorned the walls – a few with some lewd graffiti. The only light came from a lamp hung over another table across the room. Several feet away stood a cue rack and along the far wall there was a drink ledge and a bar stool beside it. She headed toward it, giving the table – and Jacob – a wide berth.

Climbing up on it, she took another sip and then set her drink on the ledge while he made another perfect shot. Shoving her hands in her pockets, she tried to figure out where to start. Jacob had nothing to say, apparently. She tried to pull herself out of the tumultuous vibe of rowdy thrashing music and focus.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment and held it. Then slowly let it out through pursed lips.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked softly, slowly, her heart beating in each word while guitars ripped through the room.

Jacob didn't even glance at her and if she didn't know he could hear a pin drop in the next room, she'd have thought he hadn't heard.

His back to her he just prowled around the table. The muscles flexed down his back as he slowly bent over with flowing tension that screamed controlled power

"You know why," he said under his breath - somehow the words carried to her ear under the music.

Just the fact that he'd answered at all was a victory worthy of streamers and confetti. It gave her courage to go on.

"I'd like to hear you say it," she whispered.

Jacob tested the shot with two slow pumps of his arm and then moved the empty beer bottle and shimmied over and did it again.

"Because," he murmured in a distracted monotone. "I wanted you to love me enough to take the chance." He slammed into a shot that sounded like it cracked the ball in half.

Bella's heart jerked to a halt while her mind careened on ahead, tearing her right down the middle.

_God, she hated herself._

Pulling her hands from her pockets, she grabbed the drink from the shelf and plucked out the straw, gulping down a mouthful. Even in trying to _process_ this thing over these last four days she'd been _fucking selfish_ – she'd only focused on part where he'd wanted to give her the freedom he'd never had…

Not what _he_ had needed from _her_ in the sacrifice.

That old habitual self-loathing overflowed its banks and for a moment she simply couldn't carry on. In fact, the only thing that pulled her out of the undertow was the fact that in all likelihood this could be the only chance she got to talk to him.

Bella knew that offering apologies and excuses was useless to him and would only be selfishly searching for absolution, so she didn't insult him. Her gaze fell to her glass and she traced a finger around the lip slowly while she took the next shaking step.

"When I wrote you that I'd gotten over the whole '_fear that you'd imprint_' thing," she twisted the words with hate. "Why didn't you tell me then?"

She shook her glass and watched the ice tumble over itself while she waited for his answer.

"Because… by… then," he grunted slowly under his breath.

Bella looked up to see him taking aim on the other side of the table now.

"I couldn't be what you needed."

He hammered into the cue ball and it hit its target, making the maroon ball jump over several others before it rolled lazily into the pocket in the corner.

Eyes glued to the table, Jacob stood, shoving his lower lip through his teeth. Once. Twice.

Bella bowed her head; she wished he would just look at her – just once.

"Hey, gorgeous."

The hard icy bass he'd been using with her melted into milk chocolate and Bella's eyes popped open to see the blond booby waitress strutting up to him with a mile wide smile and extra swing to curvy hips. Wearing heels and jeans (that _had_ to be painted on), her boobs stretched the glittery word "sexy" on the crop top that showed off her flat stomach. Her belly button jewelry swayed in syncopation to her step.

Bella tipped the rest of the drink down her throat. She gasped around the ice that had crashed into her cheeks as she tried to drain every last drop. She was going to have to sleep in her car because she was definitely ordering another.

The girl sashayed up to where Jacob was now leaning back against the table, boots planted and legs splayed out to compensate for his height. Both fists rested loosely on the cue propped between his legs with a cocksure sexuality. He gave her a slow lopsided smile and his complete attention.

"How's it going, Jay?" she cooed, setting down a beer on edge of the pool table.

"Things just got a hell of a lot better," he crooned, with a sultry raise of brow.

The waitress lowered flirtatious eyes, practically batting her lashes like a cartoon.

"Can I get you anything else, Jay?" she cooed.

Bella wanted to puke.

Jake apparently didn't. Pulling the cue from between his legs, he leaned it against the table and reached out to hook her belt loop with a finger.

"Well that all depends, Candy," he murmured all honey and rum. She giggled as he tugged her around so she was standing between his legs.

"On what you're offering." The roguish smile he used to punctuate the croon did double duty.

Bella's panties were soaked.

He pulled her hips up to his and she leaned back with a coy tucked chin that practically shoved her boobs into his face. A long manicured fingernail reached out to slowly trace the neckline of his tank top.

"The usual?" she whispered.

_Oh my God, this was just disgusting!_ But like a train wreck Bella simply couldn't tear her eyes away.

While both hands shamelessly rubbed over her ass – all the way down to _between her thighs_ – he leaned in and placed a lazy kiss on her shoulder. "When's your break?"

Bella felt like the world was crashing in. She didn't know how to handle this! She felt like laughing and crying and screaming… all at the same time.

Finally tore her eyes away and shoved them in her glass. The sick thing was, she didn't even think this was staged for her benefit. Her father had said he'd turned into an incorrigible womanizer, and this… _lame, cheap, nasty_ (she yelled the adjectives at him in her head) interplay was obviously par for the course for these two.

"In about ten," she giggled.

"I'll be done by then," Jacob murmured. "Mmm."

Bella looked up to see him running his hands provocatively up the sides of her monster boobs while he arched a suggestive brow. He pushed her bleach-blond hair back over each shoulder as he stood up.

Leaning in he whispered something at her temple and she tittered and turned out of his embrace with a naughty smile. She snatched up the empty bottle from the table and Jacob slapped her on the ass. She wiggled it and then sashayed back out to the bar.

It was pure desperation that made Bella call out. "Can I have another Rum and Coke?"

The girl didn't even turn around, she just wiggled her fingers in the air over her shoulder.

Bella hunched her elbows in tighter. She felt _so_ out of her league… and a league she didn't even want to play in in the first place. She'd gone through her own destructive casual sex phase – but it hadn't looked anything like _that_. This kind of fakeness and just… bleh. She couldn't imagine living that. Bella had always craved depth – it's why she couldn't get over Jacob. She'd never found such a profound connection that she'd _had_ with him anywhere else.

But now look at him.

"I can have any girl I want."

Jacob's dusky croon made Bella look up to where he was aiming for another shot. She didn't even think he realized he'd just effectively psychoanalyzed himself. _This_ is why he was like this – after losing his imprint… after losing _her_… he had something to prove to himself.

Abruptly, like a lightning strike, Jacob turned and looked her straight in the eye. The shock of it made her flinch.

"In fact I did," he chuckled darkly as a smirk oozed up the side of his face. It was nothing short of frightening.

"Still sore?" he arched a knowing brow.

She felt like a butterfly pinned to a wax tray by that intensity. Wide-eyed and mute, Bella could only stare while her heart beat in her cheeks.

He laughed to himself as he turned back to the shot. With barely a consideration, he pulled back the cue and struck. The ball ricocheted off one side and another and then slipped into the pocket.

Jacob straightened without a shadow of an expression on his face. Eyes again consumed by the table, he slunk around it while he absently tapped the handle of the cue on the ground.

She was running out of balls… and time. Somehow she knew that when this game was up he'd be gone… probably back into the store room. Candy had her break soon.

Bella wanted to cry.

But she wouldn't - she didn't need another blow to her dignity. She needed to just limp along as best she could… and, oh thank God, here was a crutch to help her do it.

Scurrying across the room with a rum and coke, the college waitress cast a worried glance at where Jacob was blithely ignoring her too.

Bella quickly dug out a ten. Hand to hand, they exchanged them like a baton in a relay without so much as a word. The girl hurried off, taking the long way around the room through the bikers. It was so ridiculously slapstick, it was almost funny.

Almost.

To hell with the fucking straw.

She plucked it out and tossed to the ground as she threw back a good mouthful and tried to get her head in the game. Swallowing the sweet burn, she gripped her glass with both hands and soldiered on.

"Jake, you shouldn't have to be what I need anyway," she told him quietly. "I don't _need_ anything from you."

"Then go home," he bit out, keeping his eyes lowered to the table as he picked up the beer and absently took a long sip.

"I _am_ home, Jake," she whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere. Ever again."

Slamming the bottle down on the green felt, he leaned over the table again with harsh clipped movements. _"Then stay the fuck out of my way,"_ he hissed, dark and dangerous.

With a flash of canines at the cue ball, he slammed into it. Splintering wood heralded the ear-popping crack of colliding balls.

It made her jump up straight. Bella blinked in shock at where the cue had snapped in his hand with the force of his strike.

Jacob tossed it haphazardly and it skittered across the floor as he stalked to the rack to get another.

"I don't _need_ you to be anything for me," she breathed again, knowing he could hear her. "It's my turn. I'll be whatever _you_ need – sister, friend, girlfrie-…"

The words stalled on her tongue as he whipped around cue in hand. His face was all dark thunder and ferocity.

"I have nothing left to give, Bella," he growled low. "_Nothing_." He flashed his canines and then tore his eyes away and stalked the table.

Bella choked on her swallow or maybe it was a fledgling sob. She felt like she was totally fucking this up and she had no idea how to change that.

"Then let me _give_ you something Jacob," she begged, her voice soft, pleading. "I'll give you whatever you need-…"

He barked a humorless laugh. "How the fuck can I trust you?" he snorted dismissively to the table as he ripped up the beer.

His gaze found hers, savage and raw. "Italy, wars, weddings… " he tipped up his beer while those eyes watched her. With a gasp he slowly lowered it, gaze searing straight through her. His voice was barely audible, a rasping monotone in the back of his throat.

"How many times do you think I can break before I start losing pieces."

With that he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and slammed the beer down, turning back to the table.

Bella felt like she'd been staked through the heart. Her gaze fell to her glass and she stared numbly at it for a moment, feeling lost.

Feeling hopeless.

It felt like there was nothing she could do to fix this. The hand that raised the glass to her lips was shaking.

She brought it back down to her lap with the clink of ice. It was answered by a clack at the pool table. The music changed, and she glanced over to the bikers on the far side of the room. One was surreptitiously watching her but they certainly couldn't hear.

But Jacob could.

"Last night, I sat with your wolf," she whispered while she watched him set up his 8-ball shot and her last chance. "Do you hear what I say to it? Do you rememb-…"

A deafening crack made Bella jump and sent the eight ball jettisoning into the pocket, the cue ball hopping the table.

It fell the floor with a thud and rolled across the linoleum with an obvious rattle.

Bella turned back to where Jacob was draining the beer and staring her down with an expression that was so fierce and hopeless it was wicked.

An adrenaline bomb went off in her chest and she froze while fight or flight heat washed over.

He threw down the cue and started prowling toward her. "I don't even know _what_ I am anymore," he crushed the words like gravel in the back of his mouth. "To survive _eight years_ without you… I don't even have contr-..." the words broke up in the back of his throat like static.

Bella realized the sound was a low snarl that was slowly building momentum. She swallowed thickly as her eyes stumbled over the foreign callousness of his face.

He stalked her with a mercury stride that quivered with power, then stopped abruptly two feet away from her knees. Bella fought the instinct to cower or flinch with everything she had.

Jacob cocked his head as that cold gaze wandered down over her body and then back up to her eyes.

Up close, Bella could see that every last muscle was jumping and slithering under his skin painted with tiny droplets of sweat. She could hear his uneven breath, feel the heat radiating off him in waves. The fist that held the beer bottle in front of him was blurred it was vibrating so hard.

She felt like a mouse in a predator's sights because that's exactly what she was. She'd never in her life been afraid of him, but in that moment Bella was terrified.

"I had to watch my imprint marry _a leech_," he whispered, deceptively soft and even.

Chills raced down Bella spine.

"I had to live," he continued in that icy sing-song croon. "Knowing that every night that thing was _fucking _you with his stone cold dick," his lips jumped up from his canines. "And that every day you might wake up without a heartbeat."

Jacob's nostrils were quivering and muscles were ticking in his face he was so close to losing it. "You chose a _corpse_ over me," vehemence pushed his hiss through gritted teeth. "_My mortal enemy-.._."

He made a little choking sound in the back of his throat and he blinked several times.

"Jacob," she breathed. "I'm so sorr-…"

The beer bottle shattered in his fist. **"YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE US!"** he roared.

With a shriek, Bella jumped back on her stool, cracking her shoulders against the shelf and making the legs clatter against the floor.

"YOU WERE **MINE**!"

Jacob ripped the drink out of her hand and hurled it across the room where it crashed against the wall in an explosion of broken glass.

"Now wait just a-…"

Without looking, Jacob shoved the approaching biker and he was hurtling backwards and bouncing onto the next pool table.

Raging foam was hashing through his bared teeth as he stared down at her with pain so deep that it had hardened under pressure into combustible rage.

Bella cowered back with a whimper.

With a wicked snarl, he spun around and stalked away from her.

"**FUCK!"** he bellowed, throwing over the pool table with a flick of his wrist.

The crash was deafening.

In its wake the balls tumbled and rolled over deathly silence.

The music had been cut and all heads were turned toward the back while the muddled drone of a sports announcer chattered blithely on. The men who had gotten up and started toward them to intervene, wordlessly parted, giving Jacob a wide berth as he stalked out of the bar with danger in his stride.

The front door slamming behind him was like a starting gun. Animated voices bubbled up to fill the spaces as the entire bar started talking at once. Someone turned on the music again while people stared at her curiously and several men headed back to help clean up the mess.

Bella felt like she was hyperventilating. The world looked strange - crisp through her wide eyes like the light was all wrong.

"You okay, sweetheart?" a gruff voice made her whip around with a shriek.

The same biker who'd been concerned for her – and the one Jacob had thrown – was watching her with worried eyes while he massaged his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she rasped.

He gave her a dismissive macho nod.

Gulping, Bella slid off the seat and nearly keeled over.

"Whoa, easy there, missy." The man caught her elbow and steadied her. "You got someone pickin' you up?"

Bella stared into his face but for the life of her she couldn't understand what he was saying. Pulling out of his grasp, she staggered across the room toward the closest door. The sound was overwhelming and echo-y and it was like she was looking at the room through a fish-eye lens.

People moved to let her pass - probably some of them talking to her, she didn't know – as she made the million mile trek to the door.

A hand on her shoulder made her jump and she turned to the Jake's waitress. "You okay honey?" she asked.

Bella gave her a minute nod.

"Let me call someone to pick you up," she continued, pursing those painted lips. "Sugar, he's just like all of them down there," she shook her head with a coughing laugh. "Good in bed but not for much more."

Blinking, Bella stared numbly her while her brows slowly knit together and the words filtered down to her ear. _This_ is where Jacob had gotten what he'd said that night – from girls like this.

With no word or warning, Bella snapped her hand back and slapped her across that made-up face, as hard as she could.

The girl shrieked like a banshee and clawed like a cat, while hands separated them and pushed Bella toward the exit. She didn't need any encouragement. Bella careened to the door and yanked it open, escaping into the blessed cool night air.

The door shut behind her muffling the sounds of drama and general bar din. She stared out at the empty parking lot for a moment, too disoriented to know what to do.

Clapping a hand over her mouth, Bella stumbled down the stairs and across the parking lot. She caught herself against her car door and then leaned against it for a moment, breath heaving like she'd just run a marathon.

She just…

She couldn't….

She didn't…

She needed to leave. They were probably going to call the cops or something – good thing her father wasn't in town.

Shoving her hand into her back pocket she fished out her key ring. They jingled as she numbly fumbled through them.

Until two big fingers plucked them from her hand.

Bella spun around with a gasp and looked up and up to… Seth Clearwater. He gave her a kind but worried smile.

"Jake told me to take you home," he murmured.

Bella blinked. "When?" she choked… it was the first thing that popped into her head, she didn't know why.

Seth frowned with a tip of his head. "Now."

"No, when did he ask," she whispered hoarsely. Still not sure what her mouth was saying.

Understanding blinked into his eyes. "Just now," he whispered. He attempted a smile. "He'd had me on standby," he added, just a glimmer of pride to the revelation. "Did you _hit_ that girl?" finally a grin pounced out.

Bella's poor muddled brain was trying to keep up – she'd have to connect dots later. Right now she didn't feel like being with anyone else who hated her guts.

"Seth," she looked up at him. "You don't-"

He stopped her with two fingers on her lips while he shook his head. "Don't break his order like last time."

Bella squinted, perplexed. Nothing made sense. Nothing.

"Let me do this for you," he murmured, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. "I want to."

Staring at him like he had another head, she mumbled, "why are you being nice to me?"

Seth looked like he couldn't decide whether to smile or frown. The smile eventually won and he leaned down to her ear while she blinked in confusion.

"You smell like him," he whispered. "It makes things easier."

He pulled back with a smothered grin.

"I took a shower!" she huffed.

Seth just raised his brows with a suggestive tip of his head.

Bella's eyes ballooned. She couldn't take any more.

"You know what-…?" She shook her head and pushed him as she started to wobble her way around the car. To her surprise, Seth followed after, escorting her with a hand at her elbow. He opened the door and saw her in, then went around to the other side. Pushing, the seat all the way back with a grin, he then slipped in.

Bella kept glancing over the seat. "You think the cops-…"

"Nahh." He started the engine and then turned around, propping his arm over her seat as he backed out. "Crap like that happens all the time in there," he snorted. "Everyone's got a record and no one wants trouble."

He paused, shoving the car into drive, and gave her an eyebrow wiggle. "Plus Billy's calling them right now, telling them we'll pay for the damages."

With a broad smile at whatever he saw on her face, he pulled out of the lot.

Seatbelts didn't seem very effective at the moment so, Bella pulled her feet up onto the seat and curled into a ball, leaning her head against the window.

In the silence the words haunted her:

_You didn't choose us. _

Us – plural. Jacob wasn't just one person anymore, he was at least two. And he didn't know what or who he was anymore. He'd said so himself.

But Bella didn't either.

"Heyyy," a soft baritone slithered through the car along with a hand across the seat. He rested his palm on her ankle and as much as she wanted to brush him off, the touch was comforting. "Are you okay?"

Bella stared out the dark window. _Was she okay?_

"No," she whispered.

"Did he hurt you or-…"

Bella shook her head, watching the moon ice the ocean horizon. It shimmied and shimmered as they drove along through minutes of silence.

"Bella," Seth murmured. "You've got to be careful."

Blinking, she picked her head up from the door and turned to look at him.

He glanced at her twice. "Jake's the strongest guy I know," he told her quietly. "And he's an awesome Alpha. 'Keeps us in line, kick-ass at strategy … and he can rip apart a leech faster than you can spit. He's, like, _crazy _good."

He spoke the words through the windshield, that boyish smile lighting up his face. Leah had been right.

But like he'd flipped a switch, it suddenly darkened. "But he's dangerous," he whispered.

Licking his lips, he glanced over at her.

Bella turned in her seat, pulling her knees up to her chest as she leaned back against the door. Starved for information, everything else slipped into the background.

"How," she asked.

Seth sat up a little straighter, shifting in his seat. "Bella when you-…" he cleared his throat. "When you _left_, Jake lost it. I mean, _really_ lost it." He paused with a sigh. "Look, I know you didn't know, but you _rejected_ th-…" he gagged on his tongue.

Bella squeezed her knees. "I understand," she told him. This was just like it had been with Leah.

"Well that never happens," he whispered. "I mean I guess in the past, all this crap happened in the Tribe when things were different. But, even if it turns out like Quil and Claire-…"

Claire had finally reached the age to date and she had her first boyfriend – and it wasn't Quil. Quil was happy with that – he had a serious girl himself. After growing up together, anything more just felt too… weird. Too much like brother and sister. But they were best friends.

Bella nodded him on.

"Imprints always stay together," he continued.

Bella sat up more lowering her knees. "What happens if they don't?"

Seth readjusted his hands on the wheel.

"Jake," he said quietly.

Bella drew in a deep shuddering breath and leaned forward. "What's wrong with him?"

"Well, when you left," he glanced at her. "Jake's wolf went nuts. He almost _killed_ Sam taking over the Pack. His wolf is - " He stopped and screwed up his face like he didn't know if he should go on.

"C'mon Seth," she urged frantically.

"His wolf is _strong_," Seth pronounced emphatically. "_Really_ strong. The wolf is really fair, but it's fricken' _fierce_. Cutthroat. It's like they split and are fighting, or something. The wolf and the man… actually maybe three. Alpha too."

"What do you mean _split_," her brow furrowed.

"Well sometimes when he's phased we can't hear Jake at all, just the wolf," he glanced at her nervously. "No one wants to ask him why."

"Does the wolf talk to you?" she asked, really just curious. It would help her understand what to do if she saw Jacob's wolf again.

Seth scrunched his face up like he was trying to find the right words. "Not, like, _talk_… but he pushes, he guides us. It's hard to explain," he huffed. "But it's not like it's just an _animal_, he's a spirit warrior. He's very old."

Bella leaned her head against the seat, trying to let all that sink in. "So what does Jake need, Seth?"

Seth pulled his lower lip into his mouth and sucked for a moment. "I think he needs to be whole," he said quietly.

Bella shoved her hands in her pockets, she thought she understood, but she wanted to hear Seth's take. "What do you mean?"

He turned the car off the highway and onto the road to the lake. "Uh…" he hedged, rolling his shoulders uncomfortably. "I think because of all the stuff that happened, he broke. He broke apart."

Seth turned and searched her face, seeing if she understood. Bella thought she just might.

He turned back to the road. "Like, take me…" he settled back with a little smile that reminded her so much of the boy.

"My wolf is like-… like an instinct. Or a reflex," he canted his head. "Like catching something when it falls. You don't think, you just do it. But it's still _me_. Just more."

Bella's forehead crumpled.

"I'm not an Alpha though," he sniffed in a '_thank God_' kind of way. "They have all of us pulling at them. It's _hella_ harder for them."

Bella smiled in spite of herself at his artless wide eyes and leaned her cheek against the seat. For several minutes she just watched him drive, while her mind spun out. But it was comfortable. Natural. Maybe it was a Pack thing, but Seth seemed like he was going to make a good kid brother.

And, even though she couldn't really process any of it, she really appreciated him talking to her. She guarded every word safely in her heart until she had the strength and sanity to piece them together.

"Can I ask you something?" she murmured, shifting positions as she picked her head up.

"Shoot," he tossed her grin that was just down-right cute. Talia was lucky - he'd imprinted on the Makah girl last year and they were moving into his mother's old house since she was moving in with Charlie.

"How do you even accept an imprint?"

Seth laughed. "Seriously?" He glanced at her like she had to be pulling his leg.

But no one had told her about any of this. She'd barely spent any time with the Pack – back in the old days there'd been leeches and wars and they didn't talk about this stuff.

She crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

Seth chuckled. "You _already have_," he smiled, turning to her with sparkling eyes. "You just have accept him in your life. Simple."

Bella blinked as her hands slipped back around her shins. That was kind of… anticlimactic.

"Why do you think you could make me leave on Saturday?" he challenged, jutting out his jaw humorously.

"Huh?"

"Jake sent me to hang with you at the bar," he arched a brow over a smirk. "He didn't like the way that bartender was looking at you."

Bella sat up straight in shock. "What?"

Seth rolled his eyes as he turned the car into her driveway. Bella hadn't even thought about it –how did he know where she lived anyway?

"C'mon," he scoffed. "Hey, I'm sure you saw the way he was looking at the MC… does he _like_ you or something?" he braked the car, throwing it into park as he barked a laugh. "Shoot, I thought he was gonna kill 'em."

Bella's mouth was just hanging in the wind. "I didn't even think he knew I was there," she wheezed.

Seth turned and propped his arm over the back of the seat, dangling her keys between two fingers. "Bella," he told her softly.

"Jake _always_ knows where you are."

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_Review if you like._


	3. Part lll - Promises

_Thanks for all the awesome notes. Not only helps with motivation, but with parsing out my thoughts. _

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_A/N: Yeah, so if you haven't already figured it out, this fic is raw and not really like my other stuff. I still promise resolution, but things are messy so only slog through if it's working for you. _

_In this fandom we talk a lot about what happens in this chapter, but don't really explore it much. This is a more realistic take. __I think this one's going to drag you through the gamut from humor to melancholy and a bunch of things in between. _

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_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

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**Part III**

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Bella stared absently at her knees as she toweled her hair off. Good thing it was summer – it made a tepid shower bearable. Mr. Phelps was going to have do better with that water heater… like how about a replacement? Bella snorted, straightening and flipping her damp hair over her shoulders. _Cheap bastard._

She dried off quickly and then got dressed in a shorts and tank top. She'd forgotten to turn on her phone's alarm and she'd woken up from her nap late.

Stepping up to the sink, she plucked her toothbrush out of its cup and squeezed some paste on it. While she vigorously scrubbed her teeth she looked idly up in the mirror and watched her reflection and her mouth foam white. She spat and jerked on the water for a rinse and then looked again a little closer.

Hell, she looked so much better than she had three weeks ago.

No dark circles, no bloodshot eyes, her cheeks had a little color. Yeah, it was the simple things. She was still plain-Jane unremarkable, but at least she looked healthy.

With a theatrical grin, she turned the water off and squeegeed her mouth off with a hand as she opened the door and flipped off the light.

With a glance at the reflection of the room in the nighttime picture windows, she padded to the kitchen, pushing her unruly curls away from her face. She was really starting to love this place. It was private, cozy and so plain it was unobtrusive… kind of like a hotel room but one that felt like home.

She snatched the glass from the counter and dumped the melting ice, then yanked open the refrigerator and pulled out the liter of Diet Coke in the door that she'd bought for the rum. Holding it open with a foot, she poured it in the glass and then replaced the soda at the same time she flung open the freezer and pulled out the tray of ice.

Plop, plop, fizz fizz.

She replaced the tray before the freezer door had made it back from the rebound. Taking a sip, habit pulled her eyes up to the half-full rum bottle sitting on top of the refrigerator. With a brisk shake of her head, she turned on her heel and made her way back into the main room, taking another sip of the hissing beverage and sniffling at the carbonation jumping on her nose like a mist.

With a sniff she stopped at the table and set the drink down, eyeing her pack of cigarettes. She'd had it a week and - she flipped open the box and shook the cigarettes idly – she still had five left.

"You rooock," she breathed theatrically.

With a satisfied smile she tossed the pack down and crossed the room to get the blanket from the back of the couch and then hopped up the two steps to the bed to grab her phone from the night stand. With a stop to grab her coke from the table, she made her way to the sliding glass door.

Of course her success wasn't really hers alone – well maybe the drinking. But the wolf didn't seem to like the way the cigarettes smelled and she found herself reining in the smokes in the afternoons to prepare to see him.

He came every night.

He. That first night she'd thought of him more as an "it" – an animal. But after talking with Seth and spending every night with the beast, she realized Jacob's wolf was definitely a sentient "he." And he made life livable.

She wasn't sure where she'd be without him.

She hadn't seen Jake since that sucky night at the bar. Quite frankly, she hadn't _wanted_ to see him either. He was angry and hateful and hard and so fucking lost it wasn't funny. But she couldn't help him when she was so fucked up herself. Leah had helped her figure that out.

Bella spread the blanket over the lounge chair and then sat down, wrapping herself in it while she sipped her coke and watched the woods.

Then, two weeks ago, her father came back from his honeymoon looking like… well, he'd just come back from his honeymoon (read: grinning fool).

That didn't last for long.

She'd met him at the diner (a public place) and it was like a time-lapsed video of day to night to watch his face darken as she told him about the imprint. She had considered sidestepping telling him until she got a handle on things herself, but Bella had made a pact not to lie whenever she could. If she hadn't lied about Edward her father would have interceded for sure.

However…

After that once, she'd never brought it up again. Charlie thought she should go back to San Francisco and every time he saw her, he tried to tell her so. His fiery paternal protectiveness blinded him from his usual facility with parsing through a complex situation. He could only see that Jacob was a violent and volatile womanizer now and, no matter how he got there: **"there's no way in **_**fucking hell**_** my daughter's going to …!" **(red-faced, vein popping, foaming at the mouth)

You get the idea.

It made Bella understand that he'd only been supportive about her move back because he'd wanted to see her more and had assumed Jacob was too far gone to fix. And it also made for two awkward Sunday dinners at his house with her, Sue and Seth.

She found Seth turned out to be a pretty good ally, helping change the subject when things looked like they were going to go south.

But then again, so had Sue. Bella had never understood how complicated things were over at their house and how amazing Sue was at being Switzerland, even as one of the highest ranking elders on the Quileute Council. Since Bella had left, the friendship between Billy and Charlie had become strained, at best.

Bella kind of felt like she'd ruined everyone's life, but she'd learned not to be so narcissistic – they were adults who'd made their own decisions.

It still made her sad.

But that was the worst of it. The other parts weren't so bad. Spending time with her dad was starting to smooth out, the more he saw that she wasn't trying to jump into Jacob's arms. She spent her days napping or working on that O-Chem book whose deadline wasn't until early next year – and officially she had two months off from work anyway. Then she spent her nights…

Like this.

A smile blossomed on her lips at the first flash of yellow in the woods. Taking another sip of coke – and dribbling it down each corner of her mouth because it was hard to drink while grinning – she slipped off the chair. She set the glass down on the arm rest and wiped an absent fist over her mouth on her way to grabbing her phone and shoving it into her back pocket. Pulling the blanket from the chair she bundled it under her arm and slowly made her way across the deck.

She couldn't help the shiver from the summer night chill but she wouldn't be cold for long. The wolf stayed behind the tree line, watching her with solemn yellow eyes as she crept down the stairs. She kept her body language relaxed and open – he didn't like it when she was tense.

The grass was lush and cold under her feet as she strode slowly across the lawn. At a spot about halfway between the forest and the deck, she pulled the blanket in front of her, and threw it out like a sail. It fluttered down over the grass.

Buffing her palms on her shorts she stepped onto it and went down on her knees, sitting back on her heels.

And she bowed her head.

She stared absently at her knees as she waited. It usually took a few minutes, but it was getting faster. It had taken over a week to get the wolf used to her being down in the yard – he never left but he would sidestep and yowl and pace back and forth with agitation. Bella took her time soothing him as best she could. By now the wolf had heard a verbal diary of her entire life to date – so she'd taken to singing to him. Luckily it didn't seem to bother him that she had abso-fuckin-lutely no pitch whatsoever. Even so, she liked to sing and the wolf was probably the only audience who would listen.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him approach, rich russet fur shimmering and bouncing with each light step. He circled behind her and Bella smiled at the warm puff of air over her shoulder. A cold wet nose then burrowed into her neck, snuffling under her hair.

Bella giggled and the wolf answered with a soft rumble while he continued in undaunted exploration – he knew now it was a happy sound. She held still while he snuffled over every inch of her as he slowly circled her, sticking a muzzle into her neck, blowing warm moist air down her arms, dragging a cold nose over her legs, until he was standing in front of her. He snuffled up her front, huffing warm air through her tank top and over her stomach and between her breasts.

Then his snout nuzzled under her chin and nudged her face up. He'd learned she didn't like it when he sniffed her crotch, she'd learned he didn't like it when she made eye contact until he was ready. But now…

Bella looked up to those solemn incandescent eyes.

"Hey, Jacob," she whispered.

The huge wolf towered over her if he lifted he head, but he didn't. He kept it lowered with his ears pinned back in a non-threatening posture as he leaned in nose to nose. Snuffling over her face he licked her a few times while that soft rumble continued to swaddle her. It almost didn't seem to come from the beast, but shimmered around her like the air was humming almost too low for her ear.

Then he stepped in and rubbed his jaw, slowly – almost sensually - over hers.

"Mmm."

A hum of pleasure naturally played on her lips as she rubbed and nuzzled against the side of the beast's massive head. A hot tongue lapped down over her neck as he sniffed under her jaw and made his way to the other side where he did the same thing again.

With a soft melting whine the wolf lowered himself to his haunches on the blanked and bumped Bella's temple with his snout.

She opened her eyes from where they'd naturally fluttered closed and, grabbing her brush, she scooted forward on her knees while the beast rearranged himself.

Bella crawled to his side and fell into his big barrel chest, burying her face in the thick fur at the ruff of his neck.

"Mmm," she hummed. "You smell so good." He didn't smell like an animal at all – because he wasn't - he smelled like misty forests and pine… basically like Jake with something added that was arcane and wild.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as far as she could and just lay there for a moment, siphoning comfort from the low soothing percussion of his heart and each even breath that was somehow completely divorce from that contented hum.

This is how she had survived the last three weeks.

Just this.

It was only part of him, but it was part and Bella had decided to be happy with whatever she got. She'd decided to want what she had – she was coming to the conclusion that, in all likelihood, she'd never have what she wanted.

Which was all of him in her arms.

She wondered if he remembered or saw what happened when his wolf had taken over (doubted it), but if even still, she hoped it brought some peace to that lacerated heart.

With a sigh, she pulled back and sat cross-legged on the blanket beside him and picked up her brush while she watched the wolf rearrange himself, curling around her. With a sentimental smile she pulled her hair over one shoulder and started pulling the bristles through the long messy curls while she watched him settle. His heavy tail flopped over her thigh as his head turned to sniff her a little more.

Then he started licking.

It was the reason she wore the tank top and shorts – even the summer nights of Washington weather were still chilly. That warm velvet tongue started with her thigh, lapping with long strokes that were caring and sensual. Lucky for her, Spirit Warrior slobber wasn't slimy like a dog. The moisture just evaporated off her skin like water.

Bella pulled her hair over the other shoulder and brushed it out a little more while the beast licked over her shins, his eyelids drooping contentedly over those haunting eyes. This had become their little ritual. He'd cover every millimeter of skin she'd let him in his spit, then she'd return the favor and groom his fur. It relaxed them both and was an oddly bonding experience.

She set the brush down and flipped her locks over her shoulders and watched him angle his jaw to reach under her thigh and her foot. She wiggled her toes with a little squeak and, completely unconcerned, the beast lifted his head and licked over her mouth and the source of that sound. Bella closed her eyes, scrunching up her nose while he lapped over her face and then made his way to her neck.

Wiping her grimacing face off with a palm, she lay back against his hulking side and stretched her feet out in front of her. The wolf took advantage of the change in position and shifted his attention back down to her legs.

She watched affectionately as his eyes closed and he seemed to lose himself in surveying every last millimeter of exposed skin with his tongue. Bella closed her eyes too.

It should have been really gross – especially since Bella had always been squeamish about any bodily fluid – but it… wasn't. It was soothing, comforting. It made chill bumps race over her skin and her blood run lazy and warm.

At a tug at her shorts though, her eyes popped open.

"No, Jacob," she admonished gently.

Those eyes blinked open, looking up at her. His muzzle was pulled back in an exaggerated grimace as those intimidating fangs stayed locked on an exacting pinch of cloth.

Bella shook her head. "No," she murmured again, reaching out and running a tender hand over his brow.

He released her and then lapped over her face again and started on her neck and arms. Learning how to get close to one another had been a process. They hadn't gotten to grooming until about six nights ago and she'd worn long pants and a sweater as was reasonable in the night air. The wolf had actually ripped the sleeve of her sweater in frustration trying to get at her skin. It had frightened her and she'd jumped back. In turn, her fear had jacked up the wolf's agitation.

Rattled, Bella had tried to go back into the house but he wouldn't let her. He paced back and forth between her and the stairs with chuffs and whines until Bella had collapsed on the blanket in sobs.

The wolf had butted her curled up body with his muzzle and snuffled and whined over her until finally he left. Or Bella _thought_ he'd left. Her head had ventured up to find him standing silently at the edge of the woods, watching her. Instinct had told her not to leave - she'd told them she'd never abandon them again. So she wrapped herself in the blanket and watched him, while those deep-drill tears continued to bubble up –obviously the situation had just unplugged the dam.

Finally she'd fallen asleep.

She'd woken up to find the wolf curled around her.

The next night she wore shorts and a tank top and they continued on with the compromise. She knew he wanted to lick her all over, but it was just too … weird.

A buzz in her pocket had the wolf's head jerk up with battle-ready attention.

Bella quickly rolled over to pull it out of her pocket. She kept her phone with her so she could surf later and read him stuff… plus after that sweater experience she just-…

_Leah._

It was like 2am in New York. Pressing her lips together, she answered it, reaching up an absent hand to caress soothingly over the wolf's jaw.

"Hey," she greeted in a soft voice, watching the wolf's reaction. "Everything okay?"

"Swan," Leah began with her usual terse opening. "You'll never guess who I just got off the phone with."

Bella continued to run her fingers through the fur on the wolf's neck as he cocked his head, ears at quivering attention. "Okay."

"Guess!" she demanded.

"You just said I'd never guess," Bella countered. "Why attempt the impossible?"

Leah snorted. Like, actually snorted.

"Did you just _snort_?" Bella laughed. The wolf tipped his head the other way and Bella pursed her lips in sympathy as she continued stroking along his jaw.

"Fuck you," she sighed.

"Might be fun," Bella grinned.

"Well you're back to abnormal, aren't you," Leah laughed softly. But Bella could hear the true caring under the surface. Their friendship might have started for mercenary reasons, but Leah had become a friend. Plus, technically, she was her sister now.

"I'm doing better," Bella smiled, her eyes meeting the wolf's yellow stare. He still wasn't sure about this whole phone thing, but at least he wasn't freaking out. She tapped his nose affectionately and a reflexive tongue came out to lap over fingers.

"Thank God, I was getting sick of getting those drunk-ass phone calls at the butt-crack of dawn," she muttered. "So _guess_."

"Leah!" Bella complained, her eyes unfocusing as she thoughtlessly stroked through soft fur.

"Shit, you are such a fucking buzzkill," she whined. "I just got off the phone with _Emily_."

Bella froze, shock taking her breath away. Her attention switched completely to the conversation, while she continued to absently stroke the wolf's fur.

"Um, wow," Bella finally replied.

"Right?" Leah laughed nervously. "Well I was sick of watching you kill yourself and I'm a little worried about you trying to hang with the Incredible Whoring Hulk-…"

A laugh pounced free and Bella crossed her ankles as her hand reached back over her head to dig into the thick pelt. The wolf was relaxing now and he snuffled along her side.

"I thought she might have a few pointers," Leah continued. "Y'know from when Sammy lost his shit."

Bella blinked. She hadn't thought about that – she'd been too busy trying to keep her head above water.

"Did she?" Bella breathed.

The wolf licked under her arm and Bella cringed with a squeak and then absently rolled away on her side, switching the phone to the other ear. The wolf seemed perfectly happy with this turn of events and started licking over the back of her legs.

"Yeah she actually did," Leah said quietly. "Well… kind of. I mean Sammy wasn't as far gone as Jake and it was…"she paused, obviously trying to find a delicate way to put it ( a first for Leah). "It was different, y'know?"

Bella squeezed her eyes closed, trying not to let herself get distracted by self-blame. She'd played that tune long enough.

"Yeah," she breathed. "So what did she do?"

"Well, actually, she _didn't_ do it," Leah replied cryptically. "And I don't know if you should either, but I thought I should give you the 411 anyway because I'm awesome like that."

"Yeah you are, Lee," Bella smiled. "I really appreciate you doing this for me." She knew how much she hated her cousin.

Leah was quiet for a few heartbeats

"It was actually good, Swan," Leah admitted quietly – obviously knowing what she was thinking. "Real good. Em and I decided to try it again some time."

Bella's grin cracked her fact in half, but she didn't say a thing – being vulnerable was hard for Leah so the best thing to do when she let down her guard was to not make a big deal about it.

"So what _didn't_ she do?" Bella asked lightly, while a hot tongue lapped behind her knees making chills race up her thighs.

Leah huffed out a deep breath that static-ed mic. "When Sam lost it after… after the accident. Em eventually accepted the imprint but he was still, like, hyper-protective. She described it sort of like you – the wolf and the man had kinda split. He was super-PMSy and kinda ADD. Basically a pain in the ass."

Bella's brow furrowed thoughtfully as she switched hands holding the phone to her ear so she could push that snuffling snout away from her ass. She lifted the back of her shirt a little as a distraction and the wolf started in on the new territory.

"But she said it was because the wolf was, like, pissed off or nuts or whatever, so Sammy couldn't control him," Leah grunted - she must have switched positions. It sounded like she was laying down. "Back then he was the first to Phase, so the Council was trying to help."

Bella coughed a laugh. From listening to Jake back in the day, she was a little irreverent in solidarity. He'd resented how their stories hadn't prepared them for… anything.

"Yeah, they're a big help, right?" Leah grumbled knowingly. "But at any rate, Billy came to her with an idea that he thought might work." She stopped then and Bella her lick her lips.

"Just tell me, Lee," Bella huffed impatiently.

"Well I really don't think you should do it either, Bella," Leah said softly. She only used her name when she was worried. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

The wolf was now rooting under her shirt and blowing hot moist air up her back while he snuffled and lapped. It felt good.

"Because you're a good friend," Bella told her gently.

Anything mushy was a sure-fire way to propel Leah into the next subject and it worked like a charm.

"Well Billy said there was one thing that would settle the wolf," she murmured. "And that it might help chill out the guy. But it's got a lot of freaky side effects – that's why Em didn't do it. And Sam eventually got his shit together after Jared Phased and he had the responsibility. So maybe it's just a time-…"

"Leah!" Bella groaned in exasperation. At her tone the wolf yanked up his head, making some seams pop in her shirt. He shoved his snout in her neck and Bella reached up to smooth a reassuring hand over his jaw while he snuffled under her ear.

"Shit, are you masturbating or something?" Leah laughed. "Kinda kinky."

Bella rolled her eyes and gently pushed the wolf's snout away from the phone.

"You're stalling," she intoned blandly.

"Alright," Leah seemed to try to pull herself together. "Billy said she could ask Sam to _mark_ her."

She left revelation hanging heavily in the air…

Like Bella had the first fucking clue what she was talking about.

"With a sharpie?" Bella asked dryly. Dorky humor was her specialty after all.

Leah sniffed a laugh. "What's hilarious is that you actually let that out of your mouth."

"Whatever," Bella snorted. Only Jacob had ever had appreciated her comedic genius.

"No. _Not with a sharpie_," she said each word emphatically like to a little kid. "It's a _wolf thing_. She didn't have a lot of deets and, quite frankly, I didn't want to hear them. But, talk about kinky, apparently marking is when they bite you a certain way when you're bumpin' uglies."

Bella's eyes widened and her hand dropped from the wolf's head. "What does it do?"

"Well, in a nutshell, Swan," Leah reported sarcastically. "It makes you _property_. _His_ property. Billy told her it was in the wolf's nature to mark its mate like that 'cause they're possessive. And we all know they are," she snorted.

Bella flipped back over onto her back and switched ears. She guessed that was true – Jacob had been mad about that Deputy Jerry and the bartender while he was getting a blowjob behind the reception hall.

Huh.

"So how does it help?" she asked, while her mind sped ahead knitting together conjecture.

"Well it apparently chills the wolf out because now you're his," she muttered. "And that chills out the guy because it's some kind of woo-woo bond."

"Like imprinting?" Bella frowned, glancing over at where the wolf had lowered its muzzle to the blanket and was watching her with an intense eye. She kind of hoped Jake didn't hear all this, but she certainly couldn't get up and leave.

"Well imprinting's kind of the PG version." Bella could hear the grin in her voice. "But apparently marking is a big thing. And it's rare _and_ you're s'posed to get permission from the Chief and everything – ain't that right there deterrent enough?"

Yeah, that kind of sucked. She hadn't talked to Billy in eight years either.

"Okay so what's the down-side," Bella sighed, crossing her ankles again as she combed her fingers through the wolf's thick ruff.

"Um, well," Leah hedged. "Kinda everything."

"Huh?"

"Everything's shit for the girl," she sucked in a breath. "But at least the gods did something right – the girl has to _ask_ them to do it, otherwise those dicks would be biting every bitch in sight."

Bella squeezed her eyes closed on the image of Jake with that girl in the bar.

"So yeah, like I said… he owns you," Leah spat in disgust.

"Like, how?"

"'You can't have kids with anyone else, but he can fuck anyone he wants. You can't leave, you can't break it," she huffed a breath through her nose. "_And_ if he dies, you do too."

Bella's eyes popped open as her brow jumped for her hairline.

For almost a minute neither of them said anything.

"Bella, I _really_ don't think you should do it," Leah said quietly.

Bella scraped her lip thoughtfully with her teeth while her mind spun. "But it's the wolf part of Jacob that's reaching out," she murmured, her gaze darting down to where the animals eyes were closed contentedly. "It might help the other parts too."

"But. It. Might. _Not_," Leah bit out each word like a punch. "Swan, do you want to be chained to an asshole your whole life? A guy with anger issues who's sticking his dick in any hole -…"

"Leah!" Bella scolded with a grimace. Okay, it was kind of true but… _ugh_. Bella shuddered.

"'Calling a spade a spade, Swan," she smacked her lips. "Jake's fucked up. He might get a little better for a little while, but once a wife-beating womanizer always-…"

"He's never hurt me," Bella interrupted.

"_Yet_," Leah added. "All this emotional abuse, rubbing shit in your face, all the controlling - c'mon you already went through that with the leech."

Bella snapped her eyes closed as her hand clapped over them.

"What I'm saying, Bella," Leah's voice switched to naked and firm. "Is that it's a _big fat fucking red flag_. The next step is beating the shit out of you. He's angry and fucked up and nutso and he could _kill_ you by accident on a bad day."

Bella drew in a deep breath and then huffed it out slowly through her nose as she let her hand slip from her face. Her eyes opened to intense lambent gold, watching her.

"But Jake didn't used to be like that," Bella countered in a whisper, her heart punctuating each word with a painful stutter. "That's not who he is."

"It's who he is _now_," Leah stressed. "He's _changed_ Bella. He's never going to be that boy you remember again."

That was definitely true.

Oh God, that was true.

Bella sniffled, and realized that silent tears were just cresting her lashes. One tumbled over and streaked down her cheek. She wiped it away with a knuckle. But there was another after it, then another. Bella sniffled, as she slapped at her cheeks.

"Heyyy," Leah crooned. "It's okay. Look," she gentled her voice. "You have this option in your back pocket. Just don't do anything now…. keep going along with things as they are."

Bella nodded mutely, full-on sobs, bucking in her throat.

"Do you think," her voice got all warped by sorrow. She sniffled… and tried again. "Do you think someone's _heart_ changes?" she gasped a sob.

"I swear you just sounded like Kermit the Frog," Leah muttered slyly.

Bella barked a soggy laugh and wiped her eyes, her breath hitching as she tried to get herself under control.

"Chica, I don't know," Leah answered her sincerely. "Jake's pretty fucked up. He used to be a real good guy… it's all this wolfy bullshit."

"No, it's me!" The assertion burst out in a sob. "I -…"

"Hey!" Leah cut in sternly. "You were _fucking 18_! Sure you screwed up… who _doesn't _at that age? Fuck, I'm just starting to grow up and talk to my _own cousin_ who went through some deep shit and all I did was shovel on more!"

Silence.

The confession was a gift. A token of trust and solidarity. Bella cradled it her heart.

"Thanks Leah," she whispered.

"Yeah. Well…" she cleared her throat.

"Love you," Bella cooed theatrically through pursed lips.

"Gaaaaag! Fuck, Swan," she growled.

Bella laughed freely. "No but _seriously_…," she said, well, seriously. She left a comfortably wordless predicate and switched tacks. "So how do you ask them to do it?"

"No fucking clue," Leah groused, still ruffled.

"Do you ask the wolf?" Bella guessed with a raise of her brow. But by the way said wolf just continued to stare at her with those serious eyes she was guessing that was a no.

"What part of _no fucking clue_ don't you get?"

"She's so mean, huh Jacob?" she murmured in a baby voice to the wolf as she stroked his felty ear.

"What?"

"He's right here," Bella told her, smiling at the way the ear flicked reflexively even though that severe stare never wavered for an instant. "The wolf, not the 'Whoring Hulk'," she added with a chuckle.

"Really?" Leah breathed – stunned clear out of her bitchitude.

"Mm hmm," she hummed, cocking her head while she traced an idle finger over his brow. "So, I'll think about it. Thanks Lee. Hey, don't you have a shoot tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she groaned. "Good thing I'm so hot I don't need beauty sleep, huh?"

"Speaking of hot, real-quick…" Bella blinked, embarrassed that this whole conversation had been about her. "How's things with Josiah going?"

"Mm-mmm good. Things are cumming along real fine…" she stretched words out in a salacious croon. "'Fact I can hear Josi snoring away in the bedroom. I wore him out good tonight."

"Getting your ya-ya's out before Em?" Bella smiled.

"Damn straight, sis." Leah groaned as she sat up. "Seriously though, wait on even _thinking_ about all this shit," she murmured. "You're barely back from the psych-ward yourself."

Bella rolled her lips. "Okay," she said distractedly.

"You're not gonna listen to me, are you?"

"Never do," Bella grinned.

'

'

Thumbs hooked on the wheel, Bella wiggled her fingers trying to stretch out the cramps from the death grip she had on her old Nissan. She blew a breath out of ballooning cheeks and readjusted herself in the seat. The car might being going a sensible 30 on these back roads, but her heart was going a gazillion miles an hour.

Leah had probably meant to wait a little longer than 24 hours to decide.

She didn't think Jake heard what transpired when he was checked out to… wherever he went. But if by some chance he did, he would know how long she waited… wavered… doubted. Bella had spent all last night talking to the wolf about it while she brushed through his fur with slow thoughtful strokes.

Of course she was going to do it.

And it was _rash_ and _unwise_ and _foolish_ and _short-sighted_ and _all_ those fucking adjectives people used when you're making a decision with your heart.

But Jacob had said it plainly: he wanted her to love him enough to take a chance.

Well, she did.

This was about trust and faith and unconditional acceptance – in a word _love_. The real kind: the messy, crazy, painful kind of devotion that took chances like this. Chances that had the potential to destroy her in both the figurative and literal senses of the word.

Jacob had taken those chances.

Dusk was soaking into the sky as Bella drove down the winding roads through the forest. Because she had nothing to go on, she was making a wild guess that since the wolf only came at night – and Jacob himself had called her to meet him in early evening – that maybe this was the best time to attempt this. Perhaps it was a Jekyll and Hyde kinda thing where the man had more control during the daylight hours and the wolf during the night. It would make sense since their natural animal cousins were nocturnal. These hours that straddled the cusp might be when he had the most balance.

With no street lights, she had to drive slowly to slalom around the potholes and disrepair of oppression and poverty branded into Rez roads. She'd only been down here a couple of times in as many years when she'd tried to get Jacob to talk to her. He'd never been around – and never came around, no matter how long she waited.

Of course now that she knew that courtesy of Seth he "always knew where she was" (whatever that meant), she guessed he'd avoided her. She wondered if he'd do the same this time.

Her tongue flicking rapidly over the inside of her lower lip, Bella was about to jump out of her skin. She actually felt good about her ultimate decision, but there were so many unknowns.

Couldshe find him? What would he say? Would he do it? What would it be like if he did?

And would his father even open the door?

Bella turned into the driveway of a house that slapped her so hard across the face with memories that she gasped with the pain. The Black's little red clapboard house had been well kept. There was a new-ish roof, the white trim was clean, and all the lines were neat showing good repair. Just like it looked like in her memory.

Bella pulled the car up to the house over crunching gravel and threw it into park, leaving the engine on for a minute more.

This was it.

Bella emphatically turned the keys and pulled them out, catching the jingle in her palm. She drew in a long slow breath until her lungs felt like they were going to pop. She could feel her heart pounding against her ribs as she exhaled through pursed lips.

Then she pushed open the car door and slipped out.

She closed the it quietly behind her and rubbed her hands on her jeans shorts – half expecting someone to come out on the porch. When they didn't Bella started taking slow, measured steps toward the ramp, watching the front door.

Billy's pick-up was here as well as a car she guessed was Tiffany's. Embry's mother had been living with him for five years according to her dad – that was a long and painful story that at least had a happy ending as far as these sorts of things go.

Bella sniffed a laugh. Maybe Jacob got his womanizing from his dad?

Shoving her hands into her back jeans pockets, she walked slowly up the ramp which was scuffed and splintered from use. A windchime had been hung on the porch and it tinkled in the light breeze while the floorboards squeaked softly underfoot.

Bella stopped at the screen door and stared at it for a moment pressing her lips together. She could hear the sounds of a television inside along with the rush of water and clink of dishes.

Last chance to bail, Bella.

But she'd bailed enough already in her life, it was time to step up and make a stand.

Pulling a hand from her pocket she knocked on the door. It was warped and loose from being slammed too many times and it clattered along with the rap.

Stuffing her hand back in her pocket she took a demure step back as she heard the sounds of footsteps across the floor. The door opened and a middle-aged woman stepped closer to the screen. She'd never met Embry's mom but she recognized her from the party on Saturday. She'd never left Billy's side. Brown hair was pulled back from a face that worked hard and had known pain, but was finally finding some peace.

The woman blinked at her for a moment with kind melting eyes that were the spitting image of Embry.

"Can I help you?" she asked, wiping her hands off on a towel.

Bella hunched her shoulders up uncomfortably. "Um… uh," she began with courage and genius – like a woman who was taking life by the balls. "Is Billy here?"

Her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Oh, I'm Bella Swan," she added quickly.

Recognition instantly made her eyes balloon – it was almost comical. She glanced quickly over her shoulder and then turned back with a polite smile and a little more composure.

"Sure," she pushed open the screen and stood to the side. "Come in. I'm Tiffany."

"Thanks," Bella offered her a nervous smile as she shuffled over the threshold. She side-stepped right inside the door, more uncomfortable than she would have been in a stranger's house even though she'd practically grown up here.

Tiffany pulled the screen closed, but left open the door as she tossed the towel over her shoulder.

Bella barely noticed. Across the room, sitting on the couch, was Billy Black. He was watching her with that signature dispassion.

"It's been a long time, Bella," he said in that dusky voice that always made her want to just lay her head in his lap and listen to a story.

"I know," she whispered as her hands curved into fists in her back pockets.

"Why don't you come sit down and tell me how you've been," he said in those slow easy tones that were the same if he was or running a Council meeting or sitting in a boat on the lake waiting for fish to bite. He glanced at Tiffany. "Honey, can you give us a minute?"

Tiffany turned and her smile tried to broaden but it cracked and crumbled. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No thanks," Bella squeezed her shoulders up tighter. God, she felt like she'd just got thrown back a decade. She was _28 years old_ for crissakes – she'd been through hell and back and she was an _adult_ making the biggest decision of her life.

Taking a deep breath, Bella squared her shoulders, blowing out a shaking exhale as she tried to find some stable ground. She watched Tiffany turn off the TV as she passed and the room was doused in silence and instant intimacy.

With a glance at Billy, the woman disappeared down the hallway.

Bella followed her with her eyes – procrastinating, more than anything. When she turned back to the room she found Billy watching her closely.

"Come sit down, Bella," he murmured, patting the couch.

Bella didn't even attempt a smile. She crossed a room that had barely changed in 20 years. Old framed school photographs of the twins and Jacob hung on the walls along with a collage of childhood stills – Bella was in many of them. Some sports trophies of Jacob's up on top of the particleboard entertainment center.

Outside the windchime meandered through a whimsical melody and the old cuckoo clock on the wall counted out the seconds with crisp clacks.

Bella crossed the room while Jacob's father watched her with that unflappable calm. She lowered herself slowly on the far end of the couch and scooted back a bit, while her eyes stayed lowered on her lap.

Rubbing her hands on her thighs, she turned her knees toward him then cleared her throat and then looked up and met Billy's patient eyes. Her hands didn't quite know what to do with themselves, so she pulled her sleeve down into her palm and fisted them in her lap.

"So how've you been, Bella?" he asked casually, like it was the most natural normal thing in the world for her to be over at his house.

Bella decided to forego the small talk and hedging and get straight to the point.

"Um," she began and cleared her throat again. "I came to tell you I'mgoingtoaskJacobtomarkme." Once the words crested her lips they just all tumbled out.

Billy's eyes widened in surprise – which looked shocking on that face - before he shuttered it away behind that impassive mask.

But she aleady felt immensely better just getting over this initial hurdle. After this it would just be reacting. She resituated herself on the couch and squared her shoulders.

Billy's assessing eyes washed unhurriedly over her face. "Well," he shifted on the couch, turning more toward her and propping his elbow behind him on the armrest. "I guess I need to ask why."

Bella licked her lips. "Because…" she paused, trying to pick which of the many reasons to offer for expediency's sake. "Because I love him enough to take the chance."

Billy seemed intrigued by her answer. His brow furrowed thoughtfully as he tipped his head. "And what chance would that be?"

Pulling her lip into her mouth she flicked it a few times with her tongue. She wasn't going to mince words – this is where her honesty training came in handy. "The chance that he'll never get better."

Billy nodded with thoughtful purse of his lips. "And if that's the case, what do you think that would look like?"

Bella sniffed a humorless laugh. "Exactly like it does now – Jake being angry and wanting me to stay out of his way, and the wolf coming over to my house every night."

He blinked and sat up a bit more. "His wolf comes to you at night?"

Bella nodded, her gaze dropping to her thighs. "We… well, I lie on him and talk. And stuff." She didn't really want to go through their grooming rituals – it seemed private somehow.

"That's different."

She looked up to confusion furrowing his brow. "It's why I want him to mark me – for the wolf," she explained.

Billy rolled his lips while he considered her for a moment. "Bella, has anyone told you what happens?"

"Well Leah said it makes you property," she recited. "That you can't have kids with anyone else and you can't break it," she paused taking a breath. "And if he dies you do too."

Billy's eyes were pacing between hers as he nodded slowly. "And that's something you want?"

"Well…" she frowned to her lap, watching her fingers fiddle with the hem of her shirt. "Actually, yes." She looked back up. "It's choosing _him_."

With a long exhale, he tipped his head up and his eyes chased thoughts across ceiling for several silent minutes.

Feeling more comfortable, Bella scooted into the corner leaning back and pulling her knee up on the cushion. Billy had always been easy to be with and this felt like the old days -not like she'd been the cause of her son's insanity.

He tipped his head down. "Are you doing this for love?" he asked quietly, brows knit together. "Or guilt."

Bella frowned, her eyes darting off to the side while she processed. She met his gaze again. "Probably, _right now_, a little of both," she admitted. "But I've thought it through too. I came back because I missed him and I love him and I want him in my life," she spoke slowly, thoughtfully. "He put me back together after I fell apart and he stood by me no matter what fu-…," she caught herself with a grimace. "No matter what stupid mistakes I made. He even danced with me at-…"

Emotion surged up her throat choking her with surprise. She swallowed it back down, taking a deep breath to get a hold on herself. "He was what I needed him to be," she said quietly, and then closed her eyes for a moment.

She opened them again with an unadorned gaze. "Now it's my turn," she whispered.

For several long seconds, Billy just stared at her, seeming genuinely speechless.

Then, he shook his head slowly almost in awe. "Honey, you've grown up so much."

Bella swallowed, her nose was prickling from the emotionality of the situation.

"Bella. You need to understand something: _I don't blame you_," he said softly. Using his arms to lift his torso, he scooted heavily toward her and took her hand in his.

"Hell, we all make mistakes. You know I've made more than my fair share too," his gaze darted meaningfully off down the hall.

"You were nothing but a little girl. And Jake was just a boy," his voice was gentle. Soothing. "He made his mistakes too – how can you be expected to make the right play when you don't have all the cards?" He took her hand more firmly in his and brought it to his knee, while he searched her eyes. "I told him you deserved to know, Bella."

Blinking she realized they were both battling tears.

"But now is now and it's not going to fix the past. And honey," he whispered. "He's my son and I love him, but he's not in his right mind. His Spirit Warrior is strong, he's a good Alpha, he's doin' right by his Pack. But I ain't proud of the man," he paused, licking russet lips. "My boy's gone, Bella."

Sobs were now sticking in her throat like cotton balls. Caging them behind firm lips, she drew in hitching breaths from her nose.

"Bella," he sighed, smoothing his weathered hand over her cheek and tucking her hair tenderly behind her ear. "You were always like a daughter to me," he murmured.

"And I want you to be happy. Safe." He paused, pursing his lips while he patted her hand. "He don't have any control. I'm worried he might _hurt_ you, Bella," he looked deeply in her eyes, seeing if she was understanding. "He's _broken_, honey. Your Jake ain't coming back."

Bella drew in a deep shivering breath while her eyes stayed locked with Billy's. Warm, patient, kind. A lot like his son used to be. She missed him so much.

_Everyone_ had given up on him: her father and his, his Pack. They'd all told her the same thing. It made her sad and protective and angry and terrified.

She sat up a little more with a juicy sniffle. "Did you tell him I was hopeless too?" she asked quietly.

Billy's brows pinched together as his gaze washed over her face. Then he closed his eyes with a sigh. "I did," he whispered.

"I'm not going to walk out on him again," Bella told him softly, pastels painted on concrete.

Tired eyes opened again and found hers. "Don't do this," he breathed.

"Are you forbidding it?" she asked with a lift of her chin.

Billy let out a long slow breath and then shook his head.

Bella pulled her hand from his and she captured a few convict tears that were running down her face. With a curt nod, she stood. "Thank you."

Waching her with worried eyes, Billy sat back on the couch.

Bella stared back for a moment and then her gaze found the floor. Her mind was spinning and emotion was running high. But she realized she still had to ask him one more thing. Heat rushed to her cheeks and she looked up with an uncomfortable squint.

"Um," she shifted on her feet. "How do you do it?"

Billy choked on his tongue.

"I mean, how do you ask," Bella quickly amended.

Coughing several rounds, he looked up with sparkling eyes. A giggled hopped free at the shared humor, and Bella shoved her hands in her back pockets with a smothered grin.

"You just have to ask him," Billy told her, the levity evaporating quickly from his sobriety. "But honey-…"

"Like, just … ask?" Bella wrinkled her nose. Just like the imprint it was so… _anticlimactic_. She'd expected some kind of ceremony or special Quileute words or woo-woo wolfy bullshit.

Billy nodded distractedly, as his eyes washed over her face.

"Jake the _guy_, right?" she checked. "Because the wolf doesn't understand talking."

He stared at her a little longer and then closed his eyes, bowing his head. "When you speak through Jacob the man, the wolf will understand."

Bella wound her arms around herself insecurely. "What if he says no?" she asked quietly.

Billy released a hissing sigh through his teeth and then looked up. "It's the wolf who decides," he whispered. "And it sounds like he already has."

Worrying her lip, her eyes paced between his for a moment. "Do you think it will work?" she breathed, terrified to put that uncertainty out there.

Billy shook his head slowly. "I don't know, honey."

Frowning she tipped her head. "You told Emily it might help with Sam."

Swallowing thickly like his mouth was dry, Billy chose his words carefully. "Bella, Sam wasn't as nearly as broken as Jacob," he whispered.

Bella's gaze darted between his eyes, reading all that he wasn't saying: the hopelessness, the regret, the sadness… the _fear._

Bella pulled her hands from her pockets rubbing them uneasily against her hips. She nodded and turned, starting for the door.

"And Emily wasn't you," he breathed after her.

Bella paused, turning her cheek toward him. Then, head bowing, she continued under the heavy silence - across the same worn shag rug that she and Jacob had played cars and checkers on in summer evenings, past pictures and innocence and better days. The clock wound the seconds tighter while the windchime fingered the knot like a spider.

She didn't realize she was shaking until her hand reached for the screen. She pushed it open and it buckled and waved on its way open.

Billy's voice was hoarse and tight as it followed her out the door. "Bella…."

She didn't turn around. "Good night, Billy," she called quietly… and then she stepped over the threshold.

'

'

Gaze unfocused in her lap, Bella's hands slowly made her way down from the steering wheel to the keys. She lightly fingered the metal for a moment, warm from conductive heat. The keys jingled softly like the windchime on Billy's porch.

With a quick jerk of her wrist, she turned the car off and it shuddered into silence.

She felt detached, numb… like she was floating above herself somewhere in the ether. She didn't even remember driving here.

Bella's gaze slowly raised to the little wooden house, nestled in the woods down back roads and a private drive. The first time she'd come looking for him two years ago, she'd been given this address and she'd never thought about how isolated it was. How isolated _he_ was.

Night was falling hard and the only light was from the swollen moon. The house was staring back at her with dark sunken eyes and she held its gaze while she blindly deposited the keys into the cup holder. The soft clatter of metal on plastic seemed to echo in the car.

Drawing in a slow silent breath, Bella sat back against the seat, leaning her head against it for a moment. If she were honest with herself – and these days she was- she knew that she was damaged and she was desperate and she was also stubborn. Everyone told her not to do this… was she making a mistake?

In the realm of human caution, of course she was.

But mistakes were exactly what they sounded like: Miss-stakes. Bets made in on the wrong horse. A coin flip that ended in tails. Chances taken.

Jacob had said it: hope was a losing bet every time. Did she believe that? Did a heart change? Was he broken beyond repair? Everyone had given up on him.

Just like everyone had given up on her.

Everyone except Jacob.

Bella's hand found the cold metal handle of the door and pushed it open, feeling the subtle sucking vacuum in the car. Every sense felt heightened and numbed at the same time. There was no going back from this. But she'd said she'd give this her best try, hadn't she? Was she willing to ruin the rest of her life?

She swung her feet out of the car and stood slowly. She was done with questions. They'd never be answered because that was what a chance was: question unanswered.

She was betting her heart, her soul, her _life_ on Love: the messy, crazy, painful kind of devotion that took chances like this.

And she was more than fine with that.

Bella drew in a breath of peace as doubts fell away. No matter what happened – and she had no expectations – she'd be glad she took this chance.

She closed the door softly and then pushed it in with her hip as she scanned the dark woods around her. The crickets were chirping staccato notes in the woods and some kind nighttime bird called out every measure with a low hollow tones.

Bella stuffed her hands in her back pockets and slowly made her way down the dirt drive toward the house. Jacob's car was here – some kind of classic muscle car that he'd probably spent hours of his life building with his hands.

She'd always loved his hands – patient, giving, strong. They were gentle still.

Her feet whispered through the grass, grown long in neglect, as she headed for his porch. Every light was out and the house silent. Still she climbed the steps and crossed the squeaky floorboards. Behind her a strident crow called – a little tattered remnant of the day.

She pulled her hands from her pockets as she stepped to the door. Taking a breath, she rapped on the screen. It was the symbolism of the thing because if he were here then he'd have heard her come half a mile away.

_Nothing._

Bella turned around to the night, lapping at the porch with sounds and life. The wind breathed through the clearing of his yard, making leaves flutter and sigh. She walked slowly back to the stairs and took the first one and sat on the porch beside the wooden railing. Entwining her hands she leaned her elbows on her knees and rested her cheek against her wrist.

And waited.

Absently rocking herself back and forth, her shoulder softly bumping the wooden post, as she stared out over the night. A light rain came with the next breeze, whispering over the trees and sighing against the tin roof overhead. She'd been lucky the summer had been unseasonably dry – she didn't know what she and his wolf would have done if it had rained.

Thinking of Jacob's wolf made warmth and peace spread through her. Just being near him seemed to help heal her heart. She wondered if it did anything for him too.

With a soft sigh, she switched her cheek to the other side of her clasped hands and leaned against her wrist. Maybe what Seth had claimed had been more figurative – as in he knew what state or place she was living? Or maybe he just wouldn't-…

Bella bolted up with a gasp, whipping around to the looming shape she'd _finally_ noticed in her periphery.

Jacob was standing silently on the porch, arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the post on the other side of the stairs. Hair pulled back, he was dressed only in cutoffs and watching her with eyes that were swallowed by the shadow of his brow. His face was so utterly expressionless it looked sinister.

She just stared at him for a moment, trying to rein in her galloping heart - he looked huge, muscular and intimidating and suddenly she was afraid. Her swallow wrung out the back of her throat.

A cold heartless hiss slithered through the darkness. "What the fuck are you doing here."

Bella pressed her lips together while her tongue strummed the back of teeth, trying desperately to gather something coherent to say – her mind was suddenly blank.

Jacob was as still as a statue. "Leave," he whispered.

Bella blinked and sat up a little more, turning to him. "I came to talk to you."

His lips oozed up in a dark smirk. "You were always such a liar," he sniffed a laugh. "I already gave you your 15 minutes. '_I promise_,'" he imitated her in a high nasty voice, twisting the words with sarcasm.

It pissed her the fuck off.

"Oh yeah?" Bella stood, while toxic levels of adrenaline raced through her veins, making her dizzy. "Well at least five of those 15 minutes were spent buried in _Candy's boobs_," she spat. "I don't think they count."

That smirk seemed to twitch in amused surprise – but it was too dark to be sure.

He stared at her a moment longer and then pushed off the post with that tensile strength, the muscles swimming in his chest with the movement. Bella pressed reflexively back against the railing – he was huge.

Then he flowed down the stairs past her. "I don't allow girls in my house," he hissed as he passed her. "That _includes the_ _porch_," he bit out venomously

Bella flicked her eyes up, silently imitating him with a little snarky wrinkle of her nose as she followed him.

He stopped in the yard and clasped his hands behind his back, staring out into the trees. "Five minutes," he told her gruffly. "Talk or don't."

Nothing like a little pressure to make an difficult situation just a little more hopeless. He was impossible – no wonder everyone had given up on him.

But Bella was stubborn – it had gotten her into trouble more times than she could count and this situation looked like it was pretty much vying for first on the long list.

"I wanted to answer your question," she told him. Stopping six feet from him – and just out of arms reach.

She let that cryptic claim hang in the air, seeing if it piqued his curiosity. She saw the muscles jump and shudder in his traps. Jacob had always been stubborn too.

Bella wrapped her arms around herself, and then shifted on her feet, and shoved them brusquely in her pockets.

"You said you wanted me to love you enough to take a chance," she began quietly. "Well, I _did_." She paused, drawing in a breath as her eyes wandered away from that stoic back.

"But I was _also_ an idiotic little girl who had a whole bunch of fucking issues," she sniffed a humorless laugh. "I fucked up. I admit it. And you can keep making me pay for the past or forgive me and move on."

She stopped there and her eyes returned to those broad shoulders - his long braid hanging down the trench of his spine. The dim light folded into the lines of his back making him look like he was sketched in charcoal.

"Look at me," she demanded quietly.

Every muscle seemed to jump and then calcify into stone. For a moment, Bella thought maybe she'd overstepped her bounds and he'd just leave, but then he looked over his shoulder with a stale coffee grounds smile that was resentful and nasty. His body followed deliberately after with crisp, controlled movements like he was a bungee cord that was stretched to the limit. One wrong word and he could snap.

He effortlessly flayed her with a blink and then gutted her with dagger eyes.

But Bella was already ready to bleed out. She took a steeling breath and soldiered on.

"As far as I can see everyone's given up on you," she told him quietly and then clamped her lips shut over the buckling in her throat. She would _not_ cry.

Swallowing she continued quietly, measuring her words so the rest didn't leak out. "They think you're so broken that you'll never be right again."

"They're so fuckin' right," he spat from that wooden smirk.

Bella shook her head with a little laugh to herself. "You told me once that you'd never stop fighting for me until my heart stopped beating," she whispered. "So who's the liar?"

She'd finally hit a nerve he actually felt, she could tell. The twist to his lips stayed the same but micro-expressions ticked around his face like jumping fleas. His nostrils flared subtly.

"Guess what? My turn." Bella took a step forward, pulling her hands from her pockets and fisting them at her sides. "_I'm_ not going to stop fighting, Jacob. I'm not going to give up… even if you have."

With a cocky cant of her head that covered up how her insides were trembling and sirens were blaring in her head, she took another step closer. His body was trembling like he was fighting to keep from either turning tail or lunging.

"I do lo-…" she stopped herself and then gave him her own bitter smirk. Oh yeah, he'd said never to say that again. "_Care about you deeply_," she twisted the words sarcastically. "Enough to take a chance." Her fingernails were digging into the heels of her hands – she felt like she was tinkering with a bomb.

She was.

Like she did with Leah she tried to shore him up. "And you're a _real fucking asshole_ right now," she bit out, with a lift of her chin. The ploy seemed to work and that crooked smile deepened.

"But I'm willing to take a chance that you're still in there somewhere," she hissed taking another step. "Or go down with you straight to fucking hell."

She was close enough to see his eyes dart between hers.

Bella uncurled each finger of each fist while she stared right back. "You _asked_ me," she whispered. "How the _fuck_ you could trust me."

That smirk twisted into his face. "Five minutes is up," he hissed, and then whipped around.

Long brusque strides carried him across the lawn.

"This is how!" she yelled after him. "I want you to mark me!"

He jerked to a halt so abruptly his body quivered like an arrow hitting its mark.

Bella squared her shoulders, chin lifting with resolve. "I'm asking you to mark me, Jacob."

It was like she'd doused him with some kind of potent accelerant. Those fine tremors lunged into quakes as he fisted is hands at his sides. Suddenly the muscles down his back were jumping and twisting independent of one other like there was a swarm of something ghastly crawling under his skin. He threw his head back with a bellow of pain.

Then his body suddenly seemed to bow, making him double over like every tendon contracted.

"Jake," Bella gasped, running across the lawn and not really knowing what the hell to do.

"Stay back!" he rasped as he hunched in on himself with a retching moan.

Keeping a good 15 feet away, Bella circled him with horror widening her eyes. Jacob fell heavily to his knees, gagging with pain.

"Oh, God, Jake," she whimpered as she dropped to her knees too and pushed forward on her hands, trying to see his face.

He curled in on himself, elbows in, hands clawing into the top of his head while he continued to violently shudder and groan.

Oh, God, what had she done to him?

Tears were streaming down her face as she watched helplessly while he shivered and convulsed like he was vomiting and then swallowing it back down.

And then it stopped.

Just like he'd been electrocuted and the plug had been pulled, his muscles locked crisply into place.

She could hear his heaving breath over the thrum of blood in her ears and her own hitching gasps. Around them, the night seeped in, blithe and oblivious like water filling in the cracks.

Bella was still on hands and knees, her fingers digging into the dirt. "Jacob?" she breathed.

His head snapped up and she gasped, jerking back to sit on her heels.

His face was the same - hard and expressionless. But his eyes were an incandescent gold.

They blinked once and then darted over their surroundings like fireflies. Slowly he sat up, moving loose and liquid like honey and pulling his big body up until he was balanced on his knuckles and the balls of his feet.

Her breath fluttering over her lips like paper, Bella didn't dare move a muscle.

Those uncanny eyes made their rounds, burning intensity scorching their surroundings, before they slipped back to her. Bella bit her lip so hard she tasted blood under the weight of that searing stare. Jacob's nostrils stretched wide and then he cocked his head in that crisp lupine way that belonged to both forms.

Without warning he sprang from the ground in a movement so quicksilver fast, that the shriek was just cresting her lips when he fell to a silent crouch in front of her like a throw of silk.

Bella couldn't help it, she cowered back, every muscle trembling while she braced her hands behind her in the grass. Up close those eyes were even stranger – set into the man's face, they were undeniably all wolf. With only corners of visible white they were huge and ringed by black, the unnatural lucent gold of his irises framing yawning pupils.

Suddenly it clicked.

With jerking movements that were pulled taut by fear, she sat up and snapped her chin down to her chest and lowered her eyes like she'd learned to do.

Somehow he was far more frightening in this skin. Shivering uncontrollably she stayed frozen, eyes glued to her knees while her arms wound around her stomach trying to keep herself from shaking apart.

She heard soft sniffs and then felt his heat spill over her cheek as he leaned in and took a long deep breath. Jacob pulled himself closer still, leaning into her hair and nuzzling the strands so lightly she barely felt it. That same low soothing lupine rumble that comforted her nights rose in the man's chest as he snuffled over her cheek and then under her jaw. He rooted into her neck, warm skin-to-skin siphoning off the shivers, and then nudged her chin up with the bridge of his nose.

Bella lifted her face timidly and met those inhuman eyes. They stared back at her for several breaths, blinking slowly, then they darted over her face with a crisp intensity like he was memorizing every pore. At the same time, his palms slowly skimmed up her clothed arms and then ghosted over her shoulders while Bella tried not to breathe.

His fingers tiptoed over either side of her neck, barely brushing her skin with calloused pads. While his eyes continued to flit over her features, one hand slithered around to the nape of her neck and wound into her hair. He didn't meet her eyes, while he slowly tugged her head to the side.

Bella submitted, watching his expressionless face as those luminescent eyes spilled down her neck. She tried not to move while he leaned in until all she could see was his ebony hair. He sniffed delicately up her racing pulse, so close that she could feel the moist warmth of his breath bathing her skin.

Then, holding her firmly by the hair, he leaned in closer and rubbed his jaw over hers.

Slow, sensual he dragged the prickle and silk of his cheek over hers in a way that was somehow cherishing and erotic at the same time. That soothing croon poured over her like warm sand. Bella's body lit in a contented hum at the touch and she leaned into him, nuzzling him back. There was a yearning, a deep empty longing to his movements and an unbidden sadness rose like a burn in her chest.

While he continued to nuzzle her, pressing his nose under her jaw and drawing in long breaths of her scent, his hand released her hair and both of palms ghosted down her back to rest on her shoulder blades. Bella's arms tentatively unwound from her middle and her hands lifted to his bulky shoulders.

"Oh, Jacob," she breathed, sorrow and longing weeping from the words.

He pulled back with that cant of his head that looked curious even in this form.

With a sad smile, her hands slowly rose to his face while his eyes stayed locked in hers. Her trembling fingers crept up his cheeks and skimmed over each high cheekbone while her eyes drank him in. The anger and harshness had melted away into an expressionless slate that was fierce and feral, undeniably regal and as handsome as the day is long.

"Hey," she whispered. Those big luminescent eyes blinked slowly.

Keeping her movements calm and relaxed, she sat up from her heels, drawing closer to him until they were nose to nose.

"Mmm," she sighed as her eyes closed softly and she dragged the tip of her nose up one side of his broad bridge and then back down again, breathing in his sweet breath.

Her eyes blinked lazily open, crossing with the closeness, to find him watching her intently.

"Love you," she whispered, leaning in to place a soft lingering kiss on lax lips that didn't respond. Pulling back with the intimate smack of skin to skin, she smiled.

The expression on Jacob's face was serious but soft, he was completely in this moment and no other. His gaze washed over her face with something very different from affection. It was deep, abiding - stone that flowed like water.

Watching her carefully, he leaned down slowly and touched his nose to her cheek. He dragged it back and forth, languid and sultry while that low lupine purr bubbled up in his chest.

His hands were still resting on her shoulder blades –a loose awkward embrace like he wasn't entirely comfortable in this skin. Bella suppose that was about right. But still this Jacob seemed more human than the wolf, no matter what his skin. Was the man in there anywhere, or was this only the full incarnation of the supernatural spirit that inhabited his soul? Were they really so separate or were they part of one another? It was confusing if she thought about it, so she didn't and just took each moment as it came. She'd take whatever he could give her.

Eyes closed, Jacob sat back , pulling a deep luxuriant draw of her scent with him. His face looked relaxed and _finally_ she could see remnants of the boy she had known - rooted into his very soul. He was in there somewhere.

Her fingers had been resting at his jaw, but now they crept up to smooth back the silky hair over his temple, first one side and then the other.

At her touch, eyes snapped open, alert and intense.

"Jacob," she breathed, gazing into eyes of prismatic gold. "I'm yours."

His brows jumped together and Bella smoothed a finger between them with a sentimental smile.

He leaned in again and buried his face in her neck for a moment. Then his tongue came out to taste. Smearing parted lips down her pulse. He seemed to lose himself surveying her skin, lapping in the hollow of her throat, pulling lax lips over her throat.

Bella let her head fall back with a sigh as the energy between them shifted. He suckled over her collar bone hard enough to leave blushing marks along the way as his hands slipped around over her arms.

An abrupt jerk and sound of ripping cloth, made Bella's eyes pop open as she tried to jump back in surprise. He caught her in her shirt with those lightning reflexes, his eyes snapping up to hers.

Her gaze washed over his face tense, alert and trying to understand. She tried again to sit back, tugging at the cloth still in his hands but he refused to let her go. Eventually her hand had to come up gently over his, prying the shirt from his fingers.

Just an heedless yank of that strength had ripped it clear down one side, exposing her breast, but it didn't matter. Bowing her head, she sat back as she reached down to the hem. Then she pulled it over her head and shook out her hair.

Jacob's hands returned immediately to her bare skin, skating from her waist up her sides as she pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it aside.

When she looked back up, she found a very different expression: desire.

No, not desire.

_Hunger_.

The intensity of that need was a little bit frightening and Bella tucked her chin, feeling suddenly unsure.

Jacob didn't seem to notice – his attention was consumed by her body. He leaned in, pulling her closer with absent hands when she tried shy away. He rubbed his cheek over her jaw and down her neck, nuzzling and inhaling while that purr started roughening like static. A hot tongue lapped up her neck, spilling chill bumps down her spine and Bella shivered - the rumble in his chest was definitely transforming.

It was a soft growl that dragged with an ardent mouth over her shoulder while his teeth grazed her skin. Oblivious to her mind's unease, her body reacted with a flood of heat. Bella gasped at the deluge as her head lolled to the side in submission to the fervent play of his lips and teeth.

Jacob's big hands slipped to her sides, wrapping around her rib cage and he effortlessly picked her up into the survey of tongue and full lips. He lapped over a nipple and Bella arched back with an impassioned moan. That growl deepened and he nipped at her breast, the sharp pain sending an erotic starburst outward like sparks.

She whimpered and he did it again… and then again. Fiery nips hemmed down her torso followed by a laving tongue and his cool hitching breath while she writhed in sensual overwhelm in his hands. Soft whining sounds pooled in the back of his throat as his movements became more and more fervid, exploring every inch of her torso while strong hands lifted her to his mouth like she weighed nothing.

The pressure building inside her was crushing. Bella threw her head back, yanking her breath into her lungs while he made his way up the other side. "Jake," she whimpered.

She was drowning.

Over her collarbone he marked her with demanding teeth, prickling pain followed by restorative tongue up to where he took the entire side of her neck into his mouth. He scraped her skin with teeth that felt pointed and strange and then suckled so hard she saw stars.

Releasing her neck, his arms wound around her, slowly tightening as he rose to his knees and pulled her body flush against his chest. She moaned in delirium at the sensation of skin on skin – every millimeter felt like it was fusing with fire.

Fervent arms pinned her body to his while Jacob ground his cheek into her temple. He took her ear into the side of his mouth and lazily scraped it with his teeth in contrast to the way those soft grunts and whines became more urgent.

Bella was lost.

Pleasure and pain circled one another, pushing desire ever higher. She was swaddled so tightly in erotic intensity that she was suffocating. Her nails dug in to his shoulders, not know whether she wanted to push him away or pull him inside her skin.

While Jacob turned into her cheek, nuzzling ardently Bella's breath raced along with her heart. She felt trapped – by her desire, by his arms, by the swirling currents of lust, magic and madness that were dragging her down like an undertow.

But like an answer to her prayer, his arms were loosening, his big hands sliding around to her sides while he continued to rub parted lips over her jaw, suckling and lapping.

Then he turned her around.

The loss of heat and contact was shocking. Gasping in a whooping breath, she crawled out of his lap over the grass, fleeing the overwhelm and guzzling down sanity along with the night air.

But she was caught her by her shorts and pulled back with casual strength, her fingers ripping through the grass. With a jerk and the sound of rending cloth, she felt cool air rush in as denim was ripped from her skin like it was the consistency of wet cardboard.

Bella panicked.

Running on instinct in her fear, she scrabbled across the grass on frantic hands and knees. Her breath was heaving and pitching like stormy high seas while blood pounded like the surf.

A fist dove into her hair pulling her up short with a cry of pain that caught painfully in her throat.

Then a hot lazy tongue lapped up the trench of her spine while a soothing lupine croon wrapped around her along with the burly arm that wound around her waist. With touch came the anodyne spell of the imprint. It seeped into the anxiety and softened the terror, making her relax instantly like she'd been injected with some sedative drug.

Seeming content now that she was submitting, that hand released her hair as Jacob's lips dragged over the small of her back with luxuriant sensuality while his palm smoothed down her side over the swell of her hip.

Still braced on both hands and knees, Bella wilted under his ministrations but he held her up effortlessly with that strong arm. Her head hung limply while her breath slowed and her eyes drifted closed.

That hand slipped up her side to ghost over the back of her head before gathering her hair and pushing it over one shoulder. Rubbing his face back and forth over her skin, that croon comforted and his halcyon touch soothed away any lingering sting from his teeth.

Breath hitching unevenly, Bella felt his chest slide over her back, satin on silk, and her eyes popped open just as he caught himself on a hand beside hers in the grass. He rearranged his arm around her, the hand slipping up from around her waist to hook over her shoulder while a knee pushed between hers, nudging one to the side and then the other.

Pulling her soundly up into his chest, his jaw bumped in petition against her head. She automatically lifted it, searching for the comfort of his cheek against hers. Jacob rubbed his jaw over her cheekbone, sensually back and forth, the warm prickle of stubble catching in her hair and setting her nerves on fire.

And then he pushed inside her.

She tensed with a sharp intake of breath, but her body was wet and ready. Her gasp of surprise exited in a hiss of pleasure as he filled her in three brusque strokes.

All anxiety and resistance evaporated in the heat that exploded in her belly like Molotov cocktail. It set her blood on fire and Bella's hands dug into the grass with a soft moan.

Braced on one arm and holding her tightly against his chest, Jacob began moving, pumping his hips against her ass with soft grunts in her ear. She arched back into him to take more, pressing her head against his shoulder with a throaty groan.

He answered her in a soft growl and like a runaway train, the rhythm quickly built. Each thrust of his hips stoked the heat higher and pushed soft cries over her lips. As pleasure overtook her, her elbows started to buckle, but it didn't matter. Jacob held her tight against his straining chest.

His fingers dug into her shoulders as he pounded into her harder and harder, his breath rasping in her ear while a low growl trolled the deep. Bella's cries grew hoarse and gravelly as she started disintegrating in his hands - he was pulling her up and up.

Still the pitch grew more fevered and fervent, punctuated by the sound of slapping flesh and black pepper growls.

It was too much!

Her shriek shattered on the stars and she was tumbling from the sky, caught in a suffocating freefall of pleasure so intense it danced on the razor's edge of pain.

A guttural grunt punctuated a final bruising slam at the same time jagged pain tore into her shoulder

Bella's throat was gouged by her scream as another blistering wave of fire pulled her out like a riptide, singeing her synapses until all she could do was surrender and float away.

Into blessed darkness.

'

Consciousness flared in heartbeat snatches, like a strobe:

_Wrapped in arms with soft whines pooling around her and spilling over her shoulder with pain and a laving warmth._

_Cool soft grass and frantic hands gently shaking her face back and forth. "Honey." Her eyes listed over a blurry face as she floated through whispered words: "Oh, God, I'm sorry."_

_Cradled in warm silk, rocking way up high and turning with a whimper into a sweat-slicked shoulder. "Shh."_

_Cold and wet on a shoulder burning with pain. Her cries were answered by a calloused touch caressing like a whisper over her cheek. "S'okay Bells." _

'

'

Bella jerked in a breath through her nose as her eyes popped open to soft light. She blinked soundly several times – they felt dry and burning. She snapped them closed, trying to get her bearings. As consciousness seeped in, so did the pain… and memory.

With a sniffle, she stiffly turned her heavy head and lifted eyelids that weighed a hundred pounds. She froze, struggling to blink the blurred image into focus.

Jacob was sitting in a chair beside her, elbows propped on his knees with his face in his palms. Dressed now, his hair was still messy, escaping in a halo around his head from the long braid lying over his shoulder like a snake.

Drawing in a breath he looked up with still dark eyes set in stone.

She silently returned his stare.

He closed his eyes soundly for a moment, the lashes flipping up from his cheeks and his Adam's apple bobbed with his swallow. Finally, with a long slow exhale, he again met her gaze. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

She didn't want to lie so she didn't say anything.

Elbows on his knees he pressed his palms together and lifted his hands up to rest against his lips.

For several long minutes he watched her in silence, his gaze pacing from one eye and then to the other. The hum of crickets filtered through the window and somewhere in this house there was the creak of wood.

Lacing his fingers, Jacob lowered his hands.

For just a moment, his eyes were raw oozing wells down to a battered soul. His brow pinched as his head canted. "_What did you do_?" he breathed, agony stretching the words thin and tight.

She held that gaze for a heartbeat longer, then Bella's eyes listed away from him. She didn't have the strength for rhetorical questions. In that moment she felt hollow – like she'd been gutted by flame. Inside her soul, it smoldered still. She just wanted to sleep.

Jacob hashed a breath through his teeth and her eyes staggered to where he sat up, brusquely rubbing his face with his palms. Slapping them down to his thighs, that steel curtain slipped back over his face as his eyes found hers.

Jacob stood up, holding her gaze. "This doesn't change anything," he whispered.

Bella watched him for a moment with tired eyes. She had nothing more to give.

"Okay, Jacob," she mouthed silently then she let her eyes drift closed, back to that comforting darkness.

It was silent for seconds or hours, she didn't really know or care. Then she heard the door open and Jacob speak to someone out in the hall.

"She's got a fever," he murmured. "Call Tiffany if you need to."

And then he was gone.

She could feel it – a tug on the tender swollen quick of her heart.

Whispers rushed in the hallway and then the door closed quietly. The squeak of floorboards heralded the hesitant rustle of cloth. A cool hand slipped gently over her forehead.

Bella's eyes blinked open to a face she hadn't seen in over eight years. The woman smiled with half of her face, but the immobile side was closer to the expression in her worried eyes.

"Do you remember me, Bella?" she asked softly, pulling the chair closer to the bedside with the scrape of wood. "I'm Emily."

"Yeah," Bella whispered. "I remember." And then she closed her eyes.

'

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_Review if you like._


	4. Part IV - Pack

_All_ your notes make me happy.

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_As always, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

'

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* * *

**Part IV**

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'

Water sluiced over Bella's face as she tipped her head up to the shower's spray. It trickled down her hair and jangled lazily against the fiberglass shower. She shook her head slowly back and forth, enjoying the feel of heated water burning off the thick stale layer of four comatose days steeped in fever and hopelessness.

Mr. Phelps could certainly take lessons from Sam and Emily's water heater.

She groaned softly as everything peeled away for just a few blissful moments, leaving nothing but clean flushed skin and a moment without care. But slowly cold hard reality crept back in. As their heater started giving out under an inordinately long escape, Bella jerked the hand off in chagrin before squeegeeing water from her face. Gathering her hair, she wrung it out, listening to the water patter against the shower with tonal percussion.

With a sigh, she opened her eyes to a bathroom she'd been in once in her life before this week. It was a small, functional room – the downstairs lavatory that served also as the bath for the guest room.

It had been Bella's room for the last four days.

She still wasn't sure where she'd waked up first after marking – it hadn't been at Sam and Emily's. She assumed it had to be Jacob's house, but she hadn't asked. She knew she'd been moved here after Tiffany had examined her, but Bella remembered very little from the first two days. Apparently the binding of souls took its physical toll.

So, swimming in an unnatural high fever - that didn't respond to any human medicine of course - she'd drifted in and out of consciousness. She could recall snatches of memories – drinking water, being carried by Seth and then propped between Emily and Kim in the bathroom, a parade of blurry faces drifting in and out of view… none of it had mattered.

None of them had been Jacob.

With a sigh she opened the little door to the shower and pulled a towel off the rack. It was always strange to use someone else's towel. Shampoo. Bathroom. And it made her feel even more disassociated than she already felt.

Bella felt so alone.

Patting her face with clean terrycloth she started drying off, trying to reconnect with her own body at least. She'd known all that she'd be risking and wouldn't allow herself regret.

But she was disappointed.

And afraid.

She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, drawing breath slowly into her lungs and trying to tame her heart that was being whipped into a sprint by anxiety. Deciding to focus on the physical and leave the rest for another time, she started drying off. She rubbed her skin briskly, its complexion blushing under her fervor. As she did so, she examined a body who's bruising and abrasions from that fervent night had disappeared under her pale skin in record time – supernatural time.

At least there was some benefit.

Bella wrapped the towel around her breasts and stooped to pick up the tee shirt of Jacob's that had been her only article of clothing since that night – the rest had been torn away by his hands. It had been a frightening experience: raw, feral, so passionate that it was suffocating and far too rough for Bella's human sensibilities. But still, strangely enough, Jacob's _hands_ had been gentle. They'd reminded her of the boy she'd known.

She was starting to come to terms with the fact she'd never see him again.

She pulled open the door to the bathroom on a hallway she didn't know. Blinking, she headed down to the guest room.

"Bella?"

Clutching the shirt to her chest, Bella turned to find Emily striding toward her with a warm smile. She had been so giving and kind these last days. Bella felt bad for imposing on her like this.

"How about these?" she asked, holding out an anonymous handful of clothes. "I'm so much bigger but these might fit."

She stopped just in front of her and, like it was a magnet and her eyes made of steel, Emily's attention snapped down to Bella's shoulder where they stayed for a moment while rapid blinks tried to shake her free.

Hitching up an uncomfortable shoulder, Bella pulled her hair over it. The woman's eyes darted down to the floor while a blush charged to Bella's cheeks.

Emily's gaze returned to hers. "I'm sorry," said quietly, and then cleared her throat. "It looks like it's healed along with everything else."

Bella nodded silently.

Emily drew in a breath and then huffed it out of a smile. "Here," she tried again, offering the clothes and obviously trying to reset. "Come out when you're ready – there's breakfast…"

"Thanks," Bella whispered taking the clothes. Then she turned and nearly sprinted for the safety of what little was familiar: 'her' room.

Bella closed the door behind her by leaning her shoulder against it and for a moment, she just rested her temple against the cool wood. She felt so incredibly… lost.

But she had to keep on going.

Sucking in a breath she pushed off the door and tossed the clothes on the bed, sitting heavily on the edge and bouncing a few times. She picked up the brush that had bounced into her thigh and bowed her head over it, idly turning it over and then tracing a hand over the butterfly imprint on the wooden back.

_She just had to keep going. _

With another heavy sigh, she pulled the rest of her hair over her shoulder and started pulling the bristles through it. Brushing her hair reminded her of the wolf. That was probably part of why she felt so discombobulated; she hadn't seen him in four days… well, five, technically, if she was talking fur. Those comforting nights had been the only glue that had held her together this last month.

She wondered if they'd be any different now.

Suddenly Bella's stomach twisted in a knot and she bolted upright. Maybe he wouldn't come! She hadn't thought of that – maybe now that he was secure in his ownership, he'd just go off about his wolfy business and stop hanging around. It was what men did anyway, as far as she could tell.

She burst to her feet with the anxiety that theory produced. Why hadn't he come while she was here? Why hadn't Jacob come?

Oh, God!

Tears surged to her eyes with amazing ease. They ran silently down her face for several minutes while her mind spun out.

She caught her reflection in the mirror over the dresser and it slapped her back into her body for a moment. She looked devastated, gaunt… pitiful. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and her shoulders were hitching as she tried to suppress her sobs. With a sniffle, she wiped under her nose with the back of her hand and walked closer.

The healthy glow she'd worked so hard for had all but evaporated in four foodless days in a semi-coma and she had circles under eyes that looked haunted. Setting the brush down on the dresser, she smeared her middle fingers under each eye, wiping away tears and trying to press that darkness back under her skin.

Slowly – almost fearfully – her eyes drifted down to her shoulder. Biting her lip, she pulled her hair around to the other side while she held her breath.

Then she just stared.

For a girl who'd never been the type for piercings, tattoos or body art, it was pretty dramatic. A semi-circle of dark raised scars was sitting boldly over the muscle between her neck and shoulder. About the width of Jacob's human mouth, it was the imprint of lupine teeth and it looked like a chain of pearls: two larger canine circles were strung neatly together by an equidistant crescent of smaller points.

Chain was about right.

Her hand reached up tentatively to explore the wine-colored scars. But just the light brush of her fingertips over them and she swooned with the sparking flood of tingles. Bella caught herself against the dresser with a hiss. It was like every nerve in her body was connected to that ring of scars.

_Holy shit._

Blinking rapidly, she raised a cautious hand to brush experimentally over the back of her shoulder. Her vow was written in braille and an identical crescent of scars strung over her trapezoid. Even a whisper touch made her senses reel. She snatched her hand away and snapped it down to brace with the other on the solid dresser.

She stared back at her wide eyes in the mirror.

_How the hell was she going to be able to wear anything over this? She'd be tweaking all day. _It was the first thing her jumbled mind came up with. The rest was simply too terrifying.

She felt so _incredibly vulnerable_…

And alone.

Squeezing her eyes closed, she hung her head for a moment. She'd _said_ she wanted to save him and stand beside him, even if it meant going straight to hell.

The reality of it was far more terrifying than she'd imagined.

Bella wanted to hide. She craved a good stiff drink, full pack of cigarettes and solitude. Even if just for a few hours of escape who's denominator would be disproportionate in its misery.

Drawing a breath through her teeth, she lifted her head and met her own gaze.

"Just get out of here," she whispered. "Then you can fall apart."

She didn't like the look in her eyes, but she also didn't have the coping mechanisms to deal with this emptiness. With this loneliness. With this famished yearning. It was the same bottomless hole she'd been trying to fill for eight years – exacerbated to the extreme because she was now connected to, but deprived of the only thing that could make her whole.

_Oh, God… Leah had been right._ She didn't have the strength for this! She clapped both hands over her face to try to press back tears – she couldn't afford to lose even those or she'd implode for sure.

"C'mon, Bella," she mumbled into the heels of her hands. "Just half an hour and you'll be home."

Sniffling juicily, she rubbed the tears back into her skin and then pulled her hands away and snatched up the brush. She turned from the mirror and pulled her hair over her unblemished shoulder and started pulling the bristles through her tangled curls.

When she had it passable, she tossed the brush on the bed and then untucked the towel and let it fall to the floor as she picked up the clothes Emily had given her: a sundress, cardigan, and some underwear. Emily was tall and shapely, like Leah had been even pre-Phase, and she supposed none of her pants would fit.

Sucking in a steeling breath, Bella slipped into the dress, gritting her teeth in preparation as she settled the cloth spaghetti strap over the scars.

_Nothing_.

With a frown, she repositioned the strap and then – what the hell – dragged it across the bite, feeling the cloth hop over the raised bumps. It just felt like any regular scar would (which was nerveless from the thickening of skin).

Her fingers slipped back up to touch them and a sensual zing boomeranged through her body, making her catch her breath.

"It must be only sensitive to skin on skin?" she guessed out loud, craning her neck down to try and see it. It just made her eyes cramp.

"I guess thank God for small mercies, huh?" she snorted to herself as she straightened the dress and then stepped into the underwear. She pulled on the cardigan and turned around to the mirror, futilely rearranging it on her shoulder. It covered most of it, but with its placement, coloring and her fair fucking skin, it wouldn't be hidden unless she was wearing a turtle neck or polo. She pulled her wet hair over her shoulder, teasing it and positioning it just right –where it wouldn't stay for five seconds.

With a huff and defeated slump of her shoulders, she turned to strip the bed. Someone had brought her bag in from the car (that they must have brought that too- she had no idea how she'd gotten here) and she stuffed Jacob's shirt into it…

_Just because_.

The single high school shirt she had of his was getting threadbare and… hell, if she was stuck with him for life, she should be able to admit she liked sleeping in his shirts. She wondered if he'd give her another one when this one wore out.

Or even the opportunity to ask.

Again Bella's shoulders bowed as she gathered the sheets to her chest. She felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster. She'd just start to pull out of the nose dive with a little of her old sarcastic self only to plummet again. Maybe she should just troll the depths and be safe- she was a pro at that anyway.

Slinging her backpack over her shoulder she did a quick scan of the neat little room, took a steeling breath and then pulled the door open.

A long quiet hall greeted her and Bella slowly shuffled her way down it, not knowing what to expect.

The big living room was empty but there was noise coming from the kitchen. Bella headed toward it, pulling her lip into her mouth and not really giving a fuck if it was a supposed obsolete habit or not.

She stopped in the open doorway of the Uleys' big bright kitchen. Her stomach turned in and tried to eat itself over the savory smell. With well-worn countertops, children's drawings on the refrigerator, flowerpots on the window sill over the sink: this was the kind of kitchen she'd always dreamed of. She'd always had simple dreams – she didn't know how she'd allowed Edward to suck her into his materialist world.

Bella shook her head brusquely. Jeezis… a little depression was all it took to bring _all_ the ghosts of Christmases past knocking at her door.

_Just get out of here, then you can fall apart,_ she reminded herself.

Emily was pulling a kettle off the burner. She turned around and stopped, meeting her eyes with a smile that looked welcoming – even though Bella knew she was public enemy number one in the Pack.

"I'll take those," Emily announced, crossing the room and wiping her hands on an actual apron tied around her hips. She took the linens from her hands and then surveyed her quickly. "That actually looks cute," she smiled kindly into her eyes.

Bella nodded, her gaze falling uncomfortably while she chewed the fuck out of her lip.

"Make yourself comfortable Bella," she told her. "Let me just throw these in the wash."

She looked back up to see Emily hustling off to the laundry room on the far side of the kitchen.

"I should get going," Bella called after her. "I really don't know how to thank you for -…"

"No you don't!" she snapped. Emily tossed the linens into the room and turned around abruptly with her hands on her hips.

Bella drew the safety of her lip back into her mouth – she really didn't have the strength or grounding to figure out why she was so angry. She just wanted to leave.

"You are _not_ leaving until you've had breakfast," Emily told her, giving her no room to object as she crossed back with a crumpled brow and searching eyes. "And I really wish you'd stay this afternoon too."

Bella blinked, surprised – before she realized it was probably to make sure she wasn't going to keel over and cause an accident on the way home. She'd just spent four days practically comatose after all.

When she reached where Bella was frozen stock still, shoulders hunched, hand gripping her backpack with white knuckles and basically holding herself together by a thread, Emily's hand reached out to her shoulder.

"Come sit down, sister," she murmured looking into her eyes with concern.

Bella realized they were tearing.

_Damn it._

Sniffling, she tucked her head and turned to the huge long table that ran the length of the room that brought back old memories.

Emily left her hand on her shoulder blade as she guided her to the end of the table and waited until she'd put her backpack down and slipped onto the bench.

"Sorry," Bella mumbled miserably, bowing her head and wiping away a defecting tear.

"Hush," Emily whispered, a hand ghosting lightly over the back of her head before she turned back to her kitchen.

She turned on an MP3 player with some kind of airy Celtic music queued up and went about whatever she was doing - subtly giving Bella privacy to fucking get herself together. Nothing like acting like a baby to enrich her already rich reputation with the Pack.

Bella propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin on the heels of her hands while she pressed her fingers over her eyes. She was an absolute wreck.

She stayed there hunched at the long wooden table, submerged in flutes, female vocals and the gentle clink of metal on ceramic, trying to figure out how she could extricate herself without being unforgivably rude. But she couldn't stay – there was no way she was going to be able to hold things together in front of people.

There was a soft clatter on the table and Bella rubbed her fingers over her temples before sitting up. Her vision cleared to the sight of a plate of eggs and home-fried potatoes and a cup of steaming tea.

It smelled absolutely amazing – Bella's stomach agreed with a wolvish growl.

Bella looked up to see Emily crossing wordlessly back to the counter. She watched her grab another plate and mug and ferry them to the table. Setting them at the place opposite hers, Emily slid into the seat without even looking up.

"I hope you like tea," she said casually as she picked up the little paper square hanging over the side of the mug and dipped it in the steaming water. "This is Jasmine Green and it's my favorite when I'm feeling down." Her eyes ventured up and she offered Bella a small smile.

Bella couldn't help but return it, but the tender sentiment made her teary again. She quickly returned her eyes to her own tea and pulled it closer.

"Thank you," she whispered as she picked up the string and dipped it just like Emily had done. It smelled delicate and floral.

"You're still vegetarian?" Emily asked conversationally, picking up her fork and using it to cut a piece of egg.

"Pseudo-kinda," Bella sniffed. She just didn't like meat that much.

But damn, was she hungry. Picking up her own fork, she cut a chunk of potato in half and ferried it to her mouth.

It was fucking scrumptious.

In fact soon she was staring down at nearly an empty plate with no memory of eating whatsoever. She looked up at Emily who was still busily trying to ignore her and picking away at a much daintier pace with her own plate.

"Guess I was hungry," Bella sniffed, embarrassed. "It was really good. As usual."

Emily looked up with an earnest smile that had worry lurking in the corners. "You haven't eaten for _four days_, Bella," she said quietly.

Licking her lips uncomfortably, Bella slipped her hands around her tea, letting the heat seep into her palms for a moment. She lifted it to her lips and took a sip – it was soothing and floral sweet and perfect. Inhaling the steam she let her eyes flutter closed as she took another sip then set it back down savoring the taste on her tongue.

"Like it?"

Bella looked up to unguarded pleasure in Emily's eyes.

She nodded shyly and then picked up her fork again. She pushed some of the remaining potatoes around the plate restlessly for a moment. She didn't think she could eat any more now that her emotions had caught up to her stomach's sprint.

"Sam said it was a lot like it is for them before they Phase."

Her eyes snapped up to Emily's sober expression.

Bella would have been happy to pretend like nothing had happened and go home, but apparently her host had other ideas.

Holding her gaze a moment longer, Emily returned her eyes to her plate and cut a piece of potato. "The fever, the shakes, the pain… " she continued quietly. "We were worried."

Bella put her fork down and pushed her plate to the side, pulling her tea in front of her.

"No one's ever been marked in memory," Emily whispered, spearing the food with her fork and looking up. "Not in Ephraim's time either." She delicately popped the bite in her mouth and chewed while she watched her.

Bella's eyes dropped to where her hands were wrapping around her mug – she felt so incredibly disoriented.

"Too bad I didn't get any of the height," she murmured dryly and lifted the tea to her lips.

Emily barked a laugh and Bella looked up to see appreciative humor sparkling in her eyes. The woman was trying to reach out – Bella could tell - and she wouldn't lie to herself and say she didn't need the help.

It's just… she didn't have the bandwidth to be hurt again and trust was such a hard thing.

She shifted in her seat, propping both forearms on the table trying her hardest to give her overtures and chance.

Emily's body language opened in response but her face grew serious as her gaze returned to her food. She pushed it around on her plate for a moment. "I couldn't do it," she said cryptically.

Bella tipped her head and took another sip of tea.

Emily looked up, setting down her fork. "I mean, giving yourself _so completely_-…" she whispered. "Trusting someone that much… I couldn't do it."

Bella took a deep breath as her eyes darted off absently to the kids' drawings on the fridge. Emily was trying to be vulnerable to even the playing field and Bella appreciated it.

It's just…

"That was a smart choice," Bella mumbled. A knot welled in her throat and she tried to swallow it down along with the impending threat of tears.

"Bella," Emily called quietly.

She looked up with a furrowed brow.

"I admire you."

Bella searched her eyes for a moment – trying discern if it was sincere, or merely one of those things that people said because they had to.

Emily sniffed a laugh. "I mean, some of the Pack thinks you're nuts," she added lightly. "But you need to understand – everyone respects you for it," she pushed her plate aside. "We all love Jake but he's so _lost_. _Broken_. None of us know what to do to help him."

Bella sniffed a bitter laugh. "Obviously I don't either," she sighed. "He told me it doesn't change anything."

"You didn't see his eyes that night, Bella," she countered quietly. "He couldn't even look at me he was trying so hard to hold it together. In all these years, I've never seen him look like such a lost little boy."

Bella's gaze fell to the table as her mind replayed those delirious snatches memories – his endearment, her nickname, a tender touch. She'd assumed they were dreams proffered by a desperate subconscious to help her live through ...

"But he left," she breathed, deep-drill despair hemorrhaging in the words. She felt _so alone_.

"His wolf was outside your window every night," Emily whispered.

Bella's face jerked up.

"But no one's seen the man since." She picked up her tea and blew over the surface. "Not even at the garage."

Bella's eyes rolled as she shook her head in disgust. "Probably with Mason's granddaughter," she snorted.

Emily watched her for a moment over the rim of her tea and then took an unhurried sip.

"Sam took the kids today so I could talk to you about that."

Bella's eyes snapped back to the woman across the table.

"And other things," she tipped her head.

Eyes darting rapidly between her patient gaze, Bella's heart sank, not knowing whether she could bear to hear more right now.

"I'm a watcher, Bella," Emily said quietly. "And I've been watching Jake for years."

Bella was a watcher too.

"I hated him for a while, actually," she admitted with a sniff, as her gaze chased memories over the table. "I mean, _hated_ him. He almost _killed_ Sam when he took his place," her eyes returned to Bella's and there was still a spark of fear and trauma after all these years. "And Jacob didn't fight him as the wolf. He almost killed him as a man."

Bella sucked in a breath and set her tea on the table.

_"I thought he was a monster,"_ Emily whispered emphatically, each word like a dagger wrapped in silk. "I didn't even _recognize_ my Sam when they brought him home. His face… his body…" her voice broke and her eyes fluttered closed.

Bella felt like she was going to be sick.

She watched Emily drew a slow deep breath through her nose. "Even though Sam submitted, Jake still beat him to within an inch of his life," she whispered. "With his fists."

For several minutes the music was the only thing that filled the silence between them. Bella felt numb, but her heart was bucking in her chest and banging against her ribs like she was a hollow tin can. She tried to find some way to fit inside her skin while she watched Emily fight memories, her head bowing over her tea.

"But he _stopped_," Emily rasped. Clearing her throat she looked up again, her gaze oozing and glistening with pain. Without explanation she swung her feet over the bench and Bella sat up more, wondering if she was supposed to leave.

Emily sniffled and rubbed a hand down her face as she crossed the kitchen. "But now," she called quietly over her shoulder as she made her way to the counter.

"Now I think Jake did it that way because the _wolf_ would have killed him." Emily reached over and turned off the music and kitchen was plunged into silence. She turned and met Bella's eyes.

"Jake's wolf is an Alpha. Savage, focused," she told her quietly. "And a dominant wolf would kill a rival in a heartbeat without a second thought."

Bella blinked while her mind ran over the internet articles she'd red over the last few weeks to try and understand the wolf.

"So, now I understand," Emily whispered. "And I forgive him. In the end it probably saved Sam's life."

Bella's mouth suddenly felt dry. She lifted the tea again to her lips and swallowed it down along with the knot in her throat. "Seth said…" she rasped and then cleared her throat. "He said it's like Jake's split?"

Emily leaned back against the counter with a nod. "That's what Sam says too – that sometimes they can't hear him when he's phased, only the wolf."

Setting her tea down, Bella fisted her hands on the table. "Did that happen with Sam?" she ventured tentatively, wondering if this subject was off limits.

Emily seemed unperturbed and prepared. "Similar," she admitted quietly and her eyes swept the floor. "After the accident, Sam didn't want the wolf near me, but it was going crazy because it wanted to protect me all the time. The more Sam tried to control him, the more the animal turned on the man."

"What did you do?" Bella whispered, her finger tracing over the handle of the mug.

Across the kitchen, Emily looked back up in her periphery. "The only thing I could," she told her. "I tried to love the man. I would hold him all night while he fought."

"It was worse at night?" Bella asked her mug.

"Yes," Emily confirmed quietly. "Billy came to me and told me about marking, but I just couldn't do it. I was scared of the wolf and I wasn't ready to give myself to Sam like that."

Bella's gaze darted up, hearing the woman's self-derision. "I think you made the right decision, Emily," she said plainly.

Emily searched her eyes for a moment, seeming to draw comfort from her certainty. Finally she nodded and pushed off the counter. "But even after he got control," she continued. "It took a long time for Sam to come back. I think he couldn't live in his human skin - with what he'd become. With what he'd done. With what he was capable of doing."

She paused, licking her lips while she searched Bella's eyes intensely. "The hardest thing in the world," she whispered. "Is to forgive yourself."

Bella simply couldn't hold her gaze. Her eyes slipped down to her hands, wringing anxiety's invisible neck on the table. It _was_ hard to forgive yourself… Bella knew first hand.

And she thought Jacob just might too.

"But I wanted to talk to you about _Jake_, not Sam," Emily sniffed a laugh. She could hear in her tone she was trying to lighten things up a little.

Bella sat up more as her eyes raised again. "This is really helpful," she said quietly. "Leah was smart to talk to you."

Emily's smile cracked one side of her face in half. "You should hear her talk about you - she _loves_ you and I don't think I've ever met anyone she _liked_," she grinned. "So I'm guessing I'm going to adore you to pieces."

Emily was a really kind person – she was trying so hard to make her feel safe. Bella played along and flicked her eyes up theatrically as she took another sip of tea. With some food and just a few teaspoons of hope, she _was_ starting to feel a whole hell of a lot better.

"So what's with Jake?" she asked, as lightly as she could. "Leah calls him the Incredible Whoring Hulk."

Emily laughed good-naturedly as she slid back into her seat across the table.

"That's so Leah. But Jake's a tricky one," she told her slyly. "I mean, those days when I thought he was such a monster, I didn't understand why all the guys still adored him like they do. So I watched… and listened." She raised her brows shrewdly as she tipped the tea to her lips.

Bella heart flipped in her chest, desperate for any breadcrumbs to lead her to a better place.

With a soft gasp Emily set her mug down. "And this is what I think: there's no question he fell apart. He got ripped down the middle and his wolf went wild. But that heart of his controlled the damage."

Brow furrowing, Bella pushed the tea aside and propped her elbows on the table. "How," she whispered.

"Sam tells me things. Like when a new wolf Phases – and they still are, you know," she shook her head.  
"Just several months ago a fourteen year old named Toby Horn joined the pack."

"But why?" Bella frowned. "Have the Cullens-…" her voice got swallowed in emotion.

"No," Emily quickly jumped in. "They haven't been back. But there've been more leeches coming through the area – a trend, we're not sure."

Bella was still reeling from just the word Cullen. She hated Edward with a passion now – he hadn't told her! He must have gotten a sick-…

"Jake doesn't allow anyone to Phase except him," Emily interrupted Bella's increasing fury with a cryptic continuation of their conversation. Her attention snapped back to the woman across the table.

"When a new wolf phases, Jake's the _only_ one who guides him until he gets control," Emily told her intensely. "But they see the cub's memories, of course – their mind's an open book."

Emily laced her hands in front of her on the table and leaned over them. "Jacob's patient and _gentle_ with them, Bella," she said in a tense whisper. "He coaxes them along until they can control the phase and they're not scared, then he releases him to the Pack. Some of that's the Alpha in him… but a lot of it's the man," she sat back\.

"You have to watch closely because it's the little things," She continued quietly as she tapped her thumbs together. "He's fair, he never physically disciplines the young ones. He's all tough-skin, hard-lines with the guys, but he gives them what they need. Did you know that Jared stopped phasing last year?"

Bella's eyebrows jumped up as she shook her head.

"Kim got real sick after their second baby," Emily murmured. "And after she pulled through, he just wanted to leave all this junk behind and be a husband." She took a deep breath and pulled her tea into her hands while her eyes circled thoughts in the bottom of the mug.

Bella could hear the yearning in her voice – she wanted Sam to do the same thing.

"It's really hard to stop apparently. And it was Jake who sat with him 24/7 for…" she pursed her lips as she shook her head slowly. "Like, two weeks?" She looked up. "Kim says Jared couldn't have done it without him."

Bella's gaze paced between her eyes, while her own mind spun off into a realm she was scared shitless to explore: hope.

"He's still in there, Bella," she whispered.

Bella watched her a little longer and then huffed out a breath. She really didn't want go down this road, because she didn't think her heart could bear it if it turned out to be another dead end. Slipping off the bench she stood up – needing to move, to keep her hands busy.

"Are you finished?" Bella asked, reaching out to her mostly empty plate as she grabbed up her own. The change in subject probably looked like abrupt enough to be psycho.

But Emily seemed to understand. She nodded. "Thanks."

Collecting the dishes, Bella carried them to the sink.

She didn't know what to think – so Jacob was making a _controlled_ descent to hell. That's what Billy had meant when he'd said he'd done right by his Pack. But while that was comforting, she was already making inroads – and had bound herself, body and soul – to the Alpha and wolf. What she was missing was the man.

Confused, Bella tried to submerge her thoughts in warm water and soap. "Do you want to keep the rest of this?" she asked over her shoulder.

Emily was slowly making her way toward the counter, tea in hand. "Just dump it – there's a scrap bin for the compost pile," she tipped her chin toward the metal container by the sink.

Bella scrapped off the left overs and then started on the sink of dishes. Emily didn't waste breath on polite _you-don't-have-to_'s, she just sidled up next to her and leaned against the cabinet. Bella appreciated that – she had a feeling she would have liked Emily too. If she'd had a chance to get to know her.

Emily took a sip of her tea and then set it down, propping her elbow on the counter, while Bella started filling one side of the stainless steel sink and picked up a dish to wash. She had such a nice kitchen – Bella had always wanted one this big – to cook for friends, to have dinner parties, a place for family.

"A woman notices things, Bella," Emily murmured.

Bella blinked and glanced at her, setting the soapy dish in her hand in the other side of the sink.

"Jake keeps things all business with the Pack," she continued quietly. "But outside…"

Bella sniffed a bitter laugh. "All pleasure." She grabbed another dish and started scrubbing it.

"Yeah, he's definitely sowing his oats but…" Emily was watching her carefully in her periphery. "There he's careful too."

_So he didn't knock anyone up… awesome._ Bella couldn't help the caustic twist of her lips, while she scrubbed the hell out of whatever was in her hands – she honestly had no idea.

"I don't know if you knew Paul well enough before Rachel whipped him into shape," she continued quickly over Bella's furious scouring.

"I know his rep and rap sheet…" Bella ground out. Same as Jacob now.

"I know right? The stuff of legends," Emily laughed. "Rache _still_ can't go to the grocery store without getting a dirty look from some girl." Her chuckles dwindled. "Paul left behind him a string of broken hearts," she sighed. "But Jake hasn't."

Bella's hand froze. "What do you mean?" she whispered.

Emily drew in a breath as she straightened and pulled the mug back in her hand. "He only… ah, _dates_ girls who know what they're getting into as far as I can see."

Bella turned to find her staring at her tea thoughtfully.

Emily took a sip and met her eye. "There was a girl who came home from college a few years back who'd had a crush on him in high school. Seth said she'd hang at the garage, still all goo-goo over Jake."

A wave of irrational jealousy broke over Bella's head like greek fire. She blinked and tried to tamp down the heat.

"But he wouldn't give her the time of day," Emily lifted a knowing brow. "She was a pretty girl, too."

Bella reached up and jerked off the water, turning a little more to her and paying rapt attention.

"Seth said sometimes a girl will stop by the garage but they're always…" she wrinkled her nose demurely as set her mug on the counter. "But he never brings them around here. I mean, the guys see him as the _Don Juan of La Push_, every girl for 100 miles falling at his feet," she drawled with a snort. "I think they kind of live vicariously through his escapades." She paused, cocking her head. "I mean, in a way, I think imprinting's hard on that macho ego. Look at Paul…" she arched a brow.

Bella could only guess… she hadn't seen him in eight years except at the party with the same damn nickname on his lips.

"He's settled down a lot, but he still talks big. Good thing Rache can deal," she sniffed. "She just thinks it's funny and give him a hard time. Sam's never really been like that… _thank God_." She widened her eyes theatrically then her brow furrowed as she grew more serious.

"But most of them go from teens, to being hot poster perfect guys with girls staring at them wherever they go, to suddenly seeing _only_ their imprint," she mused quietly. "And I think _in the end_ they're happy, but it also kind of makes them feel…"

"Pussy whipped?" Bella tipped her head.

Emily blinked, and took an embarrassed sip of tea and Bella realized she need to rein in the old mouth.

"I mean, emasculated?" she translated with a grin.

Rolling her eyes, Emily swallowed. "Yeah, sorry," she sighed. "I should be used to it with the Rache and the guys, but with two little ones, I guess I've gotten square in my old age."

Bella smiled with a shake of her head. "You have two?" she asked, wanting to talk about something else _other_ than just her own personal drama.

"Two girls – Raven and Sarsi, five and two… and another on the way," she covered her regular curvy-woman belly with a hand.

"How far are you?" Bella asked, more than ready for a switch in subject. But the combination of breakfast and this food for thought was making her feel a gazillion times better.

"Only two months," she answered with a wrinkle of her nose. "But Sam wants to stop Phasing before this one's born." She paused, lifting the mug to her lips. "He's stayed on this long because he's Jake's Second and he wants him to be more stable before he goes. So see, I have a vested interest in all this," she wiggled her brow as she took a sip.

Bella gave her a sage nod. "Ahh, not so different from Lee with your ulterior motives," she teased.

"Got me," Emily laughed and then turned serious again. "But really I just want him to be happy. They've all had so much taken from them."

With a sigh, Bella turned back to the sink. "Yeah they have." She turned the water back on and started washing. She needed time to process all this.

"But Bella," Emily reached over and turned it off again.

Bella pressed her lips together while she dropped the sponge and then turned to where Emily was watching her intensely.

"Jake may not be at a place right now to accept what you've given," her hand covered Bella's, resting on the edge of the sink. Her touch felt comforting – like a sister.

"But the _rest of us_ are here for you now," she told her emphatically. "You're part of this Pack, Bella. It's what we do – help each other. There's no way any of us would survive all the crazy nonsense otherwise."

Swallowing thickly, Bella nodded, not really sure she believed her but grateful for the sentiment. "I don't know if everyone's going to be so hot on that idea…" she muttered dryly.

Emily literally scowled, rapping her lightly on her wrist as she pulled back. "_Every single one of them_ has come through this house over these last four days," she countered hotly. "Worried sick about you."

Bella's gaze darted between Emily's flashing eyes. She licked her lips. "Everyone except Jake," she whispered.

Emily's scowl slowly slipped back into an expression that looked worried… and sad. "Bella-… " she began, but apparently there wasn't much else to say.

"Thanks, Emily," Bella saved her, cutting her off with a smile. "Let me finish these dishes and then I'll get out of your hair."

"I'd _really_ like you to stay this afternoon," Emily told her emphatically. "On Sunday we have a kind of Lupper in the middle of the afternoon."

"Lupper," Bella laughed at the word as she started washing again.

"We really just do it for the young ones now," Emily smiled along with her. "The rest of us have families and things have changed - Kim and Jared usually take the girls so I can just focus on cooking and not _mommy-mommy-mommy_…" she barked an exasperated laugh. "But you've got a reputation in the kitchen." She elbowed her slyly.

Bella smiled, secretly pleased. It had been so long since she'd really immersed herself in her hobby – she was glad she still had some kitchen-cred left.

"So I was thinking maybe you could help?" she proposed-pleaded, with a raise of her brow.

Bella glanced at her, while her thoughts tumbled over one another. She needed some time to process, but at the same time, if she went home right now, she'd probably only end up at the bottom of a bottle of rum. What she was anxiously looking forward to was this evening – and seeing if the marking did anything for her relationship with the wolf.

Or if he came at all.

Pressing her lips together, she returned to the dishes. "I don't know if I'm up for dealing with the whole Pack," she mumbled. She wasn't sure Emily knew what she was talking back in terms of her reception, and she couldn't afford any more blows right now.

"It's not the _whole_ Pack," she contended. "Usually it's just the younger ones that come – Toby, Joe, the Brothers, twins - Nebi and Elan. Sometimes Quil comes with Claire, if she's around."

Bella tucked her head as she set the soapy plate in the other side of the sink and picked up some silverware. There was really only one person she was both dreading and dying to see.

"Jake hasn't been here for one of these dinners in eight years," Emily added quietly.

Bella looked up from under her lashes at her sad smile.

"He'll come for meetings," she added. "Pack gatherings."

Nodding, Bella returned to the sink.

"Mommy!"

The child's voice was heralded by the sound of the door opening in the front of the house. Little feet pounding over the wooden floors came soon after.

"Uh oh," Emily winked. "Be prepared to be the new toy."

"Mommy we found dollars-…!"

Bella turned to seeing beautiful black-haired child in the doorway, holding up a sand dollar proudly in her chubby fist even while her eyes were pinned curiously on Bella.

The memory of that vision she'd had when Jacob had kissed her all those years ago hit her so hard that she gasped at the punch. If only she'd understood back then.

Turning off the water with a blind hand, Bella grabbed the towel from the counter while Emily crossed the room toward her daughter.

"Wow Raven, that's neat!" Emily enthused – like only a mother could. "This is Auntie Bella," She told the child while the girl continued to gape across the room.

"She wake-ted up?" she piped the obvious to her mom.

Bella smiled as she turned completely around. "Hi Raven."

Emily picked the girl up and Raven hugged her around the neck briefly before her attention returned to the stranger across the room.

Placing a kiss on her cheek, Emily brought her around the table.

"Did you go to the ocean?" Bella asked with a raised brow.

"Uh huh," Raven replied sagely. "Tide poos."

Emily met Bella's eyes with shared humor as she stopped in front of her with the child.

"Can I see?" Bella held out her hand.

The girl handed her the flat shell and then wiggled to get down. Bella squatted as Emily put her down.

"Very cool," Bella nodded, turning the sand dollar over in her hand. She shook it. "Hear that?"

Raven leaned in and Bella did it again beside her ear. Those big brown eyes widened in amazement at the rattle.

Bella suppressed a smile. "My friend Jake and I used to collect these and break them open," she told her, her heart folding in on itself with memories. She tried to ignore it. "Inside there are these little pieces that we thought looked like doves." There were little bones that dried free inside and looked like tiny birds to a child. They used to line them on the Sarah and Billy's kitchen table.

"Uncle Jay?" Raven checked.

Bella glanced up to Emily and she nodded. "Yeah Uncle Jay and I were friends when we were kids."

"But not anymore?" she asked, astutely.

Children. They always cut right to the heart of the matter. "We haven't seen each other in a long time," Bella sighed.

"Do you want to break this one open?" Emily asked quickly, changing the subject like a pro. Bella handed her the shell.

"No, I like it like this," the child told her mother – obviously opinionated about the matter.

Bella smiled as the girl turned back to her.

"You were asleep a long time, Auntie," Raven told her.

"Yeah I wasn't feeling very good," Bella scrunched up her nose.

"What's that?" With the unpredictable lightning reflexes of a child, the girl was reaching out to Bella's scar – all but forgotten on her shoulder.

She reflexively pulled back but those small fingers dragged over the bumps anyway. Emily quickly scooped her up, mouthing a silent sorry.

"Don't touch people without asking, Rae-Rae," she admonished gently.

But Bella didn't mind. It was actually enlightening (and reassuring). Her touch had felt exactly like the strap of her dress: nothing special. She didn't really want to be collapsing in a heap of tingling nerves any time someone touched her.

Bella stood up while the child continued to stare openly at her shoulder. She pulled the sweater over it uncomfortably a little more. "It's just a scar," she told her.

"A scar?" Raven asked curiously.

"Mama-mama!" a little voice called.

Emily used the distraction to turn with Raven. The girl looked over her mother's shoulder, eyes still fixated on the scar.

But Bella didn't notice. Sam Uley was standing in the doorway with a two-year old held in his dwarfing arm. He was smiling broadly.

Emily strode around the table toward them and Bella meandered along behind her. When she got close, Sam cast adoring eyes on his imprint and drew her in with his free hand. He bent down and placed lingering kisses on her scars before he drew her mouth into a tender kiss.

"Kissy kissy!" both girls shrieked and Raven threw her arms around both her parents necks, getting in on the action with a hug. It was quite possibly the cutest thing Bella had ever seen.

Sam straightened, undaunted and undistracted; he only had eyes for his wife… still. "Hey Em," he whispered and placed another kiss on her forehead.

The look in his eye was far more intimate than the kiss – it showcased such a profound affection that Bella had to look away.

"Let me get these two washed up."

Bella looked back up to Emily taking the little one on the opposite hip, while Raven chattered away to no one in particular.

"You guys are all salty," Emily teased through pouty lips, kissing the baby on the cheek.

Bella's stomach took a nose dive. "Can I help?" she called, a little bit desperately at the thought of being alone with Sam.

In fact he was crossing toward her as she spoke. "I'm glad you're better, sister," he murmured, ignoring her rigid posture and pulling her into his chest and a hug anyway.

It should have felt incredibly awkward to be wrapped in the arms of pretty much an absolute stranger, but it… didn't. It felt like she'd known him all her life. His touch was warm and soothing. Pack.

Bella relaxed like someone had snipped through all the tendons holding her muscles taut.

Sam pulled back, still with a friendly smile that she'd never seen on that sober mouth before today. But then his eyes darted down to the scar and stayed there, the curve of his lips slowly dwindling.

Emily seemed to be waiting to see how things would go between the two of them. "I'm just going to rinse them off upstairs, you can come…"

Bella took an inadvertent step back as she pulled her sweater tighter around her neck.

Sam's gaze darted back up to hers apologetically. "It pulls at us," he told her quietly, cryptically.

Frowning she hunched her shoulders.

"It's a powerful mark," he added in that deep voice. "If you don't mind I'd like to talk to you, Bella." He answered the questions in her eyes with a canny lift of his brow, "you're technically second now in the Pack." His eyes glanced meaningfully at the scar again. "And I'd like to explain a few things."

She could probably use as many answers as she could get – who knew when she'd be back. Bella took a deep breath and nodded timidly, tucking her chin.

Sam's smile broadened. "Come talk while I finish the dishes."

"Isn't he such a good boy?" Emily cooed theatrically over her shoulder and the sound of simultaneous babbles on either hip.

Bella sniffed a laugh – pussy whipped indeed.

"Sure is," is all she wisely said.

'

'

Bella couldn't remember having a better afternoon

Sitting on the counter and drying clean dishes as they were handed to her, she learned about Pack idiosyncrasies from Sam – how wolves were all about touch, scent and dominance and, now that she smelled like the Alpha's mate, there was a bunch of crazy bullshit that came along for the ride.

She made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (her specialty) with the girls while children's international folk music played on the MP3.

She cooked with Emily and basically felt useful again while the girls colored at the table or chased each other around with sand dollar "monsters".

Jared and Kim came over with their brood and the noise level in the house escalated to a gazillion decibels. Jared was kind and Kim was downright effusive, deciding in a matter of minutes that Bella was going to join her and Emily in their best friendship and they could be the three musketeers. Emily teased her that she was just looking for another baby sitter.

But she really did enjoy being around the two- they had an open earnest friendship. Bella liked listening to their joking and stories while they prepared the meal side by side and the children spent the afternoon galloping between them and their fathers, watching football with beers in hand. It was ridiculously traditional, but it was also ridiculously fun, so Bella set aside politics and went with it.

Without officially ever deciding, Bella somehow was still happily cooking while entertaining a million questions from a certain inquisitive little girl, when the first of the Pack started dribbling in around 3pm.

First came Nebi and Elan who really did look exactly alike (no wonder everyone seemed to call them "the Brothers" as a unit instead of getting their names wrong). After getting stuck on the little corner of her scar peeking out from her sweater – as Sam had warned her they would all do - they hugged her and called her sister. Then they promptly sat down and started devouring cookies that were fed to them by squealing giggling toddlers.

Next came Joe with a groaning complaint of a shift that afternoon and a resultant early plate of food which he rubbed in the twins' faces mercilessly with each theatrical bite. Bella was happy to see that there was some spirit still left on home turf after the Pack's somber showing at the party.

By the time Quil arrived – even though Claire had to go up to the Makah Rez early for a test Monday morning – the boys were starting to get rambunctious and inappropriate. So Kim and Jared made their goodbyes and rounded up the shrieking hyper toddlers and drove them out the door like a herd of cats.

But when Brady came by with his mate Jose (Bella was glad imprinting was an equal opportunity curse) it was the first clue that this afternoon was going to make Emily a liar. Because soon after came Collin and Embry – alone because their wives were attending a bridal shower of a mutual friend that also came with babysitting.

Seth wandered in the door a little later and straight for Bella and the longest hug in history. He then pulled her aside and told her they'd had to tell her father because he'd been worried. Of course now he wanted to hunt Jacob down and shoot him dead and then throw him in jail, but Seth was pretty sure his mother had chained him to the radiator for now.

Basically it was the most rowdy, random and raucous afternoon she'd experienced and it was just what the doctor order. True to Emily and Sam's word, every one of the Pack accepted her into the midst with open arms like she'd always been around and had just come back from a long vacation (after getting stuck staring dumbly at her scar – it actually became comical and she'd punch them back to consciousness).

Emily had apologized for the showing several times over, saying that obviously everyone wanted to see how she was doing and was using this as the excuse. Bella found she actually didn't mind at all. No one mentioned the marking (other than staring at it) and no one mentioned Jacob. She didn't even have time to think about him even if she'd wanted to and an afternoon of laughter, friendship and distraction was far better than one of moping, solitude and vice.

Bella had been a loner, for the most part, throughout her tumultuous 20s, but for the first time in her life, she felt like she was a _part_ of something.

And that she was not, in fact, _anywhere near_ alone.

As dusk started settling outside, they were all finally sitting down to the (official) meal when _The Paul and Rachel Show_ - as Seth called it - made its debut. Rachel was five months pregnant and Paul still acted like a five year old so they were pretty much like a walking stand-up routine. Bella could see how Rachel and Leah were good friends – they both had the same brash and irreverent sense of humor. She was the perfect foil for Paul's … everything.

Seated between Emily and Seth on the Sam end of the table, Bella got a friendly wave from each of them as they took the free spot on the other side. They sat down and dug in while they continued whatever animated argument had started on the ride over.

Bella giggled and Seth gave her a knowing look and silently mouthed "told you" as he passed her the bowl of rice. Bella dug out a scoop and then passed it to Emily.

"I'm not much of a rice person," she handed it to Sam who was seated at the head – of one end. The other was conspicuously left open.

Bella didn't want to think about it.

"Whow da fwuck cwan you hate wice?!" Quil gawked exuberantly through the biggest, grossest mouthful of food Bella had ever seen.

"See-food," Paul cackled, lobbing a cherry tomato across the table like a missle.

Quil caught it with those reflexes, but the supernatural force behind the throw made it splat and in his hand, seeds spraying over his face.

"Yes!" Paul barked with a fist pump.

"You are so fucking nasty!" Rachel shrieked elbowing him with all her strength. Of course he didn't budge an inch.

"Aww baby, you love it in bed - obviously," he wrapped his arms around her and placed a theatrical string of sloppy kisses over her cheek while she tried to push him away.

Quil took the distraction as an opportunity and a roll went flying across the table.

But Paul turned and blithely caught it in his mouth with impressive reflexes. Releasing his wife, he reached up and palmed it like an apple and took a big bite. "Mmm," he chewed, with a shit-eating grin.

His opponent squawked and was just reloading with a red potato, when Sam stepped in.

"Settle down, children," his sonorous voice billowed over the room from where he had one elbow propped on the table and was watching the interplay with mild annoyance.

Like kids, Quil and Paul mimed silent grimacing threats across the table at each other while Rachel rolled her eyes with a long-suffering sigh.

"This was not planned," she told Bella, pointing at her stomach.

Paul immediately snapped back to attention and wrapped his arm around his wife. "But I've got super-sperm, huh?" He grinned at her profile. "And you know you just can't resist when I-…"

"NO!" At least four voices joined in unplanned unison and Paul showered smirks around the table.

Rachel snorted. "See? Who wants kids when you're already married to the biggest fattest baby ever?" she lamented dramatically.

"Who you callin' fat, babe?" Paul positively leered as he rubbed a hand over her belly.

"Oh my God!" Rachel screeched, pushing his hand away disgust. She hauled back and cracked him in the arm.

And Paul's face immediately went stone cold sober as he sat up straight and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Rachel's face snapped up to her husband's, suddenly serious as he pulled her into his side.

Bella's fork froze on its way to her mouth – it seemed like the reaction was completely out of context, until it was mimicked by everyone at the table. All conversation stopped at once and the sports radio in the background rose to the surface of the silence.

Her gaze snapped to Sam as her official mentor of all things Pack. Sitting up straight now too, he had both hands resting on the table like a sphinx. His gaze had been expecting hers.

"Jacob," he mouthed silently.

Bella's heart lurched into a sprint as her eyes darted to Emily's. She was quietly chewing and she tipped her head with a pointed lift of her brow.

Bella nervously pulled her sweater closer and then picked up her fork, letting her eyes retreat to her plate. Now that she wasn't being so irresistibly distracted, she could _feel_ him. Even though it was doing wind-sprints, her heart was radiating a prickling warmth out through her chest – like her body was glad to see him.

At least someone was.

Bella was just starting to think she could learn to like being a part of this group of friends - she was seeing them as _hers_ - until he came along to remind her they weren't. He'd said to stay (the fuck) out of his way hadn't he? Was he going to make a scene when he made her leave?

Emily's hand slipped over hers, trembling on her thigh, and she squeezed it reassuringly. It was only then she realized she was panting from nerves.

In the next second, Jacob appeared in the kitchen doorway and no one said a word. No casual greetings or jokes or high fives or … nothing.

Keeping her chin tucked, she blindly pushed stuff around on her plate while she watched him in her periphery under her lashes. He stood in the doorway for a moment, surveying a table that was stiff and silent. Bella unconsciously pulled her elbows in like if she made herself small enough, maybe he just wouldn't notice her.

Maybe it worked.

Without a word, he headed to the other end of the table and sat down.

Movement restarted first – someone handed him a dish. Then people started quietly either picking up their forks or actually eating with them. The radio continued to blabber on over now the tentative sound of metal on ceramic.

"You haven't caught scent of the one from last week again?" Jacob's velvet bass rolled over the table. It gave her shivers.

Bella looked up to see those hard eyes trained with exacting focus on Sam. They didn't waver her way for an instant.

Sam shook his head, shoving a bite in his mouth. He chewed for a moment while he held Jacob's gaze thoughtfully. "Maybe there's not going to be retribution for the kill."

"Or maybe they're waiting until we get sloppy," Jacob sniffed, a bitter hitch seeping into his lips. He took the next dish offered him, served himself and then set it on the table. "Run two extra until I say – one along the coast, the other on the northern border."

Around the table people continued to silently eat.

Sam nodded, leisurely chewing his bite. He sat back and took a drink of his beer. "Now?"

Jacob nodded curtly as his gaze dropped to his plate and he dug in.

"Brothers," Sam set his beer down and turned his gaze on the twins. "You decide who does what. Tell Brady and Toby they'll be out a little longer. We'll get 'em around eight."

The twins nodded in alert unison as they stood and stepped over the bench. With a covert glance at where their Alpha had one arm lying on the table over his plate while the other ferried a bite of ham to his mouth, they strode toward the back door of the kitchen, stripping their shirts off on the way.

Bella returned her gaze to her own food and pushed the green bean casserole around, while she tried to get her bearings. Okay, this was livable for now – he was just going to ignore her? She'd take his cue and do the same.

She reached for her own beer and took a sip. "So Rache," she began in a clear steady voice. "You were saying you guys hadn't really planned it?"

Rachel met her gaze and fluently hopped right in. "Bah! No," she snorted with a flick of her eyes. "But you should have seen this dork's face when I got two lines. Saaaa-ppy!" She turned to Paul's glare and fruitless macho denial with a saccharine grin. "In fact, I think there were tears."

Paul slammed his fist on the table and snatched up his beer bottle, looking for his balls in the bottom of it as he poured down a gulp and the table laughed. Bella could have sworn there was even a misty-eyed flash at the memory before he shoved it under machismo. Who'd have thought… Paul? Maybe there was hope for Jake after all.

She snorted a laugh at the thought and her gaze automatically darted up to Jacob. By all appearances his attention was casually on his food as he shoved another bite in his mouth – but after what Seth had said about the party, she wondered...

From that point, conversation gradually climbed up to its pre-Jacob heights and the table came to buoyant life once more. She listened to the litany of Paul and Rachel's potential names – most of them were a joke… she hoped. Emily told her about a cake decorating class she was taking this fall and Sam joined in saying he was looking forward to the homework – a sentiment echoed around the table. Seth told her he thought she needed a new water pump in her car and about the classes he was going to be taking for his last year online and the Port Ange community college.

Basically Bella mostly sat back and listened (because, realistically, who wanted to hear an O-Chem book abstract but her wolf) and it was wonderful. She got caught up again in laughter and conversation and friendship and almost forgot Jacob was in the room.

_Almost. _

Okay, not even close.

Bella was pretty sure the guys could eat for days straight at a time and she was finished long before any of them. Then it was just about leaning on the table and propping her chin on her knuckles while she listened and laughed and snorted. And of course, watching Jacob out of the corner of her eye.

With his braid hanging over one shoulder, he was dressed in a black tee shirt a few luscious sizes too small that hugged his broad shoulders and pecs and really made her want to crawl down the table and pull herself into his lap and kiss him for hours and hours. He sat at the far end, silent and unreadable, finishing off his plate and then piling on more. The only times she heard him speak – and she was listening – were when he asked for the ham or told Embry about another boy who might be showing the signs.

Having plowed silently through eating without joining in with the jokes and conversation around him, he was one of the first men to finish eating. Then he tipped his chair back and stared blindly somewhere at the middle of the table while he took swigs of a beer that Collin had brought him on his way back from the fridge. She made a note to ask Seth if he was like this all the time or if it was because she was there.

Because right now he looked stern and intimidating and powerful… and completely lonely and lost.

It made her sad.

In fact it was _so_ distractingly depressing that she finally just got up to clear away dishes for dessert. She grabbed an armful of empty plates from her end of the table and ferried them to the sink. Emily tried to get her to sit down, telling her they guys did the cleanup, but Bella shooed her off with a wrinkle of her nose and a tip of her head toward Jacob's end of the table.

It was nice to get a break from all the stimulation frankly and she happily started filling the sink with warm water and suds.

So _this_ was the way it was going to be? It was actually better than she'd expected. He ignored her, she ignored him - there was the distinct possibility of a game plan in the making. Like his wolf, maybe it would just take a while for him to get used to her again… or maybe this would be all she'd ever got.

She glanced out the window at the falling night. She'd need to leave soon because the wolf usually -… Stopping herself, she realized that when Jacob was here, his wolf certainly wouldn't be waiting for her at her house.

"Outta the way, Swan," Paul groused, as he brought an impressive armload of dishes to the sink.

Bella snorted ungraciously as she stepped back from the counter and he deposited them into the water with an ominous clatter.

"Careful!" Rachel barked from the table.

His back turned to her, he imitated her with a screwed up face that made Bella laugh.

He turned to her with a grin. Like the others, his eyes snapped down to the scar – they hadn't really had a chance to say a proper hello (which mean staring).

"Eyes getting dry?" she asked blandly.

His gaze met hers and he gave her one of his best smirks.

Then several things happened at once:

His hand lifted to presumably straighten her sweater. "Guess I can't call you a leech l-…"

And then his arm was yanked behind him while he was slammed face-first into the floor.

It happened so fast, that Bella felt a gust of wind and then Paul was lying face down with blood dripping onto the linoleum from where his face had ricocheted off the floor.

Lips peeled back from gnashing teeth, Jacob was crouched over him and snarling viciously with a knee in Paul's back while he pinned his arm behind him, his other fist clawed into the hair at the crown of Paul's head.

Jacob's eyes were a murderous and incandescent yellow.

No one breathed in the ensuing silence while the radio chattered on, oblivious to the ominous threat of death hanging heavy in the air.

Bella had jumped back into the counter. She looked up to see everyone at the table with their heads feverishly tucked. Sam was watching him from under his furrowed brow and Rachel had a shaking hand over her mouth.

Bella hoped this particular aspect of things between them _hadn't_ changed…

Feeling like she was swallowing a golf ball, Bella pushed off the counter.

"Heyyy," she crooned in pastel tones. "Jacob?"

The muscles in his face jumped, wrinkling his nose.

Bella took a step and slowly squatted down, trying to find those heated eyes. "Jake?" she called again quietly.

Abruptly that face snapped around and those eyes were focused like lasers in her own.

Bella nearly fell over from the suddenness and the weight of his gaze. She braced herself against the floor and offered him an open smile.

Those inhuman eyes blinked once and his lips slowly lowered over his teeth while the growl continued to tumble in his chest.

Stretching out a hand – and hating that her fingers trembled - Jacob's eyes stayed locked with hers as she brought her fingers to his cheek. She brushed her knuckles tenderly over his cheekbone and heat seeped up her arm like a sponge.

_Holy shit, he felt good. _

Jacob released a long hissing breath through his teeth as those eyes closed and he leaned into her touch. Bella's hand molded to his cheek for a moment and that gravelly growl slowly disintegrated into a soft rumble. Combing her fingers back through his hair and scraping her nails along his scalp, her eyes darted down to Jacob's victim.

Paul was holding immaculately still while crimson blood was pooling on the floor from his nose.

Bella slowly stood up and Jacob's eyes popped open, instantly pinned to her. She took a step back and he unfolded to his feet so smoothly it looked like he'd been poured up.

Jacob absently stepped over Paul's body and toward her. Those hands that had just come within inches of snapping his Packmate in two ghosted over either side of her face like she was made of glass.

There was a brusque shuffling sound and in her periphery, Bella saw Sam and Embry yank Paul out of harm's way. But Jacob was buried so deeply in her eyes he didn't even flinch.

Bella turned into one hand and placed a kiss on his palm and then nuzzled into it. Warm snuffling heralded his gentle bump against her temple and Bella looked up to see him stooped over with half-mast eyes. Tipping her head up, she climbed onto tiptoes and rubbed her jaw against his while his hands hovered at each of her ears.

But then that low purr seemed to evaporate and she rocked back down on her heels in confusion.

Eyes closed and tiny beads of perspiration painting his skin, he looked cast in bronze. Bella raised a tentative hand and placed it over his jackhammer heart. Eyelids squeezing tighter for a moment, they then opened to dark chocolate brown. His pupils yawned and then contracted like they were rubber snapping back

Then they were rapidly darting between hers.

Jacob was fully back in his skin.

She returned his stare with sadness pulling her brows together, waiting for his reaction and the inevitable pain of rejection. He blinked a few more times, while his eyes washed over her face like he was waking up from a dream and then they fell to her shoulder.

Eyes riveted and nostrils quivering, one of his hands almost unconsciously reached up to brush the sweater out of the way of his mark. At the whisper touch of his fingertips, every nerve in her body lit up like fireworks and Bella swooned, sucking a harsh breath through her teeth.

Jacob steadied her with absent hands on her upper arms as his eyes darted back up to her face. They searched hers for a moment, narrowing in half-moons - aching sadness or hopelessness or derision or maybe all three.

With a lick of his lips, his gaze listed down between them and his nostrils flared, like he was struggling to draw breath.

Then, without a word or glance to the room, he turned and stalked out the back door.

The screen ricocheted against the house with a bang.

'

'

Bella pushed open the sliding glass door and stepped out on the porch. Closing it behind her, she padded out to her chair under heavy clouds that caught the full moon and held it in moody blue. It might actually rain tonight.

She didn't care as long as he came.

Spreading out the blanket on the chair, she set the brush and her hot mocha (that, yes, was spiked with rum) on the armrest and climbed onto the lounge. She wrapped the quilt around her tightly as she leaned back with a sigh.

After this afternoon of Pack, laughter and heartbreak, was good to be back home.

She closed her eyes for a moment and sunk into the peaceful fabric of the night. The familiar crickets stitched together the dark forest while the frogs loosely basted the marshy shores of the lake. A soft breeze fingered her hair as she picked up the drink and took a sip of warm chocolate and caffeine, feeling the burn of alcohol on her tongue.

She didn't want to think anymore. So much had happened over the last five days, she simply didn't have the bandwidth for anything more. She just wanted to lay down in the wolf's warm fur and listen to his heartbeat.

She'd missed him and she was terrified that he wouldn't come.

She hoped he did. Obviously the Alpha in Jacob was still very protective. Just the potential for a touch to his mark had made him flip his shit at Emily's. Even though the Pack had been good natured about the incident – not to mention incredibly resilient - it had still rattled her deeply. To see firsthand that snap of control was frightening.

And, worse yet, heartbreaking.

After Jacob had left, they'd teased Paul mercilessly while Rachel cooed with napkins and threats over his broken nose. Apparently it wasn't so unusual for fights to break out in the dominance-vying instinct-driven Pack anyway and Jacob had earned his rep with an iron fist. Within half an hour everything (including Paul's face) was back to normal.

For them.

It wasn't for Bella. Truthfully she wasn't even sure what baseline normal _was_ anymore. At this point she was just living second to second.

And the seconds kept ticking by.

Bella glanced out at the dark woods with a sigh.

Maybe he wasn't coming.

And she really didn't want to spend this evening alone. She'd end up trying not to analyze and re-analyze all that Emily had told her about Jacob. She was so very afraid to hope – all she wanted to do was keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where the path led her.

She took another sip of her drink and then put it back down on the armrest. Wrapping the blanket tightly around her she hugged herself while her eyes returned to the empty forest. Her fingers idly crept along her collar bone and then up to the mark. Closing her eyes, her fingertip traced over the row of bumps and she sucked in a quiet breath as colored sparks lit behind her eyes.

She'd done what everyone had told her not to do and bound herself to her ex-best friend. She'd bet her heart and soul on a boy who was lost and, more frightening still, her own strength to bring him back. Based on what Emily had told her, Bella thought Jacob's heart was still in there somewhere, but what was so terrifying is she didn't know if she had the strength to bring him back. In some ways still had more faith in him more than herself.

And that was the crux of the problem.

Had she asked him to mark her out of girlish guilt – as Billy had implied – or had she done it as a womanly act of strength and determination? Was this the first step in a long stubborn marathon to put her best friend back together like he'd done for her, or was she going to fall flat on her face as soon as she started the race?

Bella knew what she wanted it to be, but this is where the rubber met the road, wasn't it?

Blowing a breath out from her nose, she let her hand fall to her lap and her eyes blinked slowly open. In the forest yellow points of light winked back.

Bella's heart soared.

Angst and regret cracked and crumbled away from a grin and renewed optimism. Gathering the blanket around her shoulders, she scooted off the lounge chair and stood. Those lambent eyes bobbed as they came closer.

"Hey, Jacob," she whispered, as she slowly made her way across the deck.

Her movements were mimicked by the wolf out in the yard and Bella froze at the change in routine. Usually the animal waited until she was situated before he left the tree line. But that looming shape was now unerringly slipping across the grass like a shadow.

Bella watched the wolf enter the circle light cast by the house, dark chocolate fur shimmering as he continued with his slow but steadfast pace, paws barely touching the grass like he was floating.

Hugging the blanket a little closer, an adrenaline firecracker went off in the pit of her stomach, igniting sparks of self-preservative instinct as she watched the hulking animal approach the deck, eyes of lambent gold pinned to her like laser sights. The way the animal moved was feral, powerful, wild… an undeniable predator with an absolute lack of fear.

Bella pressed her lips together to keep them from quivering as the beast reached the stairs, inadvertently stumbling back as he mounted them. With the first paw on the deck, the wolf seamlessly transformed into the figure of a man, straightening to an upright position and taking the last step as a biped.

Jacob paused then, watching her with eyes that were still wolvish and wild. The juxtaposition was still more frightening somehow.

He tipped his head and then lifted his nose with an assessing sniff.

Sam had told her they could scent fear and she knew that's exactly what he was doing, because suddenly she was absolutely terrified. Hair loose and flowing over his shoulders, Jacob held himself with a straight spine and squared shoulders that only emphasized his sleek bulk and sheer size. Canting his head the other way, he walked slowly toward her with a mercury stride that poured power into each step like a slinky. Her eyes flitted down that powerful form, muscles flowing and folding into shadow. He was fully aroused and this was her first glimpse of his virility and proportionate size.

Bella fought the urge to take corresponding steps back – she knew the animal didn't like it when she tried to flee and it had only made things worse at the marking. Eyes wide, she swallowed thickly as he flowed over the deck toward her without a single expression on that handsome face.

Then she remembered.

She quickly tucked her chin, her eyes falling to the way her hand clawed into her bicep under the blanket. And she waited.

There was no sound but the soft breeze whispering in her ear. His heat washed over her along with his scent on the wind – musk, male, pine. Jacob's scent. It relaxed her infinitesimally.

That big body stopped right in front of her and she closed her eyes on the distracting up close and personal view of his anatomy. A soft snuffling heralded the feel of her hair being picked at by the stubble of his jaw, then warm, calloused fingers slipped under her chin. Bella submitted to the gentle pressure and tipped it up.

Her eyes fluttered open to Jacob's face – broad nose, strong jaw and regal plains, heavy brow shadowing glowing lupine eyes. His gaze was swimming leisurely between hers, searching, surveying. She wondered what he saw.

His hand came up to join the other at her jaw and his fingers skated lightly under it to her pulse. Calloused pads followed the racing jump of her fear and insecurity for a short time before sweeping back to the nape of her neck. Holding her still with the gentlest of pressure, he slowly bent down and ghosted his nose over hers.

Back and forth.

Bella relaxed at the touch of his skin and the scent of his sweet breath and her nerves escaped in a soft laugh.

Jacob didn't react but just ghosted his nose along the bridge of hers before leaning down to rub his cheek over her face. He nuzzled against her and she leaned into the touch as that reassuring fleecy rumble awoke in his chest and wrapped her in comfort.

Turning into her, he dragged lax lips over her cheek and then up her temple as he straightened and Bella opened her eyes to that sober stare.

"You came," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes like a relief valve for all the many emotions.

That brow ticked together and his head listed to the side while his hands slipped back from under her hair. Fingers crept along her jaw and over her mouth, gently smearing its fullness as her lips curved softly. He leaned in and took a long whiff from the top of her head and then stood back.

Eyes darting over her face like he was surveying each pore, they then tumbled down to the blanket clutched around her. His hand slipped to the material and he tugged – almost petulantly - a crease appearing between his brows.

Biting her lip, she released the quilt and it slipped from her shoulders to pool heavily at her feet. Jacob froze like it was an unanticipated turn of events and his gaze spilled over her body.

Bella's arms wound around middle, hugging herself against nerves and the chill of the night air.

Cocking his head, Jacob started slowly prowling around her with that liquid step, his eyes devouring her form while she tried not to shiver. He circled behind her and Bella fought the urge to turn around.

Large palms ghosted over the chills sluicing down her arms, then they smoothed over her hips with a lazy relish before making their way back up to her shoulders where they gathered her hair off her back.

He released it over one shoulder… so his mark was bared.

She tensed as she felt him step closer, the warm satin of his chest brushing her shoulder blades and his erection lying heavily against the small of her back. One arm snaked around her waist, the palm dragging up her stomach and then over a breast as his jaw rub against the top of her head.

Without warning his hands ripped her shorts in two with a brusque jerk and his hot mouth was over his mark, igniting her blood like it was Napalm.

With a cry that was somewhere between a shriek and a moan, Bella's knees gave out and she was falling forward, her hands reflexively snapping out to break the descent.

Jacob caught them both on one arm strong arm and his knees, clutching her to his chest in a way that was now familiar.

Bella's heart had bolted, making a bid to flee up her throat as she automatically braced her palms against the deck, now herself on hands and knees. This was a handy trick of his – they were back in the same position they'd been the night he'd marked her.

Bella's every sense was reeling. His warm lips were still playing over her shoulder while his knee nudged between hers. His tongue sweeping over his mark made every nerve in her body spark and sputter like detonating cord.

She didn't want this – not like this right now. She'd chosen this fate, but she'd done so in order to change his.

And hers.

She struggled to get her head above the rushing rapids of desire. "No," she grunted, wiggling in his arms and trying to push away. His mouth left her shoulder but the arm merely tightened around her with seeming unconcern.

"No!" she bit out, a hand lifting to his on her shoulder and trying to pry it free. She at least had his attention because he'd frozen over her, but he still hadn't budged and inch.

_Scream and I will._

"JACOB!" she shrieked, clawing at his hand.

He released her so instantaneously that she nearly fell on her face.

Bella scrambled out from under him but he grabbed her ankle with a whine. She turned her vulnerable behind around so fast she plonked painfully on her ass in front of him.

Panting like a racehorse as she tried to swim up the hormonal cascade drowning her from good ole fight-or-flight, she stared back at his wide confused eyes.

When it became apparent that she wasn't going anywhere, he released her ankle and slowly sat back.

Bella swallowed down her heart took a deep breath. "Not like that, Jake," the words were ferried on the back of gasping breath.

He blinked at her with those inhuman eyes.

He didn't understand. A laugh burst over her lips at the insanity of it all. She wanted him, missed him, yearned for his touch and… talk about putting together pieces? That's exactly what she had to work with.

Bella would take it.

If she'd tamed his wolf, she could teach his Spirit Warrior - or hybrid man or whatever he was in this form - how she liked to be touched.

She sat up a bit more and then pushed up to her feet. But she wasn't going to do it out here butt naked (literally) with the threat of rain. She shucked what was left of her shorts down her thighs and they fell around her ankles, then she peeled off her shirt and threw it down to the deck.

Jacob hadn't moved a muscle, but his eyes were caressing up her body like a glove. They made their way luxuriantly up to her face where they stared up at her like she was some kind of a goddess.

Or that she was the center of his world.

And in that moment, having successfully asserted herself and having the complete and undivided attention of this magnificent being…

Bella felt powerful.

She smiled as she reached out to him. Eyes locked with hers, his hands raised to hers like a mirror, touching fingertip to fingertip. With a sniffing laugh, she laced their fingers and held his hands. He slowly returned the pressure.

Bella tugged meaningfully and Jacob congealed up to his feet without the slightest pull on her hands.

"C'mon," she whispered, pulling him toward the house.

She smiled encouragingly as she backed her way toward the glass door while he followed. He took each step slow and measured while he watched her face closely from under a furrowed brow like he was trying to memorize the steps of a dance.

Bella supposed he was.

She pulled her hand from his… or tried to. Misunderstanding, he held her fast and took another step closer.

"Let me open the door," she told him –uselessly – as she wiggled her fingers free. With another reassuring glance, she turned and pushed the door open with the soft shoop of the metal track. She turned back around to find him staring at the door. She took his hand again, still hovering in the air and his gaze snapped back to hers.

"C'mon," she coaxed again and pulled him into the house. She'd left only the lamp on near the couch and the soft light made the cottage feel peaceful and airy.

Without fear or hesitation, he stepped gracefully over the threshold and his gaze briefly swept his surroundings. She had the feeling he'd memorized it in a glance.

His eyes returning to hers, she smiled, walking backwards as she pulled him over the hardwood floors and leaving the door open in case he wanted to leave. Though that thought didn't seem to even cross his mind; his gaze was buried in her eyes, watching to see what she'd do next.

She glanced over her shoulder as she took the steps up to the raised "bedroom." His feet didn't even seem to notice the climb as he followed her. But at the first step on the soft pile rug, his eyes darted down.

Bella wiggled her fingers free then and took the several steps back and threw herself down on the bed, jauntily bouncing twice on the mattress.

She felt good. Happy.

Jacob Black was in her bedroom – or at least part of him was. She stooped and pulled off first one sock and then the other, tossing them haphazardly to the floor. Sitting back up she found him watching her with unfathomable eyes.

"Sit down, Jake," she murmured, patting the bed. When he blinked once at her in response, she stood and grabbed his hand, tugging him over to the mattress.

Sitting back down, she pulled him with her, then she scooted more onto the bed while he turned and watched her with that serious face. It made her chuckle and she reached out to his shoulders, turning him more around.

He climbed a little more on the mattress, one knee bent, the other still resting over the side. She wondered if he was uncertain about all this. But there was no anxiety in his face just intense concentration.

Bella went up on her knees, bracing her hands on his shoulders as she smiled into those luminescent eyes. "I like slow," she whispered, and then leaned in. "Gentle."

She rubbed her jaw reassuringly against his and then placed a soft kiss on his cheek. It smacked quietly in the silence. Sitting back, her hands rose to his chest and ghosted over the silken toffee of his skin while she looked into his eyes.

That soft purr started rippling under her touch. Her fingers traced his strong collarbone and then the sweeping cut of his pecs while she watched the muscles subtly jump in his face.

Holding his gaze as long as she could, she leaned in slowly until she pressed her lips to his skin. She hemmed his chest with gentle kiss after kiss until she found a chocolate nipple. Her tongue darted out to trace it and Jacob flinched with a hiss.

Bella sat back up with a smile and watched his eyes flutter back open, focused instantly in hers.

"See?" she breathed.

Sitting more up on her knees, she crawled forward and into his lap then her hands slipped up from his shoulders and cradled his beautiful face in her palms. His palms skated up her thighs to rest on her hips in response. There was the finest tremor to his fingers. Restraint, emotion? It didn't really matter.

"I like a soft touch, Jacob," she whispered, and then she leaned up and pressed a delicate kiss to the corner of his mouth while she drew in an indolent breath of his scent. With a soft sigh she kissed him again as he lowered his face to her.

She painted his full lips with lingering kisses while he stayed immaculately still. He tasted so incredibly good. The tip of her tongue darted out to run over the seam and his breath hitched in response. Her eyes opened to find his – closed softly with lashes nestled against his cheeks. She smiled against his mouth as her fingers combed back through his long silky hair. Brushing her lips sensuously back and forth, she inhaled his breath, spilling rapid and shallow from his nose.

"Mmm," she hummed luxuriantly as her hands slipped around the back of his head.

Then she pressed her mouth more firmly to his. She massaged with long drawing strokes until he responded… tentatively at first but not for long. She coaxed his lips open with teasing tongue and the kiss naturally deepened.

Jacob's hands slowly wound around her back as his kisses became assertive and Bella's hands slipped down his long hair to wrap loosely around his neck.

Now he was getting it, and _holy shit_.

The feel of his mouth on hers, slow and sensual, was like some kind of intravenous drug. It siphoned her soul up her throat for him to devour as he aggressively marked the inside of her mouth with his tongue. Bella gave him everything.

The purr in his chest began beading into a grainy growl as his arms tightened around her and their mouths dueled ardently, effortlessly communicating the depth of their affection, desire, need without flimsy human words.

The man's instinct took over and Jacob began pushing her down, yearningly, cravingly, but slow enough that she knew he was giving her time to object.

Bella gulped him down greedily and whimpered for more, encouraging him with fervent hands. He pressed her back into to the bed, his weight slowly pushing her into the mattress and making her world explode. Gasping, she broke the kiss, tipping her head up to draw air into her starving lungs, while Jacob trailed open-mouthed kisses over her neck.

His tongue found his mark and it languidly traced it making her arch into him with a guttural groan that was loosed from somewhere deep inside her being. Oh, she'd been longing for this touch for her entire lifetime and quite possibly longer still.

And as she wrapped her legs around him tight she realized Jacob had been very wrong: for Bella, it had changed everything.

She only hoped it would for him too.

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_Review if you like. _


	5. Part V - Penitence

Thanks again for the notes. Your comments help tons with the ole motivation.

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A/N: At the end is a turning point for Bella– you'll see how next chap. And sorry for the long-assed chaps. lol

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Song noted is Papa Roach "Last Resort" – if you want insight into the space I see Jake in, listen through – it's the energetic anthem.

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Firefly fans will recognize the lines I lifted. Lombard Street is a famous zig-zag street in San Francisco.

* Quote is Jacob Black from New Moon.

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Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy.

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**Part V**

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"Finally!" Seth grinned as he strode toward Bella's car, parked behind a jeep and a minivan in the lot in front of the garage.

Bella pulled her flannel collar habitually closer to her neck as she tugged her backpack out of the car and closed the door, turning to him with a smile. Her car was running a little ragged these days and she might as well take the opportunity when it came.

"He's still with Jedidiah?" she asked quietly, hiking her backpack up on her shoulder.

Jacob had left dinner early last Sunday; it had been pretty dramatic. Suddenly – like he was having a heart attack – he'd clutched his chest and slumped over his plate at the far end of the table. Heedless of everything, really, Bella had bolted up from her place at the same time a strident howl had launched into the afternoon. Without a word, Jacob had lunged to his feet, knocking over his chair with a crash, and stalked to the back door without a glance in Bella's direction.

Another wolf had Phased.

"Yeah," Seth gave her a sympathetic smile. "Probably he'll probably be tied up another day, but Jedi's close."

"So do you guys get a break on patrols?" Bella asked as he pulled her into a warm and lingering hug.

Seth drew in a deep breath of her scent. "Usually," he murmured in her hair. "But he's had us running patrols when Jedi's in his skin. Nothing can get by Jake when he's Phased though. He's got a sixth sense about that crap."

Pulling back, he searched her eyes, smoothing her hair back from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "You doing okay, sis?"

Pressing her lips together as her gaze drifted to down between them, Bella nodded. It wasn't very convincing.

Every night of the last month (barring the last five) he'd come visit her without fail, in one of his forms. She left the sliding door open for him to take what he needed

She always gave it willingly.

Sometimes the man would stride through the door with hungry lambent eyes wanting dark chocolate sex. Sometimes he'd climb the three steps to her bed with jumping muscles and pull her into his lap, wanting to curl around her while she stroked his long ebony hair. Sometimes he trotted in on light paws, seeking her scent and taste and the pull of the bristles through his fur.

The Pack all knew – they could smell it.

Seth watched those thoughts tumble in her eyes and then he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her hairline. "Well let's see if we can whip that piece of Japanese crap into shape at least," he winked.

"Don't hate on the Toyota," Bella warned with a humorous purse of lips as she handed him the keys.

He broke out into a blinding grin and took them, tossing them up and catching them in his palm. "You going to wait?"

"Naw," she wrinkled her nose. "I was going to walk over to Em's and help with the girls."

Even though Jake wasn't here (the reason she was finally bringing the car) she felt funny about hanging around with the guys, even though she did so at off times throughout the week when she'd help the girls with babysitting.

"Aww… stay for a while – you already give them free babysitting, what?" Seth scrunched up one side of his face. "Four days a week?"

"Jealous, cub?" Paul strode out of the garage with his smirk locked and loaded.

"I just wanna little time with the ole' sis," Seth grinned, propping his arm on her shoulder. "You can hang in the lounge and work on your computer."

"You guys have a lounge?" Bella's barked a laugh, as her dubious gaze swept the ramshackle garage. It was a large warehouse that had been converted – and it did good business apparently. Cars and trucks and SUVs in various states of disrepair were gathered around it like a mangy flock of city park pigeons.

"What you tryin' to say, Swan?" Paul snorted, pulling her away from Seth's side and into a hug.

"_Fuck! it's Jake."_

Paul jumped back reflexively at the urgent hiss, wide eyes sweeping the lot, before Quil's gawky cackle exploded a millisecond later.

"Oh my God," Quil guffawed. "That shit will _never_ get old!"

Paul turned on him with a flash of canines and a wicked slam to the gut.

Quil doubled over and fell back into the dirt, still laughing his fucking head off. With a low growl, Paul stalked back into the garage, kicking his Pack mate on the way.

The twins looked up from the car they were working on, trying to hide their sniggers while Seth suppressed his own laughter in snorting chuckles as he pulled her back under his arm and steered her toward the garage. He offered a hand to Quil on the way and yanked him up.

Quil placed a smacking peck on the top of her head and then strode into the garage with that lanky stride to gloat over his victory against his favorite adversary – they were hard to come by with Paul.

"No, but seriously," Seth squeezed her. "Lee said she was going to wring my neck if I let Em sissify you too much. You can hang with us too… you don't have to hide out behind their skirts all the time."

Bella rolled her eyes, elbowing him the ribs. But he did have a point.

The other girls were pretty… well, girly. And while she loved cooking and kids and chilling in the kitchen with convo and close female friendship, she also like hanging out in… garages. Going cliff diving. Motorcycles. Looking for shells. Even a little Frisbee and poker in her old age (though she sucked at both for different reasons). She'd always been a tomboy at heart.

She just hadn't wanted to step on any toes.

Namely Jacob's.

One of the Brothers pushed away from the car they were working on in the far bay and strode toward her, his twin on his heels.

"Hey Nebi," she smiled as he leaned down to give her a sisterly peck on the cheek.

"I'm Elan, he's Nebi," he crooned, straightening with that silky smile they both shared.

His twin was right behind him.

"You're Nebi," she snorted tipping her cheek up for his brother and yanking a thumb at him. "He's Elan."

"How do you always know?" Elan's eyes sparkled as he straightened.

"Nebi's prettier," she winked.

"Ha!" Nebi grinned in triumph.

"It's compensation for his inferior IQ," she gave him a saccharine smile.

"Ooo, right in the balls, Neb!" Elan pursed his lips. "And so damn true!" He laughed backing up as his brother chased after him threateningly.

Seth chuckled appreciatively as he led her in through the big floor to two-story ceiling door and into the bay.

"And here is our lounge, Ms. Swan," he announced grandly, sweeping his hand out to the beat up grubby couch and several mismatched chairs around a coffee table. They were nestled on the side of the garage in the alcove created by a build-out office in the back.

Bella laughed and ducked out from under his arm. She dragged her hand idly over an old wooden chair that looked like a castoff from an Italian restaurant with a slash through the red vinyl upholstered seat.

It was fucking perfect.

With a grin, she pulled her backpack around to her front and threw herself back on the couch, bouncing with the groan of old springs.

She looked up to Seth's knowing smile. He really was the best brother ever. Shimmying off her flip flops she propped her bare feet on the table. With summer coming to an end, the days of these jeans shorts and sandals were numbered now and she was going to make use of every last one.

"All right," she nodded her approval as her eyes scanned the area. Some rock music was playing from speakers in the back of cavernous garage over the sound of metallic scraping. Apparently Quil and Paul hadn't killed each other and were back to work in the far corner on a minivan.

Leaning forward she picked up a hot-rod magazine with a silicone hot-rod chick in daisy dukes making love to the hood of some American muscle. Her eyes flicked up to Seth with a bland twist of her lips and then sat back with the magazine.

She actually had her computer with her because she was planning on going over to Emily's this afternoon. She'd do work during the little ones' naptimes– plus reading her textbook out loud to them worked like magic to put them to sleep. They weren't the only ones.

"How long do you think?" Bella asked looking up as she absently opened the magazine.

Seth shrugged with a purse of his lips. "Lemme finish up this Chevy then I'll look at it."

Bella nodded. "Take your time," she sat back and propped her heels against the corner of the table, using her thighs as a stand for some nice light reading. "I've got my computer and stuff."

He gave her a slow smile, just holding her gaze a moment longer with private thoughts before he turned and strode over to the sedan parked on her side of the garage. He deposited her keys in the back pocket of his jeans and then rubbed his hands on his hips before leaning over the propped-up hood. This was his summer and part time job – he was studying business in school. He'd revealed at dinner a few weeks ago that he had ideas about managing the shop when he graduated but he hadn't talked to Jacob about it yet.

Bella's eyes slipped down to glossy pages that had a few telltale oily fingerprints on them – especially on the pages with girls. She thumbed through it, looking at the pictures and ads while her mind took a blessed break.

It felt good to be here – familiar, even though it wasn't. Dim, casual, comfortable - it smelled like oil and must and she could swear she could make out that tantalizing pine amidst the scents of hard labor. It of course reminded her of the days she'd spent in Billy's garage watching Jacob work on the Rabbit then the pair of motor bikes all those years ago.

She wished she could get those days back.

But she knew she couldn't.

She was trying not to compare the past with the present and just take things as they came.

With a sigh, she tossed the magazine back to the table and pulled her backpack across the ragged couch. Unzipping it, she got out her laptop and opened it on her thighs. She had a Clearwire modem so she could work anywhere.

Or surf the net… that's more what she was feeling like at the moment. She logged in and opened a browser while her mind lazily ambled along after her fingers.

Life this last month was strange, but livable enough. She spent her nights with Jacob in one form or another, and she spent the days napping or working or hanging down on the Rez with the girls.

Emily was fast becoming one of her favorite female friends and usually one or more of the other girls in the Pack would be over there too - Kim, Rachel, Collin's Jen or Embry's Nina. Bella had a blast entertaining their kids as a break from her work. She was becoming true _friends_ with all five of the women… actually with their mates too. Emily would tease her that she was a Pack Whisperer because never had so many of them gathered at her house. Bella chocked it up to her being fresh meat and a willing babysitter.

Then on Sunday she'd come over for breakfast at Sam and Emily's and stay through the afternoon, helping to cook.

Sunday Lupper had seamlessly become a "thing."

Even with the "incident" with Paul, everyone traipsed back for more the next week. Bella had come up with the idea of a "den for the cubs" in the finished basement playroom so that the parents could join the group too without fearing for their kids' bodily safety or, more accurately, their innocence. Parents (and non-parents) would take turns hanging with the little monsters while the big monsters made even more noise and chaos in the kitchen.

Jacob came every time.

And pretended she wasn't there.

When Jacob came for dinner, he'd sit silent and intimidating at the end of the table and only talk Pack shop or listen stoically to his troops' reports.

Both Seth and Emily had said that it was par for the course these days, but he hadn't always been so reticent. Apparently he used to act enough like Marlon Brando that they called him the Dogfather (behind his back). He'd come to Pack gatherings with a sober kiss on the cheek for the imprints and macho hand clasps for the guys to talk about sports or cars or anything that required balls.

But over the last year he'd withdrawn more and more into terse silence and hematite eyes.

Seth said it was huge that he was coming around at all.

"Oh there's drinks in the fridge," he called as an afterthought, looking up from the engine.

Bella looked up from where she'd been blindly stuck on her homepage.

Setting the computer down on the coffee table, she slipped her feet back into her flip flops and flapped over to the little cube fridge on top of a cabinet inset with bins full of oily metal parts. She pulled it open to a boring selection of water and amber-bottled beer.

Over the last few weeks she'd worked hard to get off of the smokes and booze (for the most part) so she grabbed a bottle of water and cracked open the top. Tipping back a gulp she wandered her way back to the car Seth was working on.

"So whatcha doing?" she asked eyeing the maze of metal and hoses.

She'd always loved to listen to Jacob explain things even though she didn't have the first clue what he was talking about. She just liked to hear his voice fluently slip over words like _wastegate actuator_ and _intake manifold_ with that casual competence with covert pride sparkling in his eyes.

"Well there's a crack in the engine block," Seth told her in that cheery tenor as he reached into the engine. "It's leaking coolant into the spark plugs and making them misfire."

It just wasn't anything near the same as listening to Jake.

Bella nodded absently as she tipped the water up to her lips.

"Not to mention it's corroding-…."

His words died on his tongue as his head jerked up so fast that he hit it on the hood. He grimaced as his hand came up to absently rub his head while his gaze darted outside.

At simultaneous movement in her periphery her gaze cut across the garage to see Paul and Quil similarly snap to attention out the door.

"Jake's here," Seth whispered.

Two seconds later a pounding 808 bass heralded the sound of thrown gravel as a classic convertible peeled into the drive and screeched to a Tokyo drift stop right outside the garage. Papa Roach and post-grunge angst lacerated the late-summer afternoon.

Face stony cold, Jacob pulled off a pair of Hugo Boss shades and tucked them into the visor while grating guitars and screaming vocals boomed from impressive speakers, overtaking the flaccid rock trickling from the MP3 in the back of the garage.

Oh my God, fate was such an_ incredible _bitch_._

Bella kind of hated her life at that moment in time. She took an inadvertent step back, straightening the flannel she wore as mark camo over her camisole – her uniform this summer and then stuffing her hands in the butt pockets of her jeans shorts. Pulling her elbows in, she hunched her shoulders uncomfortably up to her ears.

Seth put a kind hand at the small of her back. "S'alright," he whispered in her ear.

Jacob jerked the engine off but his soundtrack continued on as loud as ever as he pushed up with brawny arms and swung over the door of the car with grace that defied both gravity and his size. His leather boots landed soundlessly on the gravel, and he stretched his arms languidly up to the sky, cocking uzies while the muscles in his back rippled under his swaying braid.

Bella's body lit like a torch.

Dressed in a black tee-shirt and jeans, he looked all kinds of dark and decadent, teetering dangerously somewhere between heaven and sin.

Only four days – five nights - and fuck it all to hell, she'd missed him like crazy.

Jaocb then leaned over – giving her a perfect view of the way those 501s hugged that perfect ass - and pulled his phone/mp3 player out of the jack. The music cut abruptly making the relative noise of the afternoon garage sound like silence.

Holding the phone in a dwarfing palm, he scrolled through screens with his thumb as his mercury stride ate up the ground between his car and the garage.

Jacob stalked out of the sun and context changed his look instantly. From standing beside a shiny classic convertible to the scruffy old warehouse, he went from jeans ad sexy to don't-fucking-mess-with-me bad in a millisecond flat.

Bella took a few more steps back into the car, shrinking behind Seth like a total wuss.

He stalked toward the back of the garage, looking at his phone and Bella assumed he was just going to pass them by on his way, but he stopped parallel to Seth. With a few more swipes of his thumb, he clicked the side button and then looked up, cold steady eyes locking on Packmate.

"Hey man," he murmured in that blackstrap bass, reaching out.

"S'up, Jake," Seth smiled, completely undaunted as he briefly clasped hands with a solid clap that echoed in the garage.

Without a glance at Bella or another word, he continued toward the back of the garage.

Seth turned to her with a raised brow and soundlessly mouthed _"dogfather."_

Bella glanced over her shoulder to find the twins looking at each other with similar silent surprise. Apparently Jacob was switching up the routine enough that everyone noticed.

Bella hoped it was progress.

The music was cut in the back of the room then. Bella craned around the pick-up parked in front of the sedan to see him docking his phone in the mp3 player. Immediately the same song picked up where it had left off. Jacob jacked up the volume until the speakers bled static.

She watched him turn from the back and stride over to greet Quil and Paul in a similar fashion (who were waiting at alert attention like well-bred troops). Then he headed to the Brothers.

"Nebi," he crooned, clapping hands with the first and then reaching out to his twin. "Elan."

Apparently Jacob could tell the difference too – it really wasn't hard if you paid attention. Bella always did these days - she'd already paid the price several times over for seeing only what she wanted to see.

Seth turned back to the Nissan and Bella shimmied out of the way, leaning against the side of the car. She took another swig of her water as she watched Jacob finish with the Brothers and then sidle between cars back on his way toward them.

Seth straightened expectantly as Jacob approached and Bella scooted further out of the way along the car.

"Jedidiah is home," Jacob murmured as he stopped right in front of him, holding Seth captive with those intense eyes. "His Aunt and Uncle both know. Go sit with him this afternoon and answer any other questions."

Seth nodded obediently and Jacob turned around and stalked toward the back of the garage again. Bella watched him enter the door at the back of the build-out office that had windows running along both the "lounge" and garage side. A light flickered on and Jacob stopped beside a desk and braced both hands against it as he leaned over the layers of paper littering its surface. By the looks of it, Seth definitely had a job in his future.

"Sorry."

Bella turned to Seth's apologetic grimace and her keys dangled between a thumb and forefinger.

She took them with a wrinkle of her nose. "S'okay," she sniffed. "It's just my shitty luck. Should I take it into town do you think?"

Seth's grimace effortlessly tipped into a deeply offended scowl. "No fricken way," he hissed. "How 'bout I come get it next week. I'll lend you my car – we'll use Talia's."

"Aww, thanks, Seth," she pursed her lips theatrically. She went up on tip toes and pressed a sincerely grateful kiss to his cheek… before she'd really thought about it. At Seth's stiffening body, she realized her gaffe and quickly went back down on her heels with a brusque step back.

His eyes darted back to her from where they'd been nervously trained on the office window.

Bella barked a laugh. At him. At them. At the whole situation where the boy she'd grown up with didn't give her the time of day but made his Pack afraid to touch her with the threat of an ass-kicking.

Seth gave her a knowing smile. "You going to be okay?" he asked, rubbing his hands on his jeans as he strode toward the front of the garage. Apparently he didn't want to wait for her to get her stuff before he left for his duty.

Bella didn't blame him.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I was going to hang with Em this afternoon anyway."

He searched her eyes for a second and then, apparently satisfied with what he saw, gave her a wink and strode brusquely out to his car.

Bella tipped back a swallow of her water as she watched him go and then turned around to collect her things. Her eyes of course slipped up to Jacob – anytime he was anywhere near her he consumed at least half of her brain. It probably wasn't healthy.

Bella probably didn't care.

He was braced over the desk, brow furrowed as he poured over a pile of little slips of paper – probably phone messages. His broad shoulders were bulging, every muscle engaged, pulling the shirt taut over his back.

It was always surreal when she saw him in this context (and clothed with his hair pulled back). This was the man who bent her to his desire and had taken his fill of her body every night for a month. It seemed unfair that she couldn't stride into that office, pull herself up on that desk and demand to be kissed senseless.

After five whole nights without him, she was literally starving for the touch of his skin.

Or fur.

Or, hell, just a fucking glance from those unforgiving eyes.

Bella took another deep guzzle of water and screwed on the cap as she tore her eyes away from tortuous yearning. This is what he'd felt all those years ago when she'd just blithely flitted around him like a butterfly – dancing down to his garage and devouring the comfort he so selflessly gave and then bounding across lines to throw herself into the arms of his natural born enemy.

A memory of one of the "exchanges" at the Rez border popped unwanted into her head: Edward kissing her and trying to swallow her whole right in front of Jacob who was leaned against his Rabbit, shirtless and handsome and silently begging for the favor of her eye.

Even if he hadn't imprinted, how the fuck could she have done that to him?

How?!

But he had – he'd _imprinted_ on her. She was just starting to truly understand how much it had hurt.

Still he'd come to her _wedding_…

Bella bit her lip on tears as she stuffed her computer roughly into the backpack.

She'd been through this exercise a gazillion times over the last nearly two months: _she hadn't known about the imprint. _She'd been young and stupid and selfish. She wasn't that same girl now. But no matter how many times she logically parsed through it, the pain just seemed to grow instead of dissipate.

Emily wasn't kidding: the hardest thing in the world was to forgive yourself. Bella was starting to think it was just damned near impossible.

_It hurt so bad._

The music was escalating to the finale of the song with screeching vocals that spoke perfectly for her battered heart: _I! Can't! Go! On! Liv! Ing! This! Way!_

Especially without numbing vice – there just might be a drink in her future this afternoon.

Her nose was running along with her eyes and with a sniffle, she smeared a petulant wrist over it before she tossed in the nearly empty water bottle and zipped up her bag.

Tossing it over her shoulder, she turned…

And nearly jumped out of her fucking skin.

Jacob was somehow standing silently behind her – damn wolves – staring at her with cold metallic eyes.

She automatically tucked her chin, holding that callous gaze from under her lashes while she gripped the strap of her backpack tighter.

"Why did you come?" he whispered curtly. Just the sound of that cashmere bass made her want to throw her arms around him and bury everything in his chest.

It had been five nights!

Bella tried to fish her sanity up from the depths of despair. "Um," she bit her lip hard, trying to pinch herself awake. "Seth said there was something wrong with my water heater."

"Pump."

Bella blinked. "Yeah, water pump." Water heaters had occupied too much of her life, obviously.

"Was it fixed?" Those hard teflon eyes stared back at her with no comforting emotion to hang onto.

Biting her lip harder, she shook her head.

A car engine tried to turn over while another song launched from the speakers in the back of the room.

"But you're leaving?" he sniffed a disparaging laugh as crooked smile jackknifed across his face.

Bella's churning emotions were starting to peel back from her temper. He didn't need to abuse her like this – she'd done her best to stay out of his (fucking) way and still she welcomed him into her home and body any night he wanted it. If he didn't want her around, why not let her leave in peace.

Her shoulders settled back as she tipped up her chin.

"I didn't want to be in…" she paused, her lips quirking sarcastically as she crisply bit out each word. "Anyone's. Fucking. Way."

That smirk seemed to deepen – recognition, amusement, disdain? All three? She couldn't tell.

"Did you have an appointment?" the words peeled off from those luscious lips, sticky and raw like a band aid left on too long.

"Nope," Bella snapped, popping the "p."

Jacob's head cocked crisply. "Then _wait_," he pushed the words out of a smirk as he held out a brusque palm.

Bella's eyes narrowed in annoyance at… fucking _everything_.

Arching a brow, Jacob jerked his hand impatiently.

With an enraged squint, Bella slammed the keys into his palm.

Lightning reflexes caught her hand.

Blinking away the red haze, she focused in those challenging eyes while his big hand engulfed hers for a moment.

_Skin to skin. _

Crackling heat charged up her arm and piranha nerves fed ravenously in a teaming swarm in her chest.

Just his touch… _oh mother of God, five days was far too long._

Derision stayed etched perfectly in place while he held her gaze like he wasn't slowly peeling the keys from her fingers. His nails scraped her palm and made chills spill down her spine as he pulled the metal into his grip so slowly it felt sensual.

Then he released her.

Holding her gaze, he tossed the keys up and then snapped them out of the air in an over hand grab. Turning abruptly, he shoved them in his back pocket leaving Bella staring at where he'd stood, like a slack-jawed fool.

"Elan, it's the spark plugs," he called out to the garage as he strode back to the office. "Not the starter."

Bella jerked back to consciousness and turned around, watching that loose easy stride pour one step into the next like he was on a Sunday stroll.

With a frown, she took the two steps back to the couch and threw herself down petulantly. Opening her backpack, she pulled out her water and unscrewed the cap. She tried to push the knot down her throat with a long gulp, but it didn't really work.

Looking up, she caught worried glances from Paul and Quil from across the garage. Heat charging to her cheeks, Bella tucked her head and pulled her computer back out.

She felt… discombobulated.

Her mind was teetering between confusion and indignant fury. Her heart was still beating painfully against her ribs her trip down self-derision lane. And her body was tingling, from that addictive touch that it had been craving for five nights that had felt long enough to have been years.

Her hands were trembling as they folded up her screen and logged in without a thought. She stared blindly at her homepage while her mind slipped off into the ether.

Jacob had made her stay. He'd _touched_ her.

Was it the pull of instinct, imprint and mark? Was it just a control-freak mind-fuck? Was he testing her? Was it a dominance thing? Was he being a cocky asshole?

_Bella's head felt like it was going to explode! _

Was he making her pay with the same mixed messages she'd given him all those years ago or was he just lost and struggling to connect from under layers of fucked up scars?

In the end she had no way of knowing.

Jacob's creamy bass enveloped the room as he came back out of the office with some direction or the other for Quil – Bella got stuck on just the sound, unable to pry sanity free from the siren spell of his voice.

She watched him cross the garage, speaking with them now below the range of her hearing. Quil left the garage and she thought he was heading for her car… until he slipped into the van in front of it.

He drove it halfway into the bay and popped the hood.

For several minutes or hours, she watched Jacob navigate the garage with a relaxed fluency that was sexy as hell – several times coming over to the "lounge area" to grab parts from the bins under the fridge and microwave… while he blatantly ignored her.

She'd said she wanted to give him whatever he needed – what if all he needed from her was her dignity?

Bella sighed, returning her gaze to her computer.

She wasn't sure. About anything really. But she did know she was willing to wait and see what he was asking for with this little stunt.

And waiting did turn out to be the operative word.

Hours passed while the men worked on cars and music blared over the clicking metallic rattle of ratchets and whirr of pneumatic wrenches.

Bella had learned to make the best of situations by now so after she got over how unfair and fucking annoying as shit a certain Alpha shapeshifter was being, she settled into editing and immersed herself in chemical reagents and reactants.

Like old days, back in his father's actual garage, she got a shitload of work done. Somehow being around him had always been relaxing and comfortable, even before the imprint.

After all the water under the bridge – including his asshole behavior today – Bella found that oddly it hadn't changed.

But eventually the sun grew sleepy and work around the garage palpably dwindled to a stop until the Brothers collapsed on the couch, one on each side hemming her in like bookends (at a respectful one-foot distance). They stared at her screen and the diagram of a Diels-Alder reaction.

"That looks like a flying saucer," Elan pointed out sagely.

"It's a boobie, stupid," Nebi snorted, sly eyes sliding to Bella.

Bella glanced between the two identical milk chocolate smiles and then flicked her eyes up in feigned annoyance. "You see boobies everywhere, Nebi," she snorted. "I'd worry what that says about your psyche."

"I'm Elan," he grinned. "He's Nebi."

Bella groaned.

"_You're Nebi."_

Her words huffed out in unison over a terse bass and Bella's gaze darted out to see Jacob standing 15 feet away with acid eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing," he hissed.

The Brothers sprang up so quickly, the wind tugged at Bella's hair.

"Finish cleaning up," he spat as they hustled off toward the back of the garage.

Bella scowled up at Jacob as he turned back to her with steely eyes. He watched her silently for a moment and she stared right on back.

Tossing her keys up, he caught the ring on a thick index finger and spun them absently. "Didn't get to it," he bit out in a monotone.

"I noticed," Bella replied tartly, as she closed her computer.

"Bring it back tomorrow."

With that, he tossed the keys her way and turned on his heel.

They fell heedlessly beside her on the couch while she glared after him.

'

And that's how Bella found herself driving her car back down to the Rez on cloudy Friday morning. There had been far too much sun this summer to get away with it for long.

She shifted in her seat uncomfortably as she glanced up in her review mirror at the empty country road behind her. She was still a little sore from last night. He'd come to her in human skin with an inflammable hunger that, when mixed with her own, had combusted into hours of hot, carnal, lust-driven sex. They hadn't even made it to the bed.

Until later.

When incendiary need had burned off – leaving nothing but a charred and empty shell (and a couch that was in desperate need of washing) – he'd carried her to her bed, curled around her and buried his face in her neck with soft soothing purrs.

It was the last thing she remembered before waking up alone in late morning light. She was healing faster than she would have, but still the marks of his mouth lay like seeping shadows over her neck like they would after two days on her fair skin.

And she was still sore.

Wrinkling her nose, she wiggled again in the seat as she turned onto the last road. It had been a rough and furious coupling, but she'd needed it like that too. She'd been dying of starvation.

Bella supposed it was unhealthy to need him like she did.

She also supposed she didn't care.

And that's exactly why she was turning into the lot of a ragtag mechanic's garage on a Friday morning like a woman without pride, just on the off chance the man actually wanted her to be there.

While the physical connection was both needed and necessary, she still missed him terribly.

Pulling behind some kind of Nissan, she turned off the engine and pushed open the door. Music was blaring from the open garage but the first thing she oddly noticed was the stillness.

Seth didn't come out to greet her… she didn't see the Brothers pop up from behind a hood like meerkats… there was no snark and sass from Paul or Quil-cackles.

Bella threw the door closed – like somehow they just must not have heard her (which was stupid, even though the music was pretty damn loud). Shrugging her backpack over one shoulder, she stuffed her keys into her jeans shorts pocket and slowly made her way between cars.

There were four cars parked in the two bays, but not a soul around.

Unnerved, Bella pressed her lips together, flicking over the inside seam with her tongue as she made her way toward the lounge. It wasn't until she rounded the Chevy Trailblazer that she saw the legs sticking out from under the SUV like the wicked witch of the west.

Bella smiled at the analogy as well as those bare feet and sexy muscular calves displayed by cutoffs. She knew those legs: smooth caramel skin, silky hair, thighs as wide as her waist and….

Mmm… look at that package.

Even jeans had something to say about it.

Bella leaned against the SUV and stared for a moment, delaying the inevitable while the sounds of metallic clicks ticked between the beats of the grungy music on the deck. Jacob had always been more the classic rock kind of guy – she guessed that had changed along with… everything.

Pushing back off the truck, she wandered around the bumper, scanning the garage. There was no one else here – were they at lunch?

Bella contemplated walking back out.

Kind of.

Okay, not really at all.

After soaking up his touch and his scent last night (not to mention burning off some powerful UST) she was feeling a whole hell of a lot better. She ducked down and looked under the front bumper at the man lying on a dolly under the truck.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, peering at him almost upside down while she held her ponytail off the ground.

Braid lying heedlessly across the oil stains, Jacob was elbows deep in the guts of the vehicle and shirtless. He was biting his lip while the muscles in his arm rippled with the jerks and clicks of a hidden ratchet.

All he needed was a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry.

Heat rushed to her cheeks, remembering their raw and ravenous sex. Obviously she was ready for dessert already.

Figuring she wasn't going to get an answer, she was just about to pop back up to keep from passing out when…

"Gave 'em off," he grunted. "Since they held it down this week."

Surprised, Bella nodded absently even though he wasn't looking at her (of course).

She watched his profile a little longer, beads of sweat, dripping down his temple. "Do you want me to leave?"

He jerked a few more times and then rolled himself down, reaching in on the opposite side of the underbelly without a glance for her.

" 'You want it fixed?" he ground out over the scrape of metal.

Bella blinked as her eyes drifted off to the left. She wasn't sure if she was reading into things, but in all incarnations of that question, there was only one answer.

"Yeah, I do," she told him quietly.

"Then _wait_," he bit out. She watched him wrench his arm with soft grunts that reminded her...

_Jeezis, get your fucking head out of the gutter._

Bella straightened, drawing a deep resetting breath through her nose. It was so incredibly hard to bifurcate their relationship like this. She supposed it hadn't been easy for him either.

She was just getting her head on straight when she rounded the SUV and caught sight of a now bared six-pack, streaked with a smudge of grease that naturally lead her innocent eyes down to low-slung jeans and a sex trail that called like a siren to her tongue.

She shook her head at herself in disgust and turned her back on temptation as she trudged over to the lounge (she wasn't even using quotes in her mind anymore). Tossing her backpack down lightly, she sat on the edge, leaning over her knees and massaging her temples.

She was one hot mess. Between rabid hormones and a craving heart she couldn't keep her head on straight to save her life.

And if ever she needed to, it was then.

There were just too many coincidences to make this a coincidence. Even if it was his subconscious or even an intentional mind-fuck on his part, it was still a golden opportunity.

It was a chance to watch and figure out what _the man_ needed.

With a determined purse of her lips, Bella unzipped her backpack and pulled out her laptop. She was just opening her browser when Jacob pushed out from under the truck with the rattle of wheels.

Bella glanced up over her screen as he congealed to his feet with that liquid grace. He wiped his face with his forearm and snuffed a harsh breath that wrinkled his nose.

Then his eyes darted across the room and met Bella's.

Unreadable and set in a sweaty blank slate, they held hers for a heartbeat that felt like it took 20 seconds before he tore them away and stalked across the room.

Bella gasped quietly feeling like she'd just been choked to the point of blackout and then released. In opposition to that barren mask and hard diamond windows, there was pain buried deep in those eyes that it took her breath away.

Swallowing her heart, it gouged her throat on the way down, pushing back sobs and pressurizing her chest to the point she'd though she'd explode.

Numb fingers clicked over keys while she tried to absorb the weight of the realization: he was trying to let her in, but he was terrified. Just the slightest push and he'd be falling over the edge and into an abyss from which he'd never return.

Suddenly she understood.

The person who'd crucified him was also his salvation and while the starved animal could creep out and devour whatever scraps she offered, self-preservative instinct made him revile the hand that fed him.

But he was trying.

Bella sucked in a breath as she navigated to her email, catching movement in the corner of her eye.

Jacob stalked back with a wrench in hand, idly flipping it up into the air over and over and catching it on its descent by the handle with the ease of a master juggler.

He strode up to the engine of the vehicle and braced his hands against the frame, leaning under the hood. It excavated the muscles in his arms and shoulders and made those tight abs ripple under the sheen of sweat that set off his smooth rich skin. He really was such a beautiful man.

Bella's eyes returned to her screen, trying to parse out the superficial physical attraction from the abiding yearning and burning in her heart. For all intents and purposes she had that body, and –while it was delicious - it wasn't what she wanted.

She craved the man.

She wanted him whole. Happy & healthy. _However_ that ended up looking.

Outside the clouds finally made good on their threat and suddenly rain broke over the corrugated metal roof. Bella turned to the open door of the garage and watched it go from drizzle to shower to pouring a gauzy curtain of water over the cars in the lot. It washed the air clean and breathed the redemptive scent of wet earth over the musk and metal.

Soothing and moody, it felt suddenly very intimate to be holed up in this cavernous garage with Jacob standing only 20 feet away.

She smiled softly, turning back to the computer… and caught just the slightest tick of his head in her periphery.

So he was watching her too.

Bella pretended she didn't notice and settled down into her computer work while the music blared around them, now tamed by the rushing whisper of the downpour outside. Jacob used to be into the major chords and ripped metal of pure rock, but a lot of the songs on this playlist were grunge bordering on emo. He'd always been the (rare) kind of guy who actually listened to words and the music he chose now told her a lot: grating guitars and harsh vocals that mauled the room with anger, hopelessness, self-hate.

Bella listened carefully while she VPNed into her company website and pulled up a chapter. She stared at it blindly for a moment while her mind put pieces together and she watched him in her periphery under her lashes. The computer was actually a really handy prop because she could almost watch him head-on while pretending to stare at her screen.

It meant that she caught every covert glance he cast way.

And there were many.

As the day bled into afternoon and the rain dried up into a misting drizzle, Bella gave up on work switche out her laptop for her 4G tablet and surfed recipes. Jacob pulled out the Pathfinder and replaced it with a wet Nissan.

While they stayed locked in a tacit stalemate.

Bella decided to make a move (she was starting to get achy sitting in the same position even if the couch was inordinately comfortable). She lay down on her stomach across the cushions and crossed her ankles behind her as she continued to scroll through recipes. The wolf seemed to like the sound of her voice, maybe she should try to talk to the man too.

And if not, honestly what did she have to lose at this point anyway?

"This sounds good: baked teriyaki chicken," she told the room. "I'll bet the guys would like that one."

The sound of scraping metal continued uninterrupted from the car in the bay. Bella's eyes cut over to see Jacob leaning down into the engine.

"It's got three thousand votes," she informed him. "Maybe I should try that for this Sunday. But then again so does the garlic chicken." She turned back to the screen and scrolled through the recipe. "But Oh Em Gee, I don't know if I can deal with a Pack of wolves with garlic breath," she laughed.

The music in the back switched, letting the sound of the light tapping rain shower down from the corrugated roof overhead. Somewhere in the back a leak dripped in steady percussion over the sound of Jacob's work.

"Ooo, now here's something," Bella grazed her lip with her teeth as she scanned through the ingredients. "Creamy _bacon_-wrapped chicken breasts. It doesn't have as many votes though… but yeah bacon has its own recipe category!"

Even being not the biggest meat eater, Bella could still appreciate the brilliance that was bacon.

Most of the time…

"Ew!" she wrinkled he nose. "Bacon-wrapped banana?" She turned to where Jacob still hadn't acknowledged her and was almost a little too focused on whatever he was doing under the hood of that Nisaan. "That's just nasty!" she grimaced, returning to the screen.

"Bacon-wrapped tater tots!" she exclaimed. "And there's like a million recipes for bacon-wrapped chestnuts! Who the hell eats chestnuts?" she frowned. "I mean, I've never even _seen_ a chestnut in the store… okay maybe at Whole Paycheck in San Fran," she hedged. "You ever been to one of those?" she asked, turning to an awesome view now of Jacob's butt as he dug into the engine with his back to her.

"It's this natural grocery store called Whole Foods but it's so expensive…" she let the words die on her lips, figuring he probably didn't know (or care) what the hell she was talking about. She returned to the recipes.

"Bacon-wrapped hot dogs, now there's an awesome idea," Bella pursed her lips appreciatively. "Maybe that would be good for the bonfire next weekend."

She continued on, just meandering through recipe commentary or laughing at particularly exotic combinations while Jacob worked silently on the car.

But eventually she had to get up off the couch. Her neck started to get sore and she actually had to pee like a champ from all the coffee she'd had this morning to try to whip herself into shape. Pushing off the couch, she headed for the little restroom (that was surprisingly clean) in the back.

While she was washing her hands, she gazed into the smoky chipped mirror at her reflection. The bruises on her neck were healing fast and looked like third day shadows now. Tugging the rubber band out of her hair, she pulled her hair back into neat ponytail again and then hiked up the collar of her flannel shirt that did a good job of covering the mark. Part of her had wanted to put on make-up and something actually decent other than a flannel over jeans shorts, but then again that wasn't really who she was. She'd never dressed up for Jacob – he'd always gotten her at point-blank range.

She headed back out for another round of chess in the garage.

Making her way slowly back toward where Jacob was standing in front of the Nissan, Bella decided to switch it up a little. She stopped beside the car and leaned against the side, peering down into the engine where Jacob was reaching down into the engine. He twisted something with a jerk of his shoulder.

This close, her body reacted to all the distracting details. He had an oil smudge on a high cheek bone and the scruff that lined his jaw combined with that razor focus made him look dark and raw and sexy as hell. The sheen of sweat covering that perfect skin, highlighted railway track muscles straining in his back. Bella tried to tamp down the flush of heat.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked casually as she leaned both forearms on the side of the car and switched her focus to the infinitely less interesting engine.

Like she hadn't spoken, he continued to pant softly while he reached somewhere down deep in the twisting metal. After almost a minute she figured the tactic was a bust and was just pushing off the car, when he actually spoke.

"The fuel rail's losing pressure," he grunted as he pulled his arm out and peered down into the engine. "And it's burning down one cylinder's plug," that melt-in-your-mouth bass continued. "The check valve's good, so it's gotta be the injector."

He tipped his head, pushing more under the hood as he peered through the maze of tubes. "If… it's… leaking," he murmured slowly under his breath. "Then it could be filling one cylinder so it's running rich, and…"

He reached down with a hand, turning to her with blind distracted eyes while he felt around. He pulled something out with a metallic click. "Yeah…" he gasped breathily.

Bella nearly came on the spot.

She had no idea what he'd just said, but her body reacted like he was whispering hot honey nothings in her ear. She swore there was nothing more seductive than listening to that voice pour like heated molasses over shop talk.

Bella supposed she _had_ become kinky in her old age.

Suddenly, Jacob's gaze snapped into focus in hers and Bella blinked several times subtly tucking a guilty chin like he could read her thoughts. His eyes darted between hers for a moment - searching for what, she didn't know – while her heart worked double-time now to pump heat to her cheeks as along with between her legs.

Those sensuous full lips hitched up subtly and then his eyes released her and returned to the engine.

Suddenly Bella had a realization: if he could scent fear could he also smell when she… oh, God!

Bella banged her head on the hood as she bolted upright.

"Ow!" she whined, her hand rubbing the ache that had at least distracted her effectively from her gutter trolling body. "Ow, ow, ow!"

But seriously, after making love with him last night until she couldn't even move, how was she expected to act like she barely knew him in the morning?

"Careful."

That silken whisper instantly distracted her from the pain and her attention darted to where he was craning his neck to see around something.

"Hand me the line wrench?"

Bella blinked and her gaze fell to the tools laid out on the ground behind him.

Shit, which one was the line wrench? It had been a long time.

Rubbing her head brusquely one more time, she shimmied behind him and squatted while her gaze poured over a bunch of tools that looked confoundingly similar.

_Fuck. _

Doing a quick eenie meenie miny in her head, she grabbed up one and turned around. Jacob's butt was right in front of her, that broad muscular back stretching out for miles. Bella wanted to rub her cheek up the trench of his spine and wrap her arms around him and just listen to each slow deep breath and the hypnotic beat of his heart.

"Here," she offered instead.

His hand reached under his arm and Bella put the tool into it.

It only took him a second.

The face that peered under his arm sported an arched brow and knowing smirk. Bella squinted apologetically.

"_Line_ wrench," he told her blandly, handing the tool back.

She took it and turned around and kneeled by the spread of tools. Pursing her lips, she tried to intimidate them into giving up the culprit. It didn't work.

"Shit," Bella sighed. "I don't-…"

A big toe tapped by one that looked a whole hell of a lot like the rest of them.

Bella picked it up and turned to find Jacob leaning back against the front of the car with his arms crossed over his chest. With a flick of her eyes she handed it up. He took it as she stood, wiping her hands nervously on her shorts.

He considered her a moment with unreadable eyes that then darted down almost unintentionally to her neck… and the marks his mouth had made last night. Without a single expression or word, he turned back around with the tool in hand and plunged back into his work.

Bella watched him in disbelief for a moment.

How could he say nothing? Did he not remember? But, even though she'd taken a shower this morning, she knew he could scent who she'd spent the night with last night - if they Uleys were to be trusted (and they were). _Especially_ considering how many times they'd had sex.

When she'd asked Sam what he meant by her "smelling like the Alpha's mate" he'd literally choked on his spit. And told her to ask Emily in a literal wheeze.

She had. Talk about awkward conversations. Apparently with unprotected sex, wolf semen packed a powerful aromatic punch that seeped into the blood.

With a soft sigh, Bella turned and headed for the couch. Well, one thing was for sure: she wasn't going to get that bratty little smirk from him again.

She snatched up her tablet off the table and gathered two of the big cushions from the ratty couch.

Schlepping them back to his work area, she tossed the cushions down on the floor; they looked like they'd been dragged through oil anyway, so she didn't think he could complain. Besides, it was his fault she was so tender. She put one in front of the rear tire of the truck in truck in front of the Nissan (and within arm's reach of the tools) and then propped the other back against the wheel.

With a satisfied smile, Bella lowered herself to her make-shift chair and leaned back, propping her tablet on her bent thighs. She clicked it on and navigated to a wiki page about mechanic's tools and glanced between the pictures on the screen and the tools laid out beside her.

Feeling eyes on her, Bella looked up to see Jacob watching her under his arm. He nodded curtly and then returned his attention to his work.

Having finally garnered his approval, a satisfied smile fluttered over her lips as she pulled up the Kindle app and dove into her current mystery novel.

"Breaker bar," Jacob grunted.

Bella looked up to see him handing back the thingy wrench. She took it in one hand while she switched back to the webpage on her tablet with her other. Scrolling down to the picture, she then picked it out of the lineup on the floor and casually handed it up.

"I love the internet," she murmured to no one in particular as she returned to her book.

Jacob did something with the bar tool that made a horrible noise and Bella grimaced while she flipped back a page to remember where she was. This was a mediocre book at best – the kind that could be read in pieces instead of devoured in a single night. It was useful as a break from work.

A clank made her glance up to where Jacob had thrown the tool down with that uncanny precision so it landed in the same spot she'd taken it from. She idly wondered if he had them in some kind of order, as her eyes scanned familiar words and the story came back to her.

Jacob's bare feet strode by her and she ignored him, settling back against the cushion. This was actually the most peace she'd felt in a long time… quite probably eight years, in fact. She vaguely registered the sound of the refrigerator opening while the song switched, but she was now firmly entrenched in Chicago and walking along with the heroine down ghetto streets.

The flash of red in her periphery made her blink and look up.

A can of Coke.

Bella's breath caught in her throat.

She stared at it dumbly for a second and then her eyes followed that brown skin up a muscular arm to where its owner was tipping a beer bottle up to his lips while his eyes stayed glued on the engine in front of him.

Bella reached out and took the can and he continued his stride like it hadn't been interrupted, taking another long draught before propping the bottle in a spot at the front of the engine.

Flabbergasted, her eyes returned to the soda in her hand. It was unrefrigerated.

Just like the old days.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she turned the can around reverently like it was a fucking engagement ring or something.

She would _not_ cry.

Pressing her lips tightly together, she flared her nostrils against tears as she popped it open with a sucking hiss. She raised it to her mouth and took a slow and savoring sip of quite possibly the best warm Coca-Cola in the history of… everything.

Swishing it around in her mouth like a fine wine, she leaned her head back against the cushion and stared up at the high metal roof while her hands stayed wrapped around the soda can like a security blanket.

"Torque wrench," Jacob called over his shoulder.

'

"Thus, the reaction of 1-bromopropane with sodium cyanide proceeds smoothly to yield butanenitrile," Bella read each word in a soft animated voice that was completely divorced of the actual mind-numbing subject. "Whereas 1-bromo-2,2-dimethylpropane fails to give any product and is recovered unchanged. In contrast, both alkyl bromides form Grignard reagents on reaction with-…"

She stopped, peeking around her laptop screen at the two little girls whose eyes were now closed and lips lax where they lay on their parents' big California King mattress. She smiled as she slowly closed the computer, clicking it quietly shut. Watching them affectionately, she scooted the chair back and stood, stretching as she turned.

She was surprised to see Emily leaning in the bedroom doorway, a soft smile playing on her lips. Bella gave her an exaggerated grin as she tiptoed toward her.

Emily ducked into the hallway and Bella followed after. As she caught up with the woman, Emily slipped her hand into the crook of Bella's elbow and the two women walked arm and arm down the hall.

"I swear there's an entire untapped market for that book," Emily whispered with a soft laugh. "It would be flying off the shelf if parents knew of its mysterious napping powers."

Bella caught the laugh behind her lips and it exited in a soft snort. "It works on adults too, trust me," she chuckled.

Emily squeezed her arm, giving her a wink. From this side, she looked like a perfectly unblemished and gorgeous thirty year old. Actually from both sides – Bella didn't even notice her scars anymore.

They broke apart as they traipsed down the stairs to the kitchen where crayons and drawings littered the table. Bella set her laptop down and started stacking papers while Emily crossed the room to the crockpot that was quietly working on the Uleys' dinner.

"So you're headed out to the garage?" she asked as she picked up the lid to check the chicken. She grabbed the spoon from the saucer beside the appliance and stirred. "Maybe they'll have time today."

Bella laughed, looking up to see Emily roll her eyes – the intended sarcasm was completely divorced from her blinding half smile.

"Yeah maybe," Bella snorted as she gathered crayons into her fist. She released them into the shoe box slowly like rods of sand. "I kind of hope not."

The glass lid clattered as Emily replaced it on the crock pot. "Things are going really well, Bella," she murmured.

Bella looked up and met those sparkling eyes, a blush heating her cheeks. She'd come over this morning as promised to help with the kids while they cleaned together – since she'd been otherwise occupied on both Thursday and Friday.

Emily had spent the morning prying out the details with bulldog persistence and the patience of a saint. Bella wasn't really used to talking about her problems with other people – it made her feel vulnerable.

She'd spent all of Friday at Jacob's garage – sitting on the floor on cushions and handing him tools to his grunted demand.

He hadn't had time for her car yesterday either. _"Bring it back tomorrow."_

It was utterly ridiculous.

Bella supposed she didn't care.

But she also wouldn't neglect one of the most kind and giving friends she'd ever had either.

"So do you think creamy bacon-wrapped chicken for tomorrow?" Bella asked with a raise of her brow and usual deflection.

Emily rolled her eyes as she leaned back against the counter, resting an idle hand on her belly just starting to brush against the loose dress. She was starting to show and it reminded Bella that a month had passed since she'd been marked.

Even though Emily had touted that Jacob just showing up for Sunday Luppers (along with the entire Pack) was impressive, this was really the first time she felt like she was making some headway with the man.

"Well bacon and anything is always a hit," Emily told her wisely.

"Not bacon wrapped banana," Bella wrinkled her nose.

"Yuck!"

"I know right? They had several wacky recipes like that," Bella grinned, picking up her computer and stuffing it into her backpack.

"The chicken's probably a safer bet," Emily arched a humorous brow.

Bella pursed her lips with a nod. The jokes were stupid and half-assed - she was feeling distracted just wondering how the afternoon was going to go. Talia had stopped in earlier to say hi after dropping Seth off at work so she knew the guys were all there.

Bella flicked her lip nervously with her tongue while she zipped up the pack and her mind spun.

"Hey," Emily called softly and Bella jumped, turning to where she'd come up beside her. "Just no expectations, right?" She rested a kind hand on Bella's arm.

Bella nodded, covering the woman's hand with her own and squeezing it. They both knew how unpredictable and volatile he'd become.

"Don't forget these," Emily turned and pulled the covered foil pan from the table.

Bella had made a triple batch of cookies with Kim and Emily's girls that morning. One third had already been decimated by the wolves: Sam, Jared and their cubs.

The survivors were stacked in here.

Bella took the pan in one hand. "Here goes nothing…" she sighed, swinging the backpack up on her shoulder with the other.

Leaning in for a hug, Bella then turned and strode to the front door.

And that's how she found herself driving on a Saturday afternoon down a now familiar country road.

Her stomach felt like it was full of moths, but other than that she felt strangely balanced. Maybe it was spending yesterday in the closer approximation to their past friendship then she'd ever dreamed of, or maybe it was the tenderness last night.

He'd come to her in the late evening with feral eyes and latent need under his skin but patience in the touch of each calloused fingertip. He'd spent an hour just running his hands and mouth over every inch of her body. Then he'd made sweet honeysuckle love to her until they'd drifted to sleep in each other's arms. It seemed impossible that his Spirit Warrior wasn't connected to the man she'd spent her day with… and the other way around.

Bella's eyes drifted down to the cup holder and the empty Coke can rattling with each pothole. Her lips curved as she settled back in the seat and took the last turn. She didn't realized she'd been holding her breath until she'd parked and was turning her car off. Releasing a long sigh from her cheeks as the engine shuddered to silence, Bella grabbed the tray of cookies.

On cue, Seth came striding out of the garage with a Cheshire cat grin. Bella smiled in resonance and pushed out of the door, dragging her backpack out of the front seat along with her.

"Hey sis!" he piped, leaning over pertly with both hands behind his back to place a peck on her hairline.

Jacob must be here.

"Yo, bro," she pursed humorous gangsta lips. She could be dorky like that with Seth –it was one of the things she loved about him.

He gave her a little wink with a meaningful jerk of his head toward the garage that was as good as stage whisper.

Bella just had to smile as she fell into step with him – he was still so incredibly adorable. And he was such a good brother too – she might not have survived that Wednesday evening if it wasn't for him stepping in.

The worst thing about the last month was the fact that things with her father had tanked into a silent standoff. A few days after she'd woken up from the marking ordeal, she'd gone over to Charlie's house for dinner and tried to talk about it. But one look at the scar on her neck and he'd flown into a rage, which was really not like him at all. She hoped it was temporary.

Sue thought it was.

She'd pulled Bella aside and given her the insight that Charlie had never really forgiven himself for everything Edward and saw this as a repeat failure.

It was complicated – when was it ever not.

Sue said to give him time, but it was uncomfortable ignoring the two most important men in her life. Good thing it looked like half of that equation was starting to change.

One thing at a time: she could work on her dad next.

"I smell chocolate chip cookies," Quil came striding across the garage on a direct intercept like the dog he was.

Their noses really were amazing.

"Chocolate chip _oatmeal_," she corrected snootily.

"Shit, why you gotta ruin it with healthy, huh?" he snorted as he brought her to a stop with a road block.

Keeping bitch-hug distance, he leaned down and pressed a smacking kiss to the top of her head at the same time he sneakily relieved her of the pan. Dramatically pulling off the tinfoil and throwing it over his shoulder, he immediately dug one out and shoved the whole thing in that big mouth as he trotted away.

"Fuck! Why'd you give it to _him_?" Paul complained, wiping his hands on a rag that looked oily enough to just make them dirtier. "That fat ass don't share."

"Who wyou cawing fwat?" Quil mumbled through a full mouth.

Paul smirked at her with a wink. "I'm gonna take him down, watch." Apparently ten feet was as close as he was willing to get in present company.

"You and your spare tire, Papa?" Quil cackled.

"Fuck you!" Paul barked, chasing after him.

Never let it be said that there wasn't justice in the Pack. After Paul's low blow to his pregnant wife at that first Lupper, Rachel had made a snide comment about sympathy weight that had him choking on his beer. It had been such a magnificently irresistible reaction that the Pack had grabbed the insult and run with it hard for four weeks now.

"Where're the Brothers?" Bella asked Seth, in a lame attempt to cover for her scope of the garage.

"They're off for a family thing," Seth told her, blithely ignoring her cover up.

Paul caught up to Quil in the back apparently because a cracking smack prefaced a yowl of pain. Seconds later Paul came trotting back between the cars with his mouth full and a tin pan balanced in his palm.

"Eat up, fatso," Quil called after him, as he limped after, hunched over and clutching his arm.

"Fwuck you!" Paul snapped, cookie spraying along with the curse, making Bella shudder as she continued scanning the cars.

Seth elbowed her then and Bella looked up to see him jerk his chin toward the office.

And there he was. Jacob was sitting in the dark with his chair tipped back. Boots propped up on the desk while he held the phone between his shoulder and ear, he spun a key idly around his finger by the ring. He was dressed today in jeans and a wife-beater which seemed to be his uniform – it made her wonder whether he'd gone shirtless for her yesterday or comfort.

Bella decided not to try and guess… no expectations, right?

Handing her keys to Seth, she plopped down on the couch and dropped her bag beside her. "Think you'll have time today?" she asked with a lift of her brow, more getting a read on any weather report than anything. Outside it was another rare sunny day.

Seth gave her a knowing smile and tossed the keys up once and caught them in his palm. "We'll see," he wiggled his brows.

Paul approached and grabbed two more cookies before tossing the tin on the coffee table.

"They're good, Swan," he told her before shoving another one in his face.

Bella suppressed a laugh – it really had been hilarious to watch him get ribbed every time he put something in his mouth (which was often).

"Fuck," he rolled his eyes. "Not you too." With that he stalked off to the other side of the bay. Of course, while he was on the bulkier side like Jacob – not lanky like Qul, Embry or Brady – he still had abs to die for.

With a grin at Bella, Seth grabbed a brazen stack of cookies and sauntered back toward the office, stuffing one in his mouth.

"Mmmm," he hummed over his shoulder, adding an overstated thumbs up with the hand that held the key.

Bella smiled to herself as she unzipped her backpack and pulled out her tablet. She kicked off her flip flops and leaned back against the wall, propping her feet on the table as she clicked it on. Glancing out of the corner of her eye she saw Seth standing in the doorway of the office, throwing back another cookie while Jacob stood up from the chair, clutching the phone to his ear and obviously finishing up the conversation.

She returned her attention to the device in her lap and tried to relax. Her heartbeat was going a gazillion miles per hour and adrenaline was running hot in her veins.

She really was pitiful.

With an irritated sigh at herself, she pulled up her book and tried to get into it – "try" being the operative word. She glanced again at Seth and Jacob, now talking in the office. Her stepbrother was handing him her key.

She returned her gaze to the words on the screen.

"The Little Elks are gonna go for it," Jacob called, his rich voice rippling over the sounds of work and music like a fleecy blanket. "Paul, pull the radiator."

Bella pressed her lips together while her tongue furiously flicked the inside seam. Head tucked, she kept her eyes carefully trained on her tablet while she strained to watch for movement in her periphery. The laptop was better camo.

Seth came striding down the aisle and she glanced up to catch his wink and furtive nod before he stuffed the last cookie in his mouth on his way to the car in front of her. He was so cute – like a golden retriever playing Jason Borne.

Bella smiled to herself as her eyes dropped again to the page. She could feel Jacob coming closer – or at least she thought she could. Maybe it was just the combo of nerves and imagination.

But a jingle did indeed preface Jacob rounding the corner of the buildout, fidgeting with her keys. Her eyes stayed glued on words she couldn't read for the life of her.

A soft clack made her look up to see a Coke can unceremoniously deposited on the coffee table and the same hand promptly diving in the tray and scooping up a stack of cookies without a break in his stride. Talk about Jason Born – it was an enviable sleight of hand.

He silently switched trajectory and headed for the garage door and Bella looked up to watch that powerful back ripple with his easy stride.

"Pull the Cuppys' car out," Jacob directed the words toward Seth as he headed outside. "I'm going to pull the Toyota in."

The Toyota. Not Bella's car. Not even "the Swans."

It was the little things, like Emily had said.

Bella leaned forward and picked up the can, gazing at it a moment. But he _had_ also brought her a Coke.

Nonplussed, she glanced out at where Jacob was tossing a cookie into the air. He caught it deftly in his mouth and chewed as he pulled her car door open.

Bella cracked open her can and took a sip of warm soda and guilty comfort while she fruitlessly tried to read and watch the car switch go on in front of her. She couldn't help but notice he'd decided to drive her car in and there was something incredibly sexy about it. Those casually competent hands seemed at home on the wheel while nonchalant eyes stared out the windshield.

He threw it in park and opened the door, slipping a booted foot out while he fluently found the hood release and popped it. With the vehicle still running he unfolded from the car and flowed around the door to lift the hood. He leaned down under it, bracing his hands on either side of the car while an intense gaze flitted over the engine. Eyes fluttering closed, he leaned down closer while he bit his lip in that way he'd done since childhood when he was concentrating.

Then his eyes blinked open as he pushed off the car.

"It loses power when you accelerate?" Jacob asked her while his gaze stayed locked on the chirping engine.

"It kinda sputters, yeah," Bella answered.

He nodded curtly and looked up as Seth strode back into the garage.

"Check the pressure on the cylinders," he instructed tersely. "But I think it's a cracked hose. Do a tune… check the plugs. The rear brake pads are trashed and it needs a new belt."

"God! Turn that God damned thing off!" Paul yelled from the far corner. "That fucking chirp!"

"And I'll get an estimate on the pump," Jacob added as Seth ducked into the car and cut the engine.

With a clap on Seth's shoulder, Jacob turned and stalked toward the seating area.

Bella looked up, feeling like all the blood was shucked up into her head.

"When's the last time you got that piece of shit looked at?" Jacob snorted, his lips hitching up in a callous smirk.

Nerves evaporated though as Bella's brows collided and indignation straightened her spine. "Don't hate on the Toyota," she spat.

She knew they had a thing about American cars, but really! She'd bought it off Craigslist three years ago about the time she started getting healthy and it was symbolic.

Jacob arched a brow as he stopped by the coffee table. "When?" he challenged, as he stooped over, snatching up a cookie while he held her gaze.

Bella pulled her elbows in as her gaze listed off to the side in chagrin. She shrugged sheepishly.

How about never?

Jacob coughed a laugh and she looked up to him chewing chocolate chip oatmeal in the sly side of his mouth.

Bella rolled her eyes with a huff and he turned on his heel without another word. Part of her wanted to slap him.

Another part to pull him to her breast and hold him tight

And yet another to jump his bones.

She felt like she was a gazillion people herself. She supposed it made sense – she'd torn their souls in half and Jacob was still ripping up the pieces.

But he was trying.

Bella turned the soda in her hand, listening to the bubbles pop inside the tin. She didn't know what she felt.

In fact, she decided not to even try and figure it out. She'd just take each moment as it came. Tipping back a gulp of Coke, she set it on the coffee table and tried to submerge her angst in mediocre crime fiction.

The afternoon passed quickly – she wished she could say the same about the book. After the finale and one of the lamest sex scenes ever written, Bella finally plowed her way through it.

With a disgusted toss of her tablet to the couch, she wandered over to bug Seth. With a happy grin, he pulled down the tailgate of the truck parked in front of her Toyota and she hopped up and watched him work. Another hour passed pleasantly – making up for the book - as he cheerfully explained what he was doing, while Bella leaned against the side of the truck bed and sipped the Coke that was now flat but that she was trying to make last forever.

Paul and Quil finished changing out the radiator and drifted over – grabbing the cookies off the table and setting them on the tailgate of the truck. Quil hopped up beside her and she munched on the one he handed her while the three wolves downed the rest like there was no tomorrow.

"So I was going to try bacon-wrapped hotdogs for the bonfire next weekend," Bella informed them. She couldn't believe it was the end of the summer already.

"Bacon wrapped around anything is fucking awesome," Quil pronounced, popping a cookie past his lips.

Paul grabbed another – they were having a race apparently in response to Bella's "only one at a time" rule. "How about wrapped around your dick?" he sneered.

"Oh my God!" Bella let her head fall back with a disgusted groan. "Did you really say that?"

"He says a lot of stuff," Seth snorted, getting in on the cookie action in spite of oily hands.

"Whow bwout bwacon wrapped-…"

Bella quickly mowed over Paul's train-wreck mouth. "Do you think the new boy will be ready by then?" she directed the question to Seth – the most mature of the bunch even though he was a good five years younger.

Seth's eyes fell to the floor as he chewed, and the other two's sniggers instantly dried up to smacking chews.

Shit, apparently she'd put her foot in her mouth. Nothing new.

"Is he okay?" Bella asked quietly, letting her half-eaten cookie fall to her thigh.

Seth looked up with a grimace. "He's doing good with control," he hedged.

Bella tipped her head, urging him on with concerned eyes.

"But he's ah…" he sighed heavily. "He's a real sweet kid who's been through a lot. He's having a rough time dealing with the anger… " His shoulders subtly rounded. "And the whole 'born to kill' clause of all this crap."

Bella's heart thudded painfully – she could only imagine.

Jacob had been sweet kid too.

He'd been a boy who loved sports, wood carving and American muscle before all this insanity. He'd had to grow up overnight into not only a man but a monster.

"_I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good." *_

Those words had haunted her over the years and even more so these last two months . Now she knew from Emily that he'd he'd imprinted on her already when he'd told her that all those years ago. It just made it all worse.

Jacob had hated what he'd become and he'd tried to protect her from himself even though she had been the one who could have made it better.

Bella had been wrapped up so tightly in selfish fear of abandonment that she hadn't been there for him… even when he'd basically been screaming for help.

"Hey," Seth murmured, nudging her knee.

Bella jerked her face up, realizing her head had bowed under all that was weighing her down.

Her stepbrother searched her eyes with a pucker between his brows. "He'll be okay," he whispered.

Paul let Quil steal the last cookie as he cocked his smirk to try and cheer her up. "Yeah," he slapped Quil so heartily on the back that he choked. "Look at this bacon-wrapped dick! 'Took a decade, but even he -..."

The words were abruptly jerked back and Bella snapped back to attention as all three men subtly stiffened.

"You're done?" Jacob came striding around the truck in the next second, eyes locked on Seth.

He nodded. "All except the pump," he told him.

Bella tried to switch tacks.

Jacob had stopped by several times this afternoon to check on Seth's progress – he'd nod to whatever he reported and dole out another directive before stalking back to the front of the truck he was working on.

Jacob leaned over the Toyota and examined Seth's work.

"How much is it going to cost?" Bella asked again. San Fran was an expensive town to live in, but she had good job and a simple lifestyle. She had savings but she was also known affectionately by her roomie as a "tight-wad.

"I've got to price a replacement," Jacob murmured, wiggling something then testing something else with a straining twist of his arm.

Bella's gaze darted over the three men. Quil was now wrapped up in devouring the last cookie, Seth was watching Jacob inspect his work and Paul was leaned against the tailgate beside Quil… with his eyes singularly trained on the half-eaten cookie in her hand.

Jacob turned around and Bella looked up and met that unreadable gaze. Without a word he jerked his chin toward the office and then strode off down the aisle.

Bella watched him go for a second and the slipped down off the truck. Paul steadied her with an automatic hand before he yanked it away, eyes trailing after his Alpha.

Snorting, she handed him the cookie and he gave her a shit eating grin before she turned to follow.

"Paul, Quil," Jacob called over his shoulder before ducking in the office. "Finish cleaning up the Chevy."

Bella ambled toward the back of the garage while Paul overtook her with his long stride, dusting his hands off as he chewed what had been left of her cookie. He gave her a wink as he poked his head under the pickup truck's hood.

Bella passed him with a glance – Quil coming up on the other side of the engine – before she turned to the open office door. Licking her lips, she entered the small build-out room.

Shelves were cluttered with oily parts books and the desk was covered with carbon billing forms clustered like scales out from an old-school landline phone attached to an answering machine. There was a standup fan and several metal 1970s chairs that looked like they'd escaped from her father's police office.

Jacob pulled a clunky laptop off one beside him and set it on the desk as he lowered himself into the battered desk chair. Leaning forward he pulled the cord out of the phone and plugged it into the ancient machine.

"Dial up internet?" Bella gasped incredulously.

Flipping up the computer he didn't turn around.

"That's like _dark ages_, Jake," she leaned against the door frame. Shaking her head in dismay she watch the dinosaur computer struggle to even get past the bios.

"So what do I owe you for today?" she asked.

Jacob turned the swivel chair around and leaned back with the squeak of springs while the computer chugged away. For a moment, he stared at her from behind a wooden mask.

Bella tried not to fidget but pushed herself harder into the doorframe as she lifted a prompting brow.

He sniffed and the corner of that sensuous mouth ticked up subtly on one side, making it look bitter.

"You don't owe me anything," he murmured while he held her gaze intensely.

Bella had had enough of silence and innuendo.

Eyes narrowing, she pushed off the doorframe and took a step into the room. "Now what are we talking about here?" she asked plainly. "The work on my car or something else?"

That crooked smile deepened. "What else is there?"

"I'm not going to play games with you Jake," she bit out quietly, her nostrils flaring with annoyance.

Propping both elbows on the armrests, he tipped his chair back a little more rocking it subtly back and forth at its farthest recline while he stared her down. His head listed to the side as he shoved his bottom lip out – thoughtful or challenging, she couldn't tell.

Without warning he spun back around, sitting forward in one smooth motion with crisp control. The computer was up and his hand lifted to the trackpad to navigate to the internet.

Bella watched him from under a furrowed brow – trying to figure out what the fuck to do. In the end she went with honesty.

"I know I don't _owe_ you anything," she whispered and then drew in a breath, releasing it thoughtfully. "Do I feel bad? Fuck yeah. Do I wish I wasn't such a selfish jerk back then? Uh huh," she snorted pertly. "But I told you, _I can't change the past."_

Nothing in Jacob's body language indicated that she'd said a word.

"Everything is about _now_," she continued, glancing over her shoulder at where Quil and Paul were horsing around while they put parts away. She wondered how much of it was staged.

"Being _who I want to be now_. And I don't want to the kind of person who _ever_ gives up on someone she lo-.." She stopped herself, flicking her eyes up at both herself and him.

"Someone she's _fond_ of."

Her hands didn't know what to do with themselves so she tucked them under each arm. "I'm your _imprint_, Jake," she whispered tensely. "And it's my turn to be what you need."

Jacob was clicking through screens of some website now. He leaned back while the page loaded, splaying one leg under the desk while the other pumped frenetically on the ball of his foot with nervous energy.

Bella took a step back and leaned against the door frame and tried to distract herself from how painful this all was by how painful it was to watch his internet creep along instead.

It didn't work.

"We scrounged the parts," Jacob announced suddenly, as he scrolled down the page. "And your _new brother's_ doing all the work."

Was that _jealousy_? No…

"Doubt he'd be too happy charging labor to family," he sniffed

That Jacob Black was one sneaky little fucker.

"All you gotta pay for…" he mumbled distractedly under his breath as he leaned forward. "Is the pump."

They were right about that strategic mind – he knew she'd never let him get away with not charging her something.

"$47.16," he announced, propping his elbows on the armrest and spinning around with a saccharine smile.

"You're infuriating, you know that?" Bella ground out.

He gave her an innocent lift of his brow – splaying his hands out and everything.

"Ugh!" Bella groaned, her eyes flicking up and pacing the ceiling for a moment.

"It's going to take a few days to get it in."

Bella's gaze returned to where his face was back to that steely mask. She blinked back to attention, trying to figure out what was happening under the surface.

"You'll have to check in," he announced tersely as he spun back around and started clicking through an order. "Don't have time for phone calls."

Bella stared at the back of his head for a moment – he said it like he was being an asshole, but it was such a transparent excuse for her to come around more that she knew that sharp mind was well aware she'd see through it.

Like with Leah, she made sure to ignore it completely.

"Oh yeah?" Bella snapped, fluently playing along. "Well guess what? I'm going to pay you in _trade_ and kill that shitty system of yours and get something that can load a page in less than an hour."

Considering what they'd charge her somewhere else, that was more than fair. Plus, holy shit, he needed it.

"Suit yourself," Jacob ground out under his breath and then hit return with a flourish as he turned around.

But that bratty smirk was wiped from his lips as his head snapped around to the window facing the front of shop.

Seconds later a howl came from the garage and Bella peeled around the doorframe to see Quil and Paul similarly staring out into the drive.

"Thar she blows!" Paul whooped. "Tricksy Trixie-…!"

His jeer was cut off abruptly as both men jerked toward where Bella stood in the doorway. The goofy leer slipped from his face like it was made of Teflon as Paul's eyes met hers.

Outside now Bella could hear the thrum of an 808 bass being piped through hard-core speakers. She peered around the doorway a little more to watch the white SUV with waves painted over the sides screech up into the drive, radiating a driving rap through the custom paint job.

Seth slammed down the hood of the Toyota and turned and met her gaze with sober aching eyes.

The door opened and ear-popping Crunk spilled over the yard just before two long bare legs. A girl slipped out of the driver's seat who'd put Roger Rabbit's Jessica to shame.

Dressed in a bikini, a strapless net cover-up (which was basically transparent) was held up by a pair of bodacious boobs. It fell just to the tops of her thighs, emphasizing long shapely legs that were hiked up on clear plastic heels. Her thick natural-red hair fell like a curtain down her back all the way to feminine hips, creating the perfect sexy backdrop for her Lombard Street curves.

With another somber glance over his shoulder, Seth traipsed out to greet her.

"Hey-_ey!_" she called out through pursed fire-engine lips with a flirty little wave. She sashayed toward him with an undulating stride.

"How've you been, handsome?" She gave Seth the perfect Housewives of Beverly Hills hug and peck on the cheek. "Jakesy around?"

_Where the fuck did he find these girls?_

Bella folded back around the doorframe to find Jacob watching her without a single fucking expression on his face while his supernatural fingers finished rebraiding his hair. Holding her gaze with stoic eyes, he wrapped the band around the end.

It was all sleek and perfect now for … Trixie.

With bad-assed boots, faded 501s and an oil-smudged wife-beater that hugged that torso so tight you could see the ripple of his abs, he looked like a picture perfect model for a Firefighters calendar or something.

"I ordered it," he announced in a slickery bass.

Bella tried to blink free from a million concurrent thoughts – none of them pleasant. "The water heater?"

He sniffed, lips kicking up into one cheek. "Pump."

She pulled her lip into her mouth with a curt nod.

Jacob's gaze promptly slipped from her and casually out into the garage as he strode toward the door… which meant he had to pass her by.

Bella pressed her back against the frame. She didn't know what the fuck to do – her heart was shriveling in her chest like a prune, she could feel it.

"Jake," she whispered as he started by her.

He stopped.

Bella was searching for something to say while she stared up at that stoic profile only a foot away. But there was absolutely nothing to say.

When she didn't continue, his eyes cut down to her as his cheek subtly turned.

"I mean, if you want, I-…" she rasped the words like cornhusks before the disintegrated into dust on her tongue.

If he wanted a booming body and girl who knew how to use it? If he wanted a playboy bunny who smoked on his arm? If he wanted a wild and crazy fuck?

She couldn't give him any of it.

"Nothing," she sighed softly.

He turned toward her, looking down at where she was pressed against the wall – plain-jane body dressed in flannel over a camisole, garage-dirty-assed jeans shorts and flip flops with her hair in a messy ponytail. She only came up to his shoulder.

"Just do what you need to do," she breathed, hating that her eyes burned with acidic tears. Her nostrils quivered with the prickle.

She would _not_ cry.

Set in a deadpan face, stony eyes searched hers for a heartbeat – if she'd had one. She was pretty sure it had given up the fight.

Tearing his gaze from hers he stared blankly back out in the garage for a moment as an effervescent giggle echoed gaily in the cavernous room.

Then he started walking again.

Bella folded around the doorway after him.

"Are you being safe?" she called quietly. She was pretty sure shapeshifters couldn't get sick with human disease, but she suddenly realized he might be fucking girls every night before his wolf/warrior came to her and she certainly could.

Jacob froze again. She heard him lick his lips as he turned subtly over his shoulder.

"You're the only one who's ever carried my scent," he whispered under his breath. The words were barely audible but still somehow they carried to her ear.

Bella hated how her traitor body responded.

And then he was gone…

striding down the aisle toward the girl laughing now with Quil and Seth, each movement a calculated camera-ready pose.

"Jake!" Trixie called as soon as she caught sight of him, switching her weight coyly to one hip.

The other two peeled away as he strode up to her and bent down to press his lips to her cheek. "How's it going, Trix?"

"Long time no see, stranger," she laughed, slapping his peck and then rubbing over the tap. Those long fingers seductively traced back and forth. "I thought I'd come down and see if you wanted to start Saturday night a little early."

"If you're the one asking," he crooned, grabbing up her hand and ferrying it to his mouth.

Bella's gaze slipped from the scene as she leaned her shoulder against the wall. Her eyes closed slowly as she huffed out a long defeated breath. She felt so empty.

A big hand ghosted over her shoulder blades and Bella jumped, looking up to see Paul watching her with the first serious expression she'd ever seen on his face in her life.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

Tears were slowly wiggling free from her white-knuckled grip. Pulling her rolled-up flannel sleeve down over the heel of her hand, she brusquely wiped her nose with an incriminating sniffle.

She would _not_ cry. Not here.

"Hey," he said softly, tucking her under his arm as he pulled her away from the wall. "Its-…"

Bella jerked her head up with another sharp sniffle. "It's _what_, Paul," she challenged quietly.

Paul's lips pursed as he released a slow breath through his nose. He slowly shook his head. "I got nothin'."

At least he was honest.

"C'mon, chica," he murmured, trying to steer her to the back of the garage and away from the pre-fuck pageantry.

Bella jerked away, wiping her misty eyes she looked back up see Jacob rub a hand over the girl's ass and then give it a tap before she strutted around the front of the SUV. He watched her go for a second and then headed for the driver's side without a glance toward his audience.

It was important somehow for Bella to see this – she didn't know why.

Paul pulled her into his side as Jacob slipped into the seat and the girl leaned over with cooing lips and wandering hands that went straight for the crotch.

Jacob turned and gave her a roguish smile that was calculate to melt the panties off of any girl in a nanosecond flat. It did nothing for Bella today.

Now she knew how he must have felt all those times Edward had had his hands all over her and had spent each night in her bed.

It hurt.

Correction, it hurt like a _muthafucking bitch._

Tender lips pressed to the top of her head. "How can you stand to watch this," Paul breathed over her hair.

Bella stared out at where Jacob pulled the car door closed, muffling the music while the girl leaned up and kissed him on the jaw.

"I guess…" she whispered dully. "The same way he could."

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_Review if you like. _


	6. Part VI - Place

Thanks for all the notes… appreciative and/or passionately pissedl. ;-) They all help get this out.

An anonymous user did post a comment that needs answering for general education's sake: she felt that with the 1st chap BJ it was BS that no one carried his scent. I feel it is my duty to inform you that in order to *reduce* your chances of STDs (or marking a girl by scent by someone who doesn't kiss and obviously is trying to keep distance) one should use a condom any time there is sexual contact.

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Things come full circle - song for this chapter is one of my faves (you may recognize the title): Be Like Water by Sarah Fimm.

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_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

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**Part VI - Place**

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The hollow slosh of water echoed in Bella's ears. Rocking. Swaying. Like a lullaby.

A cool spatter on her cheeks made her eyes slowly flutter open. To be followed by another and another – the dusky sky was full of clouds that watered this barrenness with tentative tears. With a sigh, she sat up clumsily; her body felt like it wasn't her own.

The boat rocked with each ungainly movement, the water around her burbling and clapping against the wooden sides. She could feel the tension of water below her, cradling the thin wooden membrane of the dinghy.

Wrapping the blanket around her, she pulled herself up by a hand onto the weathered wooden seat – just a plank set across the stern. With dull eyes, Bella scanned the surface of the lake – now alive with the rain's kaleidoscope circles.

It was getting dark. The last light of day was glowing like coals under the thick skin of clouds. Heavy swollen eyes trundled sluggishly toward the shore. The boat had drifted out into the middle of the lake, lights winking across sweeping plain of water from secret lives holed up in rolling forest that rose like smoke from the shores. Her gaze found the pinpoint of light, set off from the others. A beacon back to reality.

She really didn't want to follow it.

She stooped, fumbling for the worn oar with the soft clop of wood on wood, pulled it into deadened hands and dipped the paddle into the water. The lake murmured softly as she pushed through the miring resistance of dream and surreality. Water dripped and tinkled soothingly as she lifted the oar out and did it again.

Rowing, pushing herself back.

She switched to the other side, water splashed across the boat before the oar dove back into the lake.

She didn't really remember much after leaving the garage this afternoon. Ignoring worried voices, speaking words that she couldn't understand, she'd gotten silently into her Toyota and driven down late afternoon country roads on auto-pilot until she'd turned into her driveway.

She'd needed to escape the phone ringing in her pocket, the way the house smelled like pine and sex, the memory that was entrenched in her mind's eye:

Jacob Black getting into that car. And driving away.

So she'd gotten in the boat and drifted, fleeing all that was weighing her down.

Each slow and soothing movement of the oar pushed herself over the quiet lake toward the house with soft-lit eyes while the rain clung to her cheeks like spider web mist. She navigated to the little dock, colliding with pier with a harsh clatter before hands clawed over the rough wood, a splinter sliding under her skin. With the cold or disassociation, she didn't really feel the pain.

Leaning forward while she held the dock, she grabbed up the scratchy rope – hemp wet and dried so many times it was stiff and tight. Holding it she stood, wobbling as the water rocked and jostled, trying to throw her from its back, before she hauled herself onto the planks. The blanket's hem fell into the water.

Bella ignored it.

She scrabbled to her knees and tied the dinghy to the dock and then stood, pulling up the blanket and listening to the water tinkle and splash while the boat clucked against the wooden pylon. Wrapping it around her shoulders she took slow steps up toward the house while it dragged heavily behind her like the baggage of the past.

The rain was light but the dusk was falling hard, staunching the blood red flow of the wounded of sunset with night. Bella pulled open the sliding glass door with the serpentine hiss of the track and then closed it quietly behind her.

The blanket slipped from her shoulders to the floor as she swam through the dim lamp light toward the table. She reached out numbly to her phone, sitting beside a green box of cigarettes and bottle of rum that had sat half-empty now for four weeks. She clicked it on.

Twenty-four missed calls (and more voicemails and texts). Scrolling through them, her eyes dully slipped over the names, appearing multiple times in the long list:

Seth

Kim

Leah _(Dammit Seth)_

Claire

Emily, Emily, Emily

Sam, Sam

Leah, Leah , Leah

Sue _(_Goddammit_ Seth… or maybe it was Lee)_

Rachel

Jen

Jon _(Ugh, Leah)_

Nina

Embry

In comparison with a short two months ago, there were so many people who cared for her now. It might be comforting tomorrow.

She scrolled to the myriad of texts, most from the same culprits. An unrecognized number caught her eye and she opened it.

_If u don't call Rache back, she's gonna kick my ass. Paul._

Bella smiled wanly and picked the phone up in a shaking hand. Her thumb swiped to the group "Pack" (that included all numbers she had –minus Jacob's) and then she fumbled with a text blast:

_See u all 2morrow at Lup_

She hit send and then scrolled to Emily's contact and sent another.

_B there L8. Will bring chicken. ˂3_

She was just hitting send when the phone vibrated in her hand.

_Leah_.

Her thumb stuttered over the ignore button and it engaged. With dismay, Bella watched the seconds counting up on the connected phone call. It was a rule: she never every hung up on anyone, no matter what. With a soft sigh she lifted the phone to her cheek and waited.

Silence.

"Swan?" a voice ventured finally.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Shit… you gotta answer your phone, bitch," Leah groaned – Bella could hear the concern pulling her usual brashly flippant self under rapids. "And the muthafuckin' door! Em and Sam stopped by and couldn't find you. Everyone's shitting bricks!"

The accusation grated harshly – even coming from the adrenaline-laced worry that it was.

"I need to be alone."

"No you don't, you need-…"

"Leah."

Bella heard Leah's thick swallow. "What, Swan?"

"I need you to respect this boundary."

Leah inhaled slowly and then a breath skated softly over the mic. "Bella, I'm worried."

"Don't be," she whispered.

"See it's exactly that kinda shit that makes me fucking lose it," Leah barked hoarsely. "Are you drunk?"

"No."

"You don't sound like yourself."

"That's good," Bella murmured. "I need to change."

"What?!" she shrieked, the speakers vibrating. "You're not the muthafucking slut-porking asswipe dick who-…"

Bella squeezed her eyes closed. "_Lee,_" she ground her to a halt.

A shaking breath pulled at the speaker. "What?"

"It's my fault," she whispered. Because it was.

"NO THE FUCK IT'S **NOT**!"

"I need some time, Lee."

"Bella, you're making me fucking nuts. I'm gonna hop the next plane-…"

"Please don't. I'm okay. I _need_ you to respect this boundary."

Silence.

"Please." Bella squeezed her eyes closed tighter. She needed her friends to trust her.

"Seth told me some shit," Leah heaved the words over a capitulating sigh. "He said that skank's the first one down there the whole summer. You're the only girl they've smelled on him since -…"

"It doesn't matter," she interrupted quickly, her eyes fluttering back open. Because it didn't.

"No, but-…"

"Lee."

She heard her friend lick her lips. "What, Bella."

"Thanks," she whispered. "Good night."

Bella pressed end and then held down the side button until the phone powered down. She tossed it on the table with a clatter and then brought her fingers up to her temples and rubbed in slow circles.

She _hated_ that she'd let her get out Seth's claims – her heart grabbed onto it with steel-trap claws and tried to drag her back into the riptide of hope and want.

She'd just spent three hours in the bottom of a boat, floating away from both.

And Bella thought she was finally pulling herself up onto shore.

She pulled the thick glass across the table and then picked up the bottle of rum. It sloshed as she screwed off the cap to the tinny scrape of metal. With the glug-glug of drink, she listened to it fill the glass to the brim. Setting the bottle back down on the table, and leaving the cap off, she picked up the pack of cigarettes with a hand that felt like it was in a mitten, and then crossed the room to the couch. Alcohol splashed over her knuckles, making the scrapes and cuts she'd gotten from the boat burn deliciously.

She stopped beside the coffee table and set both vices down and then fell back onto the couch – covered for now in a sheet until she could rent an upholstery cleaner. She'd done the best she could with the stains of pleasure and cum and the few drops of passionate blood.

Leaning back against the cushions, she stared out the far window into the darkening woods.

And she waited.

Time had no meaning as it slipped by, memories like shadow plays behind eyes that naturally drifted to the alcohol and cigarettes laid out on the alter before her.

Then she heard it.

Soft whines – behind and to her right.

Bella closed her eyes as her head bowed slowly down to her chest and festering tears, fomented by her heart and fermented in her soul, started oozing up to the surface with a raw and bitter burn.

The quiet shoop of the sliding door made her squeeze her eyes closed tighter. Tears raced over her cheeks, dropping like hot acid rain over her fists in her lap.

And she waited.

Outside, the rain was coming down harder, pattering on the deck and whispering over the lake and trees in the distance.

Her hair was gathered off her neck in careful hands and chills spilled over her skin along with another sluice of tears. Her breath hitched as she tried to hold it inside and her damp locks were let down over one shoulder. Calloused fingertips ghosted over the bone that protruded at the nape of her neck making her nerves spark like flint on stone.

Then warm lips pressed under her and moist,

Soft, sensuous, they pulled away with an intimate open-mouthed smack to brush over her pulse, igniting her combustible blood with yearning. Bella gasped softly.

A soft rumble awoke by her ear as his mouth trailed toward his mark. Swallowing thickly, she hitched her shoulder to her ear, peeling away from narcotic lips and a palm slipped up to protect the Stonehenge grotto of scars.

That purr evaporated into the sound of rain.

Fingers brushed over the back of her hand, prying under the fleshy heel of her thumb to gently urge it up.

Bella shied away. "No," she whispered.

That hand froze… and then dragged so lightly away that it skipped over the veins on the back of her hand, raised tight and full by her pounding heart.

Silence.

More tears squeezed between her lashes, following their kin down paths paved with salt. She missed that touch. She craved that touch.

She _wanted_...

The seconds in minutes were counted by the tapping rain, falling with listless mourning over thickening night. Then the scrape and subtle catch of the particleboard coffee table over the rug heralded heat sluicing over her bare shins along with the sultry anodyne throb at his proximity. Whenever their bodies were close it felt like a current flowed between them with a hum like neon.

Bella tucked her chin tighter while her breath tripped over her lips in a double hitch. Those familiar fingers slipped under her chin.

They begged.

Bella's face lifted without her permission, anticipant eyes snapping hungrily open and betraying her heart in the stretch of pupils.

Rain clinging to toffee skin, lambent wolvish eyes stared back at her like full moons swallowing the whites from where he crouched in front of her. They were confused, searching and set in a face as handsome as the day is long. That bulletproof Kevlar shell had unraveled into a silky attention and soulful presence that softened the hard lines of athletic eyes and congenital dominion.

Bella bit her lip to cage her tsunami emotions from crashing through in sobs. She could never truly appreciate just how shattered he was until this inner core of his being was laid bare before her in comparison.

It hurt so much to see him so broken.

Those eyes were skimming over her face with intensity, trying to collect the clues. Another torrent of tears cascaded over the ledge of her lashes and ingenuous eyes darted down to follow them.

Brow pulling together, his head tipped slowly as a big hand raised to her cheek. Rough fingertips ghosted down the emotion carved into one of her cheeks, collecting it on callouses while his gaze watched from under a furrowed brow. His eyes slipped back up to hers as his hand ferried the tears almost unconsciously to his mouth and a tongue darted out to lap at them. A quiet whine was milked his throat as his hand fell to the armrest of the couch. Sobs climbed up her throat as she watched him lean in. She closed her eyes as he came closer, warm breath fanning over her face.

That low soothing rumble awoke again, mixed with silky whines as his nose ghosted over hers and his cheek made its way to hers. He shared the wetness of her tears as he rubbed his warm silk and stubble jaw against hers with lush sensual movements. First on one side then the other.

Bella tried to tame her hiccupping sobs, escaping through nose as she held still and his warm breath billowed over her neck. Jacob turned into her cheek rubbing his nose back and forth before warm plush lips pressed a kiss under her skin. Sultry and slow, he surveyed his way down to her jaw and then dragged caressing mouth in search of hers.

Jerking her face away, she kept her chin tucked to her shoulder as his movements again froze, the soft sounds in his throat drying up like dew.

Eyes closed, she could hear his soft pants join the whispering rain. Wind swirled outside, throwing handfuls against the glass.

A single finger raised to her cheek, tugging, testing. Bella clenched her eyes tighter as she resisted his hand's plea. Next it slipped down the side of her neck to the collar of her tee- shirt and she caught it, pushing it away as she hunched her shoulders and then hugged protective arms over her chest.

Silence.

That heat was withdrawn. She tried to gather herself, biting her lip hard to stake her resolve and button down yearning with pain.

Finally, her eyes drifted open and she sat up a bit more, turning to where Jacob was now pulled back, crouched steady with impossible balance on the balls of his feet. His brow was deeply furrowed, eyes clouded with pain.

She knew this was going to hurt.

Licking her lips, she sat up a bit more, sorrow burned into her forehead. He was so beautiful: black hair spilled over broad masculine shoulders, body lithe and with a subtle tension and posture that screamed power and a leader's pride.

She leaned forward and reached her hand out to a strand of hair that had fallen across his face, making him look at the same time fierce but vulnerable. Eyes locked on hers, he rocked absently down onto his knees and closer into her touch. Her gaze darted down to her hand as she brushed the lock from his face and he blinked reflexively.

She tucked it behind his ear as her head listed to the side while she rubbed her lips together.

"I can't, Jacob," she whispered, and then met his eyes, struggling to understand.

She smiled sadly as her fingers ghosted over that high cheekbone. "I can't be what you want," she breathed.

He canted his head, huge pupils quivering.

"Maybe you'll remember this later. You don't need this. You _need_ to be whole. I _need_ you to be whole – however it is," she murmured, searching his gaze for any kind of human comprehension. "Whether it's a Packmate… a friend… lover. A jerkoff who ignores me and fucks bimbos, but brings me Cokes and asks me for tools. Whatever it is."

A soft whine wound around her heart, and Bella's eyes blinked back open to his face etched in worry. Heaving a sigh, she pursed forlorn lips. "We're both so fucked up."

She sucked in a breath through her teeth as she sat back, gaze running thoughtfully over that intense expression. "I'm still so fucking greedy. I _want_ you," she drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly through her nose. "I want your touch. The comfort, closeness. Not your body... the _intimacy_. But that's the problem. I _want_ something that's not mine," her eyes drifted to the alcohol and cigarettes – a reminder of other ways she tried to hide and pretend that reality was something other than it was.

"But it's not what I _need_," she whispered.

Leaning back against the couch, she tipped her head, watching that alert attentive face struggling… but patient. Jacob had always been so patient.

"I want these pieces so fucking bad because I'm _still_ selfish. But taking them… it's not fair. To you. To me," she whispered. Her brow dipped with pain and she closed her eyes briefly. "It's tearing us both apart."

Drawing in another breath that stretched her nostrils, she released it shakily over her lips as her gaze fell to his hand on the couch. She'd always loved his hands: strong, giving, gentle. They were the only parts that couldn't lie for his heart.

Her hand was clumsy as it stumbled over his – she felt so numb. She traced his knuckles with a trembling finger and then covered the back of his hand with her diminutive palm like a saucer on a plate.

"So what I figured… is yeah, I'm learning a lot about everything you went through, but I'm also making the _same mistakes_," she arched a brow with a little shake of her head while she squeezed his big hand in hers.

"I'm giving everything you _want_. And I'm not taking what _I need_," she whispered to his hand. "Because as imprints our _needs_ should fit perfectly in a bunch of different ways, right?" she looked up at his eyes. "Edward was a _want_. If you'd taken what you needed I would have figured out what I needed too," she paused, her brow furrowed passionately. "I need _you_, Jacob. Not the sex… the comfort… the intimacy. I need you _whole_."

Her eyes paced back and forth between his, silently staring into hers without an ounce of comprehension in his face. He was responding to the pain she felt, but was happy to hear her voice as long as she'd keep talking.

Bella wet her lips. "And I _need_ my dignity," she told him firmly.

He blinked at her change in tone, sitting up tensely.

She sniffed a humorless laugh as she leaned forward and cupped his cheek. "If I don't love myself, how can I love you, huh Jake?"

Her lips stayed hitched up on one side for a moment and then slowly slipped to somber.

"I think loving all these separate little pieces is fucking you up more," she breathed, the theory crystalizing in the moment. "I need to love _all of you_ – and not some parts more than the others."

Bella rolled her lips a moment. Outside thunder rumbled in the distance and she glanced out the window at the sopping night.

"God, good thing you can't understand a fucking thing I'm saying," she laughed at herself as she turned back to him with a wrinkled nose. "I'm not making any sense…"

Jacob leaned forward with two blinks, responding to her tone.

She smiled softly as she cupped both cheeks in her hands. Her gaze rested in one of his eyes, then the other as the curve slipped from her lips.

"I _need_ you to hear this – to remember this," she whispered, holding his face firmer.

"Jacob," she shook his head gently while his eyes sliced like razors into her heart. Raw and puss-y, it started bleeding again through her eyes.

"Jake," she drew in a deep breath and then blinked away the blur of tears, impatiently. "_I don't want you to come back here unless you bring the man too_," she hissed through her teeth, trying to burn the words into his subconscious.

Lips lax in concentration, Jacob's narrowed eyes paced between hers.

"Do you hear me?" she whispered, shaking his head again. "Not again. I-I can't-…"

The words got sideswiped by a careening sob. She could feel them bucking in her chest like waves... salty spray leaking over her cheeks. She had to hold herself together, otherwise she'd either implode from despair or end up with her legs wrapped tightly around him.

She closed her eyes as she huffed out a harsh open-mouthed breath and sat back, releasing him as she rubbed her owncheeks brusquely with her palms. The storm outside tiptoed closer, shattering the night with a velvet hammer and stirring up the rain.

Big warm hands suddenly slid up the bare outsides of her thighs, slipping under her shorts to her hips and making her eyes jerk open, ready to push him away.

But Jacob wasn't looking at her.

Eyes closed, he was lowering his head down to her lap as his body crumpled against her. Surprised, Bella's hands hovered over him a moment while she watched him settle in like an exhausted child. Pillowing his cheek against her thigh, his eyes blinked open and stared off blindly down the couch.

Bella tipped her head, watching him as her hand gently tugged free locks of hair, stuck between his cheek and her lap and smoothed them over his broad back.

She stroked his head tenderly why she watched that listless face, lashes slowly fluttering with the scrape of her nails over his scalp. His eyes fluttered closed, lashes nestling against his cheek and making him look so much like that boy she'd known so long ago. Bella bit her lip as sobs rose in her throat and she gulped them back down.

"I've got to let you go, Jacob," she breathed, hot tears spilling over her cheeks. She wiped an errant splash from his temple with a finger, absently tracing a silky brow. "I've got to let you go to hold you."

'

'

When she awoke with the dawn he was gone.

She'd spent the night stroking through his hair while his rested his cheek against her thigh until both her legs and herself and fallen asleep. She awoke on pins and needles with the dawn, the sliding glass door pulled closed behind him. It seemed symbolic; he'd always left it open before.

So she spent the long morning trying to pick up the pieces. Cleaning up her house. Going grocery shopping. Cooking while she sang to Sara Bareilles. Taking a bath with lavender salts and lit candles.

Basically spending time with someone she'd neglected: herself.

Bella still didn't know what she was feeling, if anything at all but something had broken. She couldn't decide if it was it was a pop or a click – whether something had shattered or had fallen into place. She only knew she felt untethered.

And she couldn't decide if it was a good thing or not.

"You're about to find out," she murmured to herself as she turned onto Sam and Emily's back road under ominous storm clouds.

She pulled into a driveway to find it full of SUVs with baby seats, a few macho Chevy's and Paul's Mustang. It looked like the gang was already here.

Sam pushed the door open, eyes immediately locked on her with assessing concern as he held it for Emily and she shimmied by him.

Oh, she hoped they could take a hint – she didn't want to talk about this. Like fresh nail polish, her peace was gooey and volatile and would gouge so easily with the wrong words, leaving a heart bare to the quick.

Bella's gaze darted down to her steering wheel as she flicked her lips nervously with her tongue and cut the engine. Her eyes darted to the trays of chicken on the passenger seat but got snagged on the empty cup holder, so like her heart. She'd recycled the cans.

She needed to let go. She _couldn't_ hold onto expectations… or hope.

Feeling her mood tank, she closed her eyes bringing herself back to lavender baths and off-tune kitchen karaoke. She couldn't afford to make the same mistakes that Jacob had - it would kill them both.

Drawing in a slow breath through her nose, she pulled the keys out of the steering column and looked up. Emily was walking with a slow and casual stride, obviously giving her time to get her shit together. Apparently she'd also told Sam to wait on the porch where he was now joined by Seth - the two of them were making a big deal of some bullshit conversation like they couldn't hear her heart going a million miles per hour 100 feet away.

Her lips curved affectionately as she pushed open the door.

"Sorry I'm late!" she chirped and then inwardly grimaced. That had been a little too heavy on the forced cheer.

Emily gave her an easy smile that gave Bella carte blanche to be whatever she needed to be without comment.

An unconscious sigh of relief skated over her lips. _Of course_ they could take a hint – this was her Pack.

Bella shoved her keys into her back jeans pocket as Emily drew her into a tight hug. For a long moment, she just wordlessly held her, communicating a million things that would have made Bella break into a gazillion pieces if she'd spoken them aloud. Bella relaxed against her, lost for a moment in friendship, caring and the scent of lilacs.

Emily pulled back, searching her eyes as she smoothed her hair tenderly back from her cheek.

"How are you?" she asked.

Bella pressed her lips together as she drew in a deep breath and released it with a tiny nod. "Better."

Emily's lips curved up on the mobile side in a full and brilliant smile. "Well I'll have you know the bacon-wrapped around you-can-fill-in-the-blank jokes have reached an all new high, waiting on your chicken. It smells awesome, by the way."

"You mean all new low?" Bella proffered a knowing smile as she closed the car door.

Emily barked a laugh as she looped an arm through Bella's and peered into the window at the pans lining the front and back seats.

"Sam," Emily called up to the porch. "Can you guys carry these trays in?"

Sam turned and nodded, heading down the stairs, eyes slipping to Bella.

"Thought you'd never ask," Seth gave her a wolvish grin and flicked a wink Bella's way as he vaulted the rail and beat the older man to the punch.

"Hey sis." He pulled her out of Emily's arms into a fierce hug that said much more. "How's the car?"

It was a bunch of different questions wrapped into one.

Bella smiled up into his eyes. "It's running a lot better," she told him. "Thanks."

With a kiss to her head and boyish grin he continued on his mission without any other comment. Two things were perfectly clear: they were going to let her set the tone and boundaries and she had the best family ever.

Sam's intense eyes covertly searched her face as he pulled her into his side. A hand slipping under her chin, he tipped her face up and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"All right," Emily pushed him playfully. "Get on that chicken."

He released Bella, placed a smacking kiss on his imprint's lips and then strode after Seth who was pulling the tinfoil away from a tray.

"Seth!" Bella chided, staying that sneaky finger.

His eyes darted up as he pushed out theatrical pouty lips.

Emily laughed. "Same as it ever was," she looped her arm back through Bella's and they headed toward the house.

And she was right. Initially, there were a few minutes of hesitation as her friends waited to see what she needed from them, but, like after the marking, things quickly fell back into comfortable. Actually it wasn't anything _close_ to the way it had been after the marking because now Bella had separate personal relationships with all these people that were divorced from anything Jake.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. The Pack subtly deferred to her on most things as the "second in command" (Bella had told Sam she should have a badge) but by now it was so much a part of the routine that she barely even noticed.

She got the traditional kisses or hugs from the Pack and then got pulled into the kitchen with the imprints while the men took care of squealing kids running through the house on a Sunday high. The little ones loved Luppers because they came together as a cohesive group: the Brat Pack as they were affectionately called.

It was the same for the big brats as well.

Sunday was a time of food, friendship and family and basically compensation for doing double duty throughout the week. In addition to staffing 24/7 patrols, most of Pack had jobs– either at the garage or with Sam's landscaping business – or at least schoolwork that they did remotely now (because it was just too noticeable for a 6 foot-something twenty-something to be in 9th grade).

Bella popped the trays of chicken into the oven to reheat (there were several pieces missing, but everyone denied it) and then jumped in to help with any final preparations. Finally the kids were lined up with their handlers, and plates were doled out before they were marched down into the finished basement. Kim and Jared had stayed home because of a sick kid and she helped Brady and his mate Jose, Nina and Jen (the first shift) get the kids settled and hung out to chat while the adults ate.

But she felt it when he came.

Or at least she thought it did. Considering that prickling warmth prefaced a marked decrease in the pounding horseplay they could hear through the floorboards, she was guessing she was right. A glance into the eyes of the only wolf in the room confirmed her hunch. Brady had his spoon frozen up to his lips while he watched her carefully.

Bella made sure to settle a little deeper into the conversation about the new operating system on the market with Jose (the resident geek, a title he now shared with Bella).

"It's great for a touch screen interface," he was saying. "But they should have made the desktop mode a hybrid environment. It's going to be an uphill battle trying to get crusty ole accountants and secretaries to adjust."

Bella nodded absently while she strained her ears upstairs – she couldn't hear a thing over Dora the Explorer's damn Map, but that was, of course, the point.

"So who do you think's doing the best touch-screen laptop right now?" she asked, hearing the subtle tightening of her voice. "Y'know… that doesn't cost a bazillion bucks."

"Bavillion box!" Raven piped up with a laugh. It reminded Bella that the kids were always listening, even if they weren't.

"Bucks like money, honey," Bella grinned, ruffling the girl's hair where she sat in her lap on the floor. "Eat your green beans."

Jose launched into a market analysis that would make CNET salivate while Bella paid attention with only half of her brain. The other half was…

Of course, upstairs.

How should she act? Would he remember last night? Did it matter? Should she mention yesterday afternoon? Should she ignore him?

Oh my God!

"Hey, you okay, sweetheart?" Brady murmured, his hand slipping over shoulder. Of course he could hear her heart going hundred miles per hour.

Bella looked up at him with a heavy swallow and an unconvincing nod of her head.

Catching Jose's worried glance at his mate, Bella attempted a reassuring smile. "I guess I'm going to go up and see if I can help get everything on the table," she told them lamely.

"Auntie, I want you to-…." Raven began, her little hand clamping down on Bella's forearm.

Embry's Nina jumped in, obviously watching the subtext from where she was feeding her one and a half year old every time he toddled over. "Rae-Rae," she called. "Come help me feed Petey."

That was a temptation that trumped all anxiety stoked by her "favorite aunt" leaving. With a glance at Bella, she got up from her lap and reached out for the baby spoon being offered.

Bella shot her a grateful smile and Nina winked as she helped Raven scoop up some mashed potatoes and ferry them to the mouth of the baby who was clapping impatient hands.

After saying her goodbyes, Bella made her way up the stairs.

Up in the hallway she took a deep steeling breath. She could hear some game playing on the radio in the background of a kitchen that was unusually quiet.

_Ugh… this was awkward for all of them._

Fluffing her hair absently and pulling it over her shoulders as was now her habit even though she was wearing a mandarin-collared shirt that should hide the mark as well as it ever was. She liked this outfit actually – faded jeans, soft boots and a gauzy white gypsy shirt over a sky blue tank that was comfortable, but feminine and flattering to her unmemorable figure. Jon called it her Haight-Ashbury outfit. Bella just knew she felt comfortable in it.

And she could use all the comfort she could get.

Rubbing sweaty palms on her jeans she tried to make her walk casual and confident as she strode toward the kitchen. As if it could get any quieter, Bella was pretty sure even her human ears could hear a pin drop when she entered stepped through that door. Even the radio held its breath.

Dressed in that black tee shirt that she swore made her want to tear it from his skin with her teeth, Jacob was sitting, dark and silent, at the head of the table, eyes trained a little too carefully on the dish that was being passed him.

Emily cast a nervous glance over her shoulder where she and Talia were filling serving plates with chicken. Everyone else except Quil who was setting down a dish of green beans was sitting at their places like wax figures – making it feel even more awkward.

It was worse than a dinner with the Cullens.

Okay, not quite.

Yeah, not even close. She'd spent almost two years with a coven of vampires, she could do this.

"God, is the chicken that bad?" she mumbled out of the side of her mouth.

Of course wolf hearing caught every word like it was screamed and several sniggers were dealt around the table.

"The chicken's awesome," Seth piped up.

With a glance at where Emily was just piling the last piece into a serving dish, she turned on him with narrowed eyes. "And how do you know that?" she arched an impugning brow.

He gave her a slapstick Wallace and Gromit grin that showed his teeth. "Because everything you make is the bomb, sis," he crooned spuriously.

With a flick of her eyes, she crossed to the counter as behind her the knot in people's throats seemed to loosen and tongues ventured out to play – conversation started with hesitant murmurs at the table.

She stopped beside Emily. "Need any help?"

"This is the last," she smiled warmly, reaching up to click off the radio. "You can take that salad over."

Bella reached out with hands that shook like leaves – it was so weird, she felt so disassociated from her body that she hadn't realized the toll stress was taking on her nervous system.

Emily caught her hand up in one of hers and set her spatula down. She turned more toward Bella and held her it between her palms, rubbing gently. Bella's fingers _were_ ice-cold, come to think of it.

Holding her eyes with concern, Emily just silently rubbed her hand and then took the other. Bella drew in a deep breath through her nose and released it as she slowly tugged free. She offered Emily a wan smile and picked up the salad.

It made sense: her head had a map now, but her heart was still treading water in a sea of pain. It made her feel like she was pulled apart like taffy, but it was better than being broken into a bunch of little pieces like she'd been over the last two months.

She kept her eyes locked on the table as she brought the salad to the middle and set it down. With a quick scan she turned back around toward the refrigerator as Emily and Talia brought the chicken to the table and a few bacon-wrapped jokes were revived in under-breath mutters.

Bella pulled open the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of amber beer deciding she could splurge today. She let it close as her eyes darted out to where Jacob was serving himself with the next round of potluck dishes.

Her body was so incredibly aware of where he was. She could feel the way his very presence called to her every cell and it automatically tried to turn in his direction. Just something innocent and incidental like passing a plate to Embry made the muscles ripple in his arms and her heart pound an extra beat and serving of blood to her crotch.

Bella supposed it was unhealthy to want him like this.

Things being the way they were, she had no choice but to care.

But she needed to let him go to hold him and she _needed_ to hold him. The right way.

With a soft sigh, she turned and pulled the door open again and took another beer from the flock that took over the top shelf of Emily's refrigerator every Sunday afternoon. With two bottles dangling from between the knuckles of a hand, she made her way across the kitchen.

There was subtlest stiffening to Jacob's spine as she approached him at the end of the table. "How's the chicken, Emb?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder as she oh, so casually held out the beer to Jacob.

"Mm, mawesome," he nodded with a full mouth, his gaze darting uneasily to his half-brother and Alpha.

Bella's eyes cut over to find Jacob ignoring her while he shoveled something into his mouth.

"Here," she grunted impatiently, tipping a bottle toward him.

Jacob looked up from his plate, black diamond eyes snapping to hers like rifle sights.

"Payback for the soda," she mumbled, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks.

Those lips hitched up in a smirk as he chewed and slowly sat back, grabbing his napkin from his thigh and wiping it roughly over his mouth. He leaned back in his chair with a little cock to his head while he watched her for a moment with unreadable eyes.

Bella arched an annoyed brow to cover her nerves.

With a sniff of amusement or annoying-as-fuck arrogance, he reached out with a big hand… and took both beers. True, he'd given her two sodas, but…

"Hey!" Bella clucked her tongue as her temper ignited from all the different strains of heat between them.

Jacob ignored her, his other hand coming up to pop off the top with a supernatural thumb even though it was a twist-off.

"One of those was-…"

He handed her the bottle as he caught the cap in an absent fist on its way down to the floor. Holding her gaze, he popped the other without looking and caught the cap again in his palm. Lifting the beer up, he clinked the neck against her bottle.

With another two chews he swallowed and then tipped the beer to his lips watching her while her mind got stuck in neutral.

Finally she huffed out an annoyed breath. "Dork," she snorted, punching him in the arm without even thinking about it.

"Ouch," she snapped irritably as she shook out her hand. It had felt like hitting a brick wall.

Jacob obviously didn't feel it, but that smirk spread like blackstrap molasses while he tipped his chair back and drank another long draught.

With an annoyed wrinkle of her nose, she turned on her heel, stalking behind backs while she poured a resuscitating swig of beer over the knot in her throat. She felt disoriented – caught somewhere between the past and the hurts-like-a-bitch present with absolutely no objective on the horizon except to survive and take each second as it came.

Bella supposed that was about right.

But it was uncomfortable.

As the rubble settled enough that she could see straight, she suddenly noticed how very interested the entire table had been in their interchange. Wolves were nothing if they weren't nosy, but this was different. The posture of everyone at the table seemed to have relaxed and there was a subtle relief to the covert stares and silent chews.

It made sense: as his marked imprint, their relationship had a profound effect on the Pack. They were not only worried about her as friends, they were trying to figure out where loyalties lay and how she felt now about their wayward Alpha. Unthinkingly she'd given them just what they needed.

And in that moment Bella felt important.

She had the power to split the Pack down the middle or hold them all together through Jacob's storms. That purpose - their need and the fact that she could fill it - gave her a renewed sense of strength and energy.

Setting the bottle on the table she climbed over the bench and sat between Seth and Emily – who elbowed her pretty much in unison. Bella chuckled softly as she took the bowl of peas and mushrooms being offered.

_Blech… peas. _

She took some anyway. She didn't know who'd brought it and – since they all kind of subtly took her opinion to heart (she had no idea when that'd started) – she didn't want to offend.

The meal slipped tentatively back into business as usual. It was a little quiet – because the biggest mouths were being stuffed with barely time for a breath – but it was comfortable. Bella served her plate with the dishes that were solicitously ferried her way while her mind spun over how she was going to survive this week.

She both hoped the wolf wouldn't come tonight and desperately wanted him to (of course), but intuition told her she didn't think he would. Since she'd be spending her nights actually sleeping (assuming that she could without him) she had a whole hell of a lot more day to fill. Maybe she would finally make it up to Seattle - she could pick up a new laptop for the garage and visit Angela who had moved up there in June for a job.

A loud slap made her look up from her mashed potatoes.

Rachel was glaring at Paul with daggers in her eyes.

"What?" Bella laughed, taking a bite.

"You don't want to know," Rachel snorted, picking up her fork and wagging it threateningly at her husband.

Grinning, Bella swallowed her bite and then reached for her beer, towing herself out of the racing rapids of her own selfish drama.

"So you guys know it's a boy." They'd had their ultrasound on Friday afternoon.

"Yep," Rachel stabbed a piece of chicken and looked up with a roll of her eyes. "He wasn't shy. Opened his legs wide for the camera and let everything hang out."

"Takes after his dad," Quil cackled.

Paul looked up with a shit eating grin.

"Everything else was okay?" Bella asked and Rachel nodded with a frown. It was obviously a leading question.

Bella set her beer down with an earnest furrow of her brow. "The doctor wasn't concerned about Paul's weight gain?"

"Gah!" Paul choked on his beer.

"Yess!" Rachel hissed, standing up and offering a flat hand.

Her tummy got in the way so Bell stood too and they slapped a cracking high-five over the table while it burst into laughter.

Paul's face was red as he yanked his beer up.

"Shit," Bella sighed, sitting back down heavily and lifting the hem of her blouse. It had gotten in the gravy.

"Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" Paul sneered.

He had no fucking idea.

Bella smacked bland lips as she stood, stepping over the bench so she could go wash it out while Paul once again became the brunt of everyone's jokes – Bella knew he secretly loved the attention.

It was raining again outside, ticking against the tin roof of the back porch and weeping over a grey and gloomy yard. This weather was more par for the course in Washington. She idly wondered if this unusual summer was global warming or just a random streak of weather while she wet the towel and then dabbed it over her shirt.

She should know by now not to wear anything white within 100 feet of food.

Movement outside caught her eye and she looked up out the window just in time to see the Brothers scurry out of the woods, dressed only in cutoffs and hunched against the rain.

At the dwindling laughter, she glanced over her shoulder to see every wolf, turned to the door – their mates just becoming clued in and following suit. Her gaze automatically darted to the only set of eyes not glued to the back porch - Jacob was casually eating.

_Okay, nothing to be worried about, apparently. _

She hustled to the screen and pushed it open while the two men uselessly stamped their bare muddy feet.

"He Nebi," she told the first twin as he squeegeed water from his face.

If she couldn't see the identical solemnity that pulled at their faces she certainly could tell by the way he didn't even try their usual stupid joke.

"Everything okay?" she asked warily, as she held the door open. Each brother traipsed by, placing a distracted kiss on her hairline along the way.

"Yeah," Elan sighed. "We're just grabbing a plate for Jedi."

"And us," Nebi added, hungry eyes darting to the refill reserves on the counter.

Bella peered out into the weeping woods with a frown. She couldn't see anything.

"He should come make his own plate," she frowned, as she let the screen door close and turned to where they were grabbing up plastic dishes.

Elan's gaze darted to the table and his Alpha, before returning to Bella. "He's having a hard time," he wrinkled his nose. "Maybe next week."

Whether it was because he was dripping wet or it was the pain in his eyes, Bella's breath caught in her throat. A flashback of that day outside Jacob's house jackknifed through her heart.

_I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before._

"Go get him," she hissed.

Both Elan and Nebi turned around with sound blinks.

Ignoring the deathly silence at the table, Bella lifted a determined chin. "Get him," she repeated a little louder.

Without a word – or glance at the table – the two twins, slipped by her and back out the door. Bella followed after them, pausing in the doorway to glance over her shoulder.

Jacob might have his eyes on his plate, but his slow exaggerated chews were teetering on menacing. He grabbed up his beer and sat back, taking a gulp as his eyes flicked up like switchblades and cut deep.

Bella didn't care.

She turned and pushed open the screen, staring out into the rainy late afternoon. A few minutes later, the twins emerged from the forest again with a shorter man between them... no, boy… no, man.

He had the telltale signatures of of both – just like Jacob had after he'd Phased. Head bowed and hugging himself miserably, he trailed after the Brothers. His unnatural bulk was just starting fill out a body that was still somehow adolescent with limbs that looked a little long and ungainly.

Just like a puppy with floppy tail and big paws, this boy was still growing into his new form. He could be an awkward 18 maybe, but there was no natural way he could have just turned 14 in June.

The Brothers looked up and met her gaze as they flowed up the steps but the boy behind them took the first one and then staggered. Elan caught him by his arm and helped him up the rest of the way. Chin tucked and shoulders rounded, he was gasping wretchedly.

Stepping into the house and holding the door open, Bella pressed her lips together while her heart bucked in her chest. She knew every one of them had gone through this, but there was something about the forlornness and utter devastation of his posture that reminded her so much of Jacob that day in the rain. Her eyes started to burn.

Why hadn't she seen it back then? She'd been so frightened and angry that he was "breaking up" with her she'd been blind to his pain.

Well she wasn't blind now.

"Hey Jedidiah," she greeted him softly as Nebi held the door and Elan herded her back with a palm… like he was dangerous.

The boy stood in the doorway, rivulets of rain slithering down his face from hair that looked like it had been cut by a lawn mower. A dark gaze oozing with hurt ventured up from under long lashes.

"Hey, it's okay," she soothed, pushing Elan absently out of the way in her myopic focus on that pain. "I'm Bella," she smiled tilting her head like she needed to do it to see under that tucked chin as she moved closer. The child was still over six feet tall.

She took another step and the harsh scrape of wood behind her made Jedidiah jolt like he'd stuck his finger in a socket.

Bella froze, glancing over her shoulder at where Jacob had stood. Hard gaze locked on hers from a face of stone, he wiped his mouth on the napkin and then threw it down to the table. She narrowed her eyes in warning at him and then turned back to the boy whose wide worries attention was now locked across the room.

"Are you hungry," she asked softly, feeling both twins start to get their distance, Jacob must be on the prowl.

Jedidiah's eyes snapped back to her and he blinked, his nostrils flaring wide with a breath.

"Hungry?" Bella repeated with a lift of her brow.

His nostrils quivered then he nodded curtly.

"C'mon," she held out a hand.

"_Bella_," Jacob's low warning growl sounded somewhere behind her.

She ignored it and – oddly – the boy did too. Big doe eyes were locked onto her like she was shore and he'd been out to sea for a year. Moving slowly like he was mesmerized, he took her hand and she tugged him gently over the threshold.

But then it happened so fast.

Bella tried to take a step back, but he absently tugged her into him as he crumbled to his knees with a hollow thud. Long arms snapped around as he buried his face in her chest with a gasp.

Surprised, Bella's hands hovered for a moment in confusion.

It sounded like the room had been ripped in half by a guttural snarl.

Protective arms instinctively snaked around the boy's shoulders as Bella snapped around expecting to find lambent yellow breathing down her neck.

But Jacob's eyes were flashing black coal and locked on the boy as he prowled the last steps toward them with a quivering tension in his stride.

"Don't you _dare_, Jacob Black," she hissed, sharp and quiet, the words slipping under that snarl like a razor blade.

Jacob froze within arm's reach, gaze pinned to the boy pressing his face between her breasts.

Oddly Jedidiah didn't seem to have noticed any drama around him. "You smell good," he whimpered into her skin, pushing his face into her sternum and drawing hitching breaths while minute tremors shook his body like it was on the verge of shattering.

Biting her lip against an instant press of tears, Bella's hand slipped up to stroke his wet hair while she held him close. "Shh," she soothed in velvet tones. "Everything's okay, honey."

He squeezed her tighter and she gasped as the air was forced out of her lungs with inadvertent strength.

"Careful!" A deep voice rippled through the room with power, making him jerk his head up from Bella's breast, his arms instantly slackening.

Bella didn't even look at Jacob as she watched those shell-shocked eyes widen at whatever he saw in his Alpha's face. He started to pull back but Bella held him, smoothing his bangs away from his forehead.

"Are you hungry?" she whispered.

His gaze returned to hers and he blinked, confused and disoriented.

She tried to push the sadness from her smile. "C'mon," she jerked her chin toward the table.

Eyes trained on her, he rose with that incidental grace they all had.

Jacob was watching her intensely and she pointedly met his eyes as she turned.

But she flinched in surprise at Sam, looming strained and somber on her other side. They didn't trust themselves and, especially after what he'd been through with Emily, Bella certainly understood. But this boy needed time in human skin.

With his Pack.

However, they would be too agitated with their imprints in the mix.

Holding Sam's gaze, she spoke to the room. "Em, Tallie, Rache …" she called. "Do you mind seeing how the kids are doing?"

Sam subtly dipped his chin, acknowledgement or gratitude? It could have been both.

For the first time Bella's gaze slid to the table as the women obediently rose and collected plates, Emily sending her a small encouraging smile. Every lupine eye was trained on the scene, a Molotov cocktail of emotions, percolating plainly: worry, longing, awe, sadness. There was something in each of them that needed healing still.

"Get a plate, and you guys can sit down and eat," Bella directed Jedi and the Brothers. Elan put a hand on Jedi's shoulder and guided him to the counter.

Jacob turned abruptly and strode across the room – to the wrong end of the table. After waiting for Emily and Talia to grab their food, he gruffly took Bella's plate and beer and stalked back to the other end.

"Paul, head out for an hour," Jacob ordered quietly as he set Bella's plate down at Jared's empty place at his right hand.

With a brusque nod, Paul was stepping over the bench and peeling off his shirt on his way to the back door.

Bella slowly headed for her new spot, surprised by the move. He probably figured she wanted to sit beside Jedidiah. He was probably right.

"Sit over here," she called as the boy turned with his plate and lost eyes.

Jacob sat down in his chair and she carefully avoided his gaze while she watched Jedidiah round the table to the place between Bella and Quil who was scooting down with the rest of the line. She waited for the boy to get situated before she slid stiffly onto the bench beside him.

The rain surged outside, strumming over the corrugated roof like a washboard and highlighting how deathly silent it was. Bella leaned over and grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes and handed it to Jedidiah. He served himself with shaking hands.

It did remind her a little of those four feverish days of her own - thank God only four hellish days, not weeks.

The Brothers took Emily and Bella's seats and dug in with wary glances cast to the head of the table. Jacob was now tipping his chair back and drinking a second beer. Not only could she feel the hum of his proximity, but it was distracting to have him lodged in her periphery to say the least.

Bella glanced at him as she picked up her spoon to find him overtly staring her down while he tipped a bottle up to his lips. With a flare of nostrils, she turned her attention to the rest of her meal.

Jedidiah ate like he'd never seen food before in his life. He scarfed down a full plateful and then took the serving dishes that were handed his way without asking and filled up another.

And another.

A few lackluster conversations came and went in murmurs from the other end of the table, the twins left, Brady came up to get more food and slipped in next to Collin, but for the most part, the Pack ate in uncanny and uncomfortable quiet. Bella really didn't have the strength to force empty chit chat just to fill the silence, so she didn't. It took all she had just to watch the suffering on one side and avoid the stoic stare on the other.

She wished her body didn't react to Jacob like it did. Her entire left side felt like it was pins and needles – every cell leaning and yearning to be closer to the man balancing on the back legs of his chair.

Come to think of it, that had been going on for a while. With Jacob being younger than her, it had taken a while to admit her attraction and she remembered the second it had hit her – literally. After eating it on the motorcycle, she remembered looking up at him and finally seeing him as he was: beautiful.

If Edward hadn't come back-…

If she'd had the perspective she had now-…

She could have been there for him when he was suffering like the boy next to her.

One arm wrapped around his ribs, Jedidiah's body was trembling while he shoveled food mechanically into his mouth like he was starving to death. The scientist could appreciate how much sustenance their humanity must need for the change.

"How are you feeling, Jedidiah," she turned to the boy.

He nodded, looking up sheepishly from his plate. "My friends call me Jedi," he whispered.

"These are not the droids you're looking for," Bella intoned humorously, trying to coax a smile with a little dork humor extraordinaire. "Betcha never heard that one."

A single laugh pounced over his lips.

Bella smiled. "How's it being a wolf?"

He squinted, reaching out and grabbing his glass of milk and chugging it. "Everything's so loud and smelly," he gasped, setting the cup down. He ventured a small smile. "But you smell good."

Bella grinned. "It's my shampoo," she winked.

That smile deepened a little while his eyes washed thoughtfully over her face. "Are you a wolf too?"

Brows jumping for her hairline, Bella laughed and shook her head.

"You smell like one," he told her.

"Too bad I'm not," she muttered. "I needed a little of that height."

His lips cracked in a full-on boyish smile.

"She's marked." Jacob spat the words like a curse making both of them whip around to where he now had both fists resting on the table and all four chair legs on the floor.

"What does that mean, Jake?" the boy asked innocently – obviously not afraid of him. Yet.

Bella turned back to Jedi and caught the whole table surreptitiously watching, waiting for the answer.

What _did_ it mean?

Pursing her lips, Bella huffed a breath. She'd thought a lot about this last night and this morning.

"It means I've got my wolf's back," she told him quietly, clearly. "Anytime he needs it for the rest of my life."

Jedi blinked and picked up his fork.

"For the rest of _his_ life. She dies with 'em," Jacob added jagged icy words.

Jedi looked up from his plate with widening eyes. "Who's imprint are you?" he asked, raising an absent bite of chicken in his mouth.

"_Mine_," Jacob literally growled.

Bella tipped her head casually over her shoulder. _I'm with stupid,_ flashed sarcastically through her head and she smothered a smile.

"Jake's?" he asked on a gasp, lowering his fork as he looked between them.

"Mmm hmm," she reached for her beer.

Watching her, Jedi processed that with the transparency of a child as he took that bite of chicken.

Bella took a long draught of drink, eyes cutting to where the rest of the Pack were busily _trying_ not to look like they were staring. She didn't know why they bothered.

She sniffed and set her bottle back down.

"Do you have any kids?" Jedi asked, stabbing another piece of meat and as blissfully oblivious to the tension as a boy of his natural age.

Bella swallowed her mouthful of beer like a knot down her throat and coughed. "No," she gasped. "We're not that kind of imprints."

Jedi nodded sagely while he chewed. "Wike Quil and Cwaire?" he mumbled.

Best friends? Definitely not… anymore.

She could feel the entire room hold its breath - again hanging on her answer. Everyone needed to hear this – including herself. And Jacob.

"Nope…" she pursed her lips. "We're more like Pack mates."

And it was definitely time for dessert.

She could hear the kids getting pre-bedtime rowdy downstairs and she didn't know if be able to keep it together for any more questions – each one gave her the opportunity to publically establish boundaries, but they also excavated a raw heart.

She was just about to stand when a low groan rose in boy's chest. Jedidiah's fork clattered to the table as he hunched over his plate.

Alarmed, Bella's gaze automatically darted to Jacob's.

He finished the swig of beer and then let the bottle fall to his thigh with an unconcerned swallow and bit out the answer to the questions in her eyes. "It's normal."

Her gaze slipped over to Embry, watching her from under his silky hair. He offered her that cashmere smile. "The younger they are, the more growth spurts."

"He's _fighting_ it," Jacob contradicted, sniffing a stale coffee-grounds laugh.

Bella turned and met his eyes again. "Like you did?" she accused quietly.

Jacob's gaze frosted over while she watched and then he took another casual drink of his beer.

"Help him," she mouthed the words.

Swishing the it around his mouth he let the bottle fall to his thigh while those impenetrable eyes stared coldly into the heart of her silent plea.

With an abrupt thump, he let his chair fall and set the bottle crisply down. He pushed back from the table as he smoothly unfolded to his height, holding her gaze with eyes that seemed to subtly dull under a film of fatigue.

Bella's brow furrowed as she searched his face.

"Jedidiah," he bit out quietly, with a jerk of his chin. Ripping his eyes from hers, he turned on his heel.

With a soft grunt, the boy beside her scrambled off the bench.

Jacob peeled off his black tee shirt from a broad back whose muscles swam in perfect concert and dropped it heedlessly to the floor as the cub hastened after him.

As the boy caught up, Jacob reached out and rested a hand at the nape of his neck, guiding him out the door ahead of him. There was an incidental tenderness to his touch, and it made Bella's heart seize in her chest.

She'd always loved Jacob's hands: strong, giving, gentle. They were the only parts that couldn't lie for his heart.

The screen clattered behind them and Bella felt like a marionette whose strings had been cut; her head bowed with her shoulders over her plate.

She felt fragile. Lost. Empty.

She just wanted to go home.

Drawing in a breath through her nose she arduously raised her head… to find all eyes silently scurry away with their stares. She couldn't escape right now - the Pack needed her.

And it was so hard to give when you were running on empty.

Yet it was exactly what Jacob had been doing for the last eight years. For his Pack. His wolf. Her.

The realization hit her like a mac truck and in that single violent moment of impact she forgave herself. She forgave him. Holy shit, they were both doing the best they could.

Bella closed her eyes tiredly.

She had her answer: it was both a click _and_ a pop - the cold snick of impermeable truths falling together and the snap of tethering expectation.

In other words, acceptance.

Drawing in a steeling breath, her eyes opened and Bella stood under the ponderous weight of all eyes and the need in the room. She looked up, scanning those worried faces with a corn-husk smile while children shrieked downstairs and life went on.

"You guys ready for dessert?"

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_Review if you like. _


	7. Part VII - Pain

Sorry I didn't get to hit folks back last time ( I love every one) but I had limited time that I assumed you'd want me to invest in another the below.

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A pivotal chapter, kindly let me know what you think.

The song for these scenes is _Amsterdam_ by Coldplay. An overlooked older song, but it has some powerful lyrics:

"Come on, oh, my star is fading  
And I see no chance of release  
I know I'm dead on the surface  
But I am screaming underneath"

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_Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy._

'

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**Part VII – Pain**

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"What can I get ya, hun?" Madge smacked her gum in the corner of a warm smile.

"Just a diet coke for now," Bella replied. "Dad's meeting me for dinner."

" 'Kay," she put her pad away in her apron pocket. "I'll bring his usual coffee too.

"Thanks," Bella smiled leaning her elbows on the booth's table.

With a sassy wink, the lady turned on her heel.

"**Noli!"** she screeched across the room at 100 decibels of brash. "Get me a diet and a Joe while I get this table!"

She moved on to some students who were in the next booth, getting ready to go out on a Friday night. Since the diner was right across the street from the police station, she'd known Madge since high school days and she hadn't changed a bit. She had the same bad dye job piled up in a wilted B52s hive, cherry red lipstick, kind wrinkles and a mouth that could be heard across town.

Bella smiled, her eyes falling down to the formica table whose fake wood-grain was worn away at either place in the small booth in the corner. Friday evenings were always busy at the diner - from blue collar payday splurges to young people getting ready for another unmemorable night on a small town. Around her, the rushing murmur of conversation was punctuated by laughter while an old juke box belted out twangy old-school country over the clink of ceramic and stainless steel.

Her eyes landed on the fork wrapped up in a napkin and she grimaced. Something crusty was baked onto the tine by the dishwasher. She slid the utensil from its paper scabbard and set the fork at the end of the table with hands that shook like some kind of junky. With a humorless laugh at herself, she gripped both elbows and she leaned over her forearms, trying to relax.

Jacob's spirit had honored her wishes and hadn't returned. It was both a blessing and curse. After five nights of tossing and turning and five compulsively busy days she felt like each hour wound her tighter.

_Ugh._

She hated it. It was worse than last week's Jake-drought and she wondered if it had to do with how little time they'd had together in between or the fact that she was swearing off him completely. Whatever it was… her body missed him.

The rest of her? Not so much.

Well, that wasn't exactly true.

Okay, it was a flat-out lie.

That day in the garage, sipping coke, surfing her tablet and reading him random things while she handed him tools had been one of the best of the last eight years of her life. Considering his terse one-word answers and stingy eyes, it sounded pitiful. Yet even if the shells they built around their hearts didn't exactly gel these days, she still felt like they were whispering to each other through the walls. She just liked to be with him.

But she just didn't have the energy to go down to the garage this week and pretend like she didn't care.

Because she did. Big time.

Leah might think she was ready for a nice long vacation at Club Cuckoo but she also hadn't seen that look in his eye at Lupper on Sunday. It was just a brief glimpse, gone so fast that she might have written it off like a sunset's green flash… except it was seared forever into her heart. Just like a glance at a childhood home burned to the ground. Like the memory of violent trauma. Like the last glimpse of a loved-one gone.

It made her so incredibly sad.

But she couldn't help him if he didn't want to be helped – that was one thing Leah had right. So she'd gone about her life and had done a pretty good job of it: she'd gotten a lot of work done, nurtured Jedi back to smiles, spent time with Kim, Emily, Nina, Jen, their kids.

Busy, productive, needed, competent - yeah, she was all of those things.

On the outside.

"Here you go, hon."

The bell jingled over the door at the same time Madge plopped a fountain soda down on the table in front of her and a ceramic mug of coffee at the opposite place.

"Evenin' Madge."

Bella turned at the sound of her father's voice to find him striding across the diner, rubbing his hands on his work pants and sheepishly avoiding her eye.

"Charlie," Madge smiled, turning and shifting her weight to one saucy hip. The woman had had a crush on him for years. "Hey I've got a real nice chopped steak and mashed potatoes on the specials tonight."

"Sounds good," he nodded, sliding into the seat across from Bella and keeping his eyes on the waitress.

"And your usual, hun?" She turned back to Bella and chewed a few loud popping rounds.

Bella nodded. She always got their garden burger here – it was usually a little freezer burned (because she was probably the only one who ever got it) but still it was the healthiest thing on the menu.

With smile and a wink for Charlie, Madge turned around. **"Noli!"** she belted like a banshee who smoked two packs a day.

Bella winced and turned back to her father. He was taking his pad, flashlight and gun off his belt and setting them beside him on the seat – basically procrastinating for as long as he could.

This was the first time she'd seen him since that disaster conversation after she'd been marked.

Bella took a deep breath, hugged her elbows harder and dove in. "Thanks for meeting me, Dad."

Her father looked up with a nod and then settled back in his seat. "I was gonna give you a call this weekend anyways," he mumbled.

Bella pulled off the paper top on her straw and took a sip of soda while he pulled the sugar pourer toward him.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he sighed quietly, looking up and meeting her eyes for the first time. "I just felt like it was the same ole crap all over again and I-…" he tore his eyes away with a shake of his head and tipped a white stream of sugar into his coffee.

"Dad, I'm an adult now," Bella told him with a smile. "You get to watch me crash and burn without feeling guilty." She tried a little humor, but her father's head snapped up with a frown.

" "Zat what's happenin'?" he asked.

Bella shook her head. "Well, no more than usual," she sniffed with a smirk. "Things are going pretty good actually. I've been spending a lot of time with Emily Uley and some other girls down on the Rez. Free babysitter," she grinned, taking another sip of soda.

Her father harrumphed and switched out the sugar for a little silver pitcher of cream.

"I've gotten a lot of work done an… I dunno. I've never had so many friends," she tipped her ear to her shoulder while she watched him stir the coffee into café au lait. "I feel useful. Like they need me. I've even been helping out this new kid who just …." she paused.

Her father looked up and she raised her brows meaningfully.

He nodded and pushed the cream away. "Who's it now?"

"His name's Jedidiah," Bella told him, her eyes falling to her bumpy red plastic cup. She absently spun it around.

"Jedi Spears?" Charlie asked, picking up his coffee and taking a sip.

Bella looked up with a nod.

"Shit," he grimaced as he set the mug down. "That kids been through enough."

"I know," she whispered on a sigh as she plucked her straw out and restlessly poked the ice cubes.

Jedi had lost his mom two years ago to cancer and his father had fallen apart. He was now MIA and Jedi was living with his mother's sister and her husband.

"Suzie told me you've been doin' real good by all of 'em. You've even got those ole codgers down at the Council talking," her father coughed a laugh out of a wry smile.

He paused then – face slipping into serious as his eyes searched hers. He set down his coffee. "She also told me I was a pigheaded ass for pushin' you away like I did."

A chuckle pounced free from an affectionate smile and Bella slithered her hand toward him. He grabbed it and brought it up to his lips, pressing a prickly mustache kiss to her knuckles.

"Sorry Bells," he murmured, setting their entwined hands down on the table.

"I know it's been-…"

Loud high laughter tumbled into the café on the heels of a violent jangle of the door's bell. A girl stumbled in like she'd been pushed, turning around with a shrieking laugh for her friends who were following her. They were all cackling like they were the only people in the world with that oblivious disregard that came with youth, alcohol and egotism.

"You guys are so _wrong_!" the girl giggled, turning around to the diner so her arrival could be properly announced.

_Her Royal Highness Lauren Mallory._

Talk about blasts from the past – she had now become an adult parody of who she'd been in high school. Bella wasn't sure where she was going after the diner, but she was undoubtedly both over- and under-dressed. She sported a mini (micro) skirt, net stockings down to mile-high boots and a feminine swede jacket over a top that clung to new and improved boobs. Bella had heard from Angela that she'd moved away – 'guess she was back to grace Forks with her presence for a visit.

But just then the last of her three friends made her own grand entrance behind her and for a moment Bella could only stare.

_Oh my God!_ Fate had obviously decided fucking with Bella was a new favorite hobby.

Jessica Rabbit (a.k.a Trixie) sashayed through the door, hanging on the shoulder of one of her similarly slutty friends while she tittered away with manicured fingers over her mouth. At least she was wearing a little more clothes today – a body-glove black dress hugged all her curves coming to an abrupt halt at her upper-thigh so endless legs could take the wheel. She had on a leather jacket with silver hardware that would have been bad-assed with the right context. On her, it simply advertised that that ass was for the taking – it wiggled with each step while heavy red hair swayed over it with just enough sensuality to actually make her look sexy.

Bella kind of hated her life at the moment. With a groan she collapsed her forehead on her arms and listened to the girls giggle and shriek their way across a diner that had become markedly quieter.

She heard her father snort in annoyance. "Jeziss, you'd think-…." He stopped. "Hey, what's wrong kiddo."

Bella looked up, grinding her chin into her fist while she shook her head back and forth in disbelief.

Her father frowned, just opening his mouth when Mage came bustling up to the table. With a huffing sigh, Bella sat up.

"Chop steak," Madge announced (needlessly) as she dropped the plated heart-attack in front of him. "Garden burger." She slid Bella's dish toward her.

Bella mumbled a thanks – for the distraction.

"Anything else you two?" she asked, looking at Charlie.

"No, we're good," her father glanced at her and then offered the waitress a kind smile that made his mustache buckle.

With a little pat of her father's shoulder Madge turned and charged the table of laughing girls at the table against the far wall.

But unfortunately, when Lauren looked up at the incoming waitress, she caught sight of Bella across the room. Recognition briefly widened her eyes before painted lips twisted in a catty smirk. She leaned into the table and all the girls moved closer like a pre-play football huddle.

"What'll it be girls," Madge belted out the demand as she stopped with an already impatient hand on her hip.

Bell turned back to her plate and picked up a French fry, considering it blindly.

"You know them?"

Blinking, she looked up to see her father putting his napkin in his lap. He picked up his fork and knife and then paused, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah," Bella sighed. "Lauren and I weren't exactly close in high school …" she sniffed a bitter laugh. The timing really was unbelievable. "And the red head's one of _Jake's friends_," she twisted the words into a sarcastic knot and beheaded the fry with a vicious bite.

Her father's eyes boomeranged across the room and he barked a disgusted laugh before he returned to Bella. " 'You wanna get this to go?" he asked.

It was such a sweet and supportive gesture.

But Bella shook her head while she chewed – she wasn't going to give Jacob or his escapades any more power than they already had. They were just Packmates and he could live his life like he wanted.

Charlie searched her eyes for a moment and then they dipped down to her neck where the mark was safely hidden under a flannel collar. With an uncomfortable clearing of his throat, his gaze fell to his plate and he cut a piece of steak.

"How's that going?" her father muttered to his food.

With a sigh, Bella's eyes found her burger. She plucked out each cellophane coiffed toothpick one at a time.

"It's complicated," Bella whispered. "We're just staying out of each other's way for now."

Her father looked up from under his lashes as he shoved a piece of gravy-soaked meat past his lips. "That's not what Suzie says."

Bella looked up with a bitter hitch to her lips. "What? That it's complicated or we're staying out of each other's way?"

Her father sat back, chewing while his cop-eyes assessed her expression. "Look, baby," he murmured. "I know it's real complicated. But what I don't want is you in a situation where he can take you down with him."

"Yeah, well I finally came to that same conclusion," Bella barked a humorless laugh. "So we're just… well…" her eyes automatically swept the room – it wasn't like anyone was paying attention. "Pack mates. He knows the score."

Her father nodded imperceptibly, obviously waiting for clarification.

Bella huffed out a sigh and propped her elbows on the table as she picked up half of her sandwich. "I think Billy might be right," she whispered. "I don't think Jake's coming back."

Charlie tried to hide the relief that slackened worry lines but it didn't really work. He leaned forward and returned his attention to his food, using his fork to smoosh down the mashed potatoes and drain the gravy well in the middle while Bella took a bite.

He scooped up a forkful and shishkabobbed a piece of meat. "So where does that leave _you_, Bells?" he asked quietly.

Bella chewed a moment. "Well-…" a crumb of bun escaped on the word and she caught it against her lips. She set the sandwich down and pulled her napkin from her lap and dabbed out her mouth.

"I guess," she swallowed her bite. "It leaves me exactly where I am." She wiped her mouth again and sat back. "Even if he stays like this, I'm not going to abandon him again."

Charlie looked up with a scowl. "You're not abandoning nobody," he grumbled. "You' got your own life to live. Just because he-…"

"_Dad,"_ she stopped him emphatically. It wouldn't be productive to try to talk to him about Jacob and it wasn't what she'd asked him here for anyway.

"I _am_ living my life," she stressed - because she was. "And, I mean other than that particular issue, I'm happier than I've been anywhere else. I have people around me, time to do work, I feel needed. He's made a few overtures, I think things eventually will be civil enough-…"

"You deserve more than civil," he bit out, cutting his chopped steak with a little more vigor than was necessary.

"Jake doesn't owe me _anything_," Bella contradicted quietly. "It was my choice to come back. And you know what? It feels good when it doesn't hurt- like it's the right thing to do. He was a good friend. Hell, he's my-…" her eyes darted to the people behind her father and she leaned in. "I'm his _imprint_ and if I can't help him, then maybe I can help his Pack."

Charlie's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Sethy says you already are," he father mumbled between chews.

Bella smiled sitting back again and picking up a French fry. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about," she raised a brow and dove in. "I want you to come to the bonfire tomorrow night."

Charlie froze mid-chew. As one of the highest-ranking of the Council, of course Sue Clearwater-Swan would be there.

"I was gonna skip it, Bells. I got a bunch of work that-…" he began.

"I know," Bella muttered blandly and grabbed the ketchup. "But I think you should come. Not only for Sue, but I think it's time you and Billy patched shit up." She squirted crimson onto her plate and then returned the bottle to the oily little basket, watching his face.

Charlie tossed his head back and forth, hedging. "I dunno, Bells. I think that bridge is pretty much-..."

"Dad," she huffed his name on a sigh. "Are you going to do what Jake and I did?" she arched a brow as she dragged her french-fry through the ketchup puddle. "You guys have been friends all your lives. _I'm _making peace with Jake- well, y'know," she snorted taking a bite of fry. She chewed leisurely while she watched her father suddenly become incredibly involved in cutting another piece of meat.

"It's time you guys tried too. Billy was really nice when I went over there," Bella added. "_Forgiving_. Dad, I think he misses you but he doesn't know how to reach out."

Charlie dragged the meat skewered on his fork through drifts of gravy-laced potato. "Yeah, he's not the only one," he mumbled so quietly that they could pretend he didn't say it.

Bella grinned and dunked her fry again. "Come for Sue and me," she suggested. "And just see what happens." She stuffed the rest in her mouth and sat back in the booth, pulling her feet up under her.

"You're gonna be there?" he looked up, grasping at straws and excuses.

Bella nodded and then pulled her knife aside while she covertly watched her father with an assessing eye. She idly spun the utensil like it a compass.

Suddenly, a harsh buzz made him drop his fork. His hand dove for the phone sitting beside him on the seat. He glanced at the caller ID and looked up with relief in his eyes – saved by the bell.

"I gotta take this, Bells," he told her, grabbing up his weapon and popping it absently back on his belt as he scooted out of the booth. "It'll just be a minute."

Bella nodded and watch him flip the phone open.

"Chief Swan," he said in that dull monotone he always used for work as he crossed the diner to the foyer and front door. He opened it and stepped outside as the bell tinkled behind him.

With a sigh, Bella returned her attention to her underwhelming dinner, picking up her sandwich and taking a bite. If she was reading him right, he was going to do it – she really did hope he and Billy figured things out. And not just for his sake – it would make things easier on Sue not to be so divided.

"Bella Cullen!" a pretentious voice squealed. "Oh my God, it's been such a long time!"

Bella's eyes closed for a moment as she tried to scrape together any tolerance she had left – she was down the backwash dregs. Plastering on a paper mâche smile, Bella turned to see Lauren headed her way like a vulture to a kill.

Of course, Tricksy Trixie was in stumbling tow.

_You know what? Fuck you, fate and your muthafuckin' bitchy sense of humor. _

Holy shit, Trixie was wasted already. However, Bella could stand to watch her ankles buckle on those high heels a few more times.

"It's Swan," Bella corrected sweetly.

Lauren pursed her lips as she stopped beside the booth. "Oh, I always wondered if things would work out with Edward."

It was literally stunning how she could take those innocuous words and pump them so full of venomous innuendo. She really was a _professional_ bitch.

Bella's smile stayed painted in place while she raised her middle finger plainly in her eyes.

Lauren's gaze flitted condescendingly over Bella's stylish flannel, ripped jeans and chucks. "And you haven't changed a bit since high school."

"Ha!" Bella gave her wide sarcastic eyes. "I was going to say the _same thing_!" she claimed theatrically. With a purse of her lips she pointed from her temple to Lauren's. "Great minds."

"Thank you!" she piped, obviously ducking blithely under the inference. "So I have someone who wants to meet you…" she wound up with sick anticipatory glee quivering in her voice. "This is Trixie Carvello. And Trix _this_ is Bella Cullen."

"Swan."

Lauren gave her an overdone grimace of sympathy. "Sorry, sweetie."

Bella's eyes rolled under her lids on their way to Trixie.

Wide green eyes were raking over her in undisguised disbelief. "You're _the_ Bella?" her squeak went up so high Bella was glad her soda was in plastic, otherwise she would have been a wet mess.

But seriously, what _does_ one say to that question?

Bella decided to ignore it. "Nice to meet you," she gave her a saccharine smile.

"No fucking way!" she nearly shrieked. "You're _Jake's_ Bella?" Apparently it was hard to wrap her mind around it.

Bella felt like she kind of was lassoing a runaway train, but at this point the only thing she could do was be dragged along. "We grew up together, if that's what you mean."

The girl pulled back, swaying on her feet while wild eyes assaulted Bella's body with disgust. "But you're-… You're-…"

Okay, now Bella was getting pissed.

"I'm what, _Trix_?" she bit out crisply, staking that stare with a go-ahead-try-me-bitch edge.

The girl's eyes narrowed under fake lashes and ruby lips pursed as she leaned in, catching her drunk ass against the edge of the table. Her bowling ball boobs nearly fell out and rolled into Charlie's mashed potatoes.

"You're a fucking slut," she hissed venomously.

Bella nearly laughed in her face. "So you're inviting me to join you guys?" she asked brightly and then wrinkled her nose. "Shucks, I'm eating with my dad."

"Probably the only guy who'd be seen with you," she spat and Bella was taken aback by the sheer venom.

"So what is it?" she asked, leaning more over the table while Lauren watched like she had money in the game. " 'You got something on him? Cause you're not _rich_, you're not…" she grimaced, her eyes flitting up and down her body. "You're not _anything_."

Bella leaned in so close she could smell the pot and vodka on her breath. "Trixie?" she whispered and then licked her lips to extend the dramatic pause. "I'm more than you'll ever be."

Sitting back, Bella watched the girl's face turn red.

"And," she said in a stage whisper, her gaze darting down to her popping cleavage. "I think you've got a..." she mimed a little circle with a finger. "A little nipple showing there."

The woman bolted up and she swayed on her feet as her eyes fell to her chest.

"Made you look," Bella hummed victoriously, flicking her eyes up to the ceiling. Because, really, what good was a fucking ridiculous situation without a little dorky humor?

"**You bitch!"** she shrieked, giving Madge a run for her money.

The entire diner was now paying Superbowl-grade attention to the scene and Lauren finally smelled disaster.

"Trixie," she hissed, trying to turn her around.

Trixie continued shrieking like a banshee over her shoulder. _"You're just a fucking Rez whore!" _

Bella's nails were bending, she was gripping the table so hard. If she got up, it wasn't going to be pretty. That bitch had only about 30 seconds before she was covered in diet coke.

"_Because you can't get any other guy to even look at you!" _

That's it. Bella stood up at the same time the door opened with a cheery jingle.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Charlie's voice was brusque and pissed as hell.

Lauren tried to drag the staggering girl back to their table. "She's just had a few too many, Sir," she cooed, batting her eyes in a blatant attempt to sway judgment.

Oh it swayed it alright.

"I think you need to come down to the station with me, Miss," Charlie boomed, putting hand on Trixie's arm and pulling her around.

"Wha-what? No!" Trixie gasped, instantly a hell of a lot more sober.

Charlie scowled at her while the girl tried to pull herself together and paint on a seductive smile. It looked ludicrous in context.

"Well then you'll need to get a hold of yourself," he growled.

"Y-Yes, sir," she piped solicitously.

"I want you ladies to find another place to sober up," he spoke to all four of them as diners turned around and back to their conversations and food. "Who's driving?"

"I am," a girl piped up in the corner who looked to be the most reasonable of the bunch.

"You been drinkin'?"

"No sir," she shook her head, scooting out her chair.

"Alrighty. Take these girls home."

She nodded again and they all started toward the door.

"Not so fast," he blocked Trixie with a long arm as she tried to shimmy by him. "I've got to finish your ticket."

"What?" she spat.

"Drunk an' Disorderly Conduct." A smile crouched under his mustache.

"You can't do that!" she snapped.

Charlie raised a brow as his fingers slipped up to finger his Chief's badge. "Oh I think I can," he countered sternly. "Or I could arrest you too – there's an empty cell across the street."

Trixie's eyes ballooned and Charlie gave her humorless smile. "Let me get my tablet."

He pushed by her and sauntered casually to the booth like he was whistling a tune in his head. Leaning over his seat he grabbed his pad, tossing a little wink over the table at Bella's broad smile.

She had a cool dad.

Flipping the sheets up one by one with a grim frown and a professional tactic to ratchet up their dread, he made his way back to where all four girls were standing wide-eyed and freaked-out by the door – it was a good look on them. Her father pulled Trixie aside into the foyer casting warning glances to the others.

Bella decided that as much as part of her wanted to film the whole thing on her phone and post it on Youtube, that it was a little too uncomfortable to sit at the booth and pretend to either eat or not watch. She scooted out of the seat and set a course for the bathrooms at the back of the diner.

Like a rat from a sinking ship, Lauren was trying to distance herself from her friend and she intercepted her path.

"Sorry about that Bella," she told her with overstated chagrin. "I didn't know she'd lose it like that." Apparently she was trying to ingratiate herself with the Police Chief's daughter, just in case.

Bella gave her an annoyed frown. "I don't know what her problem is," she scoffed.

"She just got dumped by _Todd_," Lauren whispered dramatically, like Bella was supposed to have a clue in hell who that was. "On top of that, I think she couldn't take this thing with Jake. You're not together?" the question was a combination of surprise and reconnaissance.

"Me and Trixie?" Bella goaded snidely – she just couldn't resist.

"No, Jacob Black," she answered, either too drunk or too interested to get the humor.

Bella huffed out a breath with a flick of her eyes. "For the record, we're not," she bit out crisply. "He was with her last weekend so she should know." She twisted her lips in a sarcastic sneer and then carried on her way.

"Last weekend he turned her down," Lauren contradicted and Bella paused, glancing over her shoulder. "He was her go-to hook-up between guys, y'know," she leaned in with a wild gossipy look to her eye. "But…" she licked her lips breathlessly. "When she hit him up last weekend he kept it in his pants, bought her a few drinks, and told her _he was off the market_."

Bella frowned to cover the confused fireworks going off in her brain.

"I mean, she thought if she could depend on anyone it'd be him- he never turns it down," she continued, like surely Bella wasn't understanding otherwise she'd be just as shocked. "Apparently he even ditched _Dee Mason_ too and's been MIA since. So who the hell's he with?"

Bella watched in disgust as her eyes widened in lurid anticipation.

"No clue," she told her with a crocodile smile. "Doubt he does either."

'

'

"Honey, don't worry," Bella murmured, placing a hand over the big brown hand on a knee that was bouncing like a jackhammer. The ocean echoed her words, curling with foaming violence that was hushed into a lover's whisper by the impact. So much like falling in love.

A seagull streaked the late afternoon sky with squeaky calls like chalk on a blackboard while Bella watched the man beside her hunch over his lap. She scooted a little closer on the log – one of the half dozen or so that had been pulled down from where they were stored in the beach grass to loosely circle what would soon be the bonfire pit.

"You _know_ her," Bella ventured a smile. "It's just the same right? Only more?"

The big news in the Pack this week was Joey Whitehorse's next door neighbor and childhood friend Kammie Park had moved back last week before school started. Her Quileute mother had met her Korean-American father at college and they'd been back east for a few years to help her father's family get through a tough time.

Joey had gone over to their house on assignment with a casserole to have 15-year old Kammie answer the door…

Joey had imprinted.

He looked up at Bella with the big brown eyes of a clearly terrified 17-year old peering through that twenty-something mask. His forehead wrinkled as his head bowed to where his feet were digging frenetic holes in the sand.

"Think about Seth – he started from ground zero," Bella bumped him gently with her shoulder, using the most recent example that he'd been around to watch. Apparently the ominous and terrifying 'imprint curse' was moving in on the younger generation now. "You're already ahead of the game."

He leaned into her like a little boy while he squeezed his eyes closed. "But I was _so stupid_," he made a little anxious grunt. "I mean… ugh! What happens if this ruins everything?"

Apparently Joe had broken his mother's favorite pyrex on the Parks' front step and then wordlessly run away as fast as he could.

"It _won't_, Joey," Bella she assured him –though she, of all people, didn't have the right. "Just take each step, one at a time. You already know she's special, and apparently the _great wolf god_ agrees," she wiggled her brows humorously. "She's your _imprint_ – as long as you're honest about what you need, things will work out."

She hoped. That was the lesson, here right?

Cutting his eyes over at her, Joe grimaced. "But what if she freaks out about all the wolfy stuff?"

"You said she always loved the old stories, right?" Bella raised her brow. "She'll think it's cool." At least, Bella had.

"When she was little," he dismissed.

"Well it's perfect timing for a refresher," Bella squeezed his hand. At the end-of-the-summer bonfire, Billy always told the best wolf stories. "Are you going to tell her tonight?"

Joe threw his head back and groaned to a late summer sky. Fluffy clouds were starting to tinge with pink as the sun dipped toward the ocean horizon. A full moon was in the forecast, but no rain, so it was the perfect Saturday night for a bonfire.

"Jake says I hafta," he croaked.

Bella arched a brow; did he now? Maybe he'd learned something after all…

A Frisbee flew into the log with a thunk.

"C'mon loverboy!" Nebi laughed.

"Quit with the emo," Elan rejoined. "Come play!"

Bella picked up the Frisbee with a humorous frown for the benevolently obnoxious Brothers. In the distance Jedi was waving. "Go long Bella!" he yelled.

He was doing so much better.

Bella glanced at Joe with a raised brow and a small smile ventured out to play. "This is going to make you laugh," she snorted, standing and dusting off her shorts. "Watch this."

With a running start, Bella let it fly, putting her whole body into it. It actually looked like it might make it halfway to where Jedi was sprinting the difference but it was intercepted by a roaring Seth. The younger wolves all howled at the crasher.

And so a raucous game of Ultimate Frisbee began.

Soon Bella was peeling her flannel off down to a shameless tank top – they were all used to the mark by now, or rather, Bella was used to the stares. Catcalls and cheers were volleyed now and then by an incidental audience as wolves ferried things down from cars to the tables under the tents and mates built sand castles or herded kids away from the fray. Bella had spent the whole morning in the kitchen with Emily, so she didn't feel guilty.

In fact, it was awesome to get physical and just play – even if she unequivocally sucked – leaving worries and yearning and sadness on the sidelines.

"Holy Crow!" Bella shrieked (reviving a curse from more innocent days for the benefit of the cubs). She made a reckless leap for the disc and caught it in an elated hand, only to remember about gravity a second later. She landed flat on her back in the sand with an _oof _and an actual bounce.

Nearby little peanuts burst into pealing giggles from their gallery and wolvish hoots and jeers were snatched by the wind.

With a grin Bella proudly held up her prize. _"Woo hoo!"_ she whooped.

She wasn't even sure, come to think of it, if it was any kind of win, but just having caught the damn thing was a victory worthy of celebration.

Sitting up, she turned to where the little ones were still laughing by their fancy blob of sand claimed to be combination castle, race car and unicorn (that was Raven) depending on who you asked. But it only took a second to realize the _real_ reason she'd tuned that way.

Jacob had arrived.

He was carrying his father's chair in one hand and several bags of food in the other.

While his gaze stayed locked on her.

It felt like the clouds had raced over the sun – suddenly the world felt very different. Spider chills crept over her skin with a wash of hormones, emotion and adrenaline that made every neuron start firing at the same time.

She didn't want to deal with this right now.

Standing up, she didn't even bother to try to dust off yet another layer of sand but returned her attention to roughhousing boys jostling to get in the clear for her throw.

"Bella!" Seth yelled, pushing Nebi back with an outstretched arm.

She did her best to plunge back into the game with a throw that actually came close enough to its target that he could leap to intercept it. Playing with supernatural beings made things a whole hell of a lot easier in the aiming department for sure.

Jogging after them, she could feel Jacob's eyes follow her like a shadow.

Just like Joe, she wasn't ready to face this this afternoon. After a week of surviving on CPR logic and willpower to keep a heart going that was chronically damaged and starving for his touch, she'd had to hear Lauren's revelation last night. It just made that rogue twisting vine of hope constrict tighter.

And it didn't matter.

It _shouldn't_ matter. Whether he'd slept with the slut last weekend or a different girl every night for the last two months, it didn't change a thing. It was only hearsay she wasn't supposed to know scrounged to feed her addiction - like loose change from between couch cushions to buy another drink.

Except that it did.

And it was confusing.

Bella hated herself for it.

She pushed one of the Brothers out of the way as she screamed at Jedi to throw it to her. With a graceful leap, he rolled over Joe's tackle and then chucked it on a low whizzing course parallel to the ground. Bella threw herself into a devil-may-care dive for it, but both her catch and face-plant was intercepted by a thick arm around her waist. One of the twins caught her blithely, straightening as he casually angled her away to thwart her shrieking swipes for the Frisbee.

"ELAN!" she screamed in kicking in frustration. He chucked it toward Quil with a snap of his wrist and turned to her with a silk chocolate grin.

"Shit," she spat. "_NEBI!_ Put me down!"

He complied, setting her on her feet with a snickering pat on her head. She slapped his hand away crossly. Again instinct made her turn before she'd had a chance to think about it.

Jacob was now carrying his father down the dune like he weighed as much as a kitten. He was still staring without a single expression on his face – Billy Black too for that matter. She lifted her hand in a casual greeting for his father before she turned her back.

Watching Jacob carrying the man onto the beach with both strength and tenderness was unsettling. It was a physical metaphor for what he'd been doing for so long. Billy was tall and a big man too – she'd never really seen how they'd managed it back in the days before superman strength.

Because she hadn't paid attention.

She used to give lip-service to how hard it must have been for Jacob to care for his father at the ripe old age of eleven, but she'd never really thought about how much weight he had born.

Suddenly some mysterious turn of events made her team erupt in cheers while the other team groaned and shouted insults. Whatever it was, it looked like they'd won.

Seth came galloping her way at full speed and she turned tail to sprint away in pure adrenaline-laced reflex.

He caught her, throwing her effortlessly up into the air while she squealed and then caught her in steady hands. Tossing her over his shoulder, he made a beeline for the waves.

"A celebratory dunk!" he whooped. "Don't Swans love to swim!" he teased, loping and splashing through the shallows while she shrieked and slapped teasing hands on his back.

"NO! SETH!" she wailed over her jostled laughter.

Abruptly he stopped short. "Shit," he hissed, turning and glancing over his shoulder.

"What?" she whispered fearfully, trying to crane around his ribcage.

He pulled her over his shoulder into a much more sedate bridal style as he tromped back up toward the shore.

"Jake's here," he breathed out of the side of his mouth as a wave rolled in, washing behind him and getting him wet from the hips down. He ignored it, trudging on like a funeral march.

"Yeah, so?" she frowned up at him as she looped her arms around his neck.

"He's pissed," he whispered.

"Nothing new," she snorted, glancing out at where Jacob was indeed glaring daggers their way beside his seated father.

He leaned in. "No, his _wolf's_ pissed at me," he breathed.

Bella frowned up at him. "How do you know?"

He looked down at her with that sparkling smile and wiggled his ear.

Bella laughed. "How do you _do_ that?!" she marveled (it wasn't the first time he'd showed off such a prodigious skill).

"Secret," he told her with a wink.

"A nerdy month in front of your bathroom mirror?" she surmised slyly as he set her down on dry land.

"Damn," Seth tossed his eyes like he'd been caught. Then he frowned and dusted off his hands. "You're sandy," he wrinkled his nose.

"It's the price you pay for such athleticism," she arched a pompous brow.

He coughed a distracted laugh, his eyes nervously darting up the beach.

"His wolf's the more reasonable of the two by far," she soothed lightly. "I'll go talk to him." With an absent sooth over her stepbrother's arm, she turned toward where Jacob now had his head bowed.

She watched him clench his fists and then stalk over to the coolers.

Bella nervously dusted herself off. She was fairly breaded in sand, which was certainly no uncommon occurrence for her on a beach. It also never really bothered her… until today. Rat-nest hair caked with salt and flying in the wind out of her messy ponytail. Dressed in a camisole over beat up jeans rolled up to knees, she felt like Trixie had claimed: nothing. Funny how barbed words even spat over petty lips still work their way under the skin.

Walking backwards, she turned into the wind and pulled the rubber band out of her hair. She swept her locks back and into a knot then continued on.

_Pack mate. Pack mate. Pack mate._

She silently chanted the words like mantra while she watched Jacob straighten from the cooler with that savage grace, muscles rippling down his sides. She idly wondered whether he wore the black tee shirt and those jeans because he knew it got such a rise out of her. A veiled question had yielded lewd answers from Leah – apparently arousal was very easy to scent.

He prowled back to his father with a Rainier beer in one hand and bottle in the other, fluently stepping over a log on the way.

Come to think of it, that was a good idea. She'd been dry the whole week, she could afford one beer tonight, right? Absently grabbing up her flannel shirt from the log where she'd left it, Bella made a detour at the herd of ice chests and dug out an amber bottle and twisted off the cap. Pocketing it, she tipped it back before the cooler lid had thumped closed.

It was cool and yeasty and the alcohol felt awesome going down. She relaxed a little from what felt like a permanent high-alert and turned to find Jacob watching her while he tipped back a sip.

Billy was turned, saying something to Rachel who was sitting on one of the foldup chairs while she nursed a canned juice and Paul lounged against a log at her feet, chugging a beer. He was surreptitiously watching the interplay between Bella and his Alpha.

Taking another long gulp of beer, Bella made her way toward them with an attempt at a casual smile.

"Hey, Bella," Billy called, resting his beer can on his thigh and holding out his other hand.

Bella's smile grew warmer as she hastened to lean down and give him a one-armed hug. She could feel the prickle of Jacob's nearness from where he stood behind his father.

Straightening, she glanced up at him. "Hey Jake," she offered casually.

Hematite eyes locked with hers, he nodded subtly and then tipped the beer up to his lips. His Adam's apple bobbed with the swallow, making Bella want to climb up that body and bury her face in his neck.

Being this close to him without touching was _physically _painful. Every molecule in her body felt like it was jittering in agitated demand that she throw her arms around him right this very instant and drown in his scent. She wondered if he felt the same.

She tore her eyes away, and it felt like she'd ripped off a limb. They burned, threatening to bleed as she blinked to find Billy staring at her shoulder. Tucking her chin, Bella angled herself away as she fumbled to shove her hand into the sleeve of her shirt.

"I'll hold that," Billy offered quietly.

With an incriminating sniffle, she looked up to find him extending a weathered hand… and Jacob turning on his heel. She absently handed the bottle to his father while she watched him stalk away to the tents. Apparently he didn't feel the same way… or did and hated it.

Hated her?

Oh, God… she just couldn't keep her balance when he was around. Squeezing her eyes closed, she blindly shrugged on her shirt and tried to reset, swallowing down the bitter sadness whose taste was always in the back of her mouth these days.

She took her beer with a wan smile and thanks from Billy. He was watching her with worried eyes.

"How you holdin' up, honey?" he asked in that soothing dusky voice.

In rebellious contrast to the way her eyes were now watering she nodded, taking another long drink of beer. She didn't have the words.

"You _still_ don't know how to play UF, do you Swan?"

Bella turned to where Paul was staring up at her with a smirk that didn't reach his eyes. He jerked his chin out to where the boys were back to Ultimate Frisbee. "When you get it you just throw it to whoever's closest," he chuckled.

Swallowing her beer, Bella gave him a watery smile and wiped her mouth (and covertly her nose) on her sleeve. "Hey, I know who's on my team at least," she sniffed.

"Yep," he nodded sitting up a little more. "You do alright, Swan."

It was pretty much the nicest thing he'd ever said to her and it made her want to break down and cry even more.

"Is it time to wrap weenies in bacon, yet?" Rachel pried herself out of the chair, using Paul's head like a brace.

"Babe, you'd better be starting with mine," Paul held his neck stiff as he steadied her with a hand and looked up at her with that adorable affection sparkling under the snark.

"Oh, then I can move on to the rest?" She tried to smother her smile. They really were the cutest thing when they weren't trying to kill each other.

"You won't have time," he purred, congealing to his feet and capturing her lips on the way up.

Billy cleared his throat theatrically and Paul spun around with splayed palms and slapstick innocence. "Just helping your daughter up Chief Black," he told him solemnly around a roguish smile.

Rachel slapped his ass hard and he yelped.

"C'mere, boy," Billy frowned sternly.

Paul took the few steps while uncertainty seeped into his face.

When he got close enough Billy Black wacked him good on the thigh. "Get outta here!" he groused.

Paul howled melodramatically as he jogged off to join the game while Rachel snickered. She bent down and placed a kiss on her father's cheek. "Want us to push you under the tent Papa?"

"I'm good," he murmured and then met Bella's gaze. "Bella'll catch up with you in a minute."

Bella tossed Rachel a smile and then sat obediently on the log in front of him. Even though she hadn't seen him since the marking, she was comfortable with Billy.

Billy watched his daughter tromp over the sand to the tents where they were preparing the food. He turned back around to Bella with serious eyes and she rearranged her collar uncomfortably.

"How are you really doing, honey?" he asked quietly.

Bella shoved both arms down between her knees, hunching her shoulders. "All-in-all, pretty good," she whispered. "It's just hard to be around him."

He nodded absently while he searched her face and then took an unhurried sip of his beer. "He's been doing lil' better," he murmured. "But the Pack's a whole _hell of a lot_ better – I ain't never seen them this -…" he pursed his lips, leaving the predicate hanging with a bunch of different adjectives while his gaze swept the beach.

Bella turned and did the same. Most of the Pack – including Jedi - were splashing through the shallows and horsing around in a loose game of Frisbee. Jared and Kim had come as "honorary pack" and he was sitting with the kids along with Embry and Jose. The girls were setting up the food and using the Brothers for grunt work.

Jacob was nowhere to be seen.

But every one was... happy. That deep kind.

"As Chief of this tribe..."

Bella's gaze darted back to Billy's steady eyes.

"I wanted to thank you," he murmured, reaching out for her hand. "But as father, it's impossible to repay the debt."

Bella's gaze slid to her knees uncomfortably. "I just did what I thought was right," she mumbled.

"Exactly."

She looked up to his smile. It was somber, troubled. "But I also can't imagine what it's cost you, honey."

"Nothing I don't already owe," she sniffed bitterly.

"Now it ain't like that and you know it," he huffed, squeezing her hand.

"I know," she groaned, closing her eyes as she flopped over her knees and shimmied her hand free. "God, I can't keep my head."

"Don't know many that could, Bella."

Suddenly weary, she picked up her head and rubbed her salty face.

"Intimacy strengthens the imprint," he murmured while his eyes darted between hers. "That's how Quil and Claire can spend so much time apart but just a few days bout near kills my daughter and Paul."

"Them being together might be worse," Bella added dryly.

Billy's face broke out into an appreciative grin that looked suspiciously like a sunset version of Jacob's smiles. It slowly faded back into seriousness.

The crunch of gravel up the hill along with the telltale police blue made Bella's gaze dart up to where a police cruiser was pulling into the lot.

Her father had come, but she knew he would. After the flock of skanks had squawked off in formation into the sunset, he'd offered her a high five and told her he "was in for Friday." Having her father on her team again loosened the noose a little.

Billy glanced up at where Charile was opening the passenger door for Sue with old-school charm. "But Bella," he turned back to her with intensity simmering in his eyes. "If you need anything. _Anything_, _anytime_ at all I want you to ask. Even if it's for the Council to step in."

Bella blinked in surprise – not really at the offer but at the way he said it. Almost like she was…

"You have the same rights and privileges as Alpha," he spoke each word passionately. "No different from Jake."

Both taken aback and overwhelmed, Bella sat up slowly while everything tumbled inside her. She didn't know if she could handle another layer of pressure… she felt like she was barely able to keep taking one step at a time with the weight on her heart.

But the confidence and gratitude that sparkled in Billy's eyes kept her from crumbling; she nodded once. "Thanks," she rasped softly and then took another long draw of beer.

He nodded himself and did the same.

But Bella was becoming and expert at silos. Stuffing away this newest revelation into her bulging pandora's box, she eyed her father, helping Sue down the dune while carrying a box covered with tinfoil.

"Actually there _is_ something I need," she began, taking another quick swig of beer and then turning to meet his curious eyes.

He nodded her on.

"I need you to keep my dad out of trouble tonight," Bella smothered her smile. "And maybe to take him fishing next week."

A slow grin spread over his face while his eyes twinkled. "Done," he held up his beer can.

She clicked her bottle against it with a tin crinkle. Raising their drinks they then both drank through smiles.

It was the last true smile of the night.

Bella was drained dry before the storytelling had even begun. She was so exhausted, in fact, that she didn't think she could keep her head up much longer.

First it was about getting the food ready to cook over the fire and soon potluck dishes were arriving that needed to be laid out. In addition to the general level of manners and attention that meeting new people required, each one of the Council had sought her out to greet and pull her into polite conversations like she was some kind of host.

Or the Alpha's mate.

Between those polite nods and smiles were others as the Pack dragged her off to introduce to family and friends, some in the know, other blissfully ignorant. _Bella Swan - the Police Chief's _daughter became her title for the night because really, she couldn't be introduced as anything else without cringe-worthy follow-up questions. Luckily because it was a beach party, it was mostly about a friendly wave and making sure her mark was demurely covered.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Jacob go through the same gauntlet – a little differently because he knew everyone already. It was odd (when had it not been recently?) but she felt like they were wordlessly orbiting one another – separate but somehow together all the same.

All in all, it was a lot more than she had bargained for and she should have seen it coming. But these days she kept her eyes on the next baby step with no bandwidth for distant horizons. She was glad Billy had inadvertently warned her.

To top that, Bella finally was sitting down to something to eat beside Claire, Jedi, and Brady when Joey Whitehorse's imprint came on the scene.

Kammie Park arrived with doe-eyed worry teetering on tears and her friends volleying flaming arrows at poor deer-in-headlights Joe. It was like a train-wreck, so instead of watching, Bella stepped in and got everyone back on track.

While her two friends were easily entertained by the handsome and humorous Brothers, Joe and Kammie slipped off down the beach. It went better than any reveal had gone (except Bella – as Sam had whispered in her ear). With a father who'd majored in folklore and a mother who was a tribal rights activist, Kammie was used to thinking out of the box.

Jacob had come back with the couple a good while later and then had sent Kammie off for the next stage of her initiation with Emily and Bella. In silent agreement they kept the talk brief and invited her over for Lupper the next day for more.

With missions accomplished – at least for now –Bella munched idly on a chip (she still hadn't eaten) up at the food tent while she stared out over the field of people gathered around the fire on logs and chairs. Adults were either chatting or cuddling in the dark and the kids who weren't asleep on blankets were toasting marshmallows.

Suddenly Bella felt very alone.

"You look worn to the bone, girl," Emily worried quietly.

Bella nodded numbly.

"C'mon, eat," she urged.

Bella took a little macaroni salad, and some kind of lentil thing brought by Sue while Emily compulsively tidied up the tent lit by a generator chugging away over the sounds of night surf. Truthfully she wasn't very hungry… but she could use another drink even though she was already at her two-beer limit.

Her eyes automatically gravitated to Jacob, his huge shape lounging on a log and sipping on a beer with that careful indolence that made it look like it was resting against the starting blocks for whatever came next. His face was stoic and focused intently on whatever his patrolling Packmate was reporting.

Like holding apart two magnets, it took a lot of fucking energy to stay away from him. Bella found herself wandering back to that first conversation she'd had with Billy today. There was no doubt that part of her had been pulled back home this year but over the last two months – especially after the marking – it had just gotten worse.

It made sense, but it… well, sucked.

She tried not to pine away for the friendship they lost and just take things as they were, but it was painful to pretend not to care. Just like she'd done with Jedi, she was drawn to nurture and fix pain. It was a big reason why she'd gotten sucked into Edward's world – she wondered if he'd played the victim card especially for her. He'd had Jasper on his team, after all.

A gentle hand on her shoulder pulled her from her thoughts with a hiss of surprise.

Emily was watching her with worry furrowing her brow.

"I need to get out of here for a while," Bella's subconscious blurted out the words and Bella was left wondering where they'd come from.

Nodding, Emily jerked her chin. "Go."

"No, not tonight," Bella set down her plate. With the Council and families and a new imprint, she wouldn't be that selfish.

"But I think I'll go up to Seattle this week. Visit my friend Angela," she wrinkled her nose. "Decompress, y'know?" What she didn't say was maybe a little distance from Jacob would help.

Emily heard the words anyway as she pushed her windblown hair behind her ear. "That sounds like a good idea, sweetie."

"Maybe Monday," Bella mused, picking up another chip and munching thoughtfully. "After we school Kam," she winked, trying to lighten things up. Her Pack had lives to live, they didn't need to be tuned in 24/7 to the Jake and Bella-a-thon.

"Bring your plate," Emily squeezed her arm. "Let's go sit by the fire."

Bella nodded and picked up the food and they headed out under the harvest moon. "I'm going to grab a drink," she murmured, nodding Emily on. "Want something?"

Emily wrinkled her nose with a shake of her head.

Bella watched her head off to where Sam sat beside their sleeping little one, smiling in anticipation at his imprint's approach. Raven was entertaining the crowd down by the fire. They deserved a little quiet time.

Bella munched on another chip as she picked her way to the coolers, gathered around each other like a trailer park. She could have one more drink and still be safe to drive or maybe a few and sleep at Emily's. Old coping mechanisms quickly snuck in on the backs of fatigue and heartache.

With a resolute jut of her chin, she set her plate down on a nearby cooler and opened the one with the soda and dug out a coke. Releasing some of the pressure in a sigh, Bella sat down heavily on the cooler and lifted the soda to numb lips.

It was sweet and sharp and bubbly - a restorative tonic to get her through the rest of the night. She felt like her body weighed a million pounds as she picked herself up and trudged toward the circle of the fire.

Billy was now talking in those dramatic dulcet tones, his voice reverberating in the wide open spaces he left for the imagination to play. She picked her way around couples and families, young people and old. Most looked up at her with a bright smile of recognition or whispered, almost reverent, greeting like they were catching a shooting star.

It was hard to explain: she kind of felt like Santa Claus. People looked at her like an icon or a role model (when she was certainly neither) instead of a regular plain-jane girl two steps away from the edge of a bottomless abyss. They recognized her for what she did for them and was for them, more than _who_ she was as a person. In some ways it shored up some of the hemorrhaging – it was always easier to be what people wanted you to be.

But the epiphany was like a slap, stinging and ringing long past impact: Jacob probably felt like this too, only many more times over.

She drifted back into present in Billy's sharp black eyes, locked with hers like he was reading her private thoughts. His voice didn't waver but that subtle tip of his chin was just the crutch she needed to help her hobble through overwhelm. Her gaze scanned welcoming faces as she stepped into the inner circle of the bonfire. Most of them were Pack and Council members… along with her father.

Charlie was seated against a log, legs stretched out toward the raging fire while his arm draped contentedly around Sue. She was nestled into his shoulder –the two of them radiating such peace that middle age melted away from emotional prime.

Smiling softly, Bella skirted the large fire toward Charlie who looked up with a grin that made his mustache asymmetrical. He patted the space next to him and Bella lowered herself to the ground with a smiling glance Councilmember Joe Whitehorse Sr. and his family sprawled behind her.

She situated herself against the log and her father pulled her into his side while Billy continued weaving pictures in every minds' eye.

Bella listened absently to stories she hadn't heard since she was a girl while her gaze scanned the faces around the flames. In the far corner, Joey Whitehorse Jr. was sitting beside his new imprint and they radiated a light that easily rivaled the fire.

Kammie was a soulful little thing who gave thought and attention to each moment like someone three times her age. Leaning against the log, she was curled up under his arm, knees leaning against Joe's thigh. She was turned and gazing up into his face with the same melting awe and wide-eyed wonder that was being showered back over her a million times over.

They were young, so they were going to go slow as they'd been counseled, but right now, hands and gazes joined, they looked content to stay like that forever. It was a young love so pure and sweet that it was impossible to glance their way and not be deeply moved.

And jealous.

Bella squeezed her eyes closed, disgusted with herself. She knew it was a natural emotion, but when had she allowed her own despair to interfere with her appreciation of others' happiness?

She cleared her mental palate and opened her eyes again. Joe reached up and pushed a tendril of Kammie's jaw-length bob behind an ear, then covering their entwined hands resting on his thigh.

It made her teeth hurt just looking at it.

She turned over her shoulder and caught Mrs. Whitehorse watching the same scene. She met Bella's gaze with a mother's tender smile of joy that was almost as beautiful.

Bella turned back around just in time to see a huge man lower himself down to the free space on the other side of the fire that had been vacated because the wind blew the heat that way.

Jacob Black didn't seem to mind. Beer in hand, he poured like mercury over the log, sprawling over the ground and stretching jeans-covered legs perilously close to the flame. Propping an elbow back against the wood, he took a sip of his beer. Then slowwwly looked up, drawing his swords from their scabbards, and skewering her straight through her heart with a lancing stare.

For a several seconds, Bella couldn't breathe, move, or … anything.

It must have been obvious, because her father looked down with a murmured. "Y'okay?"

She fecklessly tried to wiggle free to answer, but she was impaled on those eyes - dark, empty, hard. Such a shocking contrast from the warmth of the fire.

Charlie followed her gaze and then sat up a bit more pulling her closer. It was just enough distraction to tear her eyes away. She turned into her father's smoky shirt and found her face was wet and oozing with unheeded tears.

A cool hand brushed one away from her cheek and Bella looked up to see Sue watching her with concern. It was the last thing she wanted to do: ruin everyone's peace on this last night of summer's symbolic freedom.

With a sniffle, she force a smile and sat up a little more, ignoring her father and Sue's lingering stares while she turned her attention to Billy. Apparently he was watching her too out of the corner of his eye.

It was almost too much.

In fact it was.

Memories of her youth came to life in words she'd heard in that same stirring baritone on one side, on the other she watched love blossom between two childhood friends – as easy as breathing.

And the boy she'd loved and the man she didn't recognize stared back at her with stone cold eyes through the flames roaring between them.

"I'm going to take a walk," she whispered to her dad and Sue, standing up without waiting for validation.

They generously gifted her with worried eyes but silence.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Bella picked herself blindly through the throng of people, and burst out into the solitary sand.

And then she ran.

Her sprint slowed to a jog, her jog to a stumble - down to the water's edge and down the beach, fleeing her heart, the immutable past and untenable present… it was cathartic, but not very effective.

Gradually the ocean's low steady percussion hypnotized her heartbeat to swim along. Bella took a long deep breath as she turned to jostling waves, now shimmering under an icy blue moon that was climbing the sky.

By all accounts, their imprint should have gone like the one showcased tonight – a joyful, lovesome thing that was as natural and needed as the next heartbeat.

But it hadn't.

And she couldn't get those days back. All she was left with lonely moments that seemed to slip so easily in the next like sand in an hour glass – a doomsday countdown to insanity.

Bella bowed her head for a moment, under the moon and stars at the altar of the sea. She flung desperate prayers like a messages in a bottle out into the unknown – for strength, for guidance, for some glimpse of distant resolution.

For hope.

No matter how successfully she'd logically navigated the situation, or grown into realizations and understanding, or come to own her past… she didn't know if she could live much into the future without Jacob in some shape or form.

With a sigh, she turned and continued along the reach of the waves where the sand was cold and damp like morning oatmeal after noon. Bending down, she rolled up her jeans a little tighter over her knees and veered down closer to where the waves stroked the sand and the ground was firmer.

She'd come down to First Beach several times this summer with the girls and kids in tow and taken moments like this one to walk along the shore. Toward the end of this beach and the rising rocky bluffs, was the old tree that Jacob and she had called theirs. It had long since rotted, only a craggy rock left to mark its place like a gravestone. She'd go pay her respects to that cemetery of memories.

She walked slowly, leisurely, letting the icy fingers of water, resuscitate her nerves. There was something anodyne about the sound of the ocean, it had always formed a barrier like white noise between her and the world at large.

Stooping to pick up a shining shell she bolted upright again, with a stumbling list as a mischievous wave stole in and sloshed up her calf. With a soft laugh, she trudged farther up the beach to avoid the larger set rolling in.

She turned the shell idly in cold fingers as she listened to the soft clopping splash of her feet in the pouncing wave. On its retreat it suckled and tugged at her ankles and she tossed the shell on its back.

Turning up to the shore, she froze.

Sketched like chalk on velvet, Jacob was sitting in the darkness on the stone that marked their shared grave. Still and silent, he looked like a specter – clinging to the veil between worlds as he watched her from shadowed eyes.

For a moment, she didn't have the first clue what to do – wasn't that always the case when prayers were answered? She really wouldn't know – this was a first.

Drawing in a deep breath, Bella decided to do exactly what she'd do if he was an unfriendly and slightly frightening member of her Pack.

Raising her hand in a casual greeting, she continued on her path along the shore. If he wanted something, he'd have to ask.

The vigorous set, shrunk back into the sea and Bella trailed down closer to the water where a wave promptly poured up the sand, splashing up her legs and soaking her pants. With a snort, she paused, rolling them up over her knees.

When she straightened, a hulking shape made her jumped clear out of the water with a splash. Jacob was standing silently beside her not a foot away.

She glowered up at him through the rush of adrenaline. "You need to make more noise," she spat hotly.

A smirk swam through the shadows. "You need to pay more attention," he replied, deep and sultry like the sea.

It was unnerving.

His moods, his voice, the way her body reacted any time he was near – all of it. Luckily the wind was racing off the ocean so she wasn't bombarded by his scent or she'd have simply crumpled at his feet like a woman without an ounce of self-respect.

They both deserved better.

Face tipped down to her puny height, it was unreadable as usual and veiled by shadow. Narrowing her eyes with defensive temper, she turned away from him and continued walking down the beach. He wordlessly fell into step, his movements so fluid that the water swirled around his stride with the same swish and eddy it did without him there.

While Bella splashed along like Bigfoot.

It was unnerving. His grace, his strength, his presence – all of it.

She closed her eyes for a moment.

"Did you need something?" she asked with imitation flip as she kept her eyes trained ahead at the bluffs being battered by waves.

"Yes," Jacob replied, his voice creamy and low. "I don't want you to go to Seattle this week."

Bella didn't look up but pursed her lips with a slow nod, trying to let the words fall over some bare patch of sanity instead of her racing heart. It didn't surprise her that he'd heard her conversation with Emily. Nothing did anymore when it came to him.

"Why?" she asked calmly – it was a definitive coup.

"Because we're still dealing with this leech and we don't know what we're up against," he chiseled the words in obsidian, slick and hard. "Except that she seems to come from the north. Maybe Seattle."

Part of her was crushed that it wasn't something more… _personal_; it was merely a strategic request. The other half, however, was pulled along in the riptide of conjecture and memory.

"She?" she asked, a shiver shimmying down her spine at the thought of another rabid bitch like Victoria.

When he didn't answer, she looked up and he nodded, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "We killed two on our lands a little over a month ago and I'm assuming she's in the same coven."

"One's her mate?" Bella asked, stopping and turning around.

Jacob's mouth hitched up bitterly on one side. "We have no way of knowing that shit."

Shoving her lip out, her gaze drifted to the sea. She'd never really thought about that - how was it to fight those things blind?

"So…?"

Bella's gaze returned to where - hands behind his back and shoulders squared - apparently he was waiting for her answer.

"I'll think about it," she told him flatly.

Lips flashed up from a snap of teeth. "_That's __not__ the right answer,"_ he growled.

The sudden about-face was sobering. Fear tickled its reminder in her belly: Jacob was volatile now.

"You carry my scent. If you go I'll have to send two older wolves to cover 24/7 because I'm needed here," he bit the words out in a monotone whose edges were gritty. "With imprints, cubs, a new Phase… it's spreading the Pack too thin if there's war."

Bella blinked up at him with a kind of awe. On top of everything he had to think about this? Well, she'd told him she had his back, so the answer was easy:

"Okay, I'll stay," she said simply. "Tell me when it's safe to go."

She watched his shoulders subtly relax and she then turned and continued on her way.

After a moment, he appeared again beside her. Bella looked up at him curiously.

Hands still clasped behind his back, his gaze was trained thoughtfully on the rocks ahead like he was on a casual stroll down the beach.

Bella took his cue and did the same. She turned her attention to the sea, the sand and shells, stopping to pick up one and examine it now and then. Jacob would continue steadily ahead but somehow whenever she started walking again he'd fall magically back into step in only several strides.

The bluffs and the beach's end were looming close now. Their walk was taking them into the curving grotto where the water eddied and sand stretched out smooth in a long shallow runway for the sea.

With a little cry, Bella jogged forward and dove her hand into the receding wave to catch the moon. She returned triumphantly with a sand dollar clutched in her fist. Straightening, she gazed at it happily – they were hard to find, but she and Jacob used to walk all the way down here because it had always been the most reliable spot.

A string of little splashes hemming a path across the sheet of water made her turn with a smile to where Jacob was picking up the next stone to skip. Settling it between forefinger and thumb, he tossed it with casual precision and it bounced a hundred gazillion times across the ebbing wave. Bella couldn't even make it skip once.

A deafening crash made her gaze snap reflexively out to where a particularly large wave had buffeted the rocks, moon-iced foam mounting the bluffs in seaming slow motion. It was beautiful and wild.

"The sea is so frighteningly beautiful," she mused under her breath, watching the spray dissolve into moonlight.

"I always thought it would be a great way to die," Jacob murmured behind her.

Her brow furrowing, Bella turned to see him throw his body like a bowler into skipping another stone. He didn't so much as glance at her as he straightened, watching it bounce across the water toward the endless ocean stretching out as far as the eye could see.

"I'd swim out to the horizon as far as I could," he breathed, the words wistful and stolen by the wind. "And then Phase." He bit his lip thoughtfully, then flicked it through his teeth and stooped for another stone.

Bella's heart had stopped dead in her chest and the shell slipped from nerveless fingers. She could feel a million emotions tick across her face as she tried to process the magnitude of what he was revealing.

"No mess left behind," he jogged a step and hurled the stone across the shining film of water.

Her heart had restarted and was beating its way up her throat, desperately trying to get to him. Her feet finally got on board and took slow steps toward where Jacob was crouched down, searching for another rock.

His stoic mask fell into place and he straightened as Bella came near.

Tipping her head back she stopped less than two feet from him, searching that cold stare. Jacob towered over her head and shoulders, muscles engaged and taut, black shirt matching that darkness. The shadow twin of a boy she'd once known.

The suffocating pressure of tears was ignored because whatever she was feeling was nothing in comparison to this pain.

"Don't give up," she whispered.

His eyes paced between hers, the ticking whites the only way to track them in the shadow of that heavy brow. Then his face calcified into a sneer. "Why?"

Mouth dry, Bella's mind was desperately scrabbling for traction in the rushing rapids of the way both of them were bleeding out. "There are people who care about you," she whispered.

"Yeah, know all about 'em," he rasped, the words contracting to a hiss of pain. "I _tried_. Gave them everything I wanted to get_ so bad_. 'Got back nothin'. _Less_ than nothing ..."

His brow furrowed as his eyes blindly raked over her face, chasing memories. "Mom left when I was nine," he murmured under his breath like it wasn't meant for her ear. "Then Rache and Reebs while Dad lied all along…" he coughed a bitter laugh while his eyes raked the sky. "And finally even you."

He barked another dark hopeless sound to the sky as he spun on his heel and stalked a few steps down the beach. Tucking his head, his hands raked over his hair. They were shaking, minute tremors like he was crumbling inside.

Bella's heart was bleeding through her eyes and silent tears streamed down her cheeks while the waves lapped around her ankles, burying her feet in sand. Paralyzed by the suffering of her best friend, she felt useless and lost.

"Don't give up?" he spat, spinning around on her as his hands slapped down to his thighs. "I don't even get that option."

He scooped up another stone in a smooth sweeping motion and tossed it idly up in the air while he turned to the waves crashed violently against the rocks.

Her gaze slipped over that profile, strong, sensitive, regal… it shouldn't be like this.

"Emb's too soft, Paul's too fucked up, Sam's been through hell," he caught the stone in his fist and squeezed. "No, Jared was my second and _finally_ he was ready …" he laughed darkly, sighting down his arm before he jogged into a throw. "Then he quit."

He watched the stone skip blithely over the water before diving into the deep with a soft splash. Shaking his head wearily, he turned around.

"They keep Phasing," he sniffed, pinning her with hollow eyes. "It's way too late. I gave up a long time ago, I've just been waiting to cash out."

Jacob took slow slinking strides toward her as his eyes darted down to her shoulder. "It was gonna be my lucky year..." his murmur evaporated as he stopped barely a foot away.

Bella watched that expressionless face as his hand rose to her shirt. Gentle fingers tugged back the collar... and he stared.

"And then you do this," he breathed. His eyes fluttered closed in defeat as he released her and his hand fell to his side.

Bella felt like she was struggling to swallow a knot of sobs. A hurricane was ripping through her body, but strangely she felt like she was in the eye of the storm. Detached. It had been almost a week since she'd touched him. Without a thought she reached out and took his hand.

They gasped in unison.

Jacob's eyes popped open, the pupils yawning wide as they locked on hers.

Her hand felt like it fused greedily to every millimeter where it touched his heated skin. A languid lazy heat siphoned up her arm and spread through her body, each cell soaking it up like a sponge. She felt like she'd been injected with some wildly addictive substance and it filled every hunger that she had in an instant, but still made her crave more.

Her eyes swam under heavy lids and she blinked them soundly to focus on where Jacob stared at her with a tempest churning behind those dark eyes.

"What do you need, Jake?" she asked him softly.

The words seemed to jar him back to the present and he yanked his hand from hers, taking a brisk step back. Every molecule withered and mourned the loss.

"Do you know?" she whispered.

He frowned at her, looking confused... lost. He started to turn away.

"Why did you get into that car with her?"

The question seemed to throw him… for a second. She heard his squirting swallow as he turned back to her.

He sniffed, the corner of his mouth kicking up. "It's what I do."

Bella searched his face keeping hers carefully neutral. This part of the puzzle was pretty clear, but he didn't seem to see it.

"Why?" she cocked her head.

He coughed a laugh, as his eyes flicked up to the sky. "They take what they want," he chuckled darkly and his face tipped back down etched with a wooden leer. "I get what I need,"

Bella searched that mask for a moment while she flicked the seam of her lip with her tongue. "See, I think it's just a substitute, Jake," she whispered. "Just like drinking and smoking for me. I think you really need love."

That mask abruptly crumpled into a hideous scowl, frightening in its emptiness. _"You think you fucking know?"_ he ground the words between his molars like broken glass.

Bella didn't back down. "Well," she wet her lips, trying to keep her voice steady. "Why did you walk away from Trixie last weekend?" she challenged quietly. "I mean, if that's what you need."

For a moment she seemed to catch him off guard. Taking an inadvertent step back, his eyes subtly ballooned with surprise while his face battened down the hatches with shuttering steel.

"Is it to get me back?" she wondered, her brow earnest, not condemning. "To make me pay? Because I get it-…"

Like she'd hurled a rock through a window, that scowl shattered violently into razor sharp shards.

_"This has nothing to do with you!"_ he stumbled back, eyes instantly wide and wild as his voice climbed with agitation. "You were fucking **_never _supposed to see me like this!" **

Breath rapid and shallow, Bella was trying not to cower under the igneous energy that was rolling off him in waves.

He shook his head as his gaze gouged the sky.

"I mean, fucking _look at me_!" he yelled as his eyes snapped back down to lock on her like heat seeking missiles. "I can't live with who I am anymore!" his voice splintered on the last syllable, while muscles slithered and jumped under his skin like the fires of hell were trying to break through.

"And you tied yourself to this?" he coughed a maniacal laugh, as his hand flew to claw over his chest. "I've got nothing to give! _ I've got fucking negative nothing!_ **A big. Fat. Fucking. Black hole!**" he barked hoarsely.

"Jake, I swear," she begged, her voice cracking in desperation. She wanted to hold him so badly, and she didn't know how. "I don't want to take. I just want to be here for you."

He shook his head so vigorously it blurred as he continued to back away. "I _can't_ give you what you need," the words broke up into a growl, like an animal feral from pain.

"I just need you to _forgive_ yourself," Bella wept. "And _start living_!"

Jacob froze, his expression congealing into a smirk that was as frighteningly desolate as those eyes. He hacked a caustic laugh as he turned his back on her.

_"Exactly."_

Spitting the word like poison over his shoulder, he then turned and ran down the beach.

Under the pregnant moon, tears leaked over an empty shell of a girl as she watched him sprint away.

Bella watched what happened next like she was floating through a dream. Stumbling down the beach she took the next access path up to the road and then walked numbly along on the asphalt in bare feet until she got to where her car was parked along the dirt shoulder. Opening the door and slipping into the seat, she leaned over and opened the glove box, pulling out her key and cell.

Somehow she drove home.

In the driveway she picked up the phone off the seat and mechanically typed out a text to Emily and her dad saying… something.

Then she threw the phone in the footwell of the car.

It wasn't until she was pushing open the front door that she started waking up in her body.

And it hurt like a bitch.

Clutching her stomach, she dropped her keys in the foyer and stumbled into her house, clawing the rubber band out of her hair and leaving her flannel shirt and damp jeans along with sand and salt in her wake.

She went straight for the kitchen.

Climbing clumsily up on the counter in camisole and underwear, Bella pulled that bottle of Jack from behind the rum and slithered back down to the floor. She picked up a dirty glass in the sink with numb fingers while the other hand unscrewed the cap and let it drop to the floor.

She poured a full glass over the sink and hunched over it as she sloppily slurped down as much as she could before she had to draw a breath. Gasping, she absently slapped at the cool liquor that had drizzled down over her collar bone and soaked her camisole, she then turned around to her silent empty house.

The burn of alcohol spread out with a blessed synthetic heat as she took slow steps into her dark living room. Outside the moon danced in a placid lake and frogs and crickets chirped on blissfully oblivious to the pain of this world.

Jacob had given up.

That warm giving heart had warped under the pressure, turning him into someone bitter and cynical and lost. All he'd ever wanted was attention, caring and love – things he'd given freely until he had nothing left. His mother had left, his sisters had abandoned him to care for a father who'd betrayed him with skeletons in his closet: an inauspicious supernatural heritage and a human indiscretion.

Bella sat down heavily on the couch, sloshing drink over her hand. She lapped it off and then took another sip before she set it down on the table. When Bella had married a corpse she'd simply handed over the coffin and nails to hurry things already started along.

"Oh my God," she sighed, falling over her thighs and catching her head in her hands. Life was so cruel, fate so unkind.

It would have been hard enough for Jacob to survive such a deep-drill heartbreak, but adding the weight of a ponderous duty, the pressure of instinct and a supernatural straightjacket curse being laced tighter and tighter, it was no wonder he'd had bled out so long ago.

If only Bella had come back sooner.

There was always an excuse to be had – school terms, being fucked up, jobs, unanswered emails… the list had taken on a life of its own. But what it had really been about was fear. She'd never in a million years guessed it was so well-founded: what was left of the both of them was a monstrous and tortuous thing to behold.

Still, she'd forgiven herself, she'd forgiven him… but how could she live with this pain? But one thing was certain: it was a precious gift that he'd shared it.

In an attempt at self-preservation (or maybe it was rush of an alcohol high) her mind proffered flimsy hope. No matter how painful and disastrous, he'd _spoken_ to her about what had blistered his heart, surely that was progress (or was it simply the bottoming out of despair?). Maybe he'd just need to drain his wounds before he could start to heal (or was her really just pushing her away like he'd been doing all along?).

Her mind fought with itself groggily while her head pounded.

Maybe tomorrow things would look different, but for now, she just needed not to feel.

Leaning forward she picked up the drink and sat back down with another analgesic down payment on eventual oblivion. Sitting back, she rested the glass on her knee.

And then she heard it.

The quiet _shoop_ of the sliding glass door.

Bella closed her eyes as her head bowed slowly down to her chest while the festering tears in an infected soul oozed over her cheeks in hot streaks.

Thank God, he'd come.

Bella waited.

Outside, the peaceful staccato of animal life set a soothing backdrop while the wind whispered over the lake and trees.

Her hair was gathered slowly off her neck and chills spilled over her skin along with another sluice of tears. Her breath hitched as she tried to hold it inside and her stiff tanged locks were let down over one shoulder.

_Cold marble stroked down her neck._

Like a lightning strike, suddenly she realized it was a touch she knew too well. With a shriek, Bella tried to lunge off the couch but was yanked violently back by her hair, her drink jettisoning across the room.

"Shh," a serpentine hiss slithered over the sound of the glass rolling lazily over the hardwood floor.

That fist tightened in her hair with merciless strength, pulling out scattered hairs with a sound like Velcro. Her neck was pulled roughly to the side, leaving her no choice but to submit and a rancid puff of cold air was released over her pulse. Bella gagged.

"You smell like him," a woman's crystal voice mused in a light Irish lilt. Air was drawn over her skin along with a frigid tip of her nose, making it try to desperately crawl away. "How's that, luv?"

Bella whimpered as the woman yanked her head back and she leaned around with a cold smile that Bella could just see her from the corner of her eye. Flawless alabaster skin and black gypsy hair, her eyes were heartless and blood red like a rat's.

"He's ridden you, yet not for a few days now," she cocked her head with a sing-song croon like she was murmuring a lullaby to a child. "But such a fine little thing. Are we not good in bed, pet?" Her lips spread in a chilling smile that showed stained razor teeth.

"But this scent is different," the leech mused under her breath while those sinister eyes traced Bella's profile.

Disappearing behind her, Bella heard her draw in a luxuriant breath, as the vampire brushed her nose almost sensually over her shoulder. Bella's breath hitched raggedly over her hummingbird heart as the tears continued to fall, but whether it was her adrenal cortex had tapped out or something else, she felt oddly calm.

Accepting.

Maybe _this_ was the answer to her prayers.

Bella didn't lie to herself anymore and she knew she was as good as dead. And maybe that's what he needed after all. It was a gift to them both that he'd gotten to share some of his torment with her before their ends. She'd die, and – after he'd rained vengeance down on this bitch – Jacob would finally be set free.

Bella could live with that.

Or, in this case, die. There might the tears racing over her cheeks, but there would be no blubbering sobs or wussy pleas.

"Here we are!" the woman laughed like a wind chime as she jerked her head brutally to the other side, by wrapping her hair in a fist.

With absent strength and those quick leechy movements, she tore her up over the back of the couch like a ragdoll, while Bella's feet scrabbled to find purchase to ease the biting pressure of being dragged by her hair.

The leech was taller than Bella and held her up on struggling tip toes as she leaned over Jacob's mark.

"You're quiet, luv," she murmured distractedly. "I appreciate that 'bout you."

Bella closed her eyes gasping with the sharp prickle.

But she didn't know the first thing about pain until a second later.

The vampire raised a curious long nail and scraped it over the mark and Bella's world contracted to nothing but mind numbing-agony. Every neuron in her body was connected to that scar and while Jacob's touch lit the fires of pleasure …

The leech's brought nothing but excruciating pain.

Every cell blistering and popping, her veins were suddenly carrying a rushing river of flame through every last millimeter of her body. A blood-curdling scream ripped from her lungs as her body went limp and vision blackened around the edges. But unconsciousness would have been too kind.

That rough touch withdrew but the echo of agony lingered. Eyes rolling in her head, Bella wretched, her body desperately trying to rid itself of the sensory overload and she vomited.

With a disgusted noise, the vampire lowered her limp frame to the floor while Bella wretched and choked on acid. Finally the convulsions stopped and, breath heaving, she clumsily wiped her mouth on the back her a hand.

"Oh, my lovely," the vampire cooed, a finger tipping Bella's chin up to maniacally gleeful eyes.

"We're going to have so much fun."

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_Review if you like. _


	8. Part VIII - Pieces

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_Sorry for the delay (though it's not a delay by a lot of fics, eh?) RL slapped me down good. But enough with lame excuses._

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_Thanks to Jacobsgirl007 for the present! SdrvDOTms/1aMANhI (put a . for DOT)_

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_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

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**Part VIII – Pieces**

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Bella heard a scream like it belonged to someone else as she was pulled up to face her attacker. It was hoarse and rough, strangely divorced from the way the sound hollowed her, body and spirit, with the serrated violence of mind-numbing pain.

Bella seized and convulsed with the casual brutality of the hand that again ripped her off the floor by the shoulder. The mark was a direct connection not only to her nervous system, but to her soul, and minutes of the merciless and sadistic persecution might as well have been an eternity. The agony had already whittled down both strength and sanity past the quick and to the bone.

Bella hoped the vampire made the end fast, but, of course, she knew better. Jacob was right: hope was a losing battle, every time.

"Not so quiet now, eh luv?" the leech crooned into her ear, that civilized Irish brogue making each word sound all the more savage. "I wish all of you had one of these little beauties. They're delightful, I'll tell you as much."

Bella tried to lift her head, but it weighed a hundred pounds. She was already a million miles past the point of courage and valor: she was begging.

"Kill me," she rasped, her voice barely audible and tasting of copper.

The vampire clucked as a finger tipped Bella's chin up to those lifeless red eyes, perversely wide and manic. "Aw, that would ruin the fun, luv," she cooed, theatrically pursing bow lips. "This pain tastes as pure an' sweet as the blood of a newborn babe."

Bella's eyes rolled, struggling to focus on that fiendish face before her when suddenly it was spinning away. The force gave her whiplash as she was whipped around too at inhuman speed. A cold hand at her throat, jerked Bella's head back with a crack against a hard bosom, her debilitated legs dangling to the floor.

Like a cross between a snake and a cat in heat, the vampire hissed rabidly behind her. "What do you want?"

A deep familiar chuckle like a ping pong ball on a kettledrum bounced across the room, making every cell jerk to attention. Frantic eyes lolled forward to where Jacob Black was standing just outside the open sliding glass door.

"I think you know exactly what I want," he crooned, dark velvet over a bed of nails.

Dressed only in cutoffs, his hair was loose – like it always was after a Phase. He leaned against the doorframe, idly tossing a beach skipping stone up and down in one palm. Black viper eyes were trained above Bella's head.

"The little bitch," the woman barked a nasty laugh as she yanked Bella closer, thumb and forefinger clutching her jaw with bruising strength that crackled in her ear like rice crispies.

With a black tar smirk, Jacob shook his head slowly as he pushed off the frame with liquid movements divorced from the steady rhythm of the stone.

"Nope," he murmured, the P popping out obscenely. "I want your head."

With exaggerated slowness, Jacob stepped into the house and the vampire dragged Bella's lifeless body back a step, fingers dancing on crushing her windpipe. She wheezed, breath gurgling in the back of her raw throat.

With that chilling smile still in place, Jacob tipped his chin. "You'll want to keep her alive for a few more minutes," he purred, each word as hypnotically slow and languid as his pace into the house.

The creature's right hand dove into Bella's hair, wrapping it in her fist as the grip on her throat loosened infinitessimally. Bella yanked in a choking gasp while she struggled to track Jacob's movements, blinking against her tangled hair stuck in the sheen of sweat over her skin.

"Stop!" the vamp shrieked as she yanked Bella's body closer, tearing out more hair with the force.

"You haven't thought this thing through, Leech," Jacob chuckled, continuing his stroll past Bella's table. _"_Stop_… or what?"_

"Or I'll break her neck," she hissed.

Jacob's brows lifted as he continued his ambling gait into the house. "Like I said, you haven't thought this through," his smirk evened out into a wolvish smile. "The second you do, you're dead," he sniffed. "_Deader_. Just like the rest of your clan."

The vamp took another two steps back, dragging Bella along like a ragdoll by her hair while the hand clawed into her throat. Bella gasped, her eyes rolling up under her lids while her tiptoes scrabbled uselessly against the floor.

"The three decoys on our lands were taken down by my Pack."

Bella's eyes jerked back to see Jacob raise a casual brow, still tossing that stone with a mesmerizing rhythm as he stopped and turned toward them. "And I took out the lookout at the end of the lake on my way," he winked slyly. "Another lover of yours."

The vampire hissed again while Jacob's eyes flitted over whatever the expression of Bella's captor revealed. "Good, your blond didn't lie," his smile cracked to show his teeth and he started slinking in that equidistant arc around them again.

"My Pack's turning them all to ash while we speak," he whispered. "It's just you and me."

The vampire kept turning with Jacob as he moved around them toward the two stairs up to her bed. With a cock of his head, he caught the rock in his palm and his wrist with the other, clasping them calmly before him. His fingers carried on a hummingbird rhythm.

"I'm giving you a clear path, Parasite," he bit the words out quietly. "Back to the lake you crawled out of."

The vampire laughed, a high awful sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. "You must think I'm thick as a plank," she tittered. "_I know_ if I drop her fer a run- alive or dead - you'll beat me an' rip me head off. And _you_ _know_ if I drag her down' the water's edge, I'll snap her neck before I go fer a swim."

Jacob tipped his head the other way with a thoughtful purse of his lips and started tossing his rock again. He backed up against the two steps.

Leaning down into Bella's ear the vampire laughed a soft flutter. "Your little pet an' me's dead, an' we both know it," she enunciated each word in a breathy coo. "But there's still sport in the dyin'."

"See," her right hand tightened in Bella's hair. "I found your Achilles heel, handsome," the vampire murmured as her fingers stroked ominously down Bella's throat. "And we can play us a lil' game: how long can y'brave it out before one a' y'snaps."

A teasing finger traced a circle around the sensitive flesh of the mark and Bella sucked in a breath, closing her eyes as her body reflexively tried to recoil. The vampire held her fast by the fist in her hair.

"If you step one o' yer lil' paws closer," she whispered, the consonants flicking out crisply while the nail traced over Bella's skin, dancing around the pit of fire branded into her skin. "I kill 'er. How long can you keep her alive?"

No matter how much Bella's mind desperately fought against giving the leech the pleasure of fear, her body had a mind of its own. It was rigid in dread, her breath shallow and as rapid as her heartbeat.

"Aww," the vamp cooed. "See, she's all shook already."

Bella's eyes cracked open to see Jacob, hands clasped lazily in front of him and tapping out an brusque rhythm while he watched her intensely.

"Hurting her does nothing to me," Jacob spoke each word deeply into her eyes where they burned like acid. Then his gaze darted back up to the leech.

"Oh _really_, now?" the woman laughed.

And Bella's world splintered in a pain.

Her body seized with a mauling scream while the vampire scraped a brutal nail over the mark. Everything disappeared: her tormentor, Jacob, any semblance of composure... Bella's entire world was nothing but flame - singing, incinerating, but somehow not consuming so it was an eternal kindling of agony.

"You're not _human_," the leech suddenly shrieked behind her.

"Not anymore," came the languid reply.

The words seemed to echo in the hollow of Bella's ear as the excruciation receded enough that she could crack heavy lids open.

Jacob was in the exact same position – eyes cold and intense and set in a hematite mask etched in a crooked smile. His hand tapped out an impatient rhythm like he was biding his time for something actually worth his while.

With a hiss of fury, the leech clawed savagely into Bella's shoulder, plunging nails through skin and Bella into a vat of boiling oil that loosened her flesh from her bones. Held up by her hair, her body seized and flailed in a paroxysm of pain like some gruesome marionette.

Bella might have been shrieking or screaming or making no noise at all, her puny human mind couldn't process such torture. Like she was somehow kept alive on her funeral pyre, she was incinerating past the point where nerves should have long ago burned off.

"Look at him!" the vampire screeched in fury.

That mind-numbing torture suddenly stopped as an abrupt hand pinched her face, jerking it roughly up from where she now drooped by her hair. It was warm and slippery with the blood that was pouring down her shoulder so the grip tightened, dancing on shattering her jaw. Bella didn't even feel it.

"Look at him!" she hissed again, shaking her head and yanking her listless legs up off the floor.

With the pure biological reflex that makes an animal twitch after death, Bella complied. Her eyes jerking wildly over Jacob – his face expressionless but eyes locked on hers with a fiery intensity.

"You let him _fuck you_." The sneer in her voice smeared the words hatefully across Bella's ear. "He's more monster than any of me kind."

Jacob's eyes darted down and then back up with an emotionless stare for her captor.

But something about the movement made her eyes fall down his body to that restless movement of his hands. He had the stone palmed in one and turned out, the other tapping frenetically up his wrist.

_Over the place where she bore another bite-mark scar. _

"I'm programmed to protect human life," he chuckled darkly. "But personally, I don't give a fuck."

Bella's eyes staggered back up his body to where he was looking at her again. His nostrils subtly flared.

Bella's lips parted, but nothing came out.

"Even _we_ care for our mates," the vampire scoffed. "I'm here, givin' me life, as it were, to avenge -…"

Bella didn't recognize her own voice when it finally passed her lips. "He hates me." It was rough-hewn, tasting of blood.

"I see that, luv," the vampire whispered in her ear. "And my poor dead heart feels for yeh, truly t'does."

"I-…" Bella choked and then licked her chapped lips. "I married a vampire-…" she didn't have enough strength to push through the rest of the sentence through.

But still the vampire jerked in surprise, her vise-like hand slackening with interest.

"I think ye be lyin' to me sweetheart," she chuckled breathily.

It took all of Bella's concentration. Eyes locked with Jacob's she fought to turn out her numb arm. "See?" she rasped. She tried to lift her wrist.

"No…can't be…" the leech breathed, as her hand left Bella's neck to pull the bite mark closer.

And everything happened at once.

Something whizzed by her like a bullet, cracking into the vampire's hand and shattering it into shards that bit into Bella's side. Using the stairs like starting blocks, Jacob jettisoned himself like a rocket while broken glass crashed behind her over the sound of rabid snarls. His big body hurtled over her head, grabbing the vampire in a mid-air flip.

Like some kind of drug trip, Bella's swollen brain processed all this as she fell to the ground, the images in slow motion, while animal growls and screams tore through the room. She landed painfully on the floor, eyes glued open, lungs desperately clawing at air while the rest of her body lay limp and unresponsive.

Over the plane of hardwood, she saw body parts thrown across the room – a hand bouncing off the stairs, arm spinning on its elbow in a skittering slide, calf flying like a torpedo and lodging in the wall where it wiggled.

"Bella," a cracking baritone gasped beside her ear.

And she was being pulled over onto warm human skin. Wide eyes careened over Seth's face, contorted in anguish as he tried to work something tight from her hair.

"Fuck," he spat under his breath as he cradled her in the crook of his arm so he could work with both hands.

The world was spinning while pain crackled through her body like embers, making it shudder and jerk uncontrollably. Her gaze staggered out to the room.

Jacob was just twisting a head from a wriggling torso, instantly silencing the grating screech into the harsh hiss of air. Like Perseus with Medusa, he held the morbid thing up by a fist in its hair. It rocked back and forth with its gnashing teeth in a hideous grimace while Jacob turned over his shoulder with smoking rage contorting his face.

"Yes!" Seth hissed, and Bella watched a clawed hand whizz through the air where it was snatched by a wolf's maw.

Wolves were everywhere – pelts of brown, black and grey pouring into her house, snarling rabidly while they collected dismembered anatomy. They tumbled all over one another in Bella's brain in the way the world always did as sleep rolled in.

And her vision started to blur.

"Jake, she's going into shock…"

She heard Seth's voice call somewhere in the distance, followed by a deep guttural rumble like midnight surf. And that warmth was ripped away.

Bella's eyes tumbled open, struggling to focus on her stepbrother now splayed out naked on the floor and her lips quivered over his name…

But that touch.

Like a plasma globe, her neurons rushed to each point of contact as she was pulled into warmth. A hot mouth engulfed her shoulder making her body arch with a feeble moan. Brown skin, black hair, Jacob's face appeared just long enough to spit a spray of crimson across the room before he dove back for more, lips pulling at her skin and siphoning off all the lingering roots of rotting pain, embedded in her flesh like a cancer.

He spat again and then bent over her laving the wound with a lazy tongue that made her eyes swim and head loll into that quivering bicep.

He was shaking, or was it her? Suddenly she was just so cold.

Jacob gathered her body into his arms holding her close. "Blanket!" he barked, his voice husky and deep.

Like a dream voices swirled like rainbow oil on a puddle.

"Was there venom?"

Cool cloth made her cower with a whimper into that crepe heat. "Just leech rot," a deep growl percolated under her cheek. "Paul."

And everything tipped on its ear. Dizzy and drowning in heat and oblivion, thick lids blinked up from the careening vision of Paul's face set into the most twisted expression she'd ever seen.

The thundering edict was all fire and brimstone. "Put that fucking thing together again and make it suffer."

Paul's answering chuckle was just as ruthless.

"Don't you worry 'bout that, Chief."

'

Warm velvet drew her back up from the depths with a lazy rhythm mixed up in a low cashmere croon. Bella resisted, burying further into musky heat and the steady percussion that coaxed along her own stumbling heart.

She broke the surface of oblivion and gasped in a breath of cold consciousness. Immediately memories tumbled over her like curling wave, smothering her again. Bella frantically fought her way back up with a shriek, clawing up to a sitting position as her eyes popped open.

Darkness.

For a moment she thought she was dead.

She blinked unseeing eyes and then squeaked at the cold moist press into her ribs. Bella whipped around and came face to face with two incandescent eyes, intense and focused. Swallowing thickly, she tried to orient herself while her gaze darted over a room that was slowly surfacing from shadow.

Lit by the blue moon outside a large window, she was on the floor of someone's living room with a huge wolf curled around her, swaddling her in fur. With a gasp she turned back to the beast, wide-eyed and frightened. The animal cocked its head and pushed a reassuring muzzle into her side. A wide warm tongue licked over her again, starting from her ribs and lapping up over a breast to the wound at her shoulder.

It was then that Bella realized she was nude.

Well, almost.

She had her underwear on. The wolf continued to lave over the mark with slow unconcerned laps of his tongue – as usual, it felt warm and soothing instead of sensual, like his touch felt cloaked in human skin.

But it wasn't what she wanted.

Clumsily pushing that huge head away, Bella shimmied herself out of the wolf cocoon – slipping free from the tangle of limbs and heavy tail while the beast watched with solemn eyes. With a palm against his barrel chest, Bella pushed herself up to her feet and swayed. She felt like she was in a daze – groggy and disoriented.

Clutching her hands up to her chest and covering her breasts with her wrists, she tried to get her bearings. This was a simple living room with a large couch on one side of the wolf and a dark fireplace on the other. At one end of the room was a kitchen and the other a broad window, easy chair and front door. A hallway led out into the silent darkness behind the couch.

She'd never been here before, but somehow she knew it was Jacob's house. Like the wolf he was, he'd brought her back to his lair to lick her wounds. She didn't have the bandwidth to even wonder why, frankly. Her body was enervated and queasy, like she'd just run a double marathon.

With glassy eyes, Bella searched the moonlit rug for her shirt and saw a pile of white on the hardwood a few feet away. With another glance at where the wolf was watching her with those intense eyes – ears perked up at attention - she carefully stepped over his limbs and stumbled toward her clothes. She felt like she was moving underwater.

Stooping, she picked up the fabric and found it stiff from dried blood and torn into tatters – the wolf had obviously ripped it off. Dropping it listlessly, her hands returned to her breasts as she turned to the wolf, still frozen on its side and watching her.

She opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a chalky croak – her throat was raw from screaming. She tried again, even though the beast didn't understand, hoping words would make her feel human again.

"I-I…" her voice was raspy and rough. "I don't know what to do."

The wolf cocked his head in that endearing way he did when he was trying to understand.

Her head felt swollen with unshed tears and biting her lip against the deluge, her gaze staggered over the room again. Jacob of course had to have a bathroom.

She took a step toward the hall and her eyes darted back to the soft shuffling sound of fur. The beast rolled off his side and up to his feet, transforming in one seamless motion into a man who straightened to two feet. It was as beautiful as it was eerie.

In human form with those otherworldly eyes, he slunk hesitantly toward her. Bella took an instinctive step back from the hulking man and he froze, brow knitting with pain.

Bella took a deep breath and released it slowly – she knew him well enough to know he blamed himself, but she simply didn't have anything to give right now. After Jacob's revelations and then the physical trauma, every cell in her body felt stunned and withered.

"Jake," she whispered, reaching out a trembling hand and rearranging the other arm over both her nipples. "I-… I'm sorry, I just-…."

There was nothing to say and even the energy it took to try to push empty words over her lips left her feeling like she was going to collapse.

Closing her eyes, she swooned and suddenly a warm arm was wrapping carefully around her shoulder blades. Bella leaned her forehead against a solid chest for a moment, her body feeding ravenously on the skin-to-skin, but drowning deeper in depression. As usual he felt wonderful, but she didn't want this either.

Bella needed the man.

Sniffling juicily, Bella picked her head up and turned out of his arms, tucking her chin with all that weighed her down. A soft whine slipped from that human throat and would have broken her heart if she'd had any pieces left to shatter. Eyes on her feet, she squeezed her arms over her breasts and picked her feeble way toward to the dark hall in search of a bathroom and solitude.

A hand stayed at the small of her back, steadying her on her tottering journey as she fumbled down the hall, hand dragging against the wall. Two doors were open - one on the side, the other at the end of the hall whose windows let in enough moonlight that she could find her way to the one to the left. It smelled like water – cool and damp – and with a glance the pair of yellow eyes behind her, she slipped through the doorway as that comforting touch being pulled from her skin.

Finding a light switch on the wall, Bella turned it on and harsh light shocked her senses along with the low wheeze of a fan. Blinking in overwhelm for a moment, she then caught the door and pushed it closed on that forlorn gaze watching her from the hall.

She leaned against the cold wood for a moment, catching her breath from the effort of simply moving. She didn't have the strength to worry about him right now – she felt numb and so very empty. For the first time Bella was really starting to think that this was how everything was going to end: both of them so crushed and mangled they'd never be able to put the pieces together again. She was so close to the crumbling edge it was frightening.

Her gaze wandered their way to the mirror over the sink and examined a gaunt, pale specter with vacant eyes. Pushing off the door she took another step closer, catching herself on the corian counter. Her shoulder was remarkably well-healed, the mark as bold and proud as ever with only faint pink lines where the leech had dug into her flesh.

The woman reflected back had completed her transformation into someone Bella didn't know anymore. There was something very wrong with her eyes. Leaning closer, she stared into them and realized they were empty and haunted and hopeless now too – just like Jake's.

The wound had healed but the bruises remained – shadow marks of a rough hand were imprinted on her jaw and her hair was an absolute ratty mess.

She barked a sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh – on top of sand and salt and hopeless tangles from a vampire's fist, it looked like the wolf had tried to clean it with his tongue. Hair was stuck up in every direction and in combination with her haunted features, she made a picture-perfect psycho from a Tim Burton film.

Bella stared at her reflection for a few more minutes and then hung her head tiredly. She didn't have the strength for any of it anymore.

Out of the wolf's heat, Bella was cold and chill bumps pulled at her skin and made her muscles lock and tense with shivers. Squeezing her eyes closed, she tried to reset with a deep breath as she turned to the bathroom.

It was surprisingly neat and clean – Jacob had always been a slob when he was a boy – and looked frankly like a bed and breakfast, not an Alpha playboy bachelor's lair. Maybe there was another off his bedroom.

Her mind stumbled through a field of irrelevant details only because anything more was completely overwhelming. Maybe a warm shower would help thaw this strange feeling of deadness…

Pushing off the counter she caught herself on the towel rack and used it as a railing as she wobbled toward the shower. Pulling the curtain aside from a pristine tub, she turned on the water and waited for it to warm while she stared blindly into space.

Soon steam was rising and she stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain closed behind her. Tipping her head back, she let the water sluice over her face, fingers trickling down over her body as she wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the cold tiles. The heat and splash of water was soothing and Bella found herself wanting to just curl up in the bottom of the tub and go to sleep.

And never waked up again.

It was such a tempting prospect, that it was actually frightening. Eyes popping open she straightened and squeegeed the water from her face. It was only then she realized she was still wearing her underwear. With a sigh, she pulled off the soaked cotton and wrung it out, reaching up through aching muscles to hang it over the shower rod.

Jacob must use this shower sometimes because there was shampoo and a bar of soap. Squeezing out some conditioner, she rubbed it through her hair, starting the long process of working out the knots.

It was hopeless. Like everything else.

Actually in addition to hopeless, there was a large chunk ripped out in the back – probably where Seth had extricated the leech's dismembered hand. Bella didn't even care anymore.

She numbly went through the motions of rinsing out the conditioner and knots and then washing her hair and body, watching flecks of blood, sand and torn hairs, slip down the drain along with her sanity.

She couldn't make herself step out from under the water until it started turning cold.

The shower hadn't done much in the way of dissolving the strange fog. Her head felt stuffed with cotton and she could barely feel the towel that she took from the rack and rubbed briskly over her skin, trying vainly to restore some sensation... any sensation but pain. Wrapping it around her breasts, she stepped up to the mirror and opened the cabinet behind it. She took out the brush beside the razor and mechanically pulled it through her hair. The back was ragged and torn – she was going to have to cut it all off.

With another glance in the mirror, she hugged herself and leaned back against the door, not know what else to do. She slid slowly down until she was sitting on the floor and stared up at the ceiling while she absently strummed her fingers over the bristles.

Lost.

Behind her, the door bumped and bulged slightly as if someone (big) had done the same thing on the other side. Turning her cheek and pressing her ear against the wood, she could just hear a long sigh as a head bonked back against the hollow-core door.

It was symbolic, really.

For a moment she just leaned her temple against this wall between them. The house was utterly silent except for the soft whisper of the fan in the bathroom and a steady drip from the shower. Both she and Jacob were lost at sea and it didn't look like Bella was going to have the strength to tow either of them back to shore. She'd gotten sucked out in the riptide herself.

Reaching up she turned the doorknob, the rattle sounding harsh and echoing in the bathroom. Feeling the weight on the other side peel away, she pulled the door tentatively open and peered through the crack.

Dressed now in a tee shirt with his hair pulled back, Jacob was staring over his shoulder with black human eyes. It surprised her – she'd expected lupine gold.

He silently searched her face for a moment and then pulled something from his lap and pushed it through the crack. Watching those unreadable eyes, Bella took the shirt into numb fingers and then slowly pushed the door back closed until it clicked.

For a minute she stared down at the large black tee, absently fingering the collar while her mind grounded out in a dial tone. It was the best either of them could do – reduced to passing pieces of themselves through the cracks of defenses.

But she didn't have the strength left to reach out. On the beach, the depths for Jacob's pain had flayed her heart wide open and left it hemorrhaging. The ruthless follow-up torture had burned her hollow with flame.

Bell was now nothing more than a wasteland - a charred desert in the wake of an apocalyptic wildfire where embers still flickered under the surface with an imprinted echo of pain. She could still feel it – a tinny tingle in her teeth and the marrow of her bones like the memory of fingernails on a chalkboard.

Except a million times worse.

Swallowing thickly, she let her head fall back against the door while she tried to draw in deep centering breaths through the despair that was threatening to pull her under. Her eyes popped open and she reached up and grabbed the edge of the sink, hauling herself up to unsteady feet.

She couldn't stop or she'd drown.

Leaning against the counter, she fumbled with the shirt and pulled it over her head then tugged the towel free as the hem fell demurely to her knees. She shuffled toward the tub and hung the terrycloth over the chrome rack and reached for her underwear on the shower rod. It was cold and damp, but she put it on anyway.

Pulling herself back across the room by a hand on the toilet and then sink, she turned off the light and the bathroom was plunged into black silence.

Behind her, a drop of water fell forlornly into the tub.

She licked her lips and the sound crinkled in the darkness before she turned the doorknob with a shaking hand and peeked through the crack. Jacob was leaning against the opposite wall of the hallway, hands behind his hips and watching her from shadowed eyes. The moonlight clung to the athletic lines of his face and iced the ebony braid hanging over his shoulder. He stared at her for a moment and the weight of his gaze physically hurt her tender shell.

Bella tucked her head, pulling her hair insecurely over one shoulder as her eyes slid to the floor between them. She felt so empty and ugly.

"Do you have scissors?" she asked the floor in a sandpaper whisper.

With the soft rustle of cloth, Jacob pushed off the wall. Bella looked up to see him take a step closer. He jerked his chin toward the bathroom and she backed up, pushing the door open more.

He stooped and reached into the cabinet under the sink and straightened, catching her eyes in the mirror. Then he turned with a pair of shears. She should probably wait until the morning to trim her hair, but something deep within her wanted all the cutting – all of this pain – over with now. When daylight came she'd have to see if there were any shards left to try to piece back together.

Bella took them wordlessly, her gaze falling down to the cold metal. Something sick and morbid made her want to shove them through her broken heart just so she could feel something.

Without looking at him, she stepped up to the sink and he moved out of her way. She didn't want the harshness of the light right now and there was enough moonlight that she could see well enough to complete the butchery. She pulled the back chunk out to its torn length and felt around to the front, grabbing a handful just under her jaw. Raising the scissors with a hand that shook like a leaf, she stared at the ghostly woman in the mirror.

A warm big hand suddenly wrapped around hers, steadying it. Bella looked up into his dark eyes reflected back like black holes in the mirror. He didn't say anything but just gently pried her hand from the metal. Giving up, she let both hands drop tiredly to the sink.

His fingers combed slowly through her ravaged curls. "Here?" he whispered.

Bella looked up to see him pulling the front section out halfway between her jaw and shoulder. She kept her gaze trained on his hand and nodded mutely.

Without another word, he stoically snipped through the hair with the rough scratching sound of rending hair, catching the lock and laying it out on the sink. Bella bit her lip and braced herself against the sink as he picked up the next section and cut through it.

There was something symbolic about the whole thing – Jacob standing behind her in the dark with those emotionless eyes, slicing off all the pieces to match the hobbled length of trauma. Tears burned her eyes and made the image blur.

With slow careful movements, he snipped around her head, each long damp curls being laid out in a pile. Her hair had been one of her only assets – not that she could ever hope to compete with the women he saw.

"Bella."

Jacob's voice was deep and soft like black velvet. "I said those things..." His pause was punctuated by the snip of another lock of hair at the back of her head. "So she wouldn't keep hurting you."

Bella blinked and tears raced over her cheeks as she looked up at where he was watching her intensely in the mirror. His gaze fell back to her hair and he drew another portion into his hand and cut it.

"They were true though," she breathed, the words stinging her throat. "Weren't they?"

Jacob's hand froze in her hair and his eyes darted to hers in the mirror.

Bella stared back as tears surged over her lashes, following the trail already glistening down her cheek in the moonlight. "You've been saying them since I came back, I just wasn't listening."

Pressing his lips together with the sound of a labored swallow, Jacob bowed his head down and took the last section of her hair in his hand. Pausing for a moment, he then raised the scissors and snipped off the last piece, taking the dismembered curl and setting it with the others on the side of the sink.

Bella's eyes listed slowly back down to the girl whose hair was starting to dry and the wave forgave the ragged cut, curling just under her jaw.

"You should have just let her kill me," she whispered to the stranger in the mirror. "Then at least you would've been free."

Jacob's hand came up to her hair, fingering the wild waves for a moment, while Bella's nose prickled with more tears. A calloused fingertip slipped to her cheek and traced the lines of her sorrow down to her jaw.

"Don't give up," he breathed.

Bella's nostrils were trembling as she tried to hold back the tsunami. "Why?" she rasped, looking up into those dark eyes.

They were crumbling with dry pain as he shook his head slowly. "I don't-…" he paused, his palm falling heavily to her shoulder. "You're the only one who didn't give up-…"

Bella felt like she was disintegrating. Her head bowed while soft sobs climbed up her chest – she didn't know if she could be that person anymore.

That hand on her shoulder urged her around and two palms slipped up to either side of her jaw, tipping her head up to his height. "I don't know what to do," he whispered.

Bella's eyes lifted to meet his, her hopelessness oozing out of the seams and running down her face. "Maybe we should both just drift out to sea," she quavered.

His brow furrowed as Jacob bent down and scooped her up in his arms.

And Bella fell apart.

Arms and legs wrapped tightly around him in flagrant contrast to desolate full body sobs that blew her apart at the seams. A big hand held the back of her head to his shoulder and he walked them out of the bathroom while Bella cried uncontrollably into his shirt.

She felt his big body rock down and felt scratchy upholstery under her knees. Jacob's hand held her head to him with a kind of fierceness while her strength leaked out with the salt and despair.

Eventually the sobs disintegrated into soft hiccups.

Jacob's hands slipped up to her jaw and gently pried her face up. Sniffling miserably she tried to shy away but he held her under yawning eyes that swallowed her whole down the slick fearful hollow of a broken soul. She could see it, thickening the shadows and dragging at the slow flutter of long straight lashes, pinching the corners and curving their shape into half-moon pain: the self-loathing, the longing, the utter terror.

He tipped his head while he smoothed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind each ear. His eyes darted between hers. "I do care," he breathed. "And it hurts. It hurts so bad I don't know what to do." He licked his lips. "I don't know how-…" the words caught in his throat like a last breath.

Bella swallowed while her gaze darted over all the little expressions pulling at those strong stalwart features.

"Me neither," she whispered, nostrils flaring against the press of more tears.

His long fingers resting at the nape of her neck, several drops sprinted free and he caught them on their kamikaze leap, smoothing them away with careful thumbs.

His tongue darted over his lips, as his eyes paced between hers like a caged animal. Then, slowly, he leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. His palms molded to the side of her head as he held her there, breathing in her hitching breath and sharing his own sweet exhales.

Bella's lashes flicked away liquid grief while she struggled to focus on his eyes, so close to hers and dark and endless human. This should have been the most intimate moment they'd shared over their battered lifetime – together but always too far apart – but they were both so tired.

There was a desperation in the way they clung to each breath and each other, the scattered pieces ripped and shredded by mistakes and damage and now floating like flotsam, adrift in a sea of pain.

Jacob's eyes closed as he ghosted his nose over hers in a way that reminded her of the spirit caged in that damaged shell.

"God, I'm so sorry," he breathed, the words an ephemeral waft of air over her skin. "I-I need-…" his swallow crinkled in his throat. "But I can't-…"

The halting jagged shards of his heart popped the black-hole ballooning in her chest and it imploded. Collapsing against him, she smeared a sloppy kiss over his cheek as she dove into his neck, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing hard while she sobbed with shockwaves. Swaddled in his arms and heat, she cried tears for him, for her, for both of them – lost and alone even when they were together.

She wondered if they'd ever find their way back again.

'

'

A gentle light filtered through Bella's eyelids, melting unconsciousness away. With a rebellious hum, she turned on her side, rooting into darkness for the formless dreams of warmth that had cradled her all night.

All she found were stiff impersonal sheets. A furrow creased her brow before her eyes blinked blearily open as she picked her head up. She was staring across the plain of a white-cased pillow toward a window out on a green and gray day.

Stiffening, Bella blinked rapidly as the memory of last night materialized with cold hard sentience. She didn't move a muscle as she frantically tried to orient herself. The last thing she remembered was curling up in Jacob's lap on the couch and pressing galloping tears into his neck.

Bella wracked her brain for more as she turned hesitantly over. So much of last night had seemed like a dream – or latent insanity – that it was hard to parse out what was real anymore.

The daylight that inflated the room was either early or old – there was a softness to it. But outside the soft sounds of rain on a tin roof and the forlorn call of a bird, weary of stormy daylight hours instinctively told her it was afternoon. Rubbing her face, she pushed up off the bed as blankets shucked into her lap.

She was in a good sized and foreign bedroom that was trimmed with the sterile basics: a bookcase, dresser, a matching double bed. Nothing was hung on the clapboard walls but along the mid-wall trim sat a row of little carvings backed up into one corner.

But wherever she was, all of her things had followed her.

The same boxes she'd used to pack her car for the trip up here were piled neatly in one corner and her suitcase was laid out on the floor. On the dresser was her computer and phone – both plugged in and charging – and her backpack was leaning against the drawers.

She wasn't sure whether it felt violating or was simply a relief – she didn't know if she could walk back into that house by the lake and those memories anytime soon. That she might not have to do so ever again was oddly comforting.

But she also wasn't sure about staying here – wherever she was. Somehow she thought she might know.

A quick glance out the window confirmed her suspicion. Behind the wash of racing drops of rain, was a dreamscape of green lawn, dark woods and two cars parked, forlorn but patient, in the gravel drive.

Hers and Jacob's.

Bella collapsed against the bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling. At the moment she wasn't quite sure which way was up or even whether she cared anymore; she was so disoriented, disturbed… depressed.

Drawing in a deep breath and closing her eyes at its apex, she hauled herself up to a sitting position, bowing her head into her palms as she rubbed her cheeks and tried to restart some semblance of circulation. She felt so numb.

The cool air on her neck along with the odd lightness of her hair made her lift an absent hand to her shorn locks. Her fingers idly combed through the curls at the nape of her neck while she pulled her knees up to her chest. Even though she felt better than she had last night, she still felt raw and hollow like she'd screamed bloody murder for days.

Expelling a long open-mouthed breath, she pushed the blanket off her legs as she achingly hung her feet off the bed. She felt like she'd been run over by a mack truck, or maybe an entire convoy. Even muscles she didn't know she had were sore, but it made sense – every one of them had gotten a workout convulsing with the mind numbing pain of last night's torture.

She scooted to the edge of the bed and then arduously pushed up to her feet. Swaying, she almost went back down again but caught herself on the mattress. Eyes focused on the familiar suitcase on the floor, she pulled herself along the edge of the bed and lowered herself to her knees by the wooden bedpost. She wasn't sure what the hell she was doing, but she figured dressing for a quick trip to the bathroom was a good place to start.

Opening the suitcase with the snarl of a zipper, she sifted through clothes that had definitely been dumped with no particular order or care by male hands. She grabbed the first pair of jeans and shirt she could find, pulling out a blue knit scooped neck number she hadn't worn for a month because it proudly displayed her mark. It was wrinkled and completely unwearable.

She fumbled it on anyway.

She found her brush in her backpack and pulled it through her hair and got dressed in pieces between staring out the window and generally wandering around in a daze.

Checking her phone she found the time (a little past four), the date (Sunday), and a couple of worried texts from Emily and her father on Saturday night. The fact that there were _none_ since, didn't bode well – they all must know what had happened.

Frankly she was surprised her father wasn't here with blue lights and drawn weapons. Sue was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

With a soft sniff, she found her toothbrush and stopped at the door, checking to make sure she was fully dressed. She was wrinkled, her socks didn't match and one sneaker was untied but other than that she was decent enough. She stooped to fumble with the laces on her chucks and ended up just tucking them inside before she pulled herself back to her feet. Taking a steeling breath, she opened the door.

The hallway was empty and the door at the end closed – it was kind of a relief.

But also a disappointment.

After last night she wasn't sure where things were with Jacob and also whether she had the energy to care. Hope was such a fragile little thing and it had been shattered past recognition – it would take a while to find all the pieces and longer to glue them back together.

Leaning against the wall, she dragged her shoulder over the clapboard grooves and pulled herself along the chest-high molding and then crossed the hall as she slowly made her way to the bathroom on shaky legs. Even her skin hurt – each movement made the shirt chafe over it

Closing the door behind her, she flicked the light on to vague familiarity. Until she looked in the mirror.

The woman reflected back had curls had dried and shrunk into a bob that danced between jaw and shoulder, putting the mark on her shoulder on proud display.

It didn't even matter anymore.

Tucking her hair impatiently behind each ear, she glanced down and froze. Laid carefully out on the sink like a row of corpses were the missing 10-inch locks of mahogany.

And a long ebony braid.

Bella dropped the toothbrush heedlessly in the sink as her hand reached out to the cord of hair. It was still bound at one end like it had merely been yanked away from its owner and snipped through.

In fact that was exactly what had happened. She picked it up by the band and weighed the coil in her palm, watching the way the ends unwound from the thick plait at the end. Her fingers ghosted over the silky bumps and then she set it back down beside the other pieces of her own hair. The contrast between her red-brown curls and his pencil-strait ebony was rich and pleasing.

And sort of morbid.

She had no idea what the gesture meant. Hair was symbol of spirit and power in his culture, so it was unlikely to represent a simple cut made in sympathy.

Her mind rambled loosely over conjecture while she brushed her teeth and stared at the strands and then worried over whether she should take the hair from the bathroom or leave it where it lay. Deciding not to burn away mental energy she didn't have she figured it had been left as fair game and she'd rather err on the side of honor, and she gently scooped up the locks and made her way back out into the hall. The door at the end of the hall was still closed so she shuffled back into the guest room and laid the hair out on the dresser.

Not knowing what to do, she checked her phone again and slipped it into her pocket and then left the bedroom. She walked unsteadily down the hall to the living room.

And there he was.

Jacob was sitting stiffly in the easy chair, his profile hard and stoic, staring across the dim room toward the kitchen. His shorn hair fell in messy spikes around his jaw looking remarkably well-styled even though it was obvious from the way it was slightly shorter in the back that it was the product of a single careless cut.

Bella caught herself in doorway trying to figure out what came next in this dance. Without looking, he flowed up to his feet and a hard pop shattered her composure. Bella's body seized with an overstated shriek caught in her teeth just in the nick of time - his movement had simply made the lazy boy rock back.

Her nerves were still shot.

Jacob had frozen almost comically while his assessing gaze flitted over her face like he was visually reading braille. Pulling her lips into her mouth with chagrin she tucked her chin and gripped the wall tighter.

He deliberately licked his lips as if giving her fair warning that he was going to speak. "There's dinner at Emily's house," his rolling bass was like an aural deep-tissue massage, even if the words were cold and impersonal. "They need to see you."

The words themselves effectively distracted her from his distance – even at times like this there were still there were needs to be met. The idea of seeing the Pack was so overwhelming, that Bella couldn't even begin to think about it.

He seemed to be waiting for some kind of answer so she silently nodded and with a quick circuit of her face, Jacob turned toward the front door.

She guessed he meant right now – it was probably better to get it over with. Bella shuffled into the room, keeping her eyes trained on her sneakers as she followed after him. He stood back as he held the door open and Bella caught herself on the doorframe and gingerly stepped down onto the porch.

Outside the rain had let up but it was still hanging in the air as mist. She focused on the green, green wood around his yard and not the memories that it held of promises and supernatural marks or the way she had to lean against the railing like an old woman to get down the stairs. It seemed odd, but in two months she felt like she'd lived her life at high-speed – from coming alive and into her own, to taking responsibility and chances, all the way up to selflessly standing up for those she cared about.

Now she felt dangerously close to falling apart.

From last night's stumbling admissions, he'd taken several steps back again, and she couldn't say she was surprised, but if ever she'd needed him beside her it was now. But, both worn and ragged, all they had to work with were little pieces, being passed wordlessly back and forth through the cracks.

He was giving her all that he could. She'd told him she didn't need anything from him. She was still lying to them both.

Pressing her lips together over confusion and disappointment, she carefully picked her way across the gravel driveway toward their cars, wondering which one they would take. He was suddenly ahead of her and opening the door of his classic convertible.

Deciding not to assign significance to anything, she arduously climbed in and he closed the door after her and she watched him stalk around the front. But it was hard not to feel both significance _and_ intimacy inside a pristine vehicle he'd obviously spent time on and care. The car smelled like him – warm and male with that haunting touch of pine.

Rearranging herself in the bucket seat, she leaned back against the door as the driver's side opened. In avoiding Jacob's gaze, her eye was drawn automatically to the back seat and other thoughts that haunted her still – especially with the top down there was probably room for some creative gymnastics, even as big as he was. She wondered how many girls he'd taken out to the top of the bluffs in this car.

The engine turned over with a purr and Jacob's hand clapped onto her seat as he craned over his shoulder, making him a little too close to ignore.

"There's never been another girl in this car," he murmured under his breath as he backed the car out of the drive.

Bella gaze darted to that stoic face, eyes trained carefully on the long drive behind him. By looks, she'd never guess he'd just said anything, much less that. She searched that hard face, looking for clues as to how he could read her so well when he was, for all intents and purposes, pretending she wasn't there.

Backing out onto the road, he turned back toward the front of the car with an absent push of his hand through his hair. His eyes dragged across Bella's face snagging in hers just briefly enough to ignore before he put the car into drive.

He was still there… trying.

And at that moment Bella decided it was enough.

Bella watched him settle back in his seat and steer the car down the country road with one casual hand. He was wearing jeans with those leather boots and a tight black tee shirt that rode up his bulging arm just enough to show the bottom of the tribal tattoo on his shoulder. With that strong profile and the scruff that accentuated his jaw, he looked tough and competent, the loose messy cut bobbing around his jaw adding just enough softness to make him look kissable.

But no matter how good he looked and smelled or how close he was sitting, Bella didn't have it in her anymore to yearn. Hope was such a frail and brittle thing – she was going to keep doing what had helped her survive the last month and take each moment as it came, shucking away as much expectation and need as she could.

She turned away and leaned her cheek against the cool vinyl ledge of the door and stared out the window and watched the miles pass hypnotically by.

"They're going to need to touch you."

Jacob's dusky murmur, made Bella's eyes drift open from where they'd unknowingly been lulled closed. She propped her arm on the door and rested her chin on her fist, nodding listlessly as he pulled the car into the Uley's drive and her gaze ran over the cars of all the usual suspects.

Blinking, she sat up and glanced out at the people filing out onto the porch. The whole Pack was here and waiting for them apparently.

Swallowing thickly, Bella sat back in the seat, suddenly feeling intimidated and very tired. She hadn't thought past the directive to what the experience would actually entail and she didn't know if she had the energy to be "on" for them.

Jacob pulled the car up and worried faces peered back from the porch as he cut the engine and got out of the car without words or hesitation.

_They were going to need to touch her. _

Memories of last night – in so much pain that she hadn't even cared that she was in her underwear - banged around her head while she stayed frozen in her seat in emotional purgatory. She was so lost, in fact, that when the passenger door opened, she jumped in surprise. Bella looked up to see Jacob, staring back at her without a single emotion on his face.

Grabbing onto the door, she pulled herself out and stood shakily, rubbing uncertain hands on her jeans. Jacob started closing the door and she had to take a step away from the car. She felt so discombobulated – like she was on drugs or something. Her head was spinning, her body ached and she had no idea what to do with all the people staring back at her, waiting for some sort of cue.

But then she was being drawn up into warm strong arms. Without a thought in her head, arms and legs clamped around him and she buried her face in Jacob's shoulder. He smelled wonderful and every cell in her body sighed in relief while he carried her slowly across the yard.

"Seth," Jacob's deep voice rumbled under her ear and Bella clamped her eyes closed, pinching the skin of his neck against her lids.

"I need to run the border," he continued, his steps coming to a halt.

"We've got her Jake," came her step-brother's baritone – heavy and dense like it was weighed down with lead.

Jacob's arms tightened and something about the subtle shudder of muscles under her made her lift her head. He was staring down at Seth with hard eyes and the tick of a latent snarl under his skin.

Instinct made her rub her jaw against his before she turned away and into her step-brother's waiting arms. He scented of Pack and brother and strength.

She nestled against him while he drew a deep breath of her hair and squeezed her tight.

"Who's on patrol?" Jacob demanded curtly and Bella turned to see him staring up at the rest of the Pack still respectfully waiting on the porch.

"Brady, Collin, Quil, the Brothers," Sam's bass replied.

With a brusque nod and not a glance in her direction, Jacob spun on his heel, pulling his shirt off over broad flexing shoulders as he started down the drive.

The harsh yank of yearning made her gasp and she made herself turn back to Seth's worried eyes. He smoothed his hand over her hair, pulling her head down to his shoulder as he spun them around. Bella's eyes blinked open to watch the russet wolf bound out into the trees.

The next half hour passed like a dream.

Jacob had been right about the touch thing - hands and whispers rushed over her like water as she was carried inside. She was passed from lupine embrace to embrace – feet never touching the ground - as wolves took long shameless gulps of her scent and mates made light small talk about liking her hair or how nice it was to the kids over at grandma's. Tiffany was over as the only elder in their midst and with a motherly hug and professional assessing eyes, she made Bella drink some juice.

Her Pack seamlessly absorbed her back into the comforting cocoon of family, demanding nothing of her but her presence. But Bella still felt like she was swimming through some kind of pea-soup haze that made light look psychedelic and sound echo like she was in the bottom of a well.

Soon the Pack were down to staging distraction and they fell into considerably less raucous Sunday routine that was a little forced, but just the intention was good enough.

Bella sat on the bench in the kitchen sipping cold apple juice while Kim evened out her hair without comment and Emily, Claire and Jose cooked and carried on forced conversation as if Bella were actually engaged. Sam sat at the end of the table talking quietly with Jared and Embry while they tipped back beers and pretended they weren't watching.

As dinner started being set out, Emily and Tiffany chose that time to coax her down the hallway to the guest room so she could get a quick RN examination. Tiffany sat beside her on the bed with warm hands and eyes, fingers gently probing her jaw and pulling her shirt aside to inspect the healed mark.

There wasn't as much as a scar left from the leech's nails even though her jaw was still tender because it had been cracked apparently. But, like before, she was healing at an unnatural rate. Too bad emotional wounds couldn't be healed supernaturally too – she and Jacob would have fared much better.

"You've experienced severe physical and mental trauma," Tiffany murmured into her eyes, pulling her shirt back over her shoulder decorously – even if it would slip back away from the mark in two seconds. "It's natural to feel fatigue, disassociation, depression."

"I guess it shows, huh?" Bella whispered, while Emily pulled her into her side.

"You're doing real good, honey," the woman whispered, smoothing a palm over her forehead. "Just be gentle with yourself and stay connected with the people who care."

Something about the words made Bella blink to attention and her eyes darted between Tiffany's for a moment, reading between the lines. The same sentiments that she'd seen in Billy's gaze festered plainly: disapproval, worry, hopelessness.

She'd given up on Jacob too.

Tiffany tried on a wan smile but it evaporated like a mirage from the concern etching her face. "I'd better get back home," she drew in a breath as she stood. "Billy's got the little ones… on his own."

"Wild wheelchair rides?" Emily jumped in like a professional with a very convincing laugh.

A smile sparkled magically in Tiffany's eyes like a sunrise. "Exactly," she sniffed. "Leaving that big kid with the little ones means I'm coming back to a mess."

Bella smiled distractedly as the woman opened the door. "I'll see you both soon," she called and then closed the door behind her, leaving Bella and Emily alone.

A gentle hand pulled Bella around.

Emily's gaze flitted over her face as she rubbed her thumb affectionately over her chin. "How are you really doing, Bella?" she asked quietly.

Bella's eyes listed back out to the room; she had absolutely no idea. The only thing she did know is that right now, she would be more than happy to curl up on this bed and escape back to unconsciousness.

Her gaze returned to her where her friend was still patiently waiting for an answer Bella didn't have. "I' got nothing," she sniffed, trying for a little humor and failing miserably – it was the closest thing to the truth she could muster.

Frowning, Emily nodded, somehow validating all the things she hadn't said like the tender soul she was.

It made Bella suddenly exhausted. "I think I'll just lie down for a little while," she sighed.

Emily rolled her lips while she absently pushed her hair behind an ear. "Why don't you eat a little first."

Bella was just opening her mouth to protest when a voice she recognized all too well rang through the house.

"_Honeeeey, I'm hoo-oome!"_

Bella's eyes widened as they turned to where Emily's smile all but confirmed her suspicion.

Pushing off the bed, Emily stood with her, steadying her as Bella hastened to the door – well as fast as her stiff muscles would allow.

Leah was just setting down a suitcase in the living room while Charlie closed the door behind Sue when Bella tottered into the living room.

"Ta da!" Leah flung her arms out grandly.

Ignoring the audience, Bella threw herself into her friend's embrace and was pulled soundly to her a chest with considerably less bravado. She could feel her friend's worry in the shake of her hand as it clutched her head to her shoulder. Leah tried to camouflage the desperation with a theatrical sway side to side.

"I like this cut on you, chica," she grinned, pulling back and fingering a curl. "Sexxxxy."

Realizing her eyes were leaking, Bella reached up and wiped the big fat drops that were rolling down her cheeks.

"What are you doing here?" she hiccupped, the words leaping a tangle of sobs stuck in her throat. There was something about seeing someone outside of Pack and position that suddenly made Bella feel like she was battling the threat of an all-out break-down.

She couldn't lose it now.

As uncomfortable with emotion as ever, Leah pulled her into her side and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Finally got a little vaycay," she chuckled. "What better way to spend it than coming up here to start a little trouble, huh?"

Leah's eyes finally snagged on the mark on her shoulder and Bella watched the composure unravel in her eyes.

Luckily Sue – with ever-perfect timing – stepped in and pulled Bella out from under ballooning anger and indignation. With a quick hug, Bella was quickly passed to her father and smothered in flannel and Old Spice without a word from either of them.

Charlie pulled back, his nose an incriminating red. "Uh," he began, clumsily brushing the hair from her cheek and then shoving the hand in his jeans. "Like the haircut, Bells."

Bella looked up into eyes that were bulging from the pressure of worry and paternal rage, but he'd obviously been drilled (and threatened within an inch of his life) as to what he could say.

Bella tucked her chin as it became clear just how much of all of this was a carefully choreographed show for her benefit. They were all worried and tense and angry and… walking on red hot coals and trying not to grimace.

But Bella didn't have the bandwidth for more pain right now – playing along was a matter of _survival_.

"Thanks," she mumbled, tearing her eyes away from her father to watch Seth get a pinch on his ass as he turned out of Leah's hug. He yelped and scowled at his sister.

"Can't help myself," pursed her lips. "You're just so damn cute."

"Pervert," Paul snickered striding through the door with Rachel under his arm.

Leah gaped in perfect deadpan shock. "Holy shit, you got fat! 'You been eating donuts by the caseload or something?"

Paul burst away from his wife in theatrical agony while wolves whooped and jeered from the kitchen.

Rachel caught herself on the doorframe, she was laughing so hard and Bella found herself smiling along as Charlie guided her after the family circus.

Leah gave Rachel a high-five before she gingerly pulled her into a hug. She pulled back and rubbed her friend's seven month belly.

"You look great, bitch," Leah nodded sincerely, giving her the once over (because she did). Ever the master of overkill, she then leered at where vain six-pack Paul was still feigning indignation. "Too bad your old man's letting himself go like that. He used to be something to look at too."

"Shut up, Lezie-Lee," he snapped but slapped a greeting into her hand anyway.

"Tell that to Jozi," she smiled sweetie. "He's flying in tonight."

"Just a gay cover," he sneered.

Leah snorted in the roof of her mouth with a sassy flick of her eyes. "Whatev, fatty."

Everyone knew fighting with Leah on any field was a losing battle. Paul stomped off to the kitchen… but not before he'd grabbed a serious glance of Bella out of the corner of his eye. Leah instinctively followed it, and then quickly painted on a cool veneer of snark.

"C'mon, sis," she turned and pulled her from under Charlie's arm – both he and Sue were carefully sitting sentry on the sidelines - without even Sue's usual complaints about language – too busy volleying a silent conversation between them.

"You gotta be holding my hand when I walk into this shit-storm," Leah grinned, wrapping her arm around Bella's shoulder.

And even though it was transparent benevolence, it was also true. Leah hadn't been back with the Pack since she'd left and even in her current state of disrepair, Bella knew what price she'd been willing to pay to be here.

Touched, Bella wrapped her arm around her waist and leaned on her heavily as Leah walked her slowly into the kitchen.

The Pack accepted Leah back with open arms, like Bella knew they would, but the exuberance was jacked up by anxiety and the sky-high adrenaline after the Pack's battle.

It was far too chafing for Bella's raw nerves, so as soon as she could, she extricated herself from the chaos of introductions and reunions and flopped down on the bench near Sam. He was watching the joking and jockeying with the subtlest smile playing on his lips – even if she weren't technically a wolf anymore, just like with Jared and Kim, she'd always be Pack and it was nice to have Leah back for them all.

"Y'okay, Bells?" her father sat down beside her with a beer.

Bella looked up from where she'd drooped over her lap and was rubbing her temples. With all the noise, her heart was going a million miles per hour and making her sick.

She looked up through a squint. "Yeah, I'm just tired," she whispered.

"Why don't you come sit down in the living room and we'll get you a plate," he murmured.

Sam was already paying attention and he congealed to his feet with a meaningful glance toward his wife across the kitchen.

Bella stood shakily and almost went back down but for her father's hand at her elbow. Sam was instantly front and center scooping her up into beefy arms. "Up we go," he gave her a kind smile that didn't really do much for her embarrassment.

But she was really too tired to care - she flopped her cheek down against his shoulder as he carried her out of a kitchen that had instantly gone silent.

"Sorry," she mumbled, closing her eyes.

"For what?" he whispered.

Bella opened her eyes and squinted at him.

"You're Pack," he told her quietly – a simple statement that encompassed a million things.

She wondered if Charlie understood as he trailed behind him with worried eyes.

She was set down on the couch and her father lowered himself beside her with a soft grunt, setting his beer on the floor. He propped a protective arm behind her on the couch while he frowned the volume lower on the game playing on the TV.

Sue came in with Leah close behind, each carrying two plates. Bella was given one, her father the other and Leah rocked down on the couch beside her with a broad grin that didn't match her eyes. Seth traipsed in after, stealing the remote from Joe and tossing it to his sister before collapsing on the floor beside him.

"I've still got you trained," Leah smirked. "Awesome." And she started clicking through channels.

"Where's Kam?" Bella asked Joe, who had obviously decided television was a bust and was proffering a commiserating eye-roll for Seth.

The question looked like it had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. "She's over with Claire and Talia," he sighed forlornly.

"Pwoor bwaby," Leah cooed in hammy any unplanned unison with Paul who was following after his mate and carrying their two plates.

Rachel sat down on the other side of Leah on the big couch and Paul slipped down to the floor at her feet, absently handing up her plate.

" 'See you've got him trained too," Leah snickered, elbowing her friend.

Paul stuck out his tongue like juvenile dork he was.

"But maybe you need to lay off the Scooby Snacks," Leah sneered. "Or go low-fat or something."

"Fuck, Lee!" Paul complained, turning on her with a ferocious snarl.

"Ooo, scary," she pursed undaunted lips. "Like Kung Fu Panda."

"Oh my God!" Rachel shrieked a laugh while snickers erupted around the room. "It's so good to have you home!"

Bella smiled at the welcome distraction, but didn't really have the energy to join in. She just leaned against her father's shoulder and took unenthusiastic nibbles of her plate while she watched them fight about channels while she focused on ferrying food to her mouth and chewing. That in itself took all of her strength.

She appreciated her family – and Pack – surrounding her in all their discreet but interconnected little pockets like bubble wrap. Sam and Emily. Sue and Charlie. Leah and Seth. Joe, Paul and Rachel. The rhythm of it all was soothing enough, but for the first time in two months she felt like she was in a boat being carried on the back of the moving river.

She felt separate. Other.

Unfortunately the room seemed to notice and the usual rowdy humor quickly disintegrated to sudden interest in plates or the cooking show the TV had randomly seemed to land on. It had become Bella's role to set the tone for the Pack and with her MIA they were all out of tune.

It was awkward and Bella didn't know what to do about it. Luckily, Charlie did.

"How 'bout we take you home, kiddo," her father murmured beside her as he leaned forward and set his empty plate on the coffee table. His undisguised worry made it sound like a fatal diagnosis.

Bella looked up from food she'd barely touched, a blush rushing to her cheeks and making her feel lightheaded. "Maybe I should just lie down for a few minutes," she ventured, scraping her lip with her teeth.

"We can share the guest room, chica," Leah winked beside her, chewing on the sly side and trying to lighten her father's unintentionally grim tone. "The guys'll have wet dreams for months."

"Oh my God Paul!" Rachel shrieked just before a loud crack.

But the innocuous sound was like a shockwave of pure terror for Bella, and with a gasp, she shot up so fast her plate nearly jettisoned to the floor. In fact it would have made a dramatic mess, except Leah caught it with reflexes that were still just on the supernatural side of fast.

Eyes wide, her breath was still being dragged behind her racing heartbeat. The exaggerated fear must have been just as obvious as it felt to lupine senses because Paul's salacious leer slipped from his face at the same time every wolf bolted around to flay Bella with battle-ready attention.

The bass edict wasn't loud but it could be felt in the bones. "_Everyone leave."_

Like it had flipped a switch each wolf stood, all eyes turning to where Jacob was crossing the room from the kitchen as he pulled his tee shirt down over his head. Charlie straightened beside her as Paul pulled his mate up off the couch and Leah clicked off the TV.

Jacob rounded the couch while people filed around him toward the kitchen, giving their Alpha a wide berth.

Eyes locked with Bella's, he squared his jaw. "I'll take you home," he told her quietly.

Bella could feel her father stiffen beside her. "I think I just said that, Jake," he drawled.

This could snowball into disaster very quickly. All afternoon below the forced façade of the normalcy, she'd sensed the tension ramping up, slowly but surely, like a bungee cord noose pulled so tight that just a millimeter more and something would snap.

"She's mine," Jacob crooned, deceptively smooth and low, eyes snapping out to her father like switchblades. "She comes home with me."

"Y'know, I' got a few things to say about that," her father hissed, standing up slowly. Bella grabbed his arm and pulled herself off the couch at the same time.

The house was suddenly deathly silent.

Bella's eyes fluttered closed at the sight of her father's reddening face staring down a man who'd used to be like a son to him and was now a stranger and twice his size.

She was so damn tired.

With a resigned sigh, Bella placed a hand on her father's chest as she shuffled by, between him and the coffee table. Tucking her chin, she stopped in front of where Jacob was still glaring a deafeningly silent warning at her father.

For a moment all she could hear was her father's rasping breath behind her, then calloused fingers brushed her hair back from her cheek. Bella swayed forward indo Jacob's chest and instantly she was being gathered into musky warmth that pulled her slowly up a tall hard body.

Bella closed her eyes and lay her cheek on Jacob's shoulder as she wrapped herself around him, panting like she'd just swum a mile across the sea. She lay, worn and exhausted, on his shores, listening to the percussion of his heart, each beat like a sump pump for asphyxiating anxiety. Concern with anything else evaporated into the inconsequential; this was exactly what she'd physically needed.

Apparently that fact was also obvious.

As he carried her wordlessly out of the house, the only sputtering complaints were those of her father which were smoothed over by Sue and, surprisingly, Leah's rushing whispers.

Every cell of Bella's body dilated, gobbling up his scent, his heat, his living warmth and closeness. Bella allowed her eyes to be lulled closed by his swaying gait as he carried her down the stairs to the car. In strong arms, Jacob swung her down into her seat and then silently closed the door.

Bella rearranged heavy limbs as he rounded the front and Sam came jogging down the steps with a package of food. Jacob slipped into the car, stowing the bag on the back seat. He turned back around with a brief glance that looked somehow like it had memorized every pore.

Relieved to be in the silence and surrounded by his scent, Bella ravenously soaked what little comfort he could offer and curled up in her seat, leaning against the door and closing her eyes.

The engine turned over with a fleecy rumble and the vehicle smoothly back over gravel that crunched outside her cocoon. The car rocked with the shift of gears and then started forward as she felt something being set on her thigh.

Blinking open heavy lids, Bella looked down to see a sand dollar deposited on her indigo jeans like the full moon at night. A gasp was drawn inadvertently over the pop of surprised lips as her hand slipped from her side to touch it. It was rough and warm like it had been in a pocket.

A clumsy finger brushed the star splayed over its middle and then one of the oblong holes. Her lips softened as she picked it up, eyes tracing its shape with wonder. The dried little pieces inside tinkled softly like a coral wind chime by the sea. As children, she and Jacob had always pretended they were doves trapped inside and freed them, lining them up on Billy and Sarah's kitchen table.

Her eyes slipped over to the man beside her, stoic eyes trained out the windshield as he unerringly guided the car out on the road. A hand left the wheel to push through midnight hair before it rested on the side of the door.

His dusky whisper slipped through the car like serpentine velvet. "There's a lot of stuff to find on the shore."

Bella watched him turn the wheel around a corner without a glance in her direction. Gathering the shell to her breast, she laid her cheek back against the window and stared out at the dusk with a smile.

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_Review if you like. _


	9. Part IX - Potential

Thank you for all the awesome notes. But I appreciate and read every one, sometimes multiple times when I need a little motivation.

I wanted to highlight two readers' musical recs for this fic: _Jarms_ – "Demons" by Imagine Dragons (a good vibe for this chap) and _Jacobsgirl4ever_ – "Never Let Me Go" by Florence and The Machine (good for the last)

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy.

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**IX- Potential **

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Bella's eyes popped open to a heartbeat going a million miles per hour.

Panting raggedly, she froze, pulling herself out of darkness and nightmare and onto the shores of morning light. She was staring out at another day, weeping outside of Jacob's guest room window.

Trying to rein in a racing heart, she picked her head up and pushed off the bed, sentience scrabbling for context up a loose-gravel slope. The last thing she remembered was sitting in Jacob's car, clutching a sand dollar like the last piece of pocket change from an overdrawn account. She whipped around, her wide eyes tripping over the room.

Clothes were bleeding from a flayed suitcase where she'd left them in her numb attempts to dress yesterday. Her hand clutched blindly at the shirt she was still wearing as her eyes slipped down to blankets that had pooled around her waist. She pushed them clumsily aside as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She was still dressed in jeans and mismatched socks.

Falling over her lap, she rubbed her face and then raked her fingers back through her short hair while she tried to get her bearings.

Usually she awoke to mornings with the optimism of a new day (when she didn't have a hangover) that hadn't yet been worn into resignation by disappointment. She had a different sort of hangover today.

Expelling a breath, she sat up, blearily giving the room another once-over. The sand dollar sat on the dresser beside her computer like a little lighthouse on the shores of stormy seas. Her eyes rested on it for a moment while her bleary brain tried to plot a course. Even if she'd fallen asleep before nightfall yesterday, she still felt like she hadn't slept in a week.

Maybe a shower would help.

With that simple destination in mind, she slipped to the floor and nearly fell, catching herself on the mattress and lowering herself to her knees. Instead of trying to stand again, she reached out and pulled the suitcase toward her and rifled listlessly through clothes. The first thing her hands landed on were some yoga pants and a v-neck tee shirt and she figured they were as good as anything until she could figure out what came after a shower.

Something familiar tucked into the net pocket on the inside of the luggage caught her eye. Pulling the outfit into a knot against her stomach, she reached out with her free hand and plucked the handmade dream-catcher free. Just like Bella, It had seen better days: the feathers were faded and ratty and there was dust worked into the knots.

It had hung like a talisman on every bed post in this journey through hell, except for the one she'd shared with Edward. He'd always complained that it was nothing but "an icon of primitive culture and superstition." As the unfeeling undead he couldn't comprehend the significance of sentimentality. (Or then again, on some level maybe he could – like any good domineering borderline abuser, he'd made sure Bella had cut all her ties as his bride.)

Her eyes darted over to the headboard as she stood shakily and collapsed on the edge of the bed.

Should she hang it up here?

She wasn't even sure if Jacob _wanted_ her to stay or if these boxes were merely the product of an Alpha's order to clueless males to "bring her things." More importantly, Bella didn't know if _she_ wanted to stay even if he did; she didn't know if she had the strength or even enough pieces on the board to keep playing this game right now.

Deciding to leave the dream-catcher on the purgatory of her pillow, Bella pushed off the bed, gathered her courage and opened her door. The house was quiet and dark and she was glad as she fled to the solace of the bathroom.

After an unenthusiastic shower and dressing, she glanced into the mirror to see where she was. The girl staring back still looked as worn and haunted as she felt. Even if - especially after Kim's professional retouching - the new haircut made her look younger and her mismatched lips look pleasingly pouty, it couldn't disguise the way the bruises had migrated from her jaw to under her vacant eyes.

After neatening up the bathroom and gathering her dirty clothes, Bella drew in a deep breath and opened the door. A wave of savory scents washed over her along with the soft clank of metal over whispering water from the kitchen.

Jacob was here.

Clutching her clothes to her chest, Bella fled to the guestroom and closed the door behind her, leaning against it while adrenaline sprinted merrily through her veins.

She didn't know if she could do this right now.

Her stomach growled mutinously as her heart flipped in her chest. Letting her head flop back against the door she tried to scrape together any remaining shards of composure so she could build some kind of defense. Being this close to Jacob should be comforting, but right now it felt almost invasive. She didn't have the control of the situation (or herself) that she did with distance.

Releasing a long sigh, she tossed her clothes on the floor by the closet and then turned to face the door. She had nervously pulled down her tee shirt and was fluffing her hair before she even realized what she was doing.

With a humorless laugh at herself, she slapped her palms to her face and rubbed briskly. And then took the plunge through the door.

Whatever he'd cooked smelled wonderful and it definitely wasn't heated-up left-overs. But that shouldn't be surprising, should it? He'd taken care of his father for years and somehow she'd missed the point that that probably meant cooking for him too. Bella had missed a lot in her self-absorbed youth but she really didn't have the strength to add it to the long dirty laundry list right now.

Stepping into the living room she could see him through the open kitchen doorway; dressed in cutoffs and a white wife-beater, his back was to her as he washed dishes at the sink. The shirt hugged his strong lats that swept down to a trim waist and made his shoulders look massive.

Her body warmed appreciatively and she tucked her chin, letting the curtain of curls fall down over the sight. She wished she wasn't so attracted to him, but she supposed every girl was. He was a beautiful specimen of a man, with smooth toffee skin highlighting perfect proportions and musculature that was all lissome power and virility instead of body-builder bulk.

Trying to tame the instant hormonal kick, Bella distracted herself by a quick daylight survey of the living room. In addition to a huge easy chair and mismatched couch, there was a flat-screen TV and entertainment center set against the wall by the kitchen. A DVD player (he really was technologically stone-age) and some discs were set on top by a remote, but other than that the place didn't even look lived in. There were a few framed pieces of tribal art on the wall – she recognized Emily's hand in at least one – and a carving on the mantle above the hearth, but no photos or clutter or even mail.

Yanking off the water, Jacob turned and strode out of view of the doorway without so much as a glance behind him, even though she knew he could probably hear her heartbeat from behind the guestroom door. The shooping rattle of a refrigerator door sounded just as Bella peeked around the doorway.

The kitchen was small but comfortable: the far wall had a window over the sink and a small kitschy laminate and metal table with three matching chairs were set against the wall shared with the living room.

Jacob was just retrieving a gallon of orange juice from the refrigerator against the far wall. He turned and set it on the table.

"Hey," Bella whispered, wrapping her arms around herself uncomfortably.

Those dark eyes flicked up silently from under strands of ebony that had fallen over his face. He shoved an absent hand through his hair. "There's breakfast," he murmured, and then turned back to the kitchen.

Bella blinked, pushing harder into the doorframe as she watching him stalk across the linoleum to the stove.

She felt lost.

Glancing at the table she saw _a pair _of plates stacked beside counterpart forks and glasses, but she couldn't seem to make herself move. Her gaze returned to where Jacob was turning from the oven with two plates balanced on one arm and another in his hand. He closed the door with his hip.

He'd kept the food warm for her.

That thought was a million times more comforting than his mumbled invitation.

Jacob paced back to the table and set them down as Bella pushed off the door. Rubbing her hands on her hips, she slowly made her way to the table as Jacob threw himself into the far chair near the refrigerator without a glance.

Bella pulled out the closest chair with a grimace at the squeak of metal on linoleum. Slowly she sat down a little sideways to the table, pulling one leg up and hugging her shin while Jacob popped open the juice.

She kept her eyes on Jacob's hands as he poured two glasses of OJ and then pushed one across the table toward her. She hazarded a glance up - Jacob was covertly watching her from under his straight lashes but his eye quickly darted away.

His cold reticence was more than she could take.

In fact, the only reason she didn't bolt from the kitchen right then and there was that he'd obviously prepared this for both of them – that and the fact that her stomach was eating itself alive. She tentatively pulled the juice toward her and took a sip while she watched him dish out a plate. Just the taste of sugar on her tongue seemed to help her nerves a little.

Jacob had made eggs, bacon and homefries with leftover potatoes from last night and it all looked delicious. A full plate was pushed brusquely under her nose and she looked up to see Jacob stoically starting on his own breakfast.

Bella pulled her leg against her chest a little tighter as she picked up the fork with the other hand. Jacob was already several bites in by the time she'd gotten the first shaky forkful of eggs to her lips. She kept her eyes on her plate as she chewed and then ferried up another more enthusiastic bite.

"Thanks," Bella whispered. "It's good." Because it was – he'd done a perfect job with everything.

She speared a potato chunk and nibbled at it from the fork as her gaze darted across the table. Jacob had one arm lying around his plate and was hunched over it, spikes of hair falling conveniently over his face.

Bella finished off the potato and then took another. Jacob sat back with the OJ and took a long swallow before setting it down again.

"You need to stay here for at least two weeks," he announced suddenly in a gun metal bass as he picked up his fork. "Then you can find another place on the Rez."

He dug into his plate again without even checking to see if she'd heard him. Bella froze mid-chew while she tried to read behind those hard lines.

Swallowing her bite, she set the fork down. "Why?"

He speared a few potatoes and a slice of bacon on the tines of this fork. "Gotta make sure there won't be others," he reported to his plate between chews. "According to what we extracted, there aren't."

The food was making her feel a little more solid. "You make it sound like teeth," she sniffed, picking up her juice.

Jacob glanced up at her for the first time with the subtlest of smiles flashing from the shadows like a knife blade. "Oh, it was much worse than that," he crooned silkily. With a chilling chuckle, he returned to his food.

Bella's shuddered involuntarily as she looked down into her juice. His savagery was disturbing but she couldn't think about it right now. Tucking her chin she took another sip, trying to shore up her nerves.

"Why here?" she whispered into her lap as she set the juice on the table. She needed _some_ scrap of comfort or emotion from the man across the table.

When she looked back up, his gaze was lowered to his plate but a shoulder jumped in a dismissive shrug.

Any other answer would have been better.

She was just drawing in a breath to tell him so, when he sat back, pulling his juice with him. "Seth will pick you up at whatever time you want before noon," he told her, his tone paved again in polished stone. "I'm meeting with the Council this afternoon." His eyes were just as cold as they regarded her over the rim of his glass.

Bella hugged her leg with both arms as her eyes slipped to the table. Every impersonal word felt like an ice knife over an open wound.

"They want me to debrief them about the attack," he continued. "I need you to tell me what happened."

Bella's eyes bloated wide as they bobbed up to the man sitting so dispassionately across the table, sipping his juice. Her voice was literally trapped behind her heart in her throat.

Jacob set his drink down and crossed his arms over his chest as he tipped his chair back on two legs. "That scar is so rare that nothing's known about it," he intoned almost clinically. "And the Council needs to know what happened for any future cases."

_That scar._ _Future cases._ Not: our bond… his mark…

He made it sound like a disease. He made her _feel_ like a disease. Tears started gathering like clouds in Bella's eyes.

"How did the leech know?"

Blinking rapidly, Bella squeezed herself tighter into a ball, resting her chin on her knee to make the smallest target possible. "I-.." her voice broke.

Licking her lips, she squeezed her eyes closed to try to hold in the tears. "By scent," she breathed, far too softly for any but a supernatural ear.

"Did the blood-sucker know what it was?"

Memories jackknifed through her brain and Bella squeezed her eyes tighter to keep them out.

"Bella-…"

Bella burst up from her seat so fast the chair toppled over with a crash.

She was slamming the guestroom door behind her before she'd even realized she was moving. Throwing herself on the bed, she pressed her face into the pillow, while sobs bucked out in convulsions like vomit. Her hand naturally gravitated to the dream-catcher by her cheek and she absently strummed the comforting rawhide tied in knots by the gentle, caring hand of a friend. A friend who might as well be dead.

Eventually she ran out of tears.

After wiping her snotty tear-stained face on the pillow, she turned it over and rested her cheek on the clean side. She numbly fingered the little beads and tried shore up her crumbling heart while her breath hitched and hiccupped miserably.

She froze at the soft knock on the door.

Bella picked her head up at the second set – tentative, gentle. Maybe he'd called Seth – she hoped he'd called Seth.

Wiping at her face again, she croaked something unintelligible, and then watched in anticipation as the door slowly opened .

Bella's heart restarted its sprint at the sight of Jacob standing in the doorway with his brow furrowed over unreadable eyes. For several moments neither of them said anything.

Finally he shifted his weight with a sigh. "Can I come in?" he asked quietly.

Bella nodded and wiped her nose on the back of her hand as she sat up.

Jacob's gaze lowered as he stepped over the suitcase and wordlessly made his way to the bed. She watched as he slowly he lowered himself down to the floor like every joint was aching. He leaned back against the wall beside the headboard.

Bella cautiously lowered herself back to the bed on her stomach, pulling the dream-catcher into her palm under chest – partially for comfort but also in the hope he wouldn't see it.

He did.

His eyes flicked up to hers and then squeezed closed as he propped his elbows on his knees and shoved his hands back through his hair, leaving them clawed back on the back of his head.

Bella pillowed her cheek against her forearm and listened to the rain tap quietly against the window while her eyes drifted blindly over her headboard with bloated thoughts.

"I'm sorry."

At the sound of his velvet whisper, Bella's eyes darted to where he was in the same position – hair caught between each finger, chin tipped down to his chest - and waited for more.

"I just _hate_-…" he spat the word with such force it sounded like it shattered his teeth. She heard him lick the shrapnel from his lips and try again.

"I just hate myself _so, so, so much_ right now," his voice broke like it used to when he was younger. "But punishing myself is hurting you."

Tears for both of them welled in her eyes as Bella squeezed the dream-catcher closer. Somehow she knew that if she interrupted it would break the spell. It was a good thing too, because she had nothing left to give but her ear.

Blowing out a harsh breath from his cheeks, Jacob clawed his hands into his head. "The wolf is chewing me up trying to get to you too. I just-… I don't know what to do with this _rage_."

Bella picked up her head, blinking tears down her cheeks. She didn't know if she could deal with any more rejection, but still she had try. Uncurling a hand from under her, she reached tentatively down to his knee, brushing it with a fingertip. The skin-to-skin siphoned heat up her arm like some crazy chemical reaction and loosened the knot in her throat.

Jacob hissed softly as he picked up his head, eyes focused on her offering. An uncertain hand reached out across the millions of miles between them and the pads of his fingertips brushed over the beds of her nails. Then his big fingers slipped down the lengths of each of hers in slow motion, lacing caramel with cream. Their hands haltingly embraced, the fear and pain buried deep within making them both tremble.

Jacob rearranged his forearms on his knees and rested his cheek against his bicep, watching his thumb gently stroke over her knuckle.

"You're our imprint," he whispered to their hands.

Bella's breath caught in her throat before her brain even understood why: it was the first time she'd heard him say it. Her gaze washed over his face, so lost in his thoughts that she felt like she felt like she should look away.

She didn't: those three simple words from his lips made something deep inside her both tremble and click contentedly into place and her heart fed shamelessly.

"The only thing we're supposed to do is keep you safe," he continued in a dusky whisper. "And I've never done it right." His eyes fluttered closed under a brow bowing and breaking under all that weighed it down.

Bella lowered her cheek to her hand on the bed, still clutching the dream-catcher like a life raft. She watched a million micro-expressions jump over Jacob's face like fleas as pearly teeth bit down so hard it chased the russet from his lip.

He released it with pop. "I was the only one protecting you," he sniffed as he shook his head in disgust with a little jerk against his arm. "I didn't trust anyone else."

Dark eyes popped open - yawning empty wells that had run dry. "But I let all that emotional bullshit out and fucked up," he clipped off each word in a crisp whisper.

Then his gaze darted up from their hands and met hers.

Bella blinked and tears broke free, racing over the bridge of her nose and blurring the image of that pain.

"The last time I let that happen I almost killed Sam," he whispered hollowly. "This time it was you."

Like she was watching him through a mirage, Bella felt trapped behind a shimmering veil of sorrow. She tried to swallow her tears as she impatiently wiped her face back and forth on the back of her hand. It wasn't _fair_ – he couldn't even afford to be human with that duty and the animal within.

She returned her cheek to her salty hand. "You need to let it out," she mouthed the words so quietly only the consonants clicked in the roof of her mouth.

With a grimacing shake of his head, he squeezed his eyes closed and sat back against the wall, gently pulling his fingers from hers. It felt like he tugged out all the nerves in her arm with him.

Jacob shoved both hands back through his hair, gripping the crown as he looked up to the ceiling.

Bella reeled in her numb hand and slipped it back with the other under her chin as she turned to stare emptily at the headboard. Realizing she was still desperately fingering the beads on the dream-catcher, she pulled it out from under her and set it in front of her on the pillow. Resting her chin on her arm, her eyes ran over all the tiny perfect knots, tied with impossible care in the rawhide net. A fingertip reached out to touch one while her mind grounded out in a white-noise mess.

There was nothing to say right now.

All they could do was sit, side-by-side, each battered and bleeding from life's brutality and self-flagellation. Yet still there was a peace in the pain: this was the first time they were really doing something…

_Together_.

Jacob sucked in a harsh breath through his teeth, and she glanced at where he crossed his arms over his knees again. His Adam's apple jumped with a swallow before he spoke to the ceiling.

"I know I'm a fucked up asshole to be around," he pushed the words out on a defeated sigh. "But **I** need you to be here… _we_ need it."

His gaze tumbled down from the sky and darted over her face in an appeal that didn't try to mask its desperation.

Bella pulled her lip into her mouth and gave him a little nod. She just might need that too right now.

Jacob's shoulders relaxed infinitesimally and he gave her a curt nod in return – gratitude, acknowledgement? It didn't really matter.

His eyes darted out across the room, chasing thoughts. They landed on the sand dollar he'd left on the dresser beside her computer and a long arm reached out to draw it to his knee. An absent finger ghosted over the star, and Bella hoped he was drawing the same comfort from memories that were knotted up in the dream-catcher in her hand.

"After a few weeks," he spoke quietly to the seashell. "Things should calm down a little and we can find you a better place." His finger traced one of the holes on the sand dollar. "On the Rez," he murmured. "It has to be on the Rez." Chin still tucked he looked up at her from under his lashes.

"Okay," Bella whispered.

Jacob's eyes paced between hers for several moments. Outside a fleecy thunder rumbled in the distance and the wind whipped a handful of rain against the window.

Keeping their gazes joined, he slowly lifted his head.

"The Council can wait for their fucking answers," he breathed, his brows jumping together. "And you don't need to tell me now…" he paused and licked his lips. "But I _need_ to know what she did to you."

Bella lifted her cheek from her hand as her brow furrowed. "Why?" she asked softly. "So you can punish yourself more?"

Jacob pressed his lips together as he drew in a breath through his nose. "So I can be there with you," he whispered. "Like I was supposed to."

Frowning, Bella pushed off the bed with agitation. She sat up, slipping her legs over the side in an unconscious need for an escape route. "I wasn't there for you all those years," she countered, grief and anxiety pulling her voice taut.

Tension coiled in Jacob's body with her own. "At the party… the bar… the beach," he hissed cryptically. "I've been _telling_ you."

Bella's eyes darted between his, subtly dilating and contracting – a physical metaphor for his struggle with the walls that were threatening to close him off again.

She couldn't watch.

Blowing a breath from her cheeks, her head flopped forward and her hair strung a blessed curtain between them. Just the thought of even speaking of that night made her heart stutter and trip out of sprinter's blocks.

She pressed each palm against the bed as she hunched her shoulders up to her ears. Her eyes feverishly searched for answers in mute plains of yoga-knit covering her thighs. He said she didn't need to tell him now, and she was so sorely tempted to take that out.

But Bella tried not to lie to herself anymore and as much as she hated it right now, she'd grown past the point where she could hide from battle-earned insight:

_Jacob was feeling vulnerable because he'd shared. _

_He'd told her what he needed and it was an opportunity to give it._

_Suppressed emotion only festered and grew infected. _

All of it added up to a chance right this moment – maybe the only one, who knew? - for both of them to drain wounds and maybe start healing some kind of friendship together.

She'd be a fucking fool to procrastinate.

Bella bit her lip hard while she squeezed her eyes closed. Memories effortlessly popped the veil and flooded her body with pain.

"I was on the couch."

She didn't know she'd spoken until her ears ferried the voice of a stranger to her feverish brain. She didn't recognize her voice; it was thin and quiet and cracking under the weight of fear.

"The door to the deck opened," she rasped. "I didn't look – I thought it was y-…" her words got swallowed by the vacuum imploding in her chest.

She sucked in a ragged breath - that night blooming so vividly in her mind's eye she didn't hear the thunder crack outside like a whip.

"I-I…" she choked. "I didn't know it wasn't until she touched me." Bella gasped a breath in and sobs burned it up for fuel before she could form words. She held them back and tried to eek out a few more syllables.

"She said I smelled like you," she quavered. "That it was different from sex." She exhaled a sob and her eyes popped open on their own. It was only when the world was blurry that she realized she was weeping. Jacob was sitting on his knees in front of her with her pain etched in his face.

"Do you even know-…?" Bella coughed a sob as Jacob went up on his knees, hands bracing on either side of the bed.

"Do you even remember that y-you-… the wolf comes to me in your-…" she stumbled over the words until they disintegrated into another gulping sob as she desperately searched his face.

Jacob's eyes closed on an exhale. He nodded minutely as he leaned down.

Bella's breath hitched with each buck of her heart as he carefully pillowed his cheek on her thigh – a physical confirmation that threatened to blow her apart at the seams. His arms slowly slipped around her hips with the soft rustle of sheets.

Bella's hand hovered over his head while her gaze washed over his face - hair spilling over his cheek as he stared off vacantly at the foot of the bed.

The only difference between now and the night she'd told his Spirit not to come back was the color of his eyes.

Her fingers brushed lightly over his hair, just making sure he was real while unheeded sobs continued to gallop wild and free. She wanted to ask him more – what he remembered, if he had control, if he was angry about it – but they were both so fragile now.

And he'd asked her for answers, not more questions.

Bella pushed her sobs back down into her chest where they made her heart thud painfully as she tried fish free her composure. One hand rested on his bare shoulder, soothed by the touch of his skin, while the other gently combed wayward hair back from a face that was blank. His eyes fluttered closed at her touch.

"She found the mark by scent," Bella continued in a whisper that was a little more dry and clear – being held by him made it so much easier. "She didn't know what it was… but when she touched it-…"

Her voice cracked down the middle and she closed her eyes. "The mark-… it's like all my nerves-…" She struggled to find the right words. "When clothes or other people touch it-…"

"**WHO!"**

Jacob's head bolted up and he was staring into her face with eyes that flickered with heated gold like a bad incandescent bulb.

Bella had sucked in a breath of surprise, but it was impossible to feel the same knee-jerk PTSD terror in his arms. Or maybe it was that her instinct understood…

She stared into each of his eyes, dilating and flashing with the war within – there was something intrinsic about the mark for him too.

"No one," she soothed softly. Her subconscious easily chose the words. "Only you."

Jacob released a shaking breath as he blinked, sweeping away the lingering lupine indignation with each pass of his lashes. Without a word, he gathered her into his arms and then turned and sat heavily on the bed, burying his face in her neck.

If things weren't complicated enough on the human plane, each of them had to deal with fates and magic and an instinct that was wild and raw. No wonder they were both such a bloody mess.

Bella rested her cheek against his shoulder and breathed in his scent, guzzling down all the comfort that the arcane had packed in this punch.

When his breathing slowed back to steady, Bella tried to finish. She needed to finish.

"Usually it feels just like a regular scar," she whispered over his skin. "But when _you_ touch it-…"

Jacob slowly lifted his head, his gaze snapping to hers like a magnet as he sat up.

Bella stared back while memories gathered behind her eyes. "It feels... _so_ _good_," she tipped her head uncomfortably as prickling tears rose up like the tide. "But when she touched it-… p-pain. _So much_ pain I can't-…" she rasped, her voice shredding and peeling away.

Jacob's eyes closed and a big hand slipped up behind her head and pulled her face to his chest. The gesture was so gentle and sweet – so much like a friend's comfort – that all her defenses cracked and crumbled into dust and magma pain oozed free in soft sobs.

He held her like this while she cried – not the full-body convulsions of trauma, but the soft weeping of memories lodged deep in the marrow. They bled freely in a slow steady trickle until there was nothing left but a tender wound.

Then warm palms were slipping up to either side of her jaw, tenderly urging her face up to his. His expression was open and complex. Bella didn't even try to read it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her eyes.

He tipped his head while his thumbs wiped away her tears. There was no lust or need or regret or anything in their locked gazes. For a brief blessed moment they were just who they'd always been: friends.

A phone's angry buzz tore through the dream with reality.

Jacob's eyes fluttered closed as the cell vibrated in his pocket under her leg.

When he opened them again, that steely sheen had shuttered over them and Bella slipped off his lap to the bed, wiping her face on the hem of her shirt.

"Yeah."

His weight heaved off the bed and Bella looked up to see him focusing intently on whatever the person on the phone was saying. Without a word, he clicked the phone off and turned to her.

"I need to Phase," he announced in that slickery bass. "Jedidiah's lost to the wolf."

Bella's eyes widened with worry.

"He'll be fine," he told her curtly. "The Pack's unstable right now and he's a cub."

An irrational guilt rushed in to fill the void - because Bella was so off balance, the others were suffering and it felt horrible. Another little piece of Jacob-insight fell into place.

Offering her no more than that, Jacob strode toward her bedroom door but his hand froze on the doorknob.

He turned his head over his shoulder just enough that she could see his cheek. "I lied to the leech. Watching you scream in fucking agony… it hurt worse than anything," he murmured cryptically. "Worse than your wedding night-…"

He shook his head with a dark sniff. "I couldn't even keep you safe from Cullen." Then he pulled open the door.

"You can't protect me from myself, Jacob," she whispered.

"You can't either," he returned, glancing over his shoulder with intense eyes before he stepped over the threshold.

His whisper in the hallway was barely audible. "Don't let me hurt you anymore, Bells."

With that he closed the door quietly behind him.

…

…

…

_He'd called her Bells._

_He'd said she was his imprint._

She picked up the dream-catcher, lying beside her on the bed and stared at it numbly. Between her own residual traumas, the emotionality of the conversation and all the many complicated layers of Jacob that had been revealed by words and eyes, she couldn't process what she felt anymore.

Bewildered eyes staggered around the room as her feet slipped to the floor. She brought the dream-catcher up in front of her and reverently traced all the little beads and knots that held it together. Lifting it to her lips, she pressed a kiss to the center of the tangled little web.

And then hung it on the headboard.

With a cant of her head, she rearranged the now-mangy little feathers with an affectionate smile and then took a step back. Set against the warm maple, it looked good there.

For now.

Drawing in a breath she surveyed the rest of her room. Deciding to put the clothes away from her suitcase, but leave the boxes packed, she got to work. Refolding and organizing the garments and stowing them in the dresser was soothing somehow.

Half an hour later, she had the boxes stacked in the closet along with the empty suitcase and things were back in order.

For now.

According to the phone it was 9:15am. There was a text from Seth to call him when she wanted a pick-up to go to Charlie's and have lunch and an afternoon with Leah and Josiah. Bella decided to clean up from breakfast (and maybe finish eating while she was at it) and then she'd get ready to go and call him for that pick up.

Setting her phone down on the dresser, she idly picked up the sand dollar, weighing it in her hand. She couldn't resist raising it to her nose and seeing if she could smell him on it. Sure enough, a faint whiff of pine clung to the scents of salt and sea, at least in her imagination.

With a smile she gazed at it while her mind wandered over memories and her feet found the kitchen, steering a million miles away from the conversation this morning and anything that could capsize this precarioius sense of calm.

Setting the seashell on the table, she sat back down to her plate, which had been covered with plastic wrap. Jacob's still sat half eaten too and wrapped in plastic along with the serving dishes and Bella laughed at the feeling of being Mrs. Havisham from _Great Expectations_ - her wedding banquet frozen in time.

Bella sat down with the ghosts of the past, mulling over a spectral future. What would it be like to live here for a few weeks with him? In some ways having it decided for her made things much easier. She needed to be around him too, if, for nothing else, the energetic comfort of their bond and the sense of protection. She felt _physically_ safe with him – as she certainly should with the Alpha of the Pack – but the problem was, she didn't know if she could "stop letting him hurt her."

She understood what he'd meant – she thought – but watching him hurt, yearning for his friendship, craving his touch… loving him like she did…

It hurt like a bitch.

But she supposed she could give it a few weeks. She certainly had plenty of people she could stay with if she changed her mind.

As if on cue, her phone rang shrilly from the other room shattering conjecture and bringing her back to the present. Bella realized she'd gotten stuck holding her fork poised over her plate. Hastily putting the utensil down, she scurried back to her room and snatched the cell up just before it went to voice mail.

"Hello?" she gasped – she hadn't even looked at the number.

"Bella?"

She didn't recognize the voice. "Yes?"

"This is Toby."

"Toby?" _As in Toby Horn?_

"Y'know, wolf-Toby."

Bella laughed. He was the wolf that had Phased right before Jedi and both of them kind of looked up to her like a mommy – it was cute. But how did he get her number?

"What's up?" she asked.

"I was on patrol and Jake told me to Phase and call you," he explained. "So I'm talking to you from the garage. Naked."

Bella rolled her eyes – still a not-yet-15 year old in a man's body. "Thanks for sharing."

"Yeah, it's kinda weird."

"Now it definitely is," she grinned.

He laughed.

"_God, Toby! Shut the fuck up and tell her!"_ (now _that_ was Quil)

Toby snickered unrepentantly. "So anywayzz, Jake said to bring two pairs of shorts out to the porch."

He left the statement ringing with a kind of "ta-da!"

Bella waited for more (it didn't come). "So, like, just any old shorts?"

"I think _his_ shorts?" She could hear the shrug in his voice.

"Okay, thanks," Bella scrunched her face up with theatric dismay for her own benefit. "Anything else?"

"Nope."

Bella wanted to ask him why, but decided it probably wasn't very productive with a not-yet-15 year old in a man's body. "Well I'd better get on that."

"Okay, bye Bella."

"Bye wolf-Toby," she smiled.

He gifted her with a boyish laugh and she clicked the phone off, still grinning, when it hit her: maybe it had something to do with Jedi.

Sucking in a breath, Bella spun around and looked out the window at the empty drizzling yard and dark forest.

Throwing the phone down on the bed, she turned and left the room still puzzled. It wasn't until her hand was on Jacob's closed door that she realized she was about to… see his room.

It seemed intimate. Invasive.

And she was looking forward to it.

Turning the knob, she slowly pushed open the door. Jacob's scent wafted over her - musky and sweet with that hint of pine. Bella's eyes fluttered closed as she drew in a long indulgent lungful. How the hell could he smell so good?

Opening them again, she peered hesitantly around the corner. She decided whatever she had expected, it wasn't this, though maybe she should have – like his house, the room was sterile, empty.

Jacob's room when he was a boy was all chaotic charm with posters, carvings, magazines (the dirty ones hidden under the mattress) and clothes thrown all over the place. This was so… sterile.

The bed was bigger than the one in her room – a California king by necessity and his feet must still hang over the edge. But other than that it was pretty much the same. There were no pictures or personal effects or even carvings on the molding.

It was kind of eerie.

The only thing that made it look lived-in at all was the fact the bed was unmade. Actually, not only was it unmade, it was filthy. The blankets were all shucked to the end of the bed exposing a mattress that looked like grass and dirt stains were ground into it.

And blood.

Bella crossed uneasily into the room. A blood stain was smeared down one side of the mattress... on the right side.

On the same side it would have been if she'd been laid down with the fresh mark bleeding down her back.

Bella spun around, looking at the room with new eyes. The chair was gone, but this was the room she'd waked up in that night after the marking, when Jake had been there.

He hadn't washed the sheets in a month and a half? (well he hadn't slept here for a month of it – he'd been at her house.)

Turning back to the bed she searched for some other explanation. Her gaze immediately snapped to a sliver of ivory lace sticking out from under the ratty pillow. Eyes narrowing with her suspicion, she leaned down to examine it.

Pressing her lips together she glanced guiltily over her shoulder before she tugged a little corner of it out far enough to confirm: her stolen panties from the party!

"You little pervert," Bella muttered to herself. Poking them back under the pillow she crossed her arms over her chest and frowned at the bed.

Slowly the indignation melted from her face as understanding replaced it with an aching sadness.

_Scent. _He wanted to sleep in her scent.

For some reason she found that thought unbearably heartbreaking. Tears had already sprung to her eyes and she wiped the heels of her hands over them. Suddenly the "no girls" in the house/car made a lot more sense. He didn't want their scent to linger around him.

He wanted _hers_.

Sniffling, Bella turned her back on the bed. Now she was feeling like a jerk, intruding on his innermost life like this. Shaking her head at herself with disgust, she crossed to the dresser and pulled open a drawer. The first one hit the jackpot and she quickly took out two neatly rolled up knit shorts and then closed it.

Bella turned with a final glance at the bed-…

And that's when she saw him: the russet wolf watching her from the treeline out the window.

Her eyes dropped in shame. "Sorry Jake," she murmured as she turned – knowing he could hear her. And closed the door behind her.

Holding the shorts to her chest she traipsed down the hallway, feeling… sad, embarrassed, guilty.

She paused at the front door, gathering herself, and then opened it, pushing out to the porch. The rain was nothing more than a mist right now and it gave a softness to the yard. She crossed the porch barefoot, looking out toward the woods from under chagrinned lashes.

A soft whine made her head snap up and around to a wolf, crouched down on his haunches by the trees, desperate incandescent eyes locked on her. His coloring was unusual: grey with black tips on the fur. Standing over him was Jacob's wolf, watching her soberly.

The grey wolf shuffled forward on his belly with another pitiful whine, and his Alpha growled low in reprimand. The cub didn't look up but stopped with another plaintive mewl.

The russet wolf returned his gaze to Bella and she shifted her weight uncomfortably. She wasn't sure if he was asking her to leave. Deciding to err on the side of caution, she stooped and set the shorts at the top of the stairs, straightening and wiping her hands nervously on her yoga pants. She backed up a few steps and then turned back to the house.

A bark rang out across the yard and Bella turned to see the russet animal several steps closer, watching her intensely.

The grey wolf chose that moment to lunge to his paws with a yowling cry. Jacob's wolf turned back to the cub with a warning snarl but the cub ignored him, shimmying sideways and trying to advance - his eyes locked on Bella.

Crossing the porch, she sat down slowly on the top step, hoping it relieved some stress for the poor beast. However, it just made him seem more determined to get to her. His Alpha had turned all the way around, putting his big body between them and the cub tipped his muzzle to the sky with a long howl.

It was answered by others in the distance.

Jacob's wolf advanced, nipping at the beast's side and the cub yelped, finally dropping to his belly while long whines were milked from his throat.

Upset, Bella wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted to comfort him so badly, but she certainly didn't want to get in the way of things she didn't understand.

With another snapping growl, the russet Alpha, turned and sighted Bella. And then started dancing toward her across the grass. Halfway across the yard, the animal reared up and seamlessly into Jacob's human form with lambent amber eyes. In the next step the black outer ring started contracting down to the size of a human's iris. By the time Jacob was almost to the stairs, they were flickering like lightning. He stopped at the bottom of the steps and blinked soundly to human black.

Bella processed that fascinating part of his transformation in the back storeroom of her brain because the rest of it was 200% occupied by the fact that he was…

_Naked_.

His muscles rippled over his rain-slicked toffee torso with each fluid stride that made bulky thighs bunch and flex. Tall, broad shoulders, narrow hips, muscular legs – he was perfectly proportioned which meant he was also amazingly well-endowed. Desire instantly rose to meet him like a tsunami, rushing over her and making the blood pool heavily between her thighs. Her body had missed his so much.

Jacob shoved a hand through his hair and the movement made Bella's brain snap into gear along with her slack jaw shut. With her heart beating in her cheeks, she looked up to an infuriatingly roguish smirk.

"Shorts?"

With a disgusted sound in the back of her throat, Bella snapped her eyes closed and grabbed the clothes beside her, thrusting them blindly out to him. He took them with an incidental (or not) brush of heat over her fingers. The touch was like a match to Napalm blood and she shuddered as she yanked her hand back.

_Holy shit._ _Who_ was the pervert? Jedi was nothing but a cub and she'd basically eye-fucked his Alpha in front of him. Slapping a hand over her eyes she huffed out a defeated sigh (and then peeked between her fingers at that delicious pert ass). In spite of all the ponderous uncertainty, hard-core trauma and emotionality of the last two weeks, Bella's body had obviously decided to stage a mutiny.

"You have to Phase back to go to her."

At the sound of his velvet bass, Bella opened her eyes to Jacob, now clothed in shorts and talking to the wolf cowering in the grass.

"_Get control of your wolf_, Jedidiah," he intoned. "She's a _woman_, she needs to comfort you in human skin."

With that Jacob turned back to the house and strode to the steps while the grey wolf pranced and shimmied on his paws with whines.

Bella's chagrinned eyes, dropped to the steps as he climbed them and then sat down beside her at the top. Lowering his feet two steps, he propped his forearms on his thighs in a way that made his arm brush lightly against hers.

Chin still tucked she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye to see if it was on purpose. She couldn't tell – for all intents and purposes, he was intently watching the agitated wolf in the yard.

But then, keeping his eyes carefully trained straight ahead, he leaned toward Bella ever-so-slightly and drew in a long pointed breath.

"Mmm," he crooned.

Bella frowned at him. She knew he could smell her wayward hormones - he was teasing her?

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye with a devilish hitch to his lips.

"Jerk," she jabbed a petulant elbow into his side.

It dislodged a hot fudge brownie chuckle. "You shoulda seen your face," he laughed under his breath.

Scowling now, Bella crossed her arms over her chest and sat up a little more. And then it hit her - her mouth popped open with an inadvertent gasp. The exchange had felt so incredibly natural that she hadn't realized that it wasn't natural in the least for them these days.

Blinking, she turned to him in surprise.

Jacob ignored her but just continued to stare across the lawn. "He's so stubborn," he murmured as if to himself. "Strong. He'll make a good leader someday."

Bella cocked her head. "Like you?"

Abruptly Jacob's face contorted into a fierce grimace that bared his teeth.

For a second she thought she'd overstepped her bounds, but then Bella followed his fiery gaze out to the lawn where the wolf had taken a few steps toward them.

"I'm going to have to force it," Jacob sighed, pushing off the stairs.

Bella watched him jog out to the cub who immediately flattened his ears and dropped to the ground.

"You want her so bad, but you can't change, huh?" Jacob murmured to the animal as he squatted down.

Bella's brow furrowed as she leaned over her lap – it was almost like he was talking about himself. Come to think of it, he was making the same ultimatums to Jedi that she'd made to his wolf. Bella shook her head, propping elbows on her knees and resting her chin on her knuckles trying to figure it out.

Jacob reached out and grabbed the wolf's jaw. Even though it was only about half the size of his own animal, the beast was still huge. Jacob brought that snout up to his nose, looking deeply into the wolf's eyes.

"Phase," he intoned, deep and low. Bella could taste the compulsion in the air like a coming storm.

Slowly – agonizingly slowly – the animal started to transform. Fur slipped away from skin and bones reformed while the animal yelped and whined. Midway between forms, there was silence and then the wails of boy pierced the heavy morning. He groaned and whimpered as his human form solidified and Jacob pulled free the shorts hanging from his own waistband and tossed them decorously over the man's hips.

Finally Jedi lay panting on his side, his brow furrowed in pain.

"Shh," he murmured. "All done." Jacob smoothed a hand tenderly over his sweaty forehead.

_Kind. Caring. Gentle._ The Jacob she'd known.

This was what Emily had been talking about.

"The boy's worn out," he called over his shoulder. "He needs to eat."

Alarmed, Bella's bolted up from the stairs. "I'll get him some food."

Jacob nodded curtly. He watched her with emotionless eyes as she stepped up to the porch, backing up to the door. Biting her lip, she turned around and pulled open the screen.

She hustled into the house, reeling and disoriented. She couldn't think about it right now – she had to just keep going. And her adrenaline was running unnaturally high, as Tiffany said it would.

Their breakfast was still half-eaten on the table, but there was little left on the serving dishes. Opening the refrigerator, she pulled out the bag from Emily's last night and brought it to the counter. She opened several cabinets before she found a plate but she found the silverware drawer the first try.

Remembering how Jedi had eaten at Lupper, she piled the plate high with mostly protein and starches. She reached up to pop open the microwave-…

"Bella."

A bass murmur made her whip around to Jacob in the doorway, holding up a wilting Jedi at his side.

"Don't bother heating it. He won't even notice," Jacob said as she crossed toward them, painting on her best smile for the boy who stumbled out from under Jacob's arm. Wide manic eyes locked on her, he took several steps toward her and then stopped himself, panting raggedly.

"Hey, you did it," Bella reached up a hand to his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into it for a moment, rubbing he jaw against the heel of her hand. Slowly heavy arms snaked around her, wrapping her into his body and melting over her with hitching whimpers like he was crawling into bed after a 36 hour day.

"Careful," Jacob growled. Bella realized he was standing directly behind the boy.

With soft whines pooling in the back of his throat, Jedi snuffled frenetically over her hair. Bella closed her eyes as he surveyed her face, temple, jaw with sniffing nuzzles that became more agitated until he buried his face in her neck. He was sweaty and trembling like a leaf.

"C'mon honey," Bella soothed, pushing him gently away and looking up into those desperate bloodshot eyes. "Let's eat. I haven't finished my breakfast."

He nodded limply and his hands fell to his sides. Bella wrapped her arm around his waist, urging him the few steps to the chair where Jacob had set the plate of leftovers. Bella made the pretenses of helping him down into his seat – he was over twice her size – while big brown eyes stayed pinned to her like he was afraid she'd disappear.

Face drawn in concern, Bella smoothed his sweaty hair back from his face over and over, trying to soothe that desperation and finally he closed his eyes, with a sweet little hum. Smiling softly, she leaned in and place a kiss on his temple.

"Eat," she murmured over his hairline and then playfully flicked his nose.

Jedi's eyes popped open with a boy's smile in that man's face and then his eyes snapped to the food like she'd given him a direct order that he was taking very seriously.

Whether she had or not, it was somehow comforting to _her_ to watch him attack the food with gusto.

Glancing up with a residual smile softening her lips, she saw that Jacob had taken his plate from his place and was behind them now - hips leaning back against the counter, one foot propped over the other - and watching her with unfathomable eyes.

She couldn't tell if he was pleased, impatient or pissed as hell.

Dropping her gaze uncomfortably, Bella sat down at her place, angling her chair toward where Jedi was shoving another monster bite into a full mouth. Good thing she'd thought to give him a serving spoon.

Pulling her feet up under her to sit cross-legged on the chair, she picked up her own fork, pausing for a moment to watch the impressive force of nature that was a wolf vs. food.

Feeling eyes on her, she glanced up again and caught Jacob's stare before it was quickly snatched away. He brusquely ferried his own last monster bite up to stoic lips.

" 'You want the rest Jake?" she asked. When black eyes darted up, she jerked her chin toward the serving dishes on the table.

He nodded, chewing his mouthful with the air of just waiting until he could swallow it into his own hunger. Come to think of it, the fact that breakfast had lasted this long for _any wolf_ had to be some kind of world record.

And a testament to how hard things were for Jacob too.

Jedi didn't so much as glance up from where he was hunched over his plate like the starving animal he was as she reached over him. She peeled back the wrap from all three plates and scraped potatoes and egg onto the one with the bacon. She ferried them all across the kitchen, depositing the dirty ones in the sink on her way to hand Jacob his.

He set his empty on the counter behind him and then turned back to her. With eyes that were intense and full of secrets, he wordlessly took the dish from her hand.

She gave him a smile anyway and then glanced over her shoulder at where Jedi was about to cross the finish line already. Grabbing up the containers of turkey and ham from the counter, she returned and set them on the table in front of the wolf.

Bella collapsed back into her seat and pulled her feet under her again, picking up her fork and turning her attention to her plate while she listened to Jedi's soft grunts and gulps.

She skewered a potato thoughtfully. There was something miraculously curative about being able to comfort Jedi and watch him feed his hunger. About filling his need.

Somehow, the confusion, trauma, uncertainty of the last two weeks seemed to order itself and fall a little more into place – it wasn't just about herself anymore.

She was Pack.

No matter how much she was hurting and broken and tired, she was inextricably connected to those around her. By focusing on the needs of others in a Pack that took care of one another - by giving instead of desperately searching for what she lacked - she _got_ exactly what she needed: place, purpose, protection.

Love.

If only she'd let herself receive it.

She took a bite, her eyes idly watching as Jedi seamlessly pushed his empty plate aside and pulled the Tupperware of ham in front of him. She silently returned to her food and ate measured bite after bite, not really tasting it, while her mind spun freely in this grotto haven that had been created in the middle of the storm.

"Mwhat's thwis?"

Bella looked up to see Jedi restored enough that he'd picked up the sand dollar in the midst of chewing a ginormous mouthful and loading the next bite.

"A sand dollar?" Bella raised her brow. "A seashell." For some reason her eyes darted across the room to find Jacob leaning back against the counter in the same place, but now with a glass of milk in his hand. Frankly she'd gotten so lost in her thoughts, she'd forgotten he was there.

He took a sip from the glass, watching her over the rim with those unreadable eyes.

"I _know_ that," he laughed in that defensively cocky way children do. He set it down on the table, turning to her with much clearer eyes. He picked up the glass of milk that had magically appeared on the table while she had checked out and washed it down.

Setting the half-empty glass back down, he gasped. "Why is it on your _table_?" he clarified.

"You don't have one on _your_ table?" Bella pursed theatrical lips, setting down her fork. "I thought everyone did."

She fooled him for a moment and then his face broke out in a grin.

Bella still had half a plate because Jacob had given her way too much. She glanced across the kitchen to find him watching – of course – and she raised her brow with a little point to the dish.

He nodded, crossing the kitchen as she held it out and answered the boy.

"Well I like them because they remind me of good times when I was a girl," she told Jedi.

Jacob took the plate from her hand and then stalked back to his station at the counter and Bella absently watched him go. "When Jake and I were little," she turned back to the boy-man. "We used to collect them down at the beach."

Jedi craned over his shoulder at his Alpha who was pointedly ignoring them both by giving a little too much attention to Bella's left-overs.

"Usually I'd stay over at his place when we spent the day at the beach," she continued, and Jedi whipped back around. "We'd break them open on his kitchen table. Have you ever broken one open?"

Jedi nodded, taking another bite – he was finally slowing down now.

"You know they say those little pieces are doves," her eyes fell to the seashell and she pulled it across the table. "We used to 'free them' and line them up on the table and act out stories with them," she chuckled at the memory while she stroked a finger over the shell.

She looked back up to Jedi's serious eyes – it wasn't the right expression for the story and she wondered what he was thinking.

"Anyways," she sniffed, pushing the shell back to the middle of the table. "Just silly things you do when you're little."

He nodded absently and his gaze fell to the dish as he took an unenthusiastic bite.

Bella rearranged herself in her chair, letting one foot drop to the floor as she propped her elbow on the table. Movement in her periphery made her glance across the kitchen to where Jacob poured himself another glass of milk from the carton on the counter. He lifted the glass to his lips, his eyes cutting over at her like black diamond blades.

It stung and she didn't understand what was going on – was he mad she'd told Jedi that story?

With a sigh she returned her gaze to the boy now pushing food around in a Tupperware with his spoon.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked him quietly.

He nodded weakly, keeping his eyes trained on his food.

Brow furrowing in concern, Bella's hand slithered across the laminate to touch his arm and watched chills race over his skin. "What's wrong, honey?" she whispered.

Head tucked, Jedi pressed his lips together as he shook his head slowly.

Bella tugged gently on his arm. "Talk to me," she pled softly. "You spent all that energy un-wolfing to spend some time with me, didn't you?"

He barked a laugh and looked up at her with a grin. "Un-wolfing."

Bella grinned – she'd hoped that would get his attention.

With a sigh, he pushed the container away from him and his eyes fell back to the shell. His hand reached out and pulled it toward him.

"Jedi?" she whispered, rubbing over his bulky forearm.

He tapped his finger over the star in the middle of the shell. "I saw what she did to you," he mumbled.

Bella's eyes ballooned in horror. "You were there?"

Jedi glanced up from under his lashes with a minute shake of his head. "I was with the imprints," he whispered. "I saw it through my brothers."

Bella's brow furrowed in pain – even if he weren't physically there, he _was_ there - only 14 and exposed to such violence. She glanced across the kitchen at where Jacob's head was bowed over his glass of milk. At 16 he'd been exposed things no boy should see either. They'd all been born to such a cruel and heavy fate.

"I c-couldn't-…"

At the hoarse break in his voice, Bella's eyes snapped back to where Jedi's head was tucking down to his chest. He sniffled and Bella gripped his arm fiercely.

"We c-couldn't protect you-…" he rasped brokenly.

Glass shattered across the room, and Bella's head whipped around to milk sprayed over the floor. Jacob let the remaining shards of glass tinkle to the floor as he stalked toward the door without so much as a glance. His face was hard and hateful, the muscles hitching on either side of his nose with a suppressed snarl.

Bella turned back to the table, bowing her head with the weight of her own emotion as he passed behind her with a whip of wind.

Jedi had glanced up at his Alpha's departure but – like before at Emily's, he was strangely oblivious to what was going on around him when Bella was in the mix. His gaze returned to the sand dollar and he placed his palm over it while his breath continued to hitch with dry tears.

Bella took a deep breath, stroking his arm. "There was nothing you could have done, Jedi," she soothed, knowing the words were empty but not quite sure what he needed.

He glanced up with eyes that were liquid torture. "I couldn't protect my mom either," he whispered.

Bella's heart stopped while her eyes paced between his. It had never really hit her just how similar his situation was to Jacob's.

"No you couldn't," she whispered. "And you know in your mind that's not your fault. Or your father leaving. But in your heart it still feels like it, huh?"

Jedi nodded miserably.

"It takes time to heal, Jedi," she told him quietly. "And you can't bring your mom back by trying to be perfect."

"I don't want to lose you too," he quavered, his voice catching in his throat. Sitting in front of her might be a man who was valiantly trying to hold himself together, but it was a child's innocence starting back from those tearing eyes.

Bella licked her lips while her heart tried to chew its way out of her chest to get to the suffering before her. In this room… in the other. Here she had a chance to speak to them both.

"I'm not going anywhere," she murmured. "But sometimes life is unfair. Things are still going to happen that hurt."

"You were _crying_," he croaked, his voice breaking up with grief. "We couldn't help you. We're supposed to protect – it's what we're made to do." His words were eerily the thoughts of a collective, of a unit of individuals, each who had internalized the pain.

Maybe she had a chance here to speak to the Pack too.

"Jedi, _no one_ is perfect." she told him firmly as she scooted her chair around closer, letting both feet to the floor. "There is no way for _anyone_ to be perfect. Because the _world_ isn't perfect – it's a scary unpredictable place that's unfair sometimes. You have no control over that. The only thing can do is do your best with who you are in that moment."

"Best isn't good enough," he muttered.

"The best is all anyone has," Bella whispered. "And sometimes it's not very good," she sighed and rubbed her face with her palms. "Like right now, I'm scared and tired and confused… but I want to help you so badly. I'm worried I won't have the right thing to say."

Jedi's eyes snapped to hers. "You do," he breathed.

"All I can do is my best," she told him quietly.

A big brown hand crept over the table and slipped over hers while he searched her face with that aching empathy. It reminded her so much of how Jacob used to be.

"We're Pack - we do our best _together_," Bella asked him with a raise of a brow. "That includes me, right?"

"Yes!" he scowled.

"Well, guess what? That means I share in the pain too. And the way I see it," she pursed her lips, turning her hand over and clasping his. "It hurt and was sucky, but I was pretty kick-ass at getting those leeches right where you wanted them. You tore those bastards to shreds," she grinned. "And I'd go through it all again if I had to, to make sure they didn't hurt anyone else."

Jedi's brow furrowed as his eyes darted back and forth between hers.

Bella squeezed his hand. "It was a mistake, but everything turned out okay," she whispered. "And there are going to be other mistakes and things that are hard."

Jedi's head bowed back over the table he processed, squeezing her hand with unthinking bursts. Anguish continued to draw lines in that innocent face.

"You need to forgive yourself," Bella whispered. "And let it go."

Jedi rolled his lips. "I don't know how," he breathed.

"Oh-ho-ho," she snorted in the roof of her mouth, lightening things up a little. "It's the hardest freaking thing in the world, let me tell you."

The boy looked up at her with a lupine cock of his head.

"There's something I did that took me _so long_ to forgive myself for and it _still_ hurts like a-..." she just felt weird swearing in front of a technically 14 year old. "It still hurts a lot."

"What?" his forehead crumpled.

Bella released his hand, sitting back a little and leaning both elbows on the table. "When I was younger," she began and then heaved out a sigh. "There was a time I was so wrapped up in my own emotional crap that I totally screwed over my best friend."

She squeezed her eyes closed – even thinking about it still smarted. "He needed me and I was so selfish, I couldn't even see how much pain he was in."

Her eyes popped open and she met Jedi's attentive chocolate puppy-dog eyes. "In fact, I was a total _jerk_ to him," she grimaced. "I did the _one thing_ that would hurt him the most."

Jedi turned a little more toward her in his chair. "What was it?"

Bella wrinkled her nose. "That's private."

The wolf's eyes swept thoughtfully across the table for a moment and then returned. "Did he forgive you?"

Bella drew in a deep breath. "I don't know," she shook her head sadly. "But the only thing I can do is forgive _myself_. Otherwise, if I sit around hating myself for it, I'll be so wrapped up in that, that I'll make the same mistake again."

She reached out to the sand dollar and pulled it toward her. "And I'd never be able to appreciate how much I have now," she told the shell. "I have the Pack, my family," she paused looking up at the boy. "_You_."

His face lit up in a beautiful smile.

"I have people I love who care about me," she told him passionately. "I want to make sure I treat them right."

Jedi nodded slowly. "I forgive you," he declared with a sweet jut of his chin.

Bella smiled. "Thank you," she whispered, her fingers blindly fiddling with the seashell. "I forgive you too. Do you forgive yourself?"

Jedi's face crumpled as his eyes fell blindly to the table. He licked his lips. "I don't know," he whispered.

"Truthful," Bella purse her lips appreciatively. "Well tell me this: if you had been attacked by a bloodsucker and it was _me_ that was the wolf - who maybe tired - and got there late, would you hate me?"

"No!" his eyes snapped back to her with a scowl. "You didn't know the leech was coming. You couldn't help it," he huffed out a sigh. "I'd forgive you."

"See?" she raised her brow. "You need to love _yourself_ like that. Get it?"

The boy blinked, his face growing thoughtful… and confused.

"Honey," she reached out to his hand again. "Just like your mom, only time is going to make it feel better." She paused, and then laughed lightly, grabbing a handful of her curls with her free hand. "Just like my hair - it'll just take time to grow back. It will take time for your heart to heal too."

Jedi nodded distractedly and then his eyes slipped down to their entwined hands. He lifted a finger and traced it over the side of her arm… then over the bite mark scar on her wrist.

Bella flinched - she was so used to it, she forgot about it now. She hadn't thought about it but especially with Pack mind Jedi must know about its history… and hers.

The fact that he didn't judge her for it hit her in the heart - kind of like a sledgehammer - and suddenly tears were seeping up the back of her throat. Apparently even the forgotten scars were still healing. Bella was pretty sure at this point that it was a lifetime process.

Sucking in a breath, Jedi looked up at her again. "Thank you," he whispered.

Wiping at her watery eyes, she nodded. "Thank _you_," she sniffled juicily. "You helped me figure out a bunch of things too. I feel tons better."

"Really?" he smiled with such transparent pleasure that Bella threw herself around the table and wrapped him in a hug.

"Really," she murmured in his ear. "We're Pack, right?"

He squeezed her back with a hitching sigh.

Pulling back, Bella looked into his eyes, smoothing his hair away from his forehead. "Ready to go home and rest?" she asked.

He nodded and stood, now towering over her and instantly changing the dynamic with his sheer size. He put a hand at the small of her back as she turned from him in the protective way a young man would instead of a boy. Somehow he was both.

"Let's see if we can find that Alpha of yours, huh?" she grinned up at him.

"He's in the living room," Jedi replied - like it was the most obvious fact in the world. "Do you want me to help clean up first?"

Bella glanced at the kitchen full of dirty dishes – complete with a milk-splattered cabinet and a floor littered with glass. "I got it," she shook her head. "You obviously don't have much experience with me and kitchens. I'm kind of a control freak."

Jedi barked a boyish laugh. "That's what Paul says."

Bella squinted up at him. "Does he now?" she flared her nostrils. "Well tell him I think _he's_ just a freak."

"Not a fat freak?" he asked deadpan, showcasing some of that awesome dorky humor she'd caught last week.

"Even better," she leered.

They walked out into living room to find Jacob Black indeed reclining on the easy chair with the footrest up. His eyes were closed and by all accounts he should look relaxed.

He looked anything but.

As if on cue, intense eyes snapped open, instantly focused in hers like something from a horror film.

"Are you finished," he bit out quietly, his face expressionless wrought iron.

It was sort of like having a bucket of liquid nitrogen poured over her head after the heartwarming discussion in the kitchen. She'd hoped he'd be listening too. Obviously he'd only heard.

Tipping her chin petulantly she stared back at him for a moment. "My heart's still beating, so not yet," she told him crisply. "Are you taking him home?"

Jacob nodded curtly, and pulled the chair back down, flowing out of it in one smooth move.

Bella turned up to Jedi. "Get some sleep honey," she smiled, refusing to let his killjoy Alpha ruin this moment. "Thanks for hanging out."

He bent down and pulled her into a hug. "Love you," he whispered. That right there was more than enough reward for half an hour of torture.

"Love you too, honey," she murmured.

Jedi released her and with a glance at where Jacob was already opening the front door, Bella turned back to the kitchen to pick up all the shards of broken glass.

'

'

Charlie wouldn't let her carry the grocery bags. Arms full, he followed her into Jacob's house and set them on the counter.

"Thanks so much, Dad," Bella watched him with a smile – he'd paid for everything.

What had been a relaxing afternoon of family and friends was still going strong: Sue was cooking and Leah and Josiah, Talia and Seth and the Lahotes were getting ready for dinner but Bella had bagged out.

Charlie had taken her to get groceries and then brought her home after trying to convince her otherwise. He was still trying.

" 'You sure don't want to come back and have dinner?" he asked.

Pursing her lips, Bella nodded as she glanced around the kitchen. "Yeah, I need some quiet time," she sighed. Because she did - she was worn both emotionally and physically to the bone. "And I'm looking forward to some cooking time au-solitaire."

Charlie's critical gaze swept the humble but functional kitchen. "I guess it'll do," he harrumphed. "For a week or two," he added with flare of his nostrils, his eyes returning to hers.

She was still pretty sure Charlie had a shoot-to-kill order out on Jacob, but spending time with him and the family today had chilled her father out a little. Even if she wasn't quite up to par, he'd seen she was doing better and that was good enough for him.

For now.

Bella smiled and stepped in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her fiercely.

"At least I know you're safe," he grumbled into her hair.

She pulled back, with a cock of her brow. "No place safer than the Alpha's den," she snorted.

"You, uh.." he cleared his throat. "Got your own room an' everything."

Smothering her smile, she nodded.

"Well," he rubbed his hands on his jeans, looking around again.

A car horn beeped and he scowled toward the front of the house. "Damn Lahote," he spat. "How Billy puts up with that boy is beyond me." Apparently Jacob had an Alpha order on the books that a wolf had to be with her every minute she was away from his house.

Bella laughed. "Good thing he doesn't own a gun," she grinned.

"Yeah, right?" he snorted, cutting his eyes over at his daughter.

Bella linked her arm through his and started walking him toward the front of the house.

"So, you call me if anything gets too-…"

"I will, Dad."

"Any time of the night, y'hear?" he pressed.

"I will, Dad."

"And keep that damn phone on you," he grumbled.

"I _will_, Dad," she sighed.

Charlie turned around at the door. "Look I know I'm bein'-…" He huffed, wiping his palm over his mustache as his eyes darted off to the side.

"Well I'm sure you don't have any trouble fillin' in that blank," he sniffed, returning to her eyes and putting his hands on her shoulders. "But I'm worried about you, baby."

He searched her face for a moment. "Josi's so good with Lee. Patient. Gentle… y'know…" He barked a laugh. "And we all know Leah's more of a handful than he's got hands."

Bella smiled.

"But I wanna see you with someone like that who can treat you right," he whispered, pulling her into a hug. " 'Specially right now… after what you went through," his voice cracked and Bella squeezed him tighter.

"Seth-…" he sniffled and pulled her head tighter against his shoulder with a palm. "I made 'em tell me," he rasped hoarsely.

This was too much for her right now – she'd never in her life seen her father break down like this.

"Dad," she whispered. "I'm fine."

"No you ain't," he pulled back and peered into her face with watery bloodshot eyes. "Not yet."

He wiped his nose with an impatient hand. "You're strong, Bells," he told her fiercely. "But you gotta have someone you can be weak with too."

Bella blinked rapidly at such a profound statement from her father. He was sharp as nails, but not usually philosophical.

Drawing in a breath, Bella nodded. "That used to be Jake," she whispered.

"_Not anymore_," Charlie pressed – it sounded like he was begging.

It was painful to make her father hurt and worry, but there was so much more going on than he knew – Pack, position, all Jacob had been through. She realized, in the end she'd choose him every time.

She wished to God she had the first time.

Brows knitting, she looked into her father's agonized face. "I'm going to give it time," she whispered slow but firm, pleading with her eyes. "I need you to be okay with that."

Charlie closed his eyes as he inhaled sharply through his nose. Releasing the breath in a sigh, he opened his eyes on a slow nod. "Okay, baby," he breathed.

And then pulled her into another tight hug.

"Love you so much," she whispered into his flannel shirt.

"Me too," he choked

Another honk shattered the dusk and her father pulled back with a literal snarl. "I'm gonna kill 'em," he announced.

Bella smothered her smile. "Billy will love you forever."

"Already does," he grinned. "Cause I got tickets to the Seahawks game next month."

"Oh, joy." Bella intoned with a roll of her eyes, opening the door. But she _was_ overjoyed that they'd patched up their differences and rekindled their friendship. At least someone had.

"Love you," he leaned down and placed a peck on her cheek and then strode out on the porch.

"LAHOTE!" he bellowed. "What the _hell_ do you think -…!"

Laughing softly, Bell shut the door. What she wouldn't pay to be a fly on the dashboard of that ride home.

She shook her head as she wandered back to the kitchen. It had been relaxing – for the most part – to be around family, but it required energy. Not the level of energy of being "on" for the Pack, but she still felt raw and overly sensitive to every emotion, need and sound around her.

So, it was nice to be alone.

With a sigh, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket and collapsed on "her" chair at the kitchen table. She stuck her legs out, leaning back and sliding down until her head hit the metal. For several moments she just stared at the ceiling, listening to the swish of rain outside over the softening day.

She still had no idea which way was up. Or forward.

But _down_ she did know.

She hated that everything was centered around Jacob, but it was. Leah had had quite a few choice things to say about him and so did Rachel, but luckily – because she was still obviously so fragile – they only spoke a few of them aloud.

The rest screamed in their eyes. That part was exhausting.

Surprisingly Paul (and not so surprisingly, Seth) ran interference for her and steered the girls away from anything to do with their now-infamous Alpha. She appreciated that the women were just showing their solidarity, but ever since she'd become part of the Pack, even that had changed. Leah and Rachel didn't seem to understand.

Especially after the shock and violence of the week, she could feel loyalties dividing and she _needed_ to keep the Pack together; it was her duty and one she found herself happy to fulfill. _More_ than happy…in fact, it was a _need_ lodged deep in her soul – central and essential to the wellbeing (if not survival) of not only her but countless others.

Helping Jedi this morning had really hit that home.

Something about children – even ones trapped in 18 year old bodies – made even the most complex things crystal clear: she was part of a Pack. They accepted each other, did their best together, made mistakes together and loved one another through them. Jacob may never be the friend or lover she needed, but he'd always be the one she'd love the best.

She knew all she _needed_ was him to be _whole_.

Today, it looked like that– as long and tedious process as it would be – the potential was actually there.

Huffing out a sigh, she brought up her smartphone and scrolled through the apps. Finding Pandora she turned on hmm… how about the Sarah McLaughlin station? She needed something to sooth her soul.

Turning up the volume she set the cell on the table and pushed out of the chair with a groan.

As the music wove a haven around her and the rain fell outside, Bella put away her groceries. She found a cabinet that was mostly unused and stacked all her dry goods (read: junk food) and commandeered a little shelf in the refrigerator. She didn't want to be too invasive. In other words, Paul was right and she was absolutely no-doubt-about it a control freak in the kitchen, but since it wasn't her kitchen she was keeping her domain contained.

Warmed up and ready, she changed back into bare feet, yoga pants and a tee shirt and got down to business.

She was making something fast and simple: chicken, brown rice pilaf and vegetables. She didn't know if Jacob was planning on making an appearance (doubted it) but was cooking enough for him anyway to pay him back for breakfast (which meant she was cooking for a family of eight).

It was fun and exactly what she needed.

Bella happily sang along (off tune) to a Sara Bareilles song while she finished rinsing off one of the cooking pans. She gazed out over the forest infused by the rain and milky twilight, deciding it was really nice to have a window over the sink. The timer went off, and she turned off the water and wiped her hands on the dish rag and padded over to the oven. She hadn't found any pot holders, so she used a dishrag to pull out the pyrex of chicken.

Setting it on the stovetop, she lifted the lid of the pilaf and fluffed it with a fork and then turned to the refrigerator to get the yogurt sauce while the song switched on Pandora. Closing the door she turned around and squeaked, almost dropping her yogurt.

Arms crossed, Jacob was leaning in the doorway. He frowned in concern and pushed off the frame, taking a step toward her.

And it was then Bella realized her heart was racing so fast she was dizzy. Tiffany said it was normal to have an exaggerated startle reflex for some time after the trauma but that didn't make it feel any better.

It made her feel vulnerable. Fragile.

Swallowing, she clasped the container to her chest, her gaze dropping to the floor between them.

Jacob reacted to her body language and took a step back into the doorway, returning to his original position as she looked up sheepishly.

"Um, I-…" she began hoarsely and cleared her throat. "I made dinner."

He nodded minutely, watching her with those stoic eyes. He would have looked adorable if he'd had a fucking expression on his face - barefoot with tousled jaw-length hair and dressed in a white tee shirt and long flannel sleep pants. Actually, it seemed somehow very intimate even though it was far more clothing than he usually wore.

Tucking her chin and hiding behind her handy hair, Bella turned back to the stove.

"I made enough for you to have some if you want," she added as casually as she could. "Now or later… I'll pack it up in the fridge so help yourself."

With that, she set the yogurt on the counter and pulled down a plate and set it down on the counter.

A fingertip brushing over the bone at the nape of her neck made her freeze, a breath of surprise hissing through her teeth. They were all so quick and silent.

Glancing over her shoulder, she saw he was stepping up slowly behind her, eyes focused on his hand – a thoughtful warning before he neared.

Bella turned back around and closed her eyes into a touch that leached warmth through her skin and into her blood. It slowed the beat of her heart.

Gentle but calloused, his finger traced slowly around the bone in her neck as his forest scent was born on the wash of heat from his body.

"I like your hair like this," he whispered, stepping in so close she could hear the long lazy sniff that drew in her scent.

His leaned down over her and bumped his jaw gently against her head, the stubble catching in softly in her hair. A sound somewhere between a hum and a sigh slipped from the back of his throat as he rubbed against her and Bella leaned into him.

Drawing in a shaking inhale, Jacob pulled away and his hand slipped up to her left shoulder. His thumb and forefinger gently pulled her shirt to the side.

Bella sucked in a breath of surprise.

"Shh," he soothed as he slowly leaned down, giving her time to settle.

Instinct made her tip her head to the side.

Warm moist lips pressed against the scar on her back, tender, chaste. It made her heart beat like a velvet drum and every nerve melt in place with a sigh. It had nothing to do with fiery desire or holocaust pain. It had everything to do with comfort.

Acceptance.

The intimate cling of skin to skin crinkled in her ear as Jacob pulled his lips away and straightened. Careful hands urged her around and a palm slipped under her chin coaxing it up.

Bella's eyes fluttered open to Jacob's bottomless gaze, open clear down to all the confusion, fear and damage. Pupils quivering from the sting of daylight, his eyes looked like a gutted building charred by flame.

He licked his lips and then in slow motion they caressed over each whispered word:

"I... forgive... you."

Her breath stalled in her breast - she'd longed to hear that from those lips so long. It was the most precious gift she'd ever been given.

"Thank you," she mouthed silently as her eyes filled with tears.

Unhurried eyes washed over her face for a moment as his thumb stroked her cheek. With a final caress he closed his eyes and his hand left her chin to slip around to the nape of her neck. He pulled her in for a kiss to her hairline.

Then he let her go.

Jacob took a step away and turned to the counter, pausing with his chin tucked while he rolled his lips. Then he drew in a breath through his nose and reached up to the cabinet.

Wiping her eyes, Bella watched him pull out a plate. Taking his silent cue as a plea, her hands picked up her own plate and started serving herself while she reveled in a feeling she had no words to describe. She'd never felt it before.

Maybe it was peace.

Filling her plate, she turned wordlessly to the table while Jacob served himself. Even the music had given the moment the silence it had deserved. Clicking on her phone as she sat down, she saw the _"are you still listening?" _banner strung across Pandora's screen.

They were.

Bella sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever was also listening as Jacob took his seat at the other end of the table. As she picked up her fork, she glanced up under his lashes to see him doing the same.

They dropped their eyes at the same time.

For long minutes they ate in silence, only the quite scrapes of metal on ceramic sounding over the whispering rain melting away the lingering daylight in the kitchen. The dimness made them both feel not quite so naked.

Looking up from her meal, she watched him, leaning over one elbow with his head bowed over his food, as he shoveled it mechanically into his mouth.

"Did you meet with the Council?" she asked quietly.

Keeping his eyes trained on his plate, he subtly shook his head as he chewed.

Bella pressed her lips together, wishing she knew what he needed right now. Blinking she scanned the table and realized they had nothing to drink – that was something she could give him at least.

Bella got up and crossed to the refrigerator. She took out two beers and returned to the table, offering one to Jacob on her way back by him.

He took it, looking up with black eyes that looked different somehow – some of the tightness in the corners had evaporated leaving a subtle rawness that looked vulnerable. Lowering her gaze so it wouldn't burn that tender quick, she returned to her seat.

Pulling her feet up under her, she unscrewed the cap and took a sip, glancing over the bottle and watching him do the same with his eyes averted to the table. Bella set the beer down and picked up her fork again.

Movement in her periphery made her glance up at where Jacob pulled the sand dollar toward him. Head tipped down to her plate, she chewed her bite from behind several wayward curls while she watched his gaze wash over the seashell for a moment. Sitting back, he broke it carefully in two with a soft crack.

Without looking up, he set both halves down on the middle of the table, tipping them so sand and the little white pieces tumble out with a wind chime tinkle.

Bella set her fork down.

For a moment, Jacob bit his lip while he watched his finger draw a line through the sand. The expression on his face was private and something she wouldn't disrespect by trying to read.

Flicking his lip out through his teeth, he pulled one of the "doves" free from the pile with the careful fingers of a strong hand. Bella had always loved his hands.

Jacob set it carefully on the edge of the table so it was poised to take flight over the kitchen. Without looking up, his hand slowly withdrew to his side.

"I don't know what's going to happen," he whispered to his plate as he picked up his fork.

Blinking slowly while she listened to her own heartbeat, Bella watched him take a bite. Then her eyes slipped over to the pile of doves and she reached across the table to pull one free with a reverent hand. Bringing it back to her breast, she fingered the little piece of shell for a moment, eyes running over the shape while ethereal thoughts flickered through her mind like apparitions.

"I don't either," she murmured.

Bella reached out and set the dove by his. She nudged it with her fingernail until it was fearlessly facing its flight. She slowly withdrew her hand to her lap and her eyes listed up to find him watching her.

Their eyes locked naturally like two puzzle pieces. The intimacy of it was suffocating.

"I'm scared," she told him quietly.

Jacob stared back at her from behind that unreadable mask then his eyes fluttered closed. He bowed his head and his words joined the whisper of the rain.

"Me too."

'

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'

_Review if you like._


	10. Part X - Precariousness

'

OMG, first of all, I want to apologize for this chapter. It's _ridiculously too long_ but I can't seem to cut any of it and trying to shuffle and edit is going to take too much time. Please forgive me for typos and undisciplined writing.

**A/V: **

**A:** _Music Box_ by Thrice. I have to say it's one of my all-time fave songs. It's brilliant in its yin-yanginess. Eastern progressions and western chords, haunting melodies and hard core metal, rough and soft, angry and yearning.

**V:** I changed out the icon for this fic – I never really liked the other though it showed Jake's creepy smirk. But for me the above picture really captures the emotions of the character in this fic.

**V2:** Capoeira is mentioned here. Search on Youtube for "the best Capoeira video ever" (it's pretty close) if you're interested. A side note, I'm a martial arts gal and I use forms of this art along with the hardness of Krav Maga to inspire lupine fights. Capoeira guys move like wolves.

'

_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

'

'

* * *

**X- Precariousness**

* * *

'

'

Thunder cracked overhead and with a whooping gasp, Bella's eyes popped open to darkness. Kicking free of twisted sheets she frantically scrabbled backward, hitting the headboard so hard it banged against the wall.

Panting raggedly, Bella pressed her back against the wood while her wide eyes darted around the darkness. A flashing pulse of lightning illuminated the guest room and she flinched, cowering back and pulling herself into a ball.

The sky shattered and its shards fell to the earth with a deep bouncing boom. Bella's gaze snapped to the dark window where the storm flung hateful handfuls of rain against the glass.

With a whimper, Bella wrapped her arms around her shivering body and pushed herself to the far edge of the mattress while thunder echoed in the distance. She was soaking wet with sweat.

Dreams of cold hands, red eyes and wolves swimming out to sea clung to the back of her eyelids and she slapped at her salty face, pushing back hair that was stuck in perspiration and tears.

She couldn't even sleep in peace.

Another dazzling flare of light flickered through the room and Bella shrieked, throwing herself from the bed and staggering back against the wall on unsteady feet. Breath heaving, she edged away from the window while she waited for the answering thunder. It rumbled up to a cracking crescendo that whipped her racing heart.

Bella pressed palms against her eyes and then rubbed agitated hands slowly up her face until her fingers were clawing through her hair.

"Get a hold of yourself," she hissed breathlessly to her feet. She drew in a long deep breath and released a shaky exhale.

And then did it again.

And again.

Another boom shook the distance and Bella's eyes popped back open. Sucking a breath through her teeth she snatched her phone off the dresser and clicked it on.

2:11 am.

Hell, she'd finally laid her head down at just a little past one. She tossed the cell back to the dresser and rubbed her face briskly.

She couldn't do this. Not right now.

Swallowing, Bella pushed off the wall and paced across the room, keeping her eyes on the window. She knew she was safer in Jacob's house than she would be anywhere else in the world, but still, something about night and windows and all the broken little pieces of herself had brought her demons out to play.

She paced back across the room, keeping her eyes on the yawning darkness outside – she just couldn't shake the memories. Like she'd watched too many horror films too late at night, any second she kept expecting a ghastly white face with hell in its eyes to pop up with a sinister smile.

This was the first night she hadn't been carried to bed in a semi-coma since the attack and with her healing body no longer demanding all her resources, her damaged mind was making its big debut. She thought she'd fare better against nightmares after an evening that had made eight years of dreams come true:

Jacob had forgiven her.

She wasn't sure what all it had changed, but she was pretty sure it was everything.

Maybe… eventually.

Hugging herself, she rubbed her arms, while she backed up against the door and watched the storm pound the night.

They'd spent the rest of the evening orbiting around one another in the suffocating silence of uncertainty. With covert glances being volleyed between them like a game of badminton over the table, they'd finished eating. Then, without a word, Jacob had started cleaning up. There'd been no leftovers to pack away (to Bella's pleasure) so she'd stood at his side and taken hot clean dishes from his hand to dry them and put away.

When there were no more dishes or excuses left to keep them together, Jacob had mumbled something about patrols and promptly strode out of the kitchen and into the night.

Just like that.

He'd taken that novel sense of peace with him, leaving Bella alone in an empty house with nothing but a yearning heart, haunted mind and a room with a bedside window.

She'd tried to ignore it. She'd spent hours on her computer trying – attempting work, catching up on emails and eventually degrading to trolling wins and vines on Youtube until she could barely keep her eyes open.

Only an hour later, they were open again. She didn't think they'd be closing anytime soon.

Part of her wanted to open this door, creep down the hall, climb into that filthy bed and curl into the heated protection of Jacob's side – if he'd even come back (she'd been listening, but they were all so silent). Yet even if he had, Bella wasn't sure if he was ready for that. She wasn't sure she was either.

They didn't know how to be together anymore.

Another burst of lightening jarred her senses, followed by a low shaking rumble and Bella pressed herself harder against the door.

She couldn't do this right now… she just _couldn't_.

She knew that – whether Jacob was here or not – there was no place safer, but torrential adrenaline was still gushing through her veins. But she also knew that Jacob had a bottle of Scotch hiding in the back of the cupboard beside the sink.

It called to her like an angel, with promises of sweet nothing. Even if she knew old habits were just a siren, luring her to rocky shores, right now she just wanted some more of that peace. She was so tired.

She could have _one_ glass…

Her mouth watered just thinking about it. She could afford a night of comfort – it would help her sleep and tomorrow she could drum up the energy to try again.

Right?

Pushing off the door, Bella slowly smoothed her damp hair back from her face and then tucked it behind her ears with her thumbs.

_Just one._

Drawing in a deep breath, she turned and her hand fell to the cool metal of the doorknob, pausing for a moment. Just having her back to the window made shivers shuttle up her spine and she quickly opened the door, fleeing from her demons out into the still, dark house.

Wrapping her arms around herself she shuffled down the hall to the dark living room. Another flash of lightening jackknifed across the room, illuminating the big easy chair and couch. An ominous crescendo of thunder followed, rolling through the darkness and Bella's heart raced her feet to the kitchen.

She caught herself on the doorway like she'd made it to first base and a blind hand slapped along the wall, searching for the light switch. Her fingers found the cool plastic and flipped it up and the kitchen blinked to cheery life.

Her eyes immediately found the cabinet door behind which she knew hid solace and succor. Her gaze caressed the planes of wood and little brass handle as she crossed the linoleum with more certainty in each step. She delayed the gratification by reaching up to fetch a glass first. Choosing the largest in Jacob's mix-match collection and set it carefully on the counter. Then she squatted down and opened Pandora's door to pull the fat friendly bottle of Dewar's out from behind the pans.

Jacob wouldn't mind – she knew he wouldn't. She could even buy him a new bottle tomorrow. Eyes washing fondly over the label, she stood and set it on the counter.

Rain pelted the window with a whipping wind and thunder rumbled in the distance as Bella's gaze darted out into the darkness – she hadn't even noticed the lightning this time.

Returning her eyes to the half-full bottle and empty glass on the counter before her… she froze.

She'd spent so many nights over the last eight years, kneeling at this same altar, but over the last month she'd only picked up a beer or two when she was hanging with the Pack. She'd come so far…

But _one_ step back wouldn't hurt, would it?

She _needed_ this right now – the numbing, the synthetic peace. Her hand was shaking in anticipation as she unscrewed the metal with its tender scrapes on the glass. Tossing the cap impatiently to the counter, it rolled away as she poured a glass with the soft splash and glug of liquor. The sharp scent of alcohol rose up to relax her body with an almost chemical reaction.

Just like that scent of pine she loved so much.

When amber nearly crested the lip, Bella set the bottle back on the counter with a clack and then quickly wrapped both hands around the glass and brought it up to her lips. She inhaled silently for a moment – eyelids growing heavy - and then tipped a good mouthful over her tongue, nearly groaning at the burn. She swallowed luxuriantly, relishing the way self-destruction slid down her throat like a lover's spit.

_Oh, God, yes._ This is what she'd needed.

With a sigh, she turned with her glass clutched in her hands to lean back against the counter.

To find Jacob standing in the doorway.

Wet hair hanging in spikes over his face, he was dressed only in the sleep pants of earlier. With his unnatural heat, water was evaporating from his crown and rain-slicked shoulders, cutting his form from an ethereal halo.

Deep drill shame welled up, heating her cheeks. The depth of her addiction was something private, something ugly, repulsive and weak.

And in that moment, she was all of those things.

Pushing a hand through his hair, his gaze slipped wordlessly down to the floor between them. He knew it too.

_Fuck, she'd never wanted him to see her like this. _

Bella flipped defensive hair over her face as her eyes dropped to her glass, clutched in desperate hands. Or more accurately, she'd never wanted to see him seeing her like this – his wolf had seen her after a four-day bender. She'd never realized how much energy she'd spent denying that fact until this moment.

Movement in her periphery made her glance up from under her lashes.

Jacob's eyes were trained across the kitchen as he crossed it with that panther's gait. Pulling the glass closer to her chest, she backed away from him as lightning flashed in her periphery. He stopped at the counter and opened a drawer as thunder rumbled in the distance.

Bella didn't know what to do with this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Nervously fingering the rim of her glass, her eyes stayed locked on his hands, watching as they pulled out something long and thin that crinkled.

Turning toward her, Jacob held out a pair of takeout chopsticks. Confusion wrinkled her brow as her gaze ran over his offering and then slipped up a brown arm to dark eyes.

Bella swallowed uncomfortably, squeezing the glass a little tighter.

"Trade you," he whispered.

The muscles under her eyes pushed them into confused half-moons, but there was something irresistible about being offered anything from him. Licking her lips, her hand shook as she tentatively reached out to the handles, fingertips hyper sensitive to the texture of the wood.

Jacob pulled the paper sleeve free and then balled it up in his fist and held out his other hand.

Bella's eyes darted between his while she unconsciously pulled the glass closer. His hand stayed outstretched while he stared back at her with a gaze as neutral as the pressed wood in her hand.

Swallowing in the back of her throat, she slowly ferried the glass out to that steady hand. His fingers slipped over hers on the glass, the prickling heat of skin-to-skin softening nerves and mortification enough that she could actually release it to his grasp.

Bella pulled her hand back to into a fist at her chest as he held her gaze. Russet lips popped open just enough to see a sliver of white, with a latent word or breath – she didn't know. Both dwindled silently as he pressed them together again in a straight line and then turned to the counter.

He paused for a moment, head bowing as his hand slipped around the glass, then he tipped the drink to his lips, swallowing the poison down into his own body with long steady gulps. He set it softly on the counter with a gasp, a brusque fist smeared over his mouth.

Her gaze fell down to the chopsticks as her head tucked in shame and she pushed herself back against the counter. She listened to him screw the metal cap back on the bottle and then pick it up with a slosh. Between embarrassment, wondering if he was mad that she'd stolen his stuff and the way the alcohol had hit her hard, her mind was nothing but a dial tone blur.

Jacob squatted down and replaced the liquor in the cupboard and then stood, taking the two steps to the far side of the counter and opening the cabinet that she'd commandeered. The crisp rustle of plastic heralded a bag of Cheetos being pulled down and set on the counter and finally she understood.

Before Italy and Edward, she and Jacob had been _real_ friends. They'd spent many a late night on the weekends holed up with stupid B movies and a proper supply of junk food (that by its very definition included Cheetos). As neurotic as she was, Bella didn't like to get sticky orange fingers so had devised this brilliant way to get her fix while keeping her hands clean.

Of course, Jacob used to tease her mercilessly.

For some reason tears pounced free from the tangled mess in her chest.

" 'Can't sleep either," he suddenly murmured under his breath as he pulled free two bowls from the cabinet and set them on the counter. "Maybe there's something on TV."

Bella sniffled and wiped her knuckle under her nose as she looked at him out of the side of her eye. She was either taking him too literally or she wondered where the hell he'd been trying to sleep. He'd obviously been outside - his hair was still wet even though the rain had evaporated from his skin.

Jacob poured a generous portion into bowls and then folded the top of the bag down and pulled open a droning drawer. Retrieving a clothespin he clipped the chips closed.

He reached up to put the bag away without a glance her way. "Oreos, too?"

Bella nodded as she pressed her side into the sharp edge of the counter.

His eyes cut over to her and Bella bit her lip and nodded again. He pulled down the cookies, filling another set of bowls while Bella watched a ghostly shadow of the past flicker through her mind's eye, superimposed over this moment like an old stop motion film:

_A boy half this man's size with long hair and a smile that was sunny even past midnight, filling plastic bowls with cookies in Charlie's kitchen. A girl only half as broken sitting on the countertop, kicking her feet while she irreverently critiqued Killer Clowns from Outer Space to the tune of his good-natured laugh. _

Her gaze drifted off to the side, chasing the vision. Those were kinder, simpler days - before imprints and marks, betrayal and monsters.

She wished she could get them back

Bella pressed her lips together as she raised the chopsticks in her hand and she absently broke them in two. Feeling eyes on her, she blinked and looked up to see Jacob with a set of bowls being held by the rims in the pinching fingers of each hand. He tipped his chin toward the door.

Feeling like she was in a daze, Bella turned and shuffled obediently out of the kitchen into the living room. She stood uncertainly behind the couch while Jacob shimmied by her and set the bowls on the coffee table.

Edging her way along the back she rounded the couch, watching him pick up the remote from the entertainment center. He turned the TV on with the hiss of electricity and then idly flipped the device in his hand while he waited for the screen to come to life.

Bella sat at the far end of the couch by the easy chair that faced the television while he watched the cable grid scroll up to the syrupy smooth jazz background.

He absently tapped the remote against the heel of his hand. "Friends?"

At that word, in that velvet bass, Bella's heart stopped and she blinked to attention on the back of his head. His hair was still damp, falling almost to his shoulders.

When she didn't respond, Jacob turned over his shoulder and met her eyes with a raised brow.

Seeing "Friends" typed on the screen behind him - a rerun marathon repeating over the next several blocks in the grid on channel 32 - it suddenly dawned on her that he was talking about the TV show.

Or that, just maybe, he wasn't. She answered him either away.

"Yeah," she told him softly. "Friends is good."

His eyes held hers a heartbeat longer and then he turned back to the set pressing the buttons on the remote with his thumb. The station flickered on the screen with a laugh track already locked in place.

Flipping the remote, he turned and strode back by the coffee table, picking up his bowls and scooting Bella's toward her with a glance.

Her eyes followed him as he sat on the easy chair right in front of her. Setting his snacks on the floor, he reclined the lazy boy and pulled the footrest up. When he looked up at her again, Bella averted her eyes to the bowl of Cheetos on the coffee table and leaned forward.

She grabbed them and pulled her feet up under her, turning to the TV and sitting back against the armrest with another glance his way. He had a bowl of Oreos on his thigh and was lifting a cookie to his lips.

Slowly all the little agitated pieces of her were settling down. So they were just going to marginally ignore each other and kick back and watch stupid reruns like old times?

Bella could live with that.

An unconscious smile curved her lips as she resituated herself on the couch and leaned her shoulder against the back cushion, turning her attention to the sitcom and letting all the confusion and adrenaline and embarrassment evaporate in the distraction.

Ross was getting a spray tan but with slapstick hilarity kept getting dosed on his front. That character was her favorite – the actor had awesome comedic timing. Settling her chopsticks into place, she situated the bowl in the well of her crossed legs and picked up her first Cheeto. She popped it in her mouth with a crunch and chemical cheese exploded, erasing the lingering bitterness from the mouthful of liquor.

'_You might want to get back in there…'_ Bella chuckled as Ross got back into the spray tan booth and stood with his back facing the nozzle. Of course he impatiently turned back around at just the wrong time and got zapped on his front again, flailing and wailing with dorky humor extraordinaire.

"Ba ha ha!" A laugh exploded over her lips, stress being expelled along with a fine spray of neon orange. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she continued to giggle while she surveyed the Cheetos shrapnel littering her knee.

_Oops._

Chagrinned eyes darted over to the huge man, sprawled out on the easy chair beside her. Jacob was watching her out of the corner of his eye while he chewed a mouthful of what looked like three Oreo cookies at once. Black crumbs were clinging to a suppressed smile.

Bella gave him a cheesy grin (literally) and turned back to her lap to pick up the mess.

'

_Buzz-buzz._

Bella groaned, turning more into material that was rough and scratchy.

_Buzz-buzz._

Eyes popped open to grey plaid before Bella bolted upright, bleary gaze careening through full-on daylight washing over Jacob's empty living room.

Over the last three months it seemed like she never waked up in the same place and/or with the same person – or wolf – as she'd fallen asleep.

It was disconcerting.

_Buzz-buzz._

Her eyes snapped to the sound and her phone vibrating on the coffee table beside her. Without a thought in her head, she pushed the blanket laid over her aside and lunged for the device snapping it up in her hand and pressing the button as she brought it to her ear.

"Mwelllo?" she mumbled.

"Swan?"

Leah.

"Think so," Bella croaked. She cleared her throat as she sat back on the couch.

Leah laughed. "You were asleep? Good. Finally got in a lil' payback. Ain't karma a bitch?"

Bella groaned throwing herself back down to the couch. "Don't I know it," she spat, sleepy churlishness sharpening the words.

"Pwoor Bwaby," Leah crooned sarcastically

"I couldn't fall asleep until after four," Bella complained. At least she had at all – somewhere in the vicinity of the 4th Friend's episode. But at the same time it had been the best night she'd had in a long while.

Leah paused for a moment. "Sorry," she mumbled, her voice suddenly quiet and sincere.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut – she hated that everyone knew she was so fragile right now. Even _Leah_ was walking on eggshells.

"What time is it?" Bella asked, throwing her arm over her eyes.

"Almost noon, bitch," Leah snapped back into gear. "You coming to Em's or what?"

"Em's?" Bella searched her sleep-addled brain.

"You'd better, because you're the only reason Josi an' me just spent an hour at the fucking grocery store with my cousin and her screaming brats."

"They are _not_ brats," Bella snapped, throwing her arm away from a glare at the ceiling.

"Just playin', Swan," Leah chuckled. "I knew that would get a rise outta ya. They're asking for you, by the way. And if that chatterbox Raven asks me one more time 'how much longer' I might just have to have my tubes tied on principle alone."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Those genes are fucking potent – hope they're coming from Sammy."

She wasn't quite awake enough for Leah's… everything. "So are we going through with the lupper?"

Leah barked a laugh. "Shit, Em's got you saying that too? I almost peed my pants the first time Paul said it," she snickered.

"Time for Depends," a male voice cackled in the background.

"Wait 'til I get off the phone, Lahote," she threatened into the distance. Bella could hear his snort over the phone.

"So yeah," she spoke back into the mouthpiece. "When 'you want Sethy to pick you up?"

Bella drew in a deep breath and released it slowly through pursed lips. She shouldn't be surprised because it had been her idea after all – she'd called Emily yesterday from Charlie's just to talk about putting together another get-together. Most of the men had a taken the week off – for obvious reasons – and she and Emily had made the tentative plans. She just hadn't realized it would be _today_.

"Mmm," Bella blinked soundly, trying throw her mind into drive. "How about half an hour?"

" 'Kay, I'll send Boo-boo to come getcha." There was a leer in her voice that was followed by Seth's groaning complaint. He hated that nickname, which meant Leah used it every chance she got. (Bella was going to have to teach her little brother some strategy.)

"See you in a few, Swan," Leah laughed at him.

"Bye."

Bella clicked off her phone and her hand fell heavily to her chest. Right now she didn't really have the energy for this prospect. She still hadn't really processed yesterday… or last night.

But she also knew she didn't have a choice. What had happened with Jedi was an exaggerated indicator of what every one of them was struggling with on some level or another. In the aftermath of battle and the effective torture of one of their own, the Pack was still agitated and unstable. They needed to be together to heal. And – as both victim and Alpha's mate - they _needed_ to do that around her.

Bella just might need to be around them too.

As yesterday's lessons returned to solidify determination, Bella sat up again and swung her feet over the edge of the couch. She rubbed her face with her palms and then sat back for a moment, her eyes naturally drifting toward the empty easy chair. Side by side, she and Jacob had watched rerun after rerun while they chomped through junk food and chuckled at the antics on screen.

Sort of like old times.

A soft smile curved her lips. It had been nice to sit in the same room with him without being barraged by poison arrow stares or loaded glances - to hear his low laughter and catch a glimpse of an actual expression on his face.

But in some ways that solid iron curtain that had been strung between them until this week was simpler to deal with. With her defenses breached like this, she felt every single one of the tender bruises that she'd accumulated over these last months. There now was nothing standing between Bella and wondering Jacob was feeling, if he was okay, whether he'd continue to open up, or shut himself down.

Hell, she didn't even know where he was.

Bella felt vulnerable.

Stretching her arms to the ceiling she, she released a long shaking sigh. She was going to have to develop a new coping strategy because scabby distance and indignation weren't going to work anymore.

It was more than she could handle at the moment. Putting thoughts and feelings on the back burner for now, Bella focused her attention on the task of getting ready.

She'd gulped down some orange juice, taken a quick shower, packed her bag and was just dressing in her requisite jeans and flannel – perfect for a cool cloudy September day – when she heard the cheery knock.

Grabbing her backpack and painting on a smile, she headed to the living room and opened the front door.

"Sister," Seth pulled her into a hug on the porch that was all sweetness and desperation. And Bella's house of cards tumbled down. She squeezed him fiercely while the emotional riptide threatened to pull her under.

Seth held her to his chest for several deep breaths before he pulled back and searched her eyes as his hand smoothed her hair back from her face. "How are you?" he whispered.

Bella stared back, not sure what to answer. Honesty was the best policy. "I think I'm better."

A smile tentatively peeked out of the gloom and her stepbrother nodded. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," she whispered, turning to close the door behind her.

Seth picked up the backpack she'd dropped on the porch and slung it over his shoulder and followed her down the stairs. He opened the door to the passenger side and waited like the gentleman he was as she climbed inside and then handed her the backpack. Bella sat back in the seat, wrapping her arms around and staring out the window while her mind spun.

Seth climbed inside the driver's side with a worried assessment as he blindly started the car.

"Jake and I've been talking a little," Bella announced out the windshield.

"Yeah?" he whispered.

Bella turned to his furrowed brow. "I learned a lot," she told him. "But it's so, _so_ complicated, Seth."

He licked quivering lips that were obviously _dying_ to say the right thing but didn't know what that was.

It was so endearing a smile broke over her face. "But complicated in a good way," she amended.

The one thing Seth _could_ give her was one of his adorable sunburst grins. By his very nature, he was the living antithesis to complex and it was exactly what she needed right now.

"So what's on the agenda this afternoon?" she sat up a little more in her seat.

He took it as his cue to put the car in gear and he clapped his hand on the seat as he backed his car out of the drive. "Well-p," he quipped. "We're gonna barbeque since it looks like the rain's gone for now."

"Leah and Josi are coming?" Bella asked.

The car stopped and Seth put it into drive as he turned back around, catching her gaze and holding it. "Yep," he raised his brow.

"Wow," Bella pursed her lips, impressed.

"I know, right?" Seth murmured, as he pulled out onto the road.

Bella knew Leah wanted to limit her time around the Pack (read: didn't want to get within 100 miles) especially since there were so many secrets to keep from Josiah. Bringing him to a Pack gathering was touching proof of just how deeply she felt for Bella – and how worried she was.

"Is Jake coming?" she asked quietly.

"I don't think so," he hedged with a grimace. "He's meeting with the Council this afternoon. He gave the Pack to Sam."

Bella pressed her lips together as she settled back against the seat, trying to parse out what she was feeling. This must be the meeting he'd put off yesterday, which meant Jacob was going to debrief them on the attack… and the mark. It made her incredibly uncomfortable to know that there would be effective strangers talking about her so intimately.

Bella scrunched her nose up and turned out the window, trying to center herself. If she let herself be towed out into all this turbulence, she would bring the Pack with her.

And they all needed a little peace right now.

"Hey, Bella?" Seth murmured in a way that instantly had her attention.

Her gaze snapped to him like a laser and he grimaced under her scrutiny.

"Yeesss…." Bella urged him on theatrically, trying to lighten things up.

"What do you think about Josi?" he squinted, out the windshield as he made a left turn.

Bella resituated herself in her seat, considering her stepbrother with sober eyes. He was stressed – like all of them right now – but under that was … something else.

"What about him?" she whispered.

He glanced at her. "Just-…what do you think?"

Bella had only gone to dinner with them once in San Francisco before yesterday afternoon and she liked him… a lot. Josiah had the patience of a saint. He was laid back but tough (and drop-dead handsome) and he _broadcasted_ kind. He just had an unfortunate occupation, all things considered.

"I think he's exactly what she needs," Bella told him quietly.

Seth licked his lips while he stared out the front window. "Me too," he breathed.

Bella frowned. "So what's the problem?"

With a brisk shake of his head, Seth glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Nothing," he mumbled. "I just think he deserves to know. We can't really be family if…"

Releasing a sigh, Bella's gaze drifted out to the road. "Yeah, I think so too," she whispered.

As their relationship became obviously more serious, Bella found herself thinking that Leah needed to tell him about her past and had said so several months ago. Leah disagreed (had tried to reach through phone to strangle her) - she was terrified that if Josiah knew, he'd leave. She used the convenience of the Council's directive about secrets as the excuse.

Bella thought it was bullshit. Jacob had too and after he'd taken over as Alpha, it was one thing he'd unequivocally done right: he'd lifted the veil of secrecy from immediate families and made the decision to tell people on a case by case basis. Leah was so slippery that when Bella had brought that up, she'd claimed she wasn't Pack anymore so none of it counted anyway. Basically it boiled down to what was true for all of them – human or shapeshifter, no one wanted anyone to know about the beast inside.

But Josiah was an astute man, and Bella could sense that he knew he was being lied to. She hoped that it didn't tear them apart in the end. As far as she could tell, secrets did that every time.

The last few minutes of the drive were spent in silence. She caught Seth's assessing glances in her periphery but needed the space to plan her strategy: she needed to not only shore up her Pack the best she could with her meager reserves, she needed to get some information.

They pulled up to Emily's house to find Paul and Rachel's car parked along with Josiah's rental. Paul was already standing on the porch with a plastic smirk painted over serious assessment. Talk about complex…

Bella drew in a steeling breath.

A warm hand over hers made her expel it in surprise as she whipped around to Seth.

"You don't have to fake anything," he said quietly, looking into her eyes. "We were all there, Bella."

Bella's gaze washed over his face, so young and kind and utterly sincere. With a sad smile, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Love you," she whispered

He squeezed her hand and then gave her privacy to get her thoughts together as he got out of the car with some smart-assed comment to his Pack mate.

Bella pushed down the door handle to have Paul pull the door open the rest of the way with a snarky flourish of his hand.

Chuckling, Bella swung her legs out of the car as he took her bag. She didn't complain like she usually would with such babying – the Pack needed to feel like they were taking care of her, the same as she did for them.

"How's it goin', sis," Paul closed the door and placed a pert kiss on the top of her head, waiting for her to set the tone.

Bella rubbed her hand on her jeans and nodded up at him with a weak smile.

"Not very convincing, Swan," Paul arched a brow as he slung an arm around her shoulders.

Bella drew in deep breath and released it slowly as she settled into his side. "Things are going better… I think."

"Are you going to stay?" he asked quietly as he led her slowly down the driveway toward the house.

Bella frowned up at him in confusion as Paul stopped, pulling her around in front of him and resting a hand on each of her shoulders.

"Look," he huffed. "You know Rache is about ready to kill her little bro," he smirked. "Which will suck because then I gotta save her ass and that'll be the last punch I throw," he added in a mutter out of the corner of his mouth.

Bella blinked up at him, not knowing whether she should smile or frown.

Paul drew in a deep breath, unconsciously squeezing her shoulders. "But she wants you to stay with us," he said carefully and then quickly flipped gravity upside down. "Free babysitting, and all that shit."

Finally Bella understood. Her heart melted at the gesture… from _Paul_, no less. "No," she smiled. "I'm staying with Jake for a few weeks at least. Then he's going to find me another place."

Paul nodded, looking into each of her eyes, that wry smile only a ghost of habit. Complex was so right - this was more the vibe of the Pack she'd seen at the party, almost three months ago. Serious, sober, competent - men who'd not only seen death but had been both protectors _and_ purveyors of it.

She suddenly realized _this_ was the root of the subtle tension that underlined the rambunctious facade the Pack all clung to so desperately when they were together. It was all of their humanity they had left.

Bella placed a hand on Paul's chest, letting pretenses and guard fall away. "Paul, he's trying his best, just like we all are," she whispered. "That's all I need. I'm not leaving him again."

She'd idly wondered if her conversation with Jedi yesterday had filtered out through the Pack mind yet, but the look in his eye screamed the answer. And he was trying to find out if she meant it.

Paul's lips hitched up on the side, but the smile was sincere as he leaned forward and pressed a smacking kiss to her forehead "You're the only human who gets it," he murmured against her hair. Straightening, he pulled her back into his side, keeping his eyes carefully averted toward the house.

He stuffed his free hand in his pocket and Bella leaned her head on his shoulder.

"But you gotta understand something, 'you need anything, you let us know," he continued out of the corner of his mouth. His voice sounded like a joke was about to happen, but the words obviously came straight from his heart. "Yea we all got a bromance goin' with Jake - none of us woulda survived this thing without him," he sniffed. "But we're also all crushed out on you."

Understanding hit hard, making her knees want to buckle with the force - she was glad Paul's arm was around her. In so many words he was telling her she wasn't just Alpha's mate or imprint, they all considered her to be _Pack_.

"So -…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably and Bella instinctively brought him back into his comfort zone.

"Pervert," she elbowed him in the ribs.

He made a big deal of howling in pain as he staggered away.

Grinning at his antics, her gaze darted up to see Seth waiting on the porch to announce their arrival to human ears and it was then she realized just how much of a play this was. But that's what they did – they took care of each other.

Bella climbed the steps, holding Seth's gaze meaningfully – they all needed to understand. It brought home the point that Jedi had revealed not only his own personal suffering, but the Pack's too. This would be a very important afternoon.

With a wink for her stepbrother, she stepped up and called through the screen. "Honey! I'm home!"

"Never could be original, could ya Swan," Leah snorted, bursting up from the couch with transparent stress that didn't match the snark. "C'mere, bitch."

Bella was just opening the door when she was pulled into a bone crushing hug. "You doin' okay?" she whispered in her ear. She realized they were all worried about her being over at Jacob's house by herself.

It was a testament to how they felt about him and it wasn't exactly a bromance. Respect and fear? Sure. Trust and love? Not so much.

Swallowing the fireball knot of protective heat in her throat, she nodded against Leah's shoulder.

Leah pulled back, checking her eyes. Her gaze dipped down to Bella's neck and Leah pulled the collar of her flannel over-shirt up straight with a meaningful raise of brow as her boyfriend stepped up to her side.

"How are you gorgeous?" Josiah wrapped her in a warm hug that smelled of nutmeg.

Bella surreptitiously straightened her collar as she pulled back. "Are you surviving the circus?" she smiled.

"It'll be easier now that the ringmaster's here," Josiah laughed. It was a sound like liquid milk chocolate and it matched him perfectly. A Brit by birth with a deliciously refined accent to boot, he was tall with warm rolling features and cocoa skin in striking juxtaposition to slate blue eyes.

Thundering feet prefaced Emily and Kim's brood flying out of the kitchen.

"Annie Bells!" Raven screeched, throwing herself at her favorite aunt.

Bella squatted down and caught her in a hug that was multiplied by three in a toddler tackle. She fell back on her ass with the force and all the kids giggled.

"Easy there, you little monsters," Seth growled playfully, scooping up two armfuls of squealing kids. Leah grabbed up the other two and Josiah helped her up.

"See, not much of a ringmaster, huh?" she grinned.

He gave her a silky smile as they all headed for the kitchen.

And so began a surprisingly pleasant afternoon.

The kids were banished downstairs to the playroom for one round of Dora the Explorer with Seth, while Bella cooked with Emily and Kim. Leah and Josiah sat with Rachel at the far side of the table and DJed the conversation and the music on the MP3. Propping his arms behind his head, Paul stretched his long body out along the nearest bench and took a nap.

Without kids or the younger of the Pack jacking up the volume and intensity – and with Josiah's easy-going presence – the vibe was more mellow and mature and exactly what Bella needed.

But all good things eventually come to an end.

When the cartoon was over, the little ones came pounding up the stairs for a snack and Raven froze at the irresistible sight of one of her uncles taking a nap and snoring like a champ. Creeping up beside Paul while her cousins flocked to the counter for treats and Seth carried the little ones into the kitchen, she watched him sleep for a moment while Leah and Rachel gleefully looked on.

With a curious cant of her head she stuck her fingers pretty much right up his nose and Paul choked and sputtered awake while she laughed her head off.

"Whattaya doing, little girl," he growled, grabbing up her tiny body and flying her over his head while pealing giggles rained over his theatrical scowl. It was adorable and one of many boldfaced indications that, in spite of the infamous rep of younger years, he was going to make a great dad.

Rachel was obviously thinking the same thing – she was watching him with a sentimental smile on her lips. Bella caught her eye and winked.

"You sound like a wolf when you sleep, uncle Paw," Raven laughed breathlessly while he zoomed her around like an airplane as he sat up.

Bella felt like she could hear the vertebrae cracking as every adult spine stiffened in the room – except one. Josiah was lounged on the other side of the table with one of his cashmere smiles.

Even Paul could sense imminent disaster. He set her down on her feet. "Oh yeah? Well you sound like a girl when you're awake," he deflected with a smack of his lips.

"That's because I am," she told him soberly. "But someday I'm going to be a wolf, just like Auntie Lee-Lee."

Paul patted her on her head, with a nervous glance up at Bella.

"Time for snacks!" Emily jumped in a little too enthusiastically, as she turned with a plate of apples and string cheese. "You guys can eat in the living room."

Raven's cousins started to obediently head out of the kitchen with the squeals and shrieks of snack-time excitement, but the girl was not to be deterred.

She turned and faced Josiah head on. "Did you know Auntie Lee-lee used to be the only girl wolf? But I'm going to be one too because my daddy's a wolf."

Leah looked like she was trying to swallow a golf ball, but Josiah just took it in stride. "That's lovely Raven," he smiled. "I'm sure you'll be a wonderful wolf."

Kim scooped up Raven in her free hand on her way behind Emily with two glasses of milk. "Let's wash your hands for snack, Rave," she murmured, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Use bleach!" Rachel called out after them, trying her best to dissipate the tension with a little snark at her husband's expense.

Bella picked up the remaining little plastic glasses between her fingers and followed them out of a kitchen that had become uncomfortably quiet. Emily looked up with a roll of wide eyes as children clamored around the coffee table.

Josiah was a sensitive man and would have had to have been a fool to miss the fact that he was missing something, and he certainly wasn't. Over these last two days with glaring secrets in their midst, the conversation had burned down into the awkward quick on more than one occasion.

Bella set the glasses down and returned to the kitchen to see if there was any damage.

"I love my wolf-girl," Josiah was saying as he pulled Leah into his side.

Bella froze in the doorway.

"It suits you, sweetheart – with that fetching balance of yang and yin," he crooned, obviously confused about subtext but trying to soothe Leah's distress none-the-less. "Wolf-girl," he chuckled.

Of course, Paul never did well with emotional tension. "You mean, bitch," he laughed – quiet enough so the kids wouldn't hear. Rachel had trained him well.

Never the less, that easy smile evaporated instantly from Josiah's face as he turned to the man leering at him from across the kitchen.

"Oh, I might have to take exception with that," he purred – that protective nature hardening the surface of his voice. According to Leah, Josiah was laid back, until you messed with one of his own. Then the gloves came off.

"And I hardly think you'll fancy stepping outside with me," he arched a challenging brow. "With that spare tractor tire, you'll be flat on your arse before you can huff it down the steps."

His hypnotic accent in combination with the deadpan delivery made the entire room pause… before it burst into whoops and laughter.

"You're reputation precedes you, I'm afraid," Josi smoothed the dig over with a satin smile.

Even his victim cracked an appreciative grin. "Point to the Brit," Paul conceded with unusually good nature that was fueled by relief.

"Josi, why don't you show him what you're talking about?" Bella jumped in quickly. "You and Lee can give the guys a Capoeira demo."

Leah and Josiah had met through the non-contact martial art which had been the perfect way for Leah to burn off some of the lingering lupine aggression without calling attention to the fact that she still boasted a strength and agility that was just on the unnatural side of normal.

Bella was banking that the physical distraction was just what the wolves needed.

If only all her bets turned out so well.

While Seth and Paul wore Josiah out on the front lawn and entertained the kids at the same time, Emily, Kim and Bella finished up cooking in blessed silence. Bella could tell they were dying to know how things were going with Jacob, but being the good friends they were they didn't bring it up.

Over the next hour, the rest of the Pack trickled in, making a beeline for Bella and pulling her into hugs and greedy sniffs. She was quickly dragged outside to solicitously watch acrobatic antics on the lawn - while being pressed into sides or wrapped under brown muscled arms.

But eventually they settled enough that some of the tension evaporated from protective glances and they became entranced with learning the martial arts moves. Josiah's physicality was something the wolves could appreciate and it was the perfect distraction that eventually allowed Bella to slip away into the house and a little solace.

The crowd level was at its tipping point, so they decided it was better to spread the food out buffet-style (and it would avoid a sit-down dinner rife with conversation pitfalls). The troops lined up to make plates that were taken outside into what was – for the moment – an overcast but dry afternoon.

There was still a (not so subtle) clinginess with her Pack, especially in the younger ones, but other than that, the afternoon slipped by with friendship and laughter, just like nothing out of the ordinary had happened over the weekend.

But it had.

And Bella was starting to get tired. She felt unsettled and worried about Jacob at the Council meeting. Apparently Sam usually went with him to these things but his Alpha had forbid him this time, leaving the Pack in his care. While she soothed and entertained, all afternoon she watched patrols seamlessly arrive and their replacements slip away with only a kiss to her cheek, but Sam still hadn't made an appearance.

Neither had Jedi.

After getting everyone fed and helping the girls with the little ones, Bella's appetite finally kicked in and she made her own plate. She trailed out to the porch where wolves were in the middle of scarfing down thirds or leaving plates momentarily to take turns in a Capoeira spar.

Like someone had pressed pause, movement froze and every last lupine eye snapped up to her, a flicker of serious battle-ready attention in their eye.

Bella smiled uncomfortably and it was like someone pressed play again out in the yard. Her gaze drifted to where Leah pointedly waited for her in the swing.

With a heavy glance, Leah patted the seat beside her and Bella lowered herself down with the soft groan of springs. Pulling her feet up under her, she balanced her plate on her lap while she watched Josiah flip over Joey Whitehorse and ferried a bite to her awe-struck lips. Of course the wolves had to temper their strength and speed, but some of Josiah's moves looked downright supernatural.

"So how are things really going with the Hulk?" Leah murmured, taking a sip of her beer. She had her feet propped up on the railing.

Bella tore her gaze away from the impressive acrobatics and turned to the worry eating away Leah's mask. Impatient, intense and direct, the fact that she'd waited all this time to ask was a testament to what a good friend she was trying to be.

"They're complicated," Bella told her plainly. "And I'm tired. But there's a lot of potential I think."

But things were complicated with Leah, too.

The bottle in Leah's hand drifted slowly down to her lap while her eyes paced between Bella's. "Why don't you come back with us on Saturday?" she whispered. "We've got an extra bed. Just hang in the Big Apple for a little while – get away from all this shit."

Bella shook her head slowly even while her mind turned back to all that was weighing her down. Between forced cheer and exhausted overwhelm she was trying to process yesterday with Jacob. With Pack responsibilities there was little space for her own struggles – something Jacob had lived with for eight years. But under the surface, worry and hope duked it out in a no-holds-barred fistfight making balance a precarious thing indeed.

"I'm not leaving him," Bella told her quietly, her eyes falling down to the food in her lap. She idly pushed her salad around with her fork. "You know, he forgave me, Lee. And we actually talked a little..."

"Words are bullshit. He needs to give you a lot more than that," Leah spat, sitting up straighter. "Look I get the whole imprint thing, but -…"

"He's in there, Lee," Bella looked up, interrupting her with serious eyes. "And I'm going to help him. I'm just not sure what he needs right now."

Leah expelled a frustrated breath, falling back against the swing, making it rock violently. "I just don't get why you have to be the virgin sacrifice to the fucking dragon," she growled. "He needs to get over his shit and get on with it just like everyone else. You need a life too, y'know?" she cut her eyes over at Bella while she tipped her beer up to petulant lips.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Bella expelled a breath of frustration.

A sixth sense made her glance out to the yard and her gaze landed in the stare that had called her: Paul's. He was sitting in one of the fold-up chairs under the tree, chewing a huge mouthful, but watching her with serious eyes. She never in a million years thought she'd say it: but he was right.

Humans - or former wolves in denial - didn't understand.

Bella looked back up at her step-sister. "He's doing his best," she told him quietly.

"Not good enough," Leah pronounced emphatically. "He needs to-…"

"Hey Bella!" A buoyant voice made her turn to where Toby was climbing the stairs in a pair of cut-offs – obviously just finishing a shift. He strode across the porch and bent down for a hug and long indulgent sniff.

"How's it going wolf-Toby?" Bella smiled gratefully, sitting back and watching the boy's eyes dart compulsively over her just like each of his brothers had done when they'd arrived.

"Better now," he grinned, finally meeting her eyes.

"Let's get you something to eat, huh?" Bella pushed off the swing with a glance at Leah.

She rolled her eyes and sat back poutily. "He can get his own fucking food," she snorted.

Bella slipped a hand around Toby's bicep – not bothering to explain. Leah had been defensive all afternoon, but Bella understood. She'd seen the unexamined guilt and regret playing behind her friend's eyes. It was hard to be back with the Pack and probably harder not to be a part of it. Just like Jared, even if she wasn't Phasing anymore, Leah would always be a wolf.

Balancing her own plate on her palm, Bella turned with Toby to the front door. He babbled on about an Xbox "campaign" last night as she walked him to the kitchen while she nodded attentively like she had the first fucking clue about Call of Duty Black Ops 2.

She sat on the bench nearby and watched him pile his plate high from the dishes on the table while he continued to let his stress leach out over her in his own teen way.

"Jedi got the cheat codes to unlock the Zork game and all the intel so we've been kicking zombie ass-…"

Bella understood one word in the whole sentence. "You play with Jedi?"

Toby picked up a chunk of beef from the plate and took a bite nodding. "Bwut he wasn't mwonline yestewday," he chomped away. Apparently it was some internet game.

"He wasn't?" Bella asked casually. She'd been worried about how he'd handled their conversation back at home. Healing wounds was a process – didn't she know – and sometimes it got worse before it got better.

Shaking his head, Toby licked his fingers while he continued chewing, his eyes clinging to hers with covert stress.

Bella turned toward him a little more, propping one elbow on the table. "Is he okay?" she asked quietly.

He gave her a defensive shrug. She was obviously going to have to drag it out of him.

"Is he coming for lupper?" she raised a brow.

Toby's gaze fell sheepishly to his plate. "Naw, he's still all wolfy."

Bella tried to tame her frustration – worry made her impatient. "Why?"

"Just," he shrugged again as he turned his body slightly away from her. "Y'know. Bullshit about his mom. He's-…" he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

Bella nodded him on.

"He's all fucked up," he coughed an uncomfortable laugh. "Sam's trying to keep him straight. Jake doesn't want 'em here 'cause of-…" he squared his jaw and turned to look at her. "Cause of the imprints."

Bella rolled her eyes as she patted the table thoughtfully for a moment. Heaving a sigh, she stood up and rubbed her hands absently on her jeans. "Before you eat can you do me a favor?" she asked him.

With a sound blink he nodded, instantly at solicitous attention. Three months ago it would have been run-screaming weird, but now it just felt right.

"Go out back and Phase and tell Sam to bring Jedi here," she told him, firm and blunt.

Toby's eyes widened.

Taking a step closer, she gently pried the plate from his grip and at the skin-to-skin the boy released an unconscious sigh. Touch was so powerful for all of them.

"It'll just take a second, right?" she soothed encouraging lift of her brow.

"Yeah," he smiled, almost looking bashful as he pushed his hand through his hair. "I'm kinda like the wolf telephone, huh?"

"I think that would be wolfa-phone," she corrected him very seriously.

He barked a laugh and then headed toward the back door. Bella set his plate down and trailed after him.

His hands came absently to the waistband of his shorts as he stepped out into the yard. "Don't look," he warned over his shoulder.

Bella clapped a hand over her eyes. "You forget, I've already heard you naked."

He laughed freely over the sound of rustling cloth. Several seconds later, howls burrowed into the afternoon clouds.

Bella kept her hands carefully over her eyes as she leaned against the doorframe and waited.

"Okay, done."

She opened her eyes to Toby grinning proudly down at her. "Thanks," she smiled, stepping to the side so he could shimmy by. "Go eat and I'll be back out later."

He nodded as he stalked his plate across the kitchen.

Mere minutes later, a stone-cold human Sam strode across the back lawn while a grey wolf with black tipped fur dancing anxiously just behind the tree line.

After 15 minutes of kneeling in the grass with warm honey words, Jedi was able to Phase back for a hug. Bella filled up those puppy dog eyes with all the love she had while she filled his plate in the kitchen. Wrapped now in the warmth of Pack, the boy settled quickly and like a well-oiled machine, Embry magically appeared and shepherded their charge out onto the lawn with the others.

Sitting on the bench, Bella pulled her neglected lunch into her hands and took a bite of macaroni salad while Sam silently made his own plate. There were subtle shadows under his eyes that spoke to how worn and weary he was from his duty of the day.

"Have you heard from Jake?" Bella asked him quietly.

He looked up from the pot roast with a shake of his head.

Bella's gaze slipped back down to her plate and she speared an absent forkful of green bean casserole. "That's a long meeting," she mused under her breath and took her bite.

"It's not unusual," Sam offered as he cut a thick slab of meat.

Sucking in a breath, Bella picked up her plate and stood with a tip of her chin toward the front of the house.

Sam followed her through out of the kitchen and through the living room. "You're really helping him," he murmured cryptically behind her.

"Who?" Bella glanced over her shoulder as Sam stepped up to open the door for her. "Jedi?"

"Both of them," he gave her one of his rare smiles. "Actually, all of us."

Bella's lips curved absently in response as she slipped by him out to the porch. She wasn't going to make a big deal out of the compliment. Wolves were proud – especially dominant ones like Sam.

Her gaze flitted out to the yard which had once again frozen with alert glances her way while classic rock continued to beat out a rhythm under mates' laughter and children's uninterrupted play. Like every other time she'd come outside, the pause in lupine activity only lasted a second, but unfortunately Josiah was an observant man. Lounging in the grass beside Leah, his eyes darted up to the porch.

Bella gave him what she hoped was a casual smile as she sat on the top step. Without being asked, Sam slipped down to sit beside her.

Bella sniffed a laugh. "Poor Josi."

"He'll be alright," Sam murmured, propping one elbow on his thigh and set his plate on the porch beside him.

Bella glanced at him. "You approve?

Sam cut his eyes over with a nod and sly smile. "She found the only male on the planet who could handle her and love every second of it," he muttered, turning around to the big cooler set out on the porch.

Bella chuckled as he opened it and pulled out a beer – offering it to her with a raise of her brow.

"Is there any soda?" Bella grimaced – like he'd somehow been there last night. After seeing her addiction through Jacob's eyes, she'd decided to stay away from booze for a while.

Sam dug out a Coke and handed it over without comment and Bella leaned against the railing and setting it beside her. She took a few distracted bites of her plate while she watched Sam wolf down his own food. She needed to figure out how she wanted to ask what she wanted to ask.

Finally she gave up and dove in.

"I don't know what to do to help him," she whispered cryptically, setting down her plate on the porch and pulling her knee up.

Keeping his eyes on the yard, he murmured, "seems like you know exactly what to do to me." He chewed his bite thoughtfully for a moment and then turned to her. "He's changed a lot."

Bella flicked the seam of her lips while her mind tried to put together all the pieces. "He said 'the wolf is chewing him up trying to get to me.' Do you know what that means?"

Sam's brow furrowed as his eyes drifted thoughtfully to the side. "Well you're his imprint-…" he began. "But I think it's similar to what happened with me," he cleared his throat. "What I let happen… I think the wolf blames Jake for letting you leave the first time."

"I think I understand what happened with the guy, but I'm not sure about the supernatural side," Bella paused, glancing down and picking up her soda. She traced the words on the label with a thoughtful hand.

"Can I ask you some stuff, Sam? Some of it's kind of embarrassing," she wrinkled her nose, with a glance out into the yard. She knew they could hear, but they'd have to take a half mile walk to trump lupine hearing and still there was Pack mind. Bella was starting to adjust to the fact that privacy was a purely human concept.

Sam gave her that signature dispassionate stare in return. "I'll give you what I can."

"Well," Bella heaved a sigh. "The wolf used to come to my house… or the Spirit Warrior – I dunno. He came in Jake's body but with wolf eyes. He wasn't human, whatever he was."

Sam blinked in surprise.

"We used to be-…" Bella shoved her lip through teeth uncomfortably. "Um, intimate."

Instead of embarrassment, interest deepened the lines of Sam's face. "That's why we scented his mark," he breathed. "None of us understood."

Blushing, Bella's gaze fell to her lap and she cracked the soda open. "Well, anyway, I decided it was too weird to be close with him like that," she fiddled restlessly with the can's tab. "But then have him ignore me the rest of the time, so I told him not to come back until he could bring the man."

"And he didn't come back?" he asked, sounding enthralled as he took a sip of beer.

Bella looked up and shook her head. "So my question is, do you think that's the right thing to do?" she tipped her head. "Or is it making everything worse?"

Sam set his beer on the steps and shoved both hands back through his hair, lacing them behind his head as he searched the sky. "God, Bella," he heaved a sigh after a moment. "It sounds like the wolf is trying to take over. Maybe it thinks Jake's too weak."

Bella gripped her bottle tighter, hearing her swallow crinkle in her throat. "So what do I do?"

Sam shook his head slowly at the sky. His hands slipped from the back of neck as he looked down at her. "I don't know," he whispered. "But I think you're right. If you give the wolf what it wants… _you_," he raised his brow. "Then it's going to prove it doesn't need the man. I think you've got to work through Jake. Help him fight it."

"How?" Bella breathed. "How did you do it?"

"It's a constant war," Sam pursed his lips with a dismayed shake of his head. "And my wolf isn't nearly as strong."

Bella took a sip of soda while her mind tried to put it all together.

"But I can tell you one thing," he said quietly. "I couldn't have done it – couldn't _do it_ – without Em. Fuck, I don't see how Jake's done it so long like this. On sheer _willpower_."

Sitting up a little straighter, Bella searched his face. "Versus…" she pressed.

Sam blinked, trying to find the antithesis. "Versus soul? Heart?" He drew in a thoughtful breath through his nose. "If we don't have someone taking care of our humanity we start losing the battle… I _think_. That's why Jedi needed you today." He nodded to himself like things were clicking into place. "You love people very well."

Bella didn't even hear the compliment, because the answer was a million times louder and clearer than it had ever been.

"So it's not about the battle, it's the _balance_. God, that's it," she breathed and then reeled in eyes that had drifted off to the yard. She met his gaze. "It's not about _fighting_ the wolf, it's about feeding the _man_."

He blinked at her like he was just starting to understand himself.

Bella raised her soda with a smile. "Thanks, Sam."

"Thank _you_," he countered, tapping his beer against her can with a tinny click. "I'd never thought about all this shit."

They drank in silence for a few minutes.

"Oh, Sam?" Bella asked suddenly.

"Mm?" he turned to her, swallowing his last mouthful of beer and setting the empty bottle down.

"Em said you want to stop?" she frowned.

He picked up his plate again. "For a while," he rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

"Why do you guys Phase so long if it's so hard?" she asked earnestly – she'd never understood this.

"Well, at first it's cool. Like one of the cubs' video games," he tipped his chin out toward the yard where Toby and Jedi were laughing at Paul's spar with Quil. "Then there's duty…" he mused, his brow furrowing. "But I think there's a compulsion. It's probably in our genes."

"And then?"

"Then…" he took a bite of food and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. He swallowed and met her eyes. "Then I think the human side just becomes more important. I mean Lee and Jared are still wolves," he glanced out at Leah – Jared had to be at work today. "Just human ones. But I think _eventually_ you grow out of it - that balance you're talking about just tips."

Bella nodded while her own gaze drifted out to where Quil was now flat on his back. "Or you lose yourself and self-destruct," she whispered, thinking of wolves swimming out to sea.

Sam turned to her with a question on his lips but then his head whipped around toward the yard. At the same time, Paul froze - in the middle of helping up Quil – both of them turning in the same direction along with every lupine head.

Sam didn't need to tell her, she knew: she could feel him.

Seconds later, Jacob turned off the road with the toss of gravel. He screeched to a stop right out at the end of the long drive with his eyes trained on the porch like rifle sights. He turned off the engine and threw open the door at the same time, swinging the key ring on a finger as he poured out of the vehicle.

Looking as dangerous and pissed as usual in his black tee shirt, jeans and boots, he prowled down the driveway toward the silent yard. Only the music dared to venture on - even the children had stopped playing with their matchbox cars in the grass. They were watching him with wide eyes as he stalked toward the group – his burning gaze locked on Sam.

"Wait here," Sam breathed out of the side of his mouth as he set his beer down. Standing, he jogged down the steps.

At the bottom of the stairs, Jacob came to an abrupt halt nearly chest-to-chest with his Second.

"You brought Jedidiah here?" he hissed.

"I did," Sam answered evenly, subtly lowering his gaze. "He needed to see Bella."

"I don't care what he needed," he spat. "He isn't safe."

Sam stood his ground but kept his posture submissive. "Bella is safer around him than anyone. She's the Alpha's mate," he said with a subtle bite to the words. "I trust that she-…"

A hand landed on each of Sam's shoulders so heavily that he staggered. "You don't trust, you _obey_," Jacob crooned, low and deadly as he leaned in by Sam's ear.

"If you put my imprint in danger again," he whispered, the words slick and serpentine. "Then I will _gut you_, understand?"

Jacob pulled back and Sam tipped his head to the side, baring his neck.

Pushing Sam roughly out of the way, his eyes shot up to Bella where she was frozen on the stairs. She'd never seen him like this – savagery thinning his lips while rage incubated in black eyes. Agitation was rolling off of him in waves.

She swallowed quietly as he climbed the stairs in two strides. "I _asked_ him to bring Jedi," she whispered as he stopped right in front of her. "I wanted to help him."

"I don't care what you want," he cut the words out of a whisper while black dilated eyes and flitted over her face like flies. His hands were fisted at his side as he drew in a deep breath, nostrils stretching to draw more of her scent across the distance. His exhale made his body shudder.

Bella wanted to touch him so badly, but he'd obviously drawn a line in the sand between them. She wouldn't step over it in front of his Pack.

"I'm okay," she soothed softly instead, speaking to that wildness in his eyes. After her conversation with Sam it scared her – she understood a little more just how hard Saturday night had been for him – it was just another perceived failure he and his wolf could use against the man.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

Jacob blinked, that rage being shuttered behind something steely and cold. "I have a duty," he announced crisply.

With a final circuit of her face, he turned abruptly on his heel. Her every cell reached after him, making her sway on her feet as he took the last step to the coolers.

Bella watched him pull out a beer and pop the cap off, letting it skitter heedlessly across the porch. He tipped back a long swig and then strode down the stairs without another glance at her.

Bella was tempted to get one herself; she was feeling dizzy from the burst of adrenaline.

The kids had gone blithely back to play and the adults strewn across were tentatively trying to do the same. Catching herself against the porch post she took a deep breath as she watched Jacob stalk toward where Rachel and Emily, Leah and Josiah, were sitting together in fold-up chairs under the tree pretending not to watch. The casual conversation of minutes earlier had turned to contrived and uncomfortable.

Bella started taking the steps down and Sam jogged up to put a hand at her elbow. "You okay?" he breathed.

She nodded, keeping her eyes on where Leah and Josiah were standing as Jacob approached. "You?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "It must have been a bad Council meeting."

"On top of everything else," Bella sighed as they made their way toward where Leah was making introductions.

"And Josi, this is Jacob Black."

Bella could hear the eye-roll in her voice. Both men ignored it as they clasped hands with that macho gusto that was no more than a thinly veiled pissing contest.

"I've heard a lot about you," Josi gave him one of his best satin smiles that made the statement even more ambiguous.

"I'm sure you have and all of it's true," Jacob replied with absolutely no expression on his face. "You're Leah's mate?"

Leah looked like she'd been punched in the gut and was a heartbeat away from either throwing one back or keeling over.

Josiah merely cocked his head. "As a veterinarian, I can appreciate the term," he bit out crisply. "But I prefer _boyfriend_."

Sam's gaze snapped down to Bella and she grimaced comically while several chuckles were suppressed across the lawn. Yesterday Paul had had his laugh, but it was a wonder that it hadn't come out sooner at this gathering. Between the wolves with their secrets and Leah with hers, they'd happily avoided the "so, what do you do" question all afternoon.

Just then Jacob's phone buzzed in his pocket, effectively saving the day – or at least part of it. "Excuse me," he told the man absently as he turned and pulled the phone out and started striding across the lawn. "What is it _Billy_?" he spat.

As she watched Jacob disappear around the house with fury already etched in his face, Bella forgot about the irony of Josiah's profession.

Quil hadn't. Of course.

"Wait-wait-wait," he jumped in, face inflating with glee. "You didn't say _veterinarian_, did you?"

"Fuck," Leah spat under her breath. Every wolf in the yard was reacting to Jacob's heightened agitation, and Quil was only second to Paul in making a bad situation worse.

Josiah smacked his lips urbanely as he turned to him. "I did, indeed."

"No freaking way!" he cackled, at least tempering the curse for cubs, who were by appearances ignoring them for their play. Little ears were always listening. "Lee, did you-…"

"Quil, _stop_," Bella bit out emphatically.

Just like with Paul that first night at the party, Quil's mouth snapped shut and he bowed his head deferentially.

It was effective even if looked even more bizarre to Josiah than it had to Bella that night.

Luckily nature stepped in and took pity on them, loosing the first drop of rain over the yard and the perfect distraction. Emily and Kim pushed to their feet, heading toward the kids while wolves clicked into gear to help move things inside.

Bella stepped up and linked one arm through Josiah's and the other through Leah's. "Do you guys want some dessert?"

Josiah's patience was understandably worn thin after the afternoon and he forced a smile. "Something sweet beside yourself would be lovely."

"He always has the best lines," Bella smiled up at Leah who still had smoke coming from her ears. With a latent lupine snarl wrinkling her nose, she was glaring at Quil who'd turned tail to help Emily with the box of matchbox cars.

"I think we should go," Leah hissed.

"We were just invited for dessert, beautiful," Josiah quickly dropped his annoyance to care for her, turning her around and into a tender embrace. He whispered something in her ear that made her sniff a soft laugh as she pulled back and got stuck in his eyes. He brushed fingers over her cheek and all the hardness slipped from her face leaving nothing but a soulful glow.

"Just a little longer, love," he murmured and then leaned in to brush a kiss over her lips before he wrapped an arm around her. Bella was touched – even though leaving would have been a much more palatable option, he was trying to make it on their terms and at a time where it wouldn't add distance to the divide that already existed.

With a little wink over his shoulder at Bella, Josiah coaxed her toward where the wolves and mates were carrying chairs, kids and plates up to the porch.

Bella smoothed her hair back from her face as she watched them go and the rain became more enthusiastic. She wanted to leave, herself.

But she wouldn't go without Jacob.

A hand at the small of her back made her look up to Sam's assessing eyes. He had the baby in his arms who was squealing while she opened and closed a fist stuck out under the scattered drops.

"Let's see if we can wrap this thing up, huh?" Bella sighed, allowing him to urge her toward the house. "I think we've run out of silver bullets."

"As a werewolf, I'm a little offended," Sam murmured, completely deadpan. It always surprised her when humor pounced over those stalwart lips.

Barking a laugh, Bella looked up at his subtle smile. "If anyone _else_ calls you that you get all offended," she snorted.

"Wolf's prerogative," he dismissed, cutting wry eyes down at her as they climbed the front steps.

"Your daddy's so silly, Sarsi," she wrinkled her nose at his daughter. The little one just laughed.

The sky opened up just as they made it up to the porch and Sam held the screen door open as Bella stepped into a lively house. At the promise of dessert the cubs were squealing and running between the living room and kitchen.

Bella turned as Sam let his daughter down into the fray and she pattered off. "Legos?" she arched a brow.

His smile didn't reach eyes that darted out to the kitchen. Bella followed his gaze to see Jacob just stepping through the back door. His eyes were hematite as they met hers and then swept out over the kitchen.

Exchanging a look with Sam, Bella made her way toward the hall closet and the Lego bin. Things were so unsettled right now and she wasn't sure what to do to make them better.

Setting up Legos in the living room at least brought the noise level down a little.

Like flies to honey, children flocked to the large bin she set on the rug and immediately little hands were digging through building bricks with the clatter of plastic. Nina knelt down with the cubs while Embry, Collin and Joe settled around the TV set – the two daddies keeping one eye on kids and the other on ESPN while they waited for brownies and ice cream. Bella headed for the kitchen to help the process along.

She paused in the doorway, taking stock of a bustling kitchen. Toby and Seth were helping Jen and Kim ferry meager leftovers from the table to the counter where Emily was putting them away. Josiah sat beside Leah across from Paul and Rachel at the clean end of the table chatting quietly. With a beer in hand, Jacob was speaking with Sam in the corner. The twins, Quil and Brady were all missing.

Along with Jedi.

Bella sighed softly and crossed the large room to Emily's side. It was the usual marginally controlled chaos of any Pack get-together, but with secrets and a palpably agitated Alpha in their midst, this afternoon felt more minefield than mundane.

"Are you doing okay?" Emily whispered as Bella pulled a clean plate out of the dishwasher.

Bella nodded with a glance that contradicted the claim as she pulled one of the serving dishes closer and scooped out some green bean casserole. "I'm going to make him a plate," she told her quietly.

Without a word, Emily pulled the top off of one of the pyrex and helped her pile on room-temperature meats and casseroles. Grabbing a fork from the plastic caddy in the dishwasher door, she headed for the far end of the kitchen.

Hard black eyes darted over Sam's shoulder as she neared. Both Sam and Embry turned toward her and took a step back as she stopped in front of the three giants.

"You should eat," she whispered.

Jacob stared back at her a moment like she was a stranger and then, pausing to take a pointed leisurely swig of his beer, he reached out and took the plate from her hand.

She might have heard a thank you under his breath, but then again it could have just been her imagination.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

Jacob's lips kicked up on one cocky side. "Are you?"

Her brows pushed together and without thinking about it, her fingers darted out to brush over his, clamped around his beer. Warmth crackled and then snapped as he yanked his hand back.

She searched that face for a moment, reading between the hard lines while her eyes watered at the sting of rejection. His expression looked like a steel mask that was barely being held in place by raw flesh.

Her lashes fluttered over the sight and she closed her eyes.

This reeling dance of theirs felt like the full-moon tide and she was getting seasick. He might have let down a few of his defenses in private but he didn't have the first clue how to act in front of his Pack - especially when he needed something from _her_ this time. Suddenly they were back grounded on the rocks at square one - it was infuriating and frustrating and depressing all at the same time.

But no matter how much it hurt, she wouldn't jump ship.

Slowly licking her lips, she opened her eyes and turned away without another word. Her gaze dragged through the sympathy in Sam's face and it clung to her heart like sludge.

And only made it hurt more.

Retreating back to the kitchen, she noticed several pairs of eyes not-so-subtly watching the interplay. Nina was looking up from the Lego box in the living room, Emily and Kim had eyes cut over from the counter. Paul had his head bowed as he pulled Rachel closer and Leah was gritting her teeth at the table while Josiah watched over his shoulder with unreadable eyes.

Bella kept her head up high, even though she was crumbling inside and knew that every supernatural ear could hear how fiercely her heart fought against strangulation. She felt like she could hear the fraying pop and flutter of dividing loyalties and familial fabric being drawn and quartered as tight as a drum.

They didn't understand.

But Bella did. Jacob didn't know how to be vulnerable. And he was so incredibly vulnerable right now.

She fought all her own knee-jerk reactionary defenses as she stopped by the counter and picked up the foil.

"I'll do this, sweetie," Kim murmured, putting a hand over hers.

Bella looked up to flashing indignation behind kind eyes.

"Go sit down," Kim whispered. "You need to take care of yourself." Her gaze cut pointedly over to the side of the room.

Bella could feel lines being drawn, palpably ratcheting up the tension in the room. Apparently so could Jacob. He set the untouched plate down on the radiator and, with a jerk of his chin to his two men, strode to the back door and yanked it open.

Sam and Embry each cast glances over their shoulders as they obediently followed. The door slammed loudly behind them and the childish laughter in the living room paused for a moment before it restarted again.

A squeeze on her arm brought her attention back to Kim's hazel eyes. "Go sit down," she pressed.

Bella was too tired to argue. With a soft sigh, she turned from the counter to find the four friends at the table watching her. Josiah extended a welcoming arm.

"C'mere, gorgeous," he murmured.

Bella crossed to the table and stepped over the bench lowering herself down beside him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, doing the same with Leah on the other side.

"My two favorite girls," he chuckled squeezing them both.

Leah met her eyes over his chest. "Just a take a week," she whispered.

Bella expelled a breath of frustration as she sat up, subtly pulling away from Josiah. He released her with his arm but caught her with his eyes.

"We could show you around Greenwich Village," he smiled. "I have a friend who's playing at the Bitter End next weekend."

"I can't leave right now," she told him quietly, watching Rachel make some sort of frustrated flail across the table that Paul tried to smother. "Maybe next year?"

"Now why is that, Bella?" Josiah's arm slipped from Leah's shoulders as he turned more toward her and fixed her with striking eyes and uncharacteristic directness. He was betting his hand and dumping chips on Leah's play. And, as he liked to claim, Josiah always played to win.

"Let's help with dessert," Rachel murmured across the table. Bella looked up to see her turning off the bench and threatening her husband to do the same with a meaningful stare. Jacob's sister had obviously decided the best thing she could do to assist this play was to fold and give them privacy.

Paul glanced across the table and rolled sarcastic eyes before he slipped off the bench. Privacy was such a human pretense.

"Hmm? Because it seems like you're passing up the perfect opportunity," Josiah continued in an accent that was all liquid grace.

Bella turned back to that captivating smile.

"Lee's working in the City for another week, I've scheduled a light roster. It seems like a holiday might do you well," he arched a brow. "I even have miles that I could be convinced to donate to the cause."

It was no secret that Josiah was a professional in this area – according to Leah, though he sported equally potent fists, he used charm to bend his hapless victim to his will. She knew he meant well, but what Bella needed right now was support, not pressure.

In the background, children's squeals of excitement poured into the kitchen for brownies and ice cream.

She wrinkled her nose apologetically. "Josi, there's stuff you don't understand," she told him plainly, a subtle bite under the claim that begged him to lay off.

Unperturbed, he sniffed a laugh. "I believe I've figured that much out myself, gorgeous," he chuckled while his eyes darted theatrically up to the sky and he propped an elbow on the table. The humor slipped from his face as he leaned in a little closer, pinning her with eyes that were frighteningly frank. "But something I do _unequivocally_ understand is how a man should a treat a woman."

Bella pressed her lips together while her eyes paced restlessly back and forth between his. "Josi…" she whispered.

"Here you go."

She looked up to Paul proffering two bowls of dessert.

"Thank you," she met his eyes. Set in a cocky smirk, they were stone cold sober.

"Thank you, mate," Josiah smiled as he took the dish, still watching her out of the corner of his eye.

Bella clutched the distraction like the lifering it was, and turned around to the table, digging in with counterfeit enthusiasm like she actually had an appetite. The animated sounds of kids and kitchen swallowed the uncomfortable silence between them on the bench.

On the other side of the table three of the five year old set popped up like gophers while bowls of ice cream and brownie were set in front of them by mothers' hands.

"I wove ice cweam," Raven professed deferentially.

"Only thing better is ice cream and warm brownie," Bella agreed as she lifted her bite to her mouth, shamelessly hiding behind five-year old skirts.

Josiah wasn't buying it. "I'd like it very much if you considered my words, Bella," he murmured beside her.

Bella's nerves only fueled her chronic clumsiness and the ice cream dropped off her spoon. The kids on the other side of the table burst into pealing giggles and she rolled her eyes.

With a snort, Leah handed down a pile of napkins and Josiah held them out while she retrieved the renegade blob from her lap and tossed it back in her bowl.

"Thanks," Bella took the offered napkins and started cleaning up. It had left a sticky trail all the way down her flannel shirt. "Gah," she huffed disgust from the roof of her mouth while the kids continued to laugh with full mouths.

She looked up with a melodramatic glare as she wiped herself clean and it only made things worse in the peanut gallery. "Yeah I suppose none of you ever-…"

"What's this?"

Josiah's silken murmur made Bella's stomach dive for her toes before her brain even realized why. She quickly tugged her shirt back into place as she turned to his eyes still glued to the spot where the mark had been unwittingly revealed by her clean-up efforts.

Blue eyes slipped up to hers, brows furrowed deeply over them.

"Um," she leaned back subtly. She wasn't sure if the room had gone silent or if it was the blood thrumming in her ears. By his profession, he'd know exactly what it was. "Just a… um, dog," she shrugged a dismissive shoulder.

"No," he spoke quietly. "The ratio of canine to jaw size is lupine."

His hand slipped back up to her shirt faster than Bella could react and incidental fingertips brushed the mark. She couldn't control her wince - the touch grated on every nerve like fingernails on a chalkboard.

At the same time the back door hit the house with a crash.

Bella didn't even have time to blink before Josiah was ripped off the bench so fiercely that it rocked and the table bucked against the floor.

With a gasp she turned to see Josiah's offending hand in a vise-like fist while Jacob loomed over him. His face was so cold and expressionless it was savage.

The room was suffocated by silence for two heartbeats before everything happened at once. Like a well-rehearsed drill, children were being scooped up into big brown arms three at once and women were being hustled – or carried, in Rachel's case – out of the kitchen. A child's wail of fear rose from somewhere in the house making the scene in the kitchen feel all the more grim.

Jacob's black dagger eyes staked his victim from behind a chilling mask of adamantine rage and every muscle in his body was just as stone-cold still. Josiah's back was to her but she could just see the curve of his cheekbone as he stared fearlessly back at his captor like the dominant male he was.

With a glance at where Leah was halfway turned from the table and frozen in terror, Bella pulled her legs up and oh, so slowly turned around. Catching movement in her periphery, her gaze darted past Jacob to where Sam was shaking his head minutely while he pinned her with a meaningful stare.

Returning her eyes to the two men before her, she slowly lowered her feet to the floor.

Bella could see the struggle in Jacob's contracting pupils and the subtle tremble of his nostrils - inside he was fighting a war. But like a smoking magma shell over molten rage, not a muscle in his body twitched. She knew that meant it was worse.

"You need to remove your hand Jacob," Josiah murmured.

Jacob still hadn't so much as blinked but after a pause, shockingly, in slow motion he peeled his fingers away from the man's wrist. "She's mine," he hissed as he did so, the words cutting through flesh like a razor blade.

Josiah rubbed his wrist. "Watching you, I'd never know," he bit out quietly.

Jacob's body convulsed in a subtle twisting jerk, like something was trying to claw its way up from the deep. Regaining control, his Adam's apple bobbed with an audible swallow before he slowly licked his lips.

He breathed each word like a lover's whisper, "lower your eyes, Josiah."

The foolish man squared his jaw instead.

"Jo," Leah whimpered.

"_Now_." The word was pushed over Jacob's thinned lips by a contraction of his diaphragm.

"For no man, Jacob," he murmured.

Jacob's nostrils flared wide as the muscles jumped on either side of his face, baring canines.

_"I'm not a man,"_ he snarled as the black rings around his irises raced outward, filling in with enraged lambent gold.

Josiah gasped and threw a punch with the sheer shock.

Faster than Bella could process, the man's fist had been ripped from the air and jerked aside with such force, that he spun around into Jacob's big body. A burly arm snapped around Josiah's neck, yanking him back against his captor's torso.

Gagging on his terror, Josiah's free hand flew futilely to the elbow now choking him.

Things had unraveled so fucking quickly.

The room had gone as still as death, only a man's gasping grunts and a low guttural growl harshening the silence. In the burst of chaos, Sam and Embry had charged halfway across the room but were frozen stock still no more than 10 feet away. The unbearable tension was compressed between the rain, tapping nervously on the roof and the muffled sounds of a child's wail, seeping up through the floorboards.

Bella slowly pushed herself up from the bench and inflamed lupine eyes snapped to hers. She held those feral eyes, letting their fury rampage clear down to her open heart. "Jake…"

The muscles on either side of his nose jumped reflexively.

"Only you," she whispered.

He blinked once. Twice. And then his eyes were pushed into crescents by his frown.

Bella folded her hands calmly in front of her, ignoring Josiah's frightened gaze, begging for acknowledgement. Jacob was so lost right now – teetering dangerously between redemption and hell. One wrong move would push him over the edge.

Her face neutral and open, she stared into those animal eyes and waited patiently. She had faith in him. She'd _chosen_ to have faith which somehow made it all the more powerful.

Slowly Josiah's feet were lowered to the ground and the hand still stretching out Josiah's fist, slackened subtly. Her gaze darted down to the man's wide frightened eyes, fixed on her like she was either savior or satan, she couldn't be sure.

Jacob blinked soundly and when his eyes opened again, they were contracting back to flickering human black. His tongue skated over his lower lip for a moment – back and forth – before he drew in an open-mouthed breath.

"Here's three other things you need to _unequivocally_ understand," Jacob murmured, sarcasm sizzling over heat.

"You don't _touch_ a mating mark," he hissed, his eyes cutting down at his victim. "You don't look an agitated wolf in the eye."

Like a fiddlehead fern, his arm slowly began unfurling from the chokehold. "And you never _throw your fist_," he spat the words. "At an Alpha."

His hand dragged over Josiah's neck, fingers lingering cravingly on his windpipe for a moment while the man held immaculately still.

Jacob bent down to the man's ear. "Next time," he whispered. "I'll rip out your fucking throat."

For a second, Bella didn't think he'd be able to let the man go, then Jacob pushed him forcefully away.

Josiah fell to his hands and knees.

Jacob's eyes stayed trained on his prey for a moment while the man yanked air into his lungs in whooping gasps. Then they lifted, cocking like rifles as they slowly swept the room. Heads tucking feverishly to their chests, Paul and Seth were frozen just inside the kitchen door while Sam and Embry stood with heads bowed in the middle of the room.

Jacob's eyes landed in Bella's… and then he spun on his heel.

With a jerk in his stride, he stalked past the two wolves in the doorway as they took cowering steps back. The foundation shook with the thundering slam of the front door.

For several seconds the house was utterly silent.

Then Leah threw herself from the bench.

The four wolves looked up in unison and downstairs the child started wailing again.

"Oh my God, Josi," Leah was sobbing she fell to her knees at his side and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Head bowed, the man sat up slowly. Disconcerted eyes blinked open and found Bella's as he wrapped an arm around Leah and pulled her to his shoulder.

"He's crazy!" Leah hissed while her hands ran over her lover's face. "Someone needs to put that fucking animal down."

"**LEAH!"** Bella barked.

Leah whipped around with a Molotov cocktail of emotions smoldering in her face: shock, fear, hate, indignation.

Bella tore her eyes from the fire and cast them over her Pack. Collin, Brady and Joe were now standing in the doorway with worried faces. Families whimpered downstairs and a gasping man kneeled on the kitchen floor while outside long agitated howls climbed the pouring rain. The same fire ran through all of their veins and it frightened them. Torn between two worlds, every one of them fought desperately to be something they'd never fully be again: human.

She could see it in their eyes – they didn't know what to think. Or more importantly, how to _feel_.

Bella settled her shoulders back as she turned around to face the room. "I will _not_ have my Pack torn apart," she bit out quietly, meeting each man's struggling gaze. "He held _every one of you_ together when he was falling apart."

She paused, her eyes sweeping back around the kitchen. "Now it's time to return the favor."

Her gaze landed on Leah's bowed head and shaking shoulders. Josiah had her wrapped in his arms and was watching Bella with intense eyes.

Eyes that needed answers.

"Sam," she called and then looked up and met his gaze. "You and Emily sit with them and tell Josi _what else_ he needs to understand. Tell him everything."

Leah's head whipped up with a gasp. Bella ignored her.

Sam nodded curtly.

"The rest of you, comfort your mates and cubs," she spoke clearly and crisply – not entirely certain where her heart was finding the strength. "Let them know this is just another thing we're doing to take care of each other."

Heads tipped down deferentially and with another glance at the fear inflating Leah's face, Bella turned toward the door. Josiah was the only one who could reassure her – and she was certain that he would.

Bella strode through the quiet toward the living room, passing giants who were casting glances up from under furrowed brows.

She paused in the doorway. "Jacob is also a man," she whispered – knowing all the ears that need to, heard her. "He needs to be loved like one, even when he's fucking up."

With that she strode across the living room and out the front door. Closing it quietly behind her, her eyes swept a soaked yard and down a grey gravel drive to the man, braced against the hood of his car with head bowed in the rain.

Bella was pleasantly surprised – she'd expected a trail of shredded clothes across the lawn. Keeping her eyes trained on Jacob, she crossed the porch and descended the stairs.

The rain was coming down in sheets now. Bella pushed an impatient hand through curls that were instantly tugged into her face as her feet crunched down the driveway.

Jacob's black tee shirt was already soaked, clinging to railroad muscles excised down his back. Head bowed, his hair was hanging over his face and collecting rain in fat drops that fell to the hood with the soft thunk of metal.

Bella squeegeed the water out of her face as she approached, slowly skirting around him to the side of the car. Hugging her wet flannel, Bella stopped by the driver's side.

"Hey," she whispered, cocking her head to try and see his face. "Let's go home."

For a minute she thought he'd just ignore her – the same as he'd done all afternoon – but then he coughed a laugh. It was a dark hopeless sound.

Slowly he lifted his head, black eyes peering at her from between the wet ebony strands of hair over his face.

Bella sucked in a breath – his nose was bleeding over his lip like he'd been socked in the face. It was a shocking testament to the brutality of the war within.

"Jake," she breathed, squeezing herself tighter. She wished he'd just let her hold him.

His lips hitched up in an empty smirk. " 'Can't drive," he coughed a laugh, like the fact disgusted him. Like _he_ disgusted himself.

Bella stared back at him a moment. "I can." Slipping a hand from her arm, she slowly held it out, palm up. "Let me drive for a little while," she whispered.

The double entendre was certainly not lost on that sharp mind. His eyes fluttered closed and he shook his head with bitter hitch to his lips.

Bella reached up and wiped the rain from her face with her free hand while the other one waited patiently.

With another sniff, Jacob pushed off the car, raking both hands through his sopping hair. He stared up at the grey clouds for a moment, blinking at the raindrops, then a hand dove into his pocket. He pulled it back out with the jingle of keys.

She didn't reach for them - Bella watched his face while she kept her hand outstretched. He kept his eyes carefully lowered as he reached over the hood with a long arm and dropped them six inches into her palm.

Of course with her unenviable reflexes they tumbled over the side of her hand to the gravel. Jacob's gaze snapped to hers, and Bella decided the mortification was worth it for a single unguarded second of those eyes.

She lifted a cheeky brow. "Grace at its best," she flashed him a grin. She didn't wait for his reaction but ducked down to grab the keys.

When she straightened, Jacob was pacing away from her while he clawed his hands back over his bowed head. Watching him worriedly, Bella smeared the water from her face again and then stripped off her flannel and opened the car door.

She dropped it in the footwell and then gingerly slid into the seat – but any attempts at sparing his car was a losing battle.

She closed the door just as the passenger side opened. Avoiding her eye, Jacob wiped a brusque fist under his bloody nose and then stooped down to push the seat all the way back. He climbed in while Bella searched around for the lever on her side– it felt like she was sitting in the back seat she was so far from the wheel. Finding it, she pulled the seat up to the end of the track and then glanced at her passenger.

Eyes closed, Jacob had his head tipped up and was leaning the chair back. A fine mist was rising from his shirt and blood was smeared across an expressionless face that looked sallow with dark circles crouched beneath empty eyes. He looked miserable and hopeless and Bella wanted to lean over the parking brake and wrap him in a hug. But she wouldn't – just like with his wolf, she'd wait until he came to her. At least he was in the car with her.

Letting her drive.

It was progress and it was more than good enough for Bella. Turning back to the task at hand she thumbed through his keys and then slipped the right one into the steering column on the first try. Cocking her head she peered down at the pedals, touching her foot to each one as she settled her hands on the steering wheel and oriented herself to his car.

She turned the ignition and the vehicle roared to life. Putting it in reverse, she then turned over her shoulder and backed tentatively out of the driveway and onto the road. She shifted into drive and turned the windshield wipers on, grateful for empty Rez roads ahead.

A soft laugh made her turn and glance at where Jacob was watching her with a subtle smile on his lips and she rolled her eyes. She knew she looked stupid – sitting up straight and as close to the wheel as possible, while she drove at a grandma's pace through the rain.

She brought the car to a complete halt at a useless stop-sign with no traffic in sight, and then made a right turn, starting to relax a little with his car.

Apparently Jacob was doing the same. A glance at him showed the humor gone from his face and a return of the black cloud.

" 'You okay?" she whispered out over the road.

For almost a minute he didn't answer while raindrops spattered over the soft top and the steady thrum of windshield wipers careened back and forth like a frenetic mechanical puppet show.

Then he spoke – so quietly that she could barely make out the words. "The wolf wants to kill him."

Bella glanced over at her passenger. Body as still as a statue with head tipped up to the ceiling and eyes closed – she almost doubted that he'd actually spoken at all.

But then his eyes cracked open just enough that she could distinguish the black irises staring at her over the plane of his cheeks. "I'm a fucking animal."

Bella blinked and then turned back to the road, readjusting her hands on the steering wheel. She licked her lips and tried to figure out what the hell to say. The conversation with Sam had helped her see things more clearly but all of a sudden they seemed muddy again. She was afraid she'd say the wrong thing but all she could do was her best, right?

Settling her jaw she sat up a little straighter. "Yes you are," she agreed simply.

She could hear Jacob shift in his seat. Cutting her eyes over at him she found him watching her closely – she had his attention. She ran her tongue absently over the backs of her teeth as she turned back out the windshield and tried to scrape together what she wanted to say.

"You're a _wolf_," she continued in a clear but quiet voice. "And a wolf doesn't give a fuck about whether the male is a clueless human or the boyfriend of someone who used to be Pack. They protect their mate. Things are simple, right?" she glanced at him.

His eyes were open a little more and staring up at the ceiling. He was listening.

"But you're also a _man_, Jake," she whispered, returning her gaze to the road. "That's why you didn't kill him."

Some part of herself couldn't believe she was so calmly talking about her sunny childhood best friend and such savagery, but this was reality for him now. She needed to accept that. And he did too.

"But you haven't been taking very good care of the man, Jake," she turned the car through the next empty intersection, ignoring the stop sign. "In fact, as far as I can see, you've been trying very hard not to be human at all," she told him quietly with another glance his way. He hadn't moved a muscle.

"I was talking to Sam today…" she admitted in a whisper. "He said his wolf blamed him for Emily and thought the man was weak for letting shit happen." It wasn't exactly what he'd said but it was a more expedient means to the ends she wanted him to understand. "But Sam took what _he_ _needed_ as a man – he took Emily's love and forgiveness and that made him strong enough to keep the wolf in check."

A soft squeak of wet shirt against the seat made her cut her eyes over at where Jacob had turned away from her and was now staring out the window.

Bella pressed boldly on. "This is what I think, Jake," she whispered. "I think it's not about _fighting_ the wolf. It's about balance. Only the _wolf_ is taking what he needs right now – the man's starving himself to death."

Drawing in a deep breath, she released it slowly while she licked her lips. "There's nothing wrong with the wolf. He just doesn't understand. I taught him how to be with me – how to be a little more human – and you can too. But you have to be strong enough to do that. You have to let yourself have what you need."

She hoped she was making sense; she felt like she was just blabbing away on some meandering soliloquy. She glanced at her passenger – still staring wordlessly out the window.

With a sigh, she returned her eyes to the road. They were almost home and she was fairly certain that as soon as the car stopped, the spell would be broken and her captive audience would flee for the house.

But she had on more thing to say.

"I'm proud of you," she whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the road. "You held it together this afternoon after a shitty Council meeting and all the rest of the crap this weekend." She cocked her head thoughtfully and turned the car onto the last road.

"I think you've had to be strong for too long," she breathed. "You're a man and you need to be able to be weak with someone too," she borrowed her father's words and turned into his driveway.

The car lurched and bumped over the long driveway. "You don't have to be perfect for me," she told him quietly as she pulled up to the house. "I'm your friend, Jake."

Throwing the car into park, she turned to the man who was already pulling his seat upright.

"Thanks for letting me drive you home," she whispered as he pushed open the door and the sound of rain flooded the car.

Without a backward glance, he got out of the car and shut the door soundly behind him. Heaving a sigh, Bella turned off the engine and leaned back against the seat for a moment, watching his long stride eat up the ground. He bounded up the porch stairs in two steps and disappeared into the house.

"Well, didn't that work like a charm," she muttered sarcastically to herself while she listened to the rain plunk against the soft convertible top. She yanked up the parking break and pulled the keys from the ignition, grabbing up her sopping flannel from the floor before opening her door.

The rain was still coming down hard. Hunching her shoulders, she threw the door closed and then ran for the house. Jacob had left the front door open and, wiping the water from her face, she pulled open the screen and stepped into the dark house.

Apparently he'd retreated to his bedroom – the door was closed at the end of the hallway. Bella did the same.

She tossed her flannel into the pile of dirty clothes by the closet and then stood in the room for a moment, shivering in her wet camisole and deciding a warm bath was in order. Digging out a sweatshirt and some yoga pants she then crossed the hallway to the bathroom for a warm shower.

She stood under the steaming spray for a good 15 minutes, letting her mind spin while the water chased the chill from her bones. She hoped she'd said _something_ in the car that helped him get through this. After last night, this afternoon had been frustrating to feel like she was back at square one with him, but – like they'd both said yesterday – neither of them knew where this was going.

It was quite possible that it wouldn't go anywhere.

Bella rubbed her face briskly and picked up the soap. No, she wouldn't let herself slip back into that dark space. There had already been some progress and she'd chosen faith.

And she'd needed the patience to back that up.

She wouldn't abandon him again, even if they ended up standing in this same precarious spot for the rest of their lives.

Bella finished her shower, keeping a more disciplined hold on her mind this time, and then dried off and got dressed. She wiped a hand across the steamy mirror and brushed her hair, staring back at a girl whose eyes were open and steady. Last night she'd stumbled and Jacob had picked her up and set her back on her feet. Today she'd been strong and done everything she could to do the same for him.

She was proud of _herself_.

Bella pulled open the door and strode across the hallway back to her room and deposited her dirty clothes in the growing pile.

Wiping her hands on her thighs, Bella turned to her room and stared at the bed. Outside the rainy dusk was starting to fade into night and she wasn't looking forward to sleeping by the window again. She didn't feel like working on her computer or reading – she just wanted to veg a little and recover from the afternoon. In fact, maybe she'd just watch a little more TV.

Smacking her lips, she headed back out of her room to do just that.

With a glance at the closed door at the end of the hall, she turned and walked slowly toward the living room. She wished Jacob would-…

He was already sitting in the easy chair.

Bella froze for a moment in surprise. Dressed again in a tee shirt and those pajama pants, he was staring stoically at the ceiling with his bare feet propped up on the footrest.

A small smile flickered over her lips and, without a word, she strode through the living room to the kitchen. She got down two bowls and filled one with Oreos and the other with Cheetos and then pulled her take-out chopsticks out of the dish drain. Fetching a beer for him and a soda for her from the refrigerator, she tucked them under each arm and then grabbed up the bowls and headed back out to the living room.

He was in the same position with blind eyes lost in space. Watching him, Bella trailed along the back of the couch. His gaze met hers as she neared and she wordlessly offered him the beer.

Jacob searched her face for a moment and then he reached out and took the bottle from her hand.

Next, Bella offered him a smile and the cookies and he took both. Propping the drink between his thighs he reached out for the bowl while his eyes consumed the expression on her face like he was starving. He dropped his gaze to the beer and she turned and set the Cheetos and soda on the coffee table.

Rubbing her arms against the chill of the two drinks, she paced the length of the room to the TV and grabbed up the remote from the entertainment center. She switched her weight to one hip and clicked the thing on and waited until the station directory flickered on the screen. Behind her, the soft hiss of an opening beer joined the dorky smooth jazz as she watched the schedule grid scroll up with its offerings for the evening.

Channel 32 was still in the middle of a 24-hour marathon of Friends, apparently. Reruns ran straight through to midnight.

Bella turned over her shoulder to catch a thoughtful and unguarded furrow to Jacob's brow before he quickly ironed it out.

"Friends again?" she asked.

He nodded once and then took a sip of his beer.

Bella turned back to the TV and punched in 32 and a commercial clicked into place on screen. With a satisfied purse of her lips, she set the remote down and then turned back to the room.

Jacob's eyes were buried in the bottom of his beer. Head bowed, damp hair hanging over his eyes and dressed pajamas with a bowl of Oreos balanced on his thigh he looked vulnerable and lost. Bella wanted more than anything to cross the room and wrap him in her arms.

She suppressed the urge and returned to the couch, shimmying along the coffee table to sit in the corner again. She pulled her Cheetos into her lap and picked up the soda and cracked it open, taking a sip of burning bubbles before setting it back down again. On the way back, her eyes swept incidentally over the man in the chair to find him watching her from under his lashes. She gave him an encouraging smile as she picked up her chopsticks and pulled her feet up on the couch.

Slowly Jacob lifted his head, staring at her straight-on with unreadable eyes. His hand slipped to the cookies and he picked up the bowl, pointedly holding her gaze while he leaned over the arm rest and set them on the floor.

His hand raised slowly again until he was reaching out to her in a wordless petition.

Bella blinked, drawing in an inadvertent breath. She wasn't sure whether he wanted the Cheetos or her, so she brought both as she slipped her feet back down to the floor and stood. But as she took the few steps to the lazy boy, the intensity in his eye told her exactly what he was asking for.

As soon as she got close enough, he took it.

Eyes locked with hers, his hand snaked around her waist, pulling her into a burly arm while he tucked the beer between his thigh and the chair. Then he took the bowl from her and effortlessly pulled her up into his lap like she weighed as much as a kitten.

Lowering her gaze , Bella leaned haltingly back against his shoulder as he handed her back her snack. The hum of their bond sparkled around her like fireflies making her melt against him in a tingling puddle.

He felt _so incredibly good_.

She gingerly rearranged herself, pressing her temple against his jaw as her feet wrapped around a thick calf of their own accord. Jacob's hand reached down to the lever of the chair and slowly pushed it into a recline.

His arm slipped back up to wrap around her waist and Bella closed her eyes, just…_feeling_.

The rise and fall of his breath, the dampness of her hair, the way his warmth and strength and body swaddled her in safety and comfort.

Jacob rubbed his jaw against her temple – the scruff tickling and plucking at her hair. Nearly inaudible, his words escaped over his lips on a soft sigh. "You feel so fucking good."

Bella's eyes fluttered open as she turned her cheek and pressed it into his neck. "Then stop trying to let me go," she whispered.

His arm curled a little tighter around her waist as the other tentatively left the armrest to encircle her completely. She felt Jacob slowly relax under her, resting his cheek against her head as the TV show came back on. For several minutes they watched in silence – it was a handy mental prop while bodies and hearts fed ravenously on the closeness.

A lazy taffy smile stretched her lips as her lids drooped - she felt warm and heavy and drunk. _This_ was exactly what she'd been searching for in the bottom of a bottle all these years.

"Why are you still my friend, huh?" he sniffed the words over her hair with a kind of disbelief.

Bella sat up a little, turning around with a frown. Jacob let his head loll back against the chair while his eyes watched her over the expressionless slate of his cheeks.

"You know why," she murmured.

His gaze flitted over her face while his tongue darted out in a minute lap over his lips. "I wanna hear you say it," he breathed.

Bella cocked her head while her eyes ran thoughtfully over that impassive face - she wasn't sure if he was asking what she thought he was asking, or if he was going to throw her off of this chair at the answer. She sniffed a little laugh and then turned to her bowl of Cheetos and settled her chopsticks in her hand. Plucking up a neon orange puff she turned back to him.

His eyes paced between hers as she ferried it right up to his lips. "Because I love you, Jacob Black," she told him simply. "Still."

She could feel his muscles jump and she caught the arm that tried to escape with a squeeze of her elbow.

"Want a Cheeto?" she arched a brow.

With a thick swallow, those lips parted and she popped the chip into his mouth. Bella grinned happily – just because she felt like it – before she flopped back against his shoulder.

That jaw settled slowly against her head again and she listened to the cautious crunch of his chews.

Returning her eyes to the sitcom, she grabbed another Cheeto and joined him while she watched Ross battle a broken thumb with slapstick finesse.

A deep chuckle bounced under her ear at the antics on the screen and a smile broke out on Bella's face like a reflex. That just might be her favorite sound in the world right now.

She pulled out another Cheeto and blindly offered it up behind her. It was snatched from her chopsticks and then his jaw rested against her head. She felt his words more than heard them, breathed over her temple between chomping chews.

"Love you more."

Bella's heart stopped in her chest as her eyes fluttered closed and she let the warmth of three simple words seep in and restart it. Opening her eyes, she plucked a cheese curl from her bowl with a kind of reverence.

"Nope." She punctuated her certainty with a Cheeto crunch.

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_Review if you like._


	11. Part XI - Pause

Happy New Year. Sorry for the delay - it could use more editing too (when can it not?). Hopefully it's smooth enough to enjoy.

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**A little A/V:**

**A:** in love with this song right now – "Down here" by Stateless (loving a lot of their stuff)

**V:** just fyi, in my head Josi is played by a British Michael Ealy – a gorgeous man with the most soulful eyes ever

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_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

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**XI. Pause**

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Bella's eyes fluttered open slowly to a forest, bathed with rising mists and sunshine showering through the canopy in rolling columns. Light clung to her lashes like rainbow stars, falling free like glitter over her cheeks. A gentle breeze sighed over leaves and plucked a tinkling wind chime somewhere over the dreamy percussion of distant waves.

She blinked slowly, turning her face to the sound. Filtering around dark trunks, light was diffuse making the world around her look ethereal and over exposed.

But warm… so warm.

The scent of pine forests and a secret sun bathed her in comfort, soaking through her thirsty skin to the yearning marrow of her bones.

"Mmm," she sighed.

She took the first step, lazy and languid, moving through the thickened peace like water. Her tip toe touched loamy forest floor, then the fluidly rocked back over the ball to her heel - a caressing footstep that relished the earth underfoot.

Then the next.

Her breath was soft in her ear over that far away whisper of waves. Eyes flitted over dreamy this world around her as she passed a pine branch reaching down from that light and her fingers raised to catch the droplet of water hanging from a delicate needle.

Eyes closing softly, she ferried the cool bead to smear over her cheek, first on one side, and then the other, streaking her cheek like war-paint with presence. Head listing dreamily to the side, she brushed the pad of her finger over her lips and found the moisture salty like tears.

And tasting of Jacob.

She blinked back into the world. Wherever it was.

Casting her gaze around her, the sound of surf crashed quietly and she turned into the sound, moving with an urgency that was muted to languor by the thickness around her. She flowed through the woods that were now weeping with soft taps of rain, hands at her side dragging slightly behind her as her footstep whispered with her breath in her ear.

The forest peeled back from a clearing where the trees were indistinct shadows over light dispersed by mists.

Her eyes swept around her. One side of the thicket was swallowed by velvet shade, the other was painted by the pastel glow of scattered sun. In the distance, the waves reared up and then pounded to shore.

"Jake?" she called quietly. A breeze swirled around her, tugging her hair and loosening a pelting flutter of droplets onto the ground and her brows pushed together in confusion as her searching gaze slipped back the other way.

Incandescent eyes were watching her from where there'd been nothing but empty shadows moments ago.

Bella froze, her breath snatched back over her lips as those golden orbs blinked slowly. "Hey," she whispered, turning her body around to the wolf, hiding in the gloom.

The animal's head canted to the side.

The tension in her face cracked and crumbled away as her lips curved in relief and Bella raised her hand slowly out toward the beast until her palm was outstretched. Pleading.

His head tipped the other direction and then those eyes seemed to float toward her, darkness slipping away from its massive body like a veil. It had been over a month since she'd seen him – barring that nightmare night after the attack - and she'd forgotten just how huge the animal was. She lowered her gaze, tipping her chin toward her right shoulder and instinctively baring the mark. An errant curl slipped over her face as she watched the beast out of the corner of her eye.

With a soft chuff, the wolf shook its head - a movement that rolled down its body, making the fur dance. Then he slinked hesitantly toward her.

Bella held still as the animal stretched out its muzzle and snuffled at her hair. A wet nose touched her temple and then trailed down her cheek, snatching cool breaths over her skin. He pressed his snout under her jaw and then followed the curve of her neck down to the mark. A large warm tongue lapped over her skin making her want to slither down to her knees as her bones melted.

A contented rumble awoke somewhere deep within the beast and it took another taste of his mark. Then his nose snuffled his way back up under her chin and rooted gently into her neck, urging her face upward.

Bella's eyes had closed during the survey and they blinked open to a sober yellow stare. Her lips curved softly as she lifted her head.

"Hey," she whispered, watching those felty ears snap up to attention. Her smile broadened as she slowly lifted a hand out to the beast and tentative fingers ghosted up the cowlicked fur on his snout.

Heavy-lidded lambent eyes blinked and that rumble deepened as her fingers combed back through the fur. Slowly he lowered his head as she got two hands involved in scratching along his jaw up to ears that were now flattened submissively.

As she stroked the russet fur, the beast bowed his head more and then took two fluid steps into her, pressing his big forehead into the trench between her breasts. Warm breath spilled down her stomach to skate intimately along her inner thighs and Bella froze.

She was completely nude. And she couldn't care less.

It was only a second's hesitation before she was wrapping her arms as far around that massive head as she could, diving her hands into the thick ruff on his neck. She leaned into the animal, rubbing her cheek over the fur between his ears as the animal panted and his breath wrapped her body in heat like a second skin.

"Jake," she sighed happily.

Those ears darted up – one inadvertently buffeting her nose and she sniffed and sputtered over a giggle.

The beast reared back so carefully that her hands dragged from neck to along his jaw and he examined her face with serious eyes.

Bella smiled at that wrinkled forehead. "Love you," she whispered.

Ears bunched up more as his head tipped to the side and Bella laughed softly. Her hands fisting in the fur of his neck, she leaned in and translated the words in a rub of jaw to jaw.

"Love you," she repeated quietly. "All of you."

She could feel the vibration of his velvety lupine purr in his jaw as the beast rested his muzzle on her shoulder and bumped her head gently.

But then something changed.

Heat rippled over her like fresh sheets from a dryer and she felt a strange prickling under her fingertips like static. In another world, she might have been afraid, but the wolf was so utterly relaxed, still rubbing with lazy unconcern against her jaw that Bella's eyes fluttered closed, instinctively letting her hands fall away from his pelt.

The air around her seemed to tingle with the sound of rice cripsies and slowly the wolf began to change. She could hear the crackle of bones reforming in the backdraft of heat as that snout withdrew from her shoulder and the shape of the head pressed against her changed. Fur seemed to retract from skin until warm silk with the scratch of stubble was nuzzling against her cheek.

That lupine rumble evaporated into a soft hum as palms skated up her bare arms. Jacob's face turned into her cheek and he rubbed his nose over her skin as her own hands slipped up to a smooth bare human chest.

Bella's eyes blinked open to a brown shoulder and she subtly pulled back, looking for his eyes. He resisted a moment, dragging lax lips up her temple, before the man straightened, resting his hands on her shoulders.

Jacob towered over her with strands of jaw-length hair falling over a face that somehow looked softer, younger. His eyes were closed, a dark fringe of lashes splayed over rich skin.

"Jake?" she whispered.

Those lashes pushed into his cheek for a moment, then they slowly cracked open to incandescent eyes. Ringed in black, they were the size of a human's iris but an unnaturally heated gold and set in an expressionless face.

Bella's breath caught in her chest – frightened for some reason.

"J-Jake?" she quavered.

He blinked once. "We're here," he whispered. His voice was deeper somehow and roughened by wild.

Bella's gaze darted over his face, suddenly understanding: she'd been scared that the man had been lost. But he… wasn't?

One of the hands left her shoulder and she blinked back to attention in those eerie eyes. Knuckles brushed over her jaw and then his hand spread over her cheek, cupping her face as delicately as a butterfly with newborn wings. That gaze took an unhurried inventory of whatever he saw in her eyes and then caressed down her face, ending on her mouth.

A furrow pushed his brows together as his thumb traced over her lower lip with first a feather touch then a lazy pressure that smeared the full shape. His eyes returned to hers as his hand slipped slowly from her face. He ferried it across the distance and his thumb brushed the kiss over the full russet of his own mouth before both hands fell to his sides.

His tongue darted out to skate over his lower lip. "We miss you," he breathed.

Bella's heart thudded painfully. "I'm here," she told him as her palms smoothed up his chest to his shoulders. Her fingers curved fiercely into his skin. "I'm not leaving."

His eyes rolled up under the lids as his face melted into an expression of suffering, yearning.

And then he crumbled to his knees.

Heavy arms wrapped around, making her take a step into his body. Bella snaked her hands around his neck, pulling him closer still. He slowly rubbed his nose back and forth between her breasts while hot moist breath hitched down over her torso. It was so similar to what Jedi had done that first afternoon, but it couldn't have felt more different.

Watching him with concern, she held him tightly with one arm while she combed her fingers through his hair, dragging her nails over his scalp. He stilled under her touch, turning slowly to press his cheek to her sternum. His nose rooted under her breast and he squeezed her tight.

"I'm so lost, Bells," he mumbled into her skin. "So tired."

Bella's hand stilled in is hair and her palm slipped down to cup the back of his head, pulling it fiercely to her breast.

Time had no meaning in this place. For moments or hours Bella held him like this, listening to the heartbeat rhythm of the surf, watching how his shoulders hitched with ragged breaths that tumbled down her side with warmth.

A light breeze sighed through the trees, loosing raindrops from the pine to patter over the leaves and Bella's eyes swept around the dreamscape once more. Dark trunks stood shadow sentry in the misty wood while light poured through an invisible canopy in rays strung with prism beads.

Her gaze returned to the man in her arms. "Jake," she whispered.

When he didn't move, her arm slipped up so she could stroke both hands through his hair. "Look at me, honey," she breathed.

With harsh sniffle, slowly Jacob lifted his head at the same time he released her and sat back on his heels. Tired luminescent eyes blinked open.

Bella gasped quietly. They were a boy's eyes lost to the wolf and set into man's face hemorrhaging with grief like an open wound. Even supernatural heat couldn't camouflage the way they suffered. It was a heartbreaking testament to the burden of hosting two spirits in a ravaged soul.

Taking a step toward him, she lifted fingers to ghost over his regal cheekbone and watched long straight lashes flutter.

"I love you both," she whispered, watching her fingers stroke down a smooth cheek to his jaw, lined with the masculine scruff of the man he was now. "And see?" she looked up into that heartbreaking gaze. "I've found you so you can't be lost," she smiled sadly as her hand joined the other to cup his jaw.

She held that face in her hands for a moment, then she leaned down to brush her lips over his in a gentle caress.

He sucked her breath greedily over lax lips and she released it willingly. Her skin clung desperately to his as she slowly pulled back, finally relenting with an intimate smack. It was then that she noticed how heavy her body felt, how hot the blood ran in her veins. She wanted to push him down into the leaves and kiss him for hours until he rolled over and made love to her for longer still.

But that's not what he needed right now. It's not what she needed either.

Her thumbs brushed over his jaw as she drew back and looked into those haunting and haunted eyes. "Let's just rest here, Jake," she breathed. "You and me."

Lambent eyes darted back and forth between hers for a moment and then his arms were swaddling her into a heated chest. Bella wrapped her arms around his neck as he scooped her up in his arms bridal style and pushed off the forest floor.

Closing her eyes, she leaned her forehead against his jaw as he flowed through the misty forest. She didn't know what he was doing or where he was taking her, but she couldn't find it in her heart to care.

When he stopped and started lowering them both down, Bella's eyes blinked open to the lazy-boy chair from his house... sitting in the middle of the forest, no less. It made perfect sense, as it certainly should.

"Ahh," she breathed lowering her head down to his shoulder again and pressing her face into his neck. "It's a dream," she murmured into his skin.

Jacob's chuckles jumped under her ear, sounding like a velvet hammer on a kettledrum. She smiled as she felt him rock back into position in the chair.

"That's my favorite sound in the world," she sighed softly as he pushed the chair back into a recline. Bella tilted back with his body, curling her knees around his torso wrapping her arm around his neck tighter. Her free hand clamped onto the thick forearm resting on her waist.

He squeezed her closer to his body as she burrowed up under his jaw, drinking in that delectable scent. "Mmm," she hummed happily.

Jacob pressed a kiss to her hairline and then leaned against her head. "Don't leave," he whispered.

She tried to tell him she wasn't but her tongue was suddenly very heavy. Her eyes tried to open but they were stuck fast.

Panic exploded in her chest at the sensation of floating upwards and she fought tooth and nail too keep from being dragged from his arms. She squeezed his neck tighter with a little shriek of fear that was muted to a mumble by unresponsive lips.

"Shhh."

A hand rubbed over her back and Bella her muscles went rigid as it pulled her back in her body. With a gasp her eyes popped open to cold clear consciousness… and caramel and licorice. Slowly Bella lifted her head and confection turned into strands of ebony hair and a rich tawny complexion. She blinked rapidly, trying to orient herself while she drew in a breath that was saturated with musk and male and pine.

Finally, her gaze darted up to find his eyes watching her over the stoic planes of cheeks. Blinking again, her gaze chased around the living room, awash in early light and her mind finally made its grand entrance.

They were still sitting in the easy chair from last night.

Just like in the dream, she was curled around him, pretty much like she was clinging to him for dear life. Head resting back against the chair, Jacob was watching her from a worn wooden mask. She pulled her arm from around his neck and released his forearm as she sat up a bit more. The more sentient she became, the more horrified.

She quickly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and her eyes darted down to the lavish pool of drool darkening his shirt.

"Oh my God," she wrinkled her nose in disgust as she returned sheepishly to those unreadable eyes. "I drooled all over you."

A ghost of a smile softened those russet lips and his shoulder hopped in dismissal.

She was so disoriented.

Sitting up more, she rubbed her face briskly and then pushed her hands back through sleep tangled curls. Her hands slapped down to her thighs… and his arm. Bella looked down and saw that he was still holding her – an absent hand rubbing back and forth on her hip.

But Bella had gotten very little reassurance from anyone over the last few months so it wasn't surprising that insecurity was the most accessible thing this morning.

"And I'll bet your legs are asleep," she grimaced as she started to push off his lap. She froze at the sight of his smile – it had grown roots and it was the most mesmerizing thing she'd ever seen.

Holding her gaze, Jacob reached down to the lever and pulled the chair slowly upright while Bella bit her lip. His hand left her hip and skated up her arm to her hair and his eyes did a brief circuit of her face as his fingers brushed so lightly over her curls.

His eyes returned to hers – they were deep and still. "Best sleep I've ever had," he whispered.

Her lip popped free and her tongue traced over the dent. As if in response, something hot and hard twitched against her hip and every neuron in her brain converged on the sensation of the thick ridge of flesh pressed against her side. Suddenly she realized how hot and heavy she herself was idling and that their bodies were obviously engaged in their own private conversation.

Like she was a little girl again (and that this body hadn't already fucked her brains out on multiple occasions), a blush rushed to her cheeks.

Jacob watched all this pass clearly over his face as his lips kicked up on side in a roguish smirk. "_He_ wouldn't agree," he murmured with a jump of his brow.

Tension and embarrassment burst free in righteousness. "Jake!" she complained pushing his chest.

His face cracked in a grin as he chuckled and stood, bringing her effortlessly up with him and setting her on her feet. He was still laughing softly – that luscious silk chocolate sound – as he stretched his hands to the ceiling.

Her body reacted to the lithe feline stretch of virile musculature and the swath of toffee abs bared by his shirt, but her heart beat it to the punch. There was something relaxed about the movement. Like he felt… good.

Or at least better.

With a grunt, he looked back down with a twilight smile lingering on his lips. "I'm gonna make some coffee," he murmured.

and his hand slipped up to the small of her back absently as he pushed by her. It was merely a casual brush of his hand, but even through the sweatshirt her skin tingled.

It was significant - she'd missed his casual touches. He'd always been so physical - their friendship had been full of more hugs and hands than was anywhere usual for a boy and girl their ages. Looking back on it, they'd always sat close to one another, leaned in and held hands. She wondered if it had something to do with the fact she would become his imprint when he phased.

Or if it was just because they were made for one another.

She turned and watched him as he headed for the kitchen. Even at freaking whatever-o'clock in the morning he had that same distinctive stride he had these days – his shoulders swayed with each step like he was holding back something that wanted to pounce. It was the gait of a hunting panther on a short leash – all danger and grace and restraint.

As boy his step had always been so buoyant and spry.

Huffing a breath from her cheeks, Bella turned to the bathroom to see what the damage was. She turned on the light and closed the door and peered hesitantly into the mirror. Yep, just-woke-up rumpled with rat's-nest hair, sleep in her eyes and a streak of dried white drool down her face.

"Behold the mighty Alpha's imprint," Bella laughed softly to herself.

After cleaning up and brushing through her hair she was left with the marginally improved flyaway curls and bleary eyes. She'd slept hard for the first time in months and all attempts at reminding herself that Jacob had always seen her at point-blank range just seemed to evaporate into insecurity. As their walls were slowly starting to come down, all the scars and flaws felt all the more tender. Shaking her head at herself, she flipped the light off and traipsed back to the kitchen. On her way, she grabbed up the empty bowls and beer and her full soda and then took stock from the doorway.

Morning light was filtering through the window, bringing out the cream tongue and groove walls and making the room look soft and steamy. It smelled of the coffee gurgling quietly away in the corner. His back to her with his hands braced against the counter, Jacob's head hung from broad shoulders that were bowing under all that returned with the day.

Pressing her lips together, she crossed the kitchen, averting her eyes from the private moment. Her first step across the linoleum seemed to drag him free from his thoughts and he straightened and shoved a hand through his hair before returning his attention to the bowl and cereal in front of him.

In the corner the coffee rasped and sizzled to a stop.

As she set the dishes in the sink, he poured shredded wheat into a large bowl and then doused it with milk. Bella watched him out of the corner of her eye as she dumped the stale soda down the drain. He finally glanced at her with a raised brow toward the cereal.

Bella wrinkled her nose. "I'm not hungry yet," she told him quietly.

His eyes darted back to the box and he rolled over the crinkling wrapper inside and replaced it in the cupboard without a word.

Bella rinsed out the bowls and bottles and set them in the drain while he paced back to the refrigerator, watching him return with a container of creamer. Drying her hands on the dishtowel hanging by the sink, she turned as he pulled down two mugs without a glance. She pressed her hip into counter and watched him pour a cup of black coffee and grab up his bowl and turn to the table.

Bella ran her tongue over the seam of her lips as he pulled out his chair and sat down, paying a little too much attention to setting his breakfast out before him. He was feeling as vulnerable as she was and while his summer storm moods were hard to take, it would be stupid to think anything would be easy.

Truthfully Bella hadn't even allowed reality to creep into the mix. There would be consequences from last night's fiasco. Jacob was obviously already feeling their pressure closing back in.

If only they could escape all this craziness for a little while and heal.

She absently mixed her coffee to café au lait while she replayed yesterday in her mind's eye. She'd wait and see if Leah called her later before she reached out. Bella wouldn't lie to herself – yesterday had the potential to destroy not only Leah's relationship with Josiah, but her friendship with Bella as well.

With a sigh, she turned to the refrigerator and put the carton away. There'd be consequences with the Pack too – only time would tell whether this would bring them together with new understanding, or pull them farther apart.

She returned to the counter and pulled her mug into both hands, letting the heat seap into her bones as she made her way to her place at the table. Strands of hair falling over his eyes, Jacob was bowed over his monster bowl of cereal, mechanically shoveling spoonful after spoonful past his lips like it was sheer drudgery.

It was understandable that he was feeling raw – with his perfectionism on top of that Alpha pride, nearly losing it in front of Pack would be hard for him to process. And who the hell knew what had happened at the Council on top of that. She wanted to talk to him about both, but something told her he needed to patch himself up with defenses right now in order to do his duty of the day.

Angling her chair perpendicular to the table, Bella sat down, pulling one foot up on the seat and wrapping her arm around her shin. She took a sip of her coffee while she stared out the window at the awakening day.

She could see – and _feel_ - Jacob surreptitiously watching her from under his lashes while he took soft slurping bites of cereal but she just let him stare without comment while her mind wandered aimlessly. She hoped if she gave him the space to do it, he could figure out what –if anything- he needed from her to make this day easier.

And that he could breach his defenses long enough to actually ask for it.

Bella took another sip of her coffee and then rested it on her knee as she leaned her head back against the wall. A light morning rain fell, making the woods look misty and a robin flew down past the window.

"What're you up to today?" a low murmur made her blinked back into the present.

Leaving her head resting against the wall she let it flop to the side. Jacob was staring into his coffee mug. He sat back and took a sip, dark serious eyes raising over the rim. It was a casual enough question on the surface, but Bella recognized need when she saw it. It made her insanely happy that he was asking: he needed to know where she was right now.

Pleasure brushed a soft smile over her lips as her eyes chased thoughts out into the kitchen. "Um…" she began, returning her gaze to the man across the table. Jacob had set his coffee mug down and was watching his finger trace the thick ceramic rim.

"If it's okay, I'd like to just hang here," she told him quietly. "A quiet rainy day with a book. 'Maybe do a little work."

Jacob's eyes darted up from under his lashes and relief ironed out a few of the wrinkles in his brow.

"I also gotta do some laundry," she wrinkled her nose. Bella's gaze returned to the window as she sucked a breath through her teeth. "If you have anything you want to throw in too…" she snuck the offer in there oh, so casually and let it dangle while she took a sip of her coffee.

Her eyes cut back across the table to see his reaction. Jacob's gaze had returned to his finger's restless laps around the mug's rim.

"What's going on with you?" she asked softly.

His finger stilling on the mug, Jacob pulled his lips into his mouth and released them with a soft pop. "Pack stuff," he murmured and then drew in a slow breath. "And I gotta go see Josiah."

Bella's gaze washed over his body language a moment – in contrast to the way his elbows rested on the table and head bowed over his mug, his spine was ramrod straight.

Setting her coffee down, she turned toward him a little, propping her elbow on the table and resting her cheek on her hand. "Give 'em a little time, Jake," she whispered. "Give _yourself_ a little time. Do what you gotta do today and to hell with the rest."

"The Council's gonna want answers," he coughed a humorless laugh that kicked up the corner of his mouth.

"The Council can fucking wait," Bella bit back.

Jacob's eyes darted up and that sardonic smirk softened a little. "It's funny to hear you say 'fuck," he sniffed.

Bella lifted her head from her hand and tipped her head coquettishly back and forth. "Fuck-fuck-fuckity fuck," she taunted.

She was rewarded by an all-out smile that was just a few degrees shy of showing his teeth.

Laughing softly at both of them, she took a sip of coffee while Jacob returned his gaze to his mug. The flimsy veneer of humor cracked and fell away from that iron mask.

Bella leaned her cheek heavily on her fist while Jacob took another extended sip of coffee that drained the mug. She wanted to give him something to help him get through this day.

"A lot has changed, Jake," she whispered.

He froze with his mug upturned, and then slowly lowered it back down. The eyes that lifted to hers looked a hundred years old.

Bella held his gaze for a moment as she sat up and turned all the way into the table, propping both forearms in front of her. She licked her lips before she spoke the words softly, emphatically: "But our hearts are still the same."

She heard him swallow thickly before his eyes lowered to the table as he picked up his mug and bowl.

He sniffed with a little shake of his head. "This could have been so easy," he breathed as he turned in his chair.

Bella frowned, sitting back as her hands slipped to the edge to grip the table. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye before he stood.

"Easi_er_, maybe," she contradicted him quietly. "But nothing worth it's ever easy."

The corner of his mouth hitched up with a flash of bitterness and then he crossed the kitchen to the sink. With a sigh, Bella leaned back against the wall, hugging her knee to her chest as she watched him wash out his bowl and mug.

"I'm gonna head out," he announced out the window as he set his dishes in the drain. "If you need anything call Sam - he's working today."

Bella exhaled softly as she picked her head up off the wall and rested her chin on her knee, watching her fingers nervously twist in the hem of her sock. She felt just as moody as he was – hopeful one second, fearful and frustrated the next. The rain picked up a little, tapping randomly on the corrugated roof out back like metallic popcorn.

"Y'know, Bells," he murmured softly across the kitchen. "You're beautiful when you wake up."

Her hand stilled in surprise as the words filtered in to her distracted brain and she slowly picked her head up.

Jacob had turned from the counter and was watching her while he dried his hands off on the dishtowel. His face was serious but some of that hardness had melted from his eyes like he'd dropped pretenses like a curtain – even if only for a moment.

His gaze slipped to the floor between them as his hands slowed in the towel. "Especially if it's with me," he whispered tossing the towel to the counter.

Bella was speechless. Literally. She couldn't make her mouth or brain work to save her life.

Looking back up, he hesitated a moment and then crossed toward her while he considered her with thoughtful eyes.

Bella sat up a little straighter, tipping her head back as he stopped inches from her chair. His lips curved softly while his eyes paced between hers like he was weighing her gaze as he reached out and brushed his knuckles over her cheek. Bella pressed her lips together as she leaned subtly into his touch.

His fingers slowly unfurled, caressing back across the sensitive skin under ear until his palm cupped her jaw. Warm and smelling faintly of lemon dish soap, it cradled her cheek like she was made of spun glass while his gaze washed lazily over her face.

His eyes were open… yearning, hurting, tired.

Returning his gaze to hers, he silently mouthed the words, "thank you."

Her hand slipped up to ghost over his at her cheek so lightly she could feel the fullness of his veins and he held her in bottomless eyes while his thumb traced over her lips with first a feather touch, then a luxuriant pressure.

Bella's heart stalled in her chest as his hand slipped from her face and he lifted it to his mouth. Eyes locked with hers he pressed a slow kiss to his thumb. Then his hand fell heavily to his side as he tipped his head with the centrifugal force of a million secrets tumbling in those black eyes. It was so much like the dream that she was tempted to ask if he'd shared it, but premonition, synchronicity, or magic – some things were too precious to be questioned.

She would, however, take its cues.

"I'm here," she whispered.

Jacob blinked twice, focusing in her eyes again with recognition and surprise that answered her question clearly. She stared back at him as her lips spread in a slow smile that was echoed by that sensuous mouth softening the lines of his face, and peeling away the shadow and scars for a glimpse at the tenderness underneath.

And in that moment he was so terrifyingly beautiful that it took her breath away.

Then rain outside surged in a spattering wave across the roof and Jacob drew in a breath, closing his eyes at its apex and holding it while he visibly reset. Battle armor shuttered into place like dominos, and when he opened his eyes again they were cloistered back behind duty and thoughts of what lay ahead.

Leaning over almost absently, Jacob's hand slipped up to the back of her head and he pressed a kiss to her part.

"See you," he whispered over her hair before he released her.

Still reeling, Bella nodded automatically as he turned to the living room. "Bye," she mumbled as her disconcerted eyes skittered away.

He strode past her and she secretly turned her cheek, watching him from the corner of her eye as he slunk through the living room and disappeared down the hallway without a backward glance. Turning back to the kitchen, she drew in breath and held it as her eyes paced back and forth, trying to process.

_That was…_

_He'd been…_

_They were…_

Finally a grin broke out of its incarceration and she turned and picked up her coffee. She took a sip of sweet and creamy bitterness while she stared out into sunrise dripping through heavy skies. In that moment she didn't need to worry about past or future, she was content to rest in this place.

She set her mug on her knee, absently tracing a finger down the smooth ceramic while memories of wolves and weeping woods flowed through her veins.

Behind her she heard the front door open and then click softly closed. She hoped he could leave that troubled heart resting in this grotto they were creating while the rainy day pelted that fragile shell. It was frightening to think how little stood between the world and that tender heart that still somehow impossibly beat in his eyes. She wished she could call him back and wrap herself around him and protect him from it all.

Bella pulled both her feet under her and sat in the quiet kitchen, listening to the rain spattering outside while she finished her coffee. She could definitely use a peaceful day instead of one that tore her to pieces.

Lowering her feet to the floor she crossed the kitchen and set her mug in the sink and stared out into the forest for moment, imagining Jacob's wolf running over the wet leaves. With a sigh, she rubbed her hands absently on her thighs while she tried to plot a course.

A warm shower was in order and then she could start the wash – the wet clothes from yesterday would be mildewing soon.

She walked to the back door, set in the kitchen wall near the sink and peered out the little window. There was a small porch out back covered by a corrugated roof being played like a washboard by the rain. A washer and dryer were nestled in an alcove, each covered in a shower curtain weighed down by blocks of wood.

Bella drew a line on the sill, feeling the cool glass against her fingertip for a moment. Then she turned to the living room with a sigh. She walked slowly through the quiet, her hand dragging along the back of the couch while her eyes naturally settled on the easy chair. She suddenly felt empty. Lonely.

She missed him.

Even if Jacob was only sitting silently at the kitchen table, shoveling cereal passed stoic lips, still, the more time she spent close to him, the more she craved. He was like a drug and she needed a steady drip to keep from going into withdrawals.

That wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.

She didn't want to need him like this – that would be putting expectations on destination and she wanted him to be free. Strangely, freedom wasn't something she wanted for herself anymore. It was a testament to just how far under she'd been pulled without realizing it.

Sniffing a laugh at herself, Bella turned down the hall… and froze.

A tumble of shorts and shirts sat patiently outside her door. Bella couldn't help the smile that spread over her face. Never had a pile of laundry been so intimate - he was letting her take care of him.

Discarding doubts and fear and tossing it in the pile, she bent down and scooped up the clothes, squeezing that delicious forest scent from the cloth and inhaling greedily as she opened her door. She dumped his laundry over her own pile, and then, on strange impulse, squatted down and mixed them all together.

'

Tossing the last of the wet clothes into the dryer, Bella closed the door and stood, turning the clicking dial to the right setting before pushing the button. The machine lurched into action.

Dusting her hands off, she turned and watched the rain fall over the small patch of grass in the back. She'd taken a shower and plowed through email but she was too distracted to get any work done. Her mind kept drifting back to what Jacob was doing… _how_ he was doing.

The classic telephone ringtone jangled through the open kitchen window and Bella whipped around and hastily crossed the porch. She ripped open the door and charged across the kitchen to where she'd set up her laptop at the table.

Grabbing her cell from beside it, she grimaced with a sharp pang of guilt.

Leah.

Bella had been so wrapped up in last night and this morning, she'd almost forgotten about her stepsister completely. She clicked "answer" and raised it to her cheek.

"Hey Lee," she murmured neutrally – she had no idea what to expect.

But it certainly wasn't the creamy baritone that answered her. "Bella, it's Josi."

Ice adrenaline charged through her veins. "Jo, is everything okay?"

There was an ominous moment of silence before she heard him release a resigned sigh. "Well, I guess I'm not sure. I was hoping that maybe you could help me figure that out."

Damn Brits and their urbane accents and composure – she couldn't read a thing from his voice.

"Where's Leah?" She bit her lip as she turned and stared blindly out the window.

"Upstairs. She's… upset. Well, that's probably being kind. Bella, I was wondering if you had some time for a chat?"

Bella pushed her hand through her hair, nodding stupidly before realizing he couldn't see her. "Of course."

"Would you mind coming over?" He paused a moment. "Ah, now?"

Blinking, Bella's brain started figuring out how to connect the dots – there were a lot of them between her and driving over to -…

"Are you at my dad's?" she checked.

"We are."

She huffed a breath from her cheeks. "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I appreciate that."

"'Kay, see you soon."

"Right."

The call disconnected. Bella pulled down the phone and stared at it a moment and then scrolled through to her contacts and dialed.

In a single ring it was answered by a sober bass. "Bella."

"Hey Sam," she sat down in the chair. "Sorry to bother you."

"Stop. What do you need, sister?"

"Um," she tried to get her head into gear. "I just got a call from Josi," she began, pulling her foot up under her. "He wants me to come over. Can you let Jake know?"

There was a pregnant pause on the other end of the line. "He's going to need to come with you."

"I know," she whispered. And she wouldn't ask Sam what he thought of that idea – she _wouldn't_.

"Wait for him there."

"Okay," she breathed.

She heard a soft exhale over the phone. "Are you doing okay?" he ventured quietly.

Bella thought about it for a moment. "I'm actually doing… _good_," she sucked on her lip and released it with a little squeak. "But I'm worried about him. He's tired, Sam. I mean, I know we all are. But he needs some time to just…" she huffed a breath through her nose. "_Rest_."

"I know," he whispered. She heard him lick his lips. "Let me get on this. I'll talk to you soon."

"Thanks." She let the phone fall slowly down in front of her and clicked it off, rubbing an absent thumb over the smear from her cheek on the glass. Conjecture was going to make a complicated situation even worse, so Bella decided to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. She stood, tapping the phone against the heel of her hand, and retreated to her room to change out of lounge sweats and into jeans.

She pulled on a sweater over a camisole and the traipsed across the hall to look in the bathroom mirror. Light blue and angora soft, this was her favorite sweater, but she hadn't worn it here yet because of the collar. A glance at her reflection confirmed that the loose V-neck didn't do much to hide the mark sitting at the apex of neck and shoulder.

Bella supposed it didn't matter anymore.

Studying herself in the mirror while she brushed out her flyaway curls that were making the most of the humidity, she decided that, combined with the loose soft sweater, the effect was actually feminine and flattering. Not that it really mattered…

Except that it certainly did.

Because if she were being honest with herself, even more than she was dreading wading through what would inevitably be a complicated mess, she was looking forward to seeing… Jacob.

As if on cue the front door opened.

With a final glance in the mirror, Bella stepped out into the hall to see Jacob pushing his wet hair back from his face. Dressed only in dark shorts, the rain slicked the musculature of his perfect chest, highlighting bulk and brawn.

His eyes snapped up to hers and like she'd called him, he strode toward her.

Suddenly Bella felt unsure and her eyes fell to the floor as nervous fingers found the hem of her sweater.

"Hey," he breathed, stopping in front of her. HIs hand didn't hesitate – it slid up to her jaw, long fingers curling around the nape of her neck as he bent down and took a long shameless breath of her scent.

The touch of skin-to-skin melted her anxiety along with her insides to jelly and she wilted against him, compulsively slipping her arms around his waist. He straightened, raking his hand up through her hair to cradle the back of her head and pull it to his chest while the other smoothed down her back.

Clamping her lips tightly over words neither of them were ready to hear, she pressed her cheek to his peck and listened to the glorious sound of his heart. It was racing, but even as she listened, the tempo slowed back to a steady thrum.

For as long as they could their bodies held one another, ignoring their minds' struggle with shifting boundaries and deepening vulnerability, until he subtly pulled back and his hands slipped up to her shoulders. Bella automatically released him, stepping back with lowered eyes.

"Let me get changed," he murmured and she looked up into eyes that were taking a brazen inventory of her every pore.

Bella nodded, wrapping her arms around herself as he scooted by her to his bedroom. She wandered down the hall to the living room as the door closed quietly behind her. Flicking her lip with her tongue, she leaned against the armrest of the couch.

She felt disoriented and there was simply nothing to do but keep going because even though they were stumbling around on tiptoe, they were definitely moving. She just couldn't psych herself out about trying to guess the next steps in this dance.

Looking for distraction, her eyes dropped to her sweater - the downy knit was matted with moisture from Jacob's shorts and chest. With a sniff, she unwound her arms and batted at it uselessly.

Moments later, the door opened at the end of the hall and she looked up to see him striding toward her, unreadable eyes locked on her with that feral intensity. Dwarfing the hallway and dressed in a black tee, jeans and those ass-kicking boots, seeing him in contexts like this reminded her just how intimidating he was now. She realized that no matter how much he'd changed on the outside, she still saw it grafted over the boy she'd known.

It was a good thing, too - otherwise she probably would have been terrified of him.

Like everyone else was.

At somber thoughts of what lay ahead, Bella pushed off the couch.

"You ready?" he asked quietly.

Bella nodded, her hands fiddling with the hem of her sweater.

His eyes softened infinitesimally as they washed over her face and his hand lifted to her cheek. Bella watched his face as he ghosted just the very tips of his fingers along her cheekbone, following his hand with eyes bowed into half-moons with private thoughts.

Seeming to catch himself, he blinked and turned to the door. He was obviously struggling, but trying so hard. Frankly Bella was shocked at the progress, but Jacob had always been a good listener, a quick study and given everything his all.

Suddenly it hit her like an anvil to the head: he was starting to _want _this. He was _letting_ himself want it: hope, wholeness… _her_.

She was in such a Wyle E Coyote daze from the impact that Jacob had to clear his throat to bring her back. She laughed as her cartoon brain added twittering birds around her head and she crossed to the door he held open.

"What?" he asked as she passed.

"Oh my God," she chuckled. "You'll think I'm nutso."

Jacob closed the door behind him. "Already do," he murmured. "You're getting into the car with me."

Bella turned on the stairs with comical squint.

"To go see the man I almost killed yesterday," he breathed as he jogged past her out into the light rain.

The brakes were slammed on the humor and her brow furrowed as she followed, not even feeling the cool droplets on her face.

Jacob opened the passenger door as his gaze wandered out to the trees in a transparent bid to avoid eye contact. Bella brushed her fingers over his forearm on the way by and slipped into the car. She didn't want to be worried about it… but she was.

So was he.

Jacob shut the door and then stalked around the front of the car, pushing both hands back through his hair while her eyes followed him.

He opened the door and slid into his seat as Bella reached behind her and pulled her seatbelt into place, glancing at him as she clicked the buckle. His jaw was set, his movements mechanical as he shoved the keys into the ignition, started the car and craned over his shoulder to back down the drive.

Her gaze fell to her lap, watching her thumb rub nervously over her knuckles.

Reaching the end of the driveway, Jacob turned, throwing the car into drive and pulling out onto the road.

"Sam's coming," he announced crisply.

Bella's eyes darted up to examine that stoic profile – he didn't trust himself or his wolf. She would have to have enough of it for both of them.

"Josi's a smart man," Bella soothed – she was certain that once he knew the score he'd charm the beast as expertly as he did humans. Plus – comically enough - he was notoriously good with animals. "Did Sam say how things went?"

Jacob's lips hitched up in a bitter smirk as he made a turn, keeping his eyes trained carefully on the road. "Lee couldn't deal so Seth took her home. Josiah… listened."

Bella frowned, pulling the seatbelt out so she could turn more toward him. "Did he say anything?"

With a sniff, Jacob propped his elbow on the window ledge. " 'Asked a few questions. But Sam said he didn't have a fucking expression on his face – not even when Brady Phased." He turned slightly and leaned his lips against his fist.

"He was probably in shock," Bella guessed.

Jacob's shoulder jumped in a dismissive shrug.

Bella's eyes panned out to the road while her mind spun. Josiah was strong, intelligent, compassionate – surely he'd handle this well.

Jacob shook his head against his fist. "Yeah, shocking," he coughed a laugh. "Was that how you felt?"

Blinking into focus she searched his face for clues. "When?" she whispered.

Jacob dragged his lips along his index finger and then he let his hand fall to the door. "When you found out your best friend turned into a monster?" the words were laced with arsenic. On the surface he was talking about the first time she'd learned he was a shapeshifter… but he wasn't.

Bella's gaze ran over his profile, hard and awaiting her judgment.

There were a million ways to answer his question, and all of them had the possibility of making things worse, so instead she went for the silent tried and true. Reaching up she covered his hand on the steering wheel. A hiss escaped over his lips at her touch but Bella ignored it. She pulled his big hand from the wheel and ferried it to her thigh as the one propped up on the door seamlessly took its place.

"No," she whispered as laced her fingers between his, admiring the contrast in color and the strong sensitive shape of his hand.

In her periphery she could see him cast a glance her way.

"You're not a monster, Jake," she breathed.

She could feel him trying unenthusiastically to pull away but she squeezed tighter and brought her other hand to rub soothingly over his wrist. This was not the right direction for a conversation right before an encounter that had explosive potential.

But stewing silence wouldn't be much better.

Bella eyes darted up and caught a complex and unguarded expression on his face before it was stowed away.

"How's the Pack?" she asked quietly.

The muscle in Jacob's jaw jumped. "Shaken," he bit out.

"Not stirred?" she raised her brow – going for a little dorky humor to lighten him up. Jacob's eyes cut over with an (amused) unamused flare of nostrils.

She flashed him a Wallace-and-Gromit grin and he flicked his eyes up before returning them to the road.

Bella looked down at where her thumb was slowly circling the bone in his wrist. "They'll be okay, Jake," she whispered with counterfeit confidence that she supposed was really faith.

Jacob shifted in his seat, pulling his elbow from the door.

She looked up at that stoic profile trying to deny the tension in his spine. "They love you too," she breathed.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and tugged his hand free under the pretense of making a sharp left turn.

With a sigh, Bella sat back, pulling her feet up on the seat as they crossed the Rez border and turned out onto the State highway.

"They're scared," she murmured, staring out at the road ahead. "Because, one way or another, they're all struggling with the same stuff. Even Leah."

Bella rubbed her thighs slowly while she let her mind turn to whatever lay less than 10 minutes away and trying to come up with some game plan. It was impossible when she didn't have the lay of the land. Life would be so much easier if it were predictable.

She settled her head back against the seat and watched the windshield wipers over the planes of her cheeks, listening to the lazy percussion count down the minutes and miles.

A brush against her thigh made her blink down to where Jacob's fingertips were dragging jerkily along the seam of her jeans. Bella's hand left its torment of her sweater hem and crept closer with a glance up at where his eyes were blithely ignoring his creeping hand.

Slowly first the pad of his middle finger drew a line over her knuckles before his palm engulfed her with heat. She watched him lace his fingers through hers until her hand was pulled securely into his dwarfing fist.

Her gaze slipped back up to the man who was staring out the windshield. With a private smile, Bella returned her eyes to the road – he was slowly starting to reach out (literally) and ask for what he needed.

"I'm going to let you lead this play," he whispered.

Her stomach automatically went into a nose dive and she glanced at his profile. It didn't change anything, but somehow being entrusted like this piled on the pressure.

"Thanks," she replied, deciding within seconds she just needed to suck up the stress. If she was going to stand by his side and help him with his load she was going to do so without asking for empty reassurances from him. She leaned her head back against the seat, drawing in a deep breath and letting her exhale settle her shoulders. Fake it 'til you make it, right?

Or maybe it was really just about faith.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" she asked him, keeping her gaze trained straight ahead.

"No," he murmured. "My job as Alpha is to answer any questions and make sure the secret is kept. The Council's going to want a report."

"'Kay, I'll take care of the rest," she whispered. His hand squeezed hers in response but Bella barely felt it.

Up ahead she could see Sam's landscaping pickup parked in her father's driveway with two people sitting with straight spines in the cab.

She sat up in her seat and Jacob released her hand as he pulled in behind the truck. Without a backward glance, a large man popped out of each side. Sam and Seth stalked along either side of the truck toward them with serious expressions while Jacob threw the car into park and cut the engine.

Bella was just extricating herself from the seatbelt when Seth opened the passenger door.

"Hey sis," he murmured, offering a hand to help her out, but with body language that was almost cold.

She searched his face as she stood – the fleeting sting of rejection was soothed by a flash of his boyish smile as he glanced Jacob's way. Smart man: he was keeping his distance to reduce his Alpha's stress.

"Have you heard anything from Lee?" she asked him quietly.

Seth shook his head. "Apparently they got a room at the B&B in town last night," he closed the door behind her. "They weren't here when mom left for work."

Bella nodded absently and her eyes darted up to the house as she rounded the front of the car. She wiped the misting rain from her face as she returned her attention to the two men she was approaching. Sam gave her a tense smile and his hand reached out to squeeze hers and alleviate the need for touch as she stepped to his side.

Jacob was standing beside the driver's side door with shoulders and jaw ominously squared already.

"Is it okay if I go up first?" she asked him.

His chin dipped in stiff acquiescence.

Tossing him a reassuring smile, Bella turned from the men and headed up the driveway. She could feel all three sets of eyes boring into her back and it was unnerving. Keeping her gaze trained on the front door of her childhood, she focused on putting one foot in front of the other. She'd just take each of these moments as they came.

She smeared the fine droplets of rain from her face and tucked her hair behind each ear as she climbed the steps, feeling her heart going a gazillion miles per hour. Pausing up on the porch, she tried to settle herself – this was ridiculous. Josiah was a friend, and one who had called her for help. The fact that he was still talking to her was proof already that what she'd expected from that fearlessly loving heart was true… wasn't it?

But it was disconcerting to feel like such a stranger at her own house. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually knocked at her father's door – it was symbolic and only made her feel just a little less human. She glanced over her shoulder at the three wolves standing tense and menacing at the end of the drive. His face hard and smoking, Jacob's eyes were trained on her like laser sights; she realized just how hard it was for him just to watch her walk away from him toward a man his wolf still considered a rival.

Sucking in a breath she rapped on the screen.

She could hear the soft thump of feet jump into action inside – they were waiting for her. Seconds later, Josiah opened the door.

Wide blue eyes were set in a cocoa complexion that looked ashen with stress. He forced a smile and reached out to pull her into one of his typical hugs.

It shocked her more than Seth and Sam's standoffishness.

"No," she gasped, taking a step back even as she felt the shock wave from the silent explosion in the drive.

The next 10 seconds played out in slow motion.

Josiah's face inflated with fear as his eyes snapped past her and, without thought, Bella whipped around.

Canines bared and eyes aflame, a beast far too savage for human skin was pouncing up on the porch in a single leap. It was a terrifying sight and every cell screamed at her to cower from what was surely a final blow from the angel of death.

Yet something deeper still made her hand snap out to meet him head on.

Palm clapped against solar plexus, impossibly freezing Jacob in his tracks like she possessed superhuman strength. With a gasp, her eyes snapped up to his face, still twisted in dark fury. His glare burned over her head at his prey but not a muscle twitched under her hand.

"Jake," she whispered.

His eyes didn't waiver a millimeter, but the muscles jumped in his jaw.

Her hand smoothed over is chest, rubbing a circle over his jackhammer heart and his pec quivered under her touch like the flanks of a spent race horse. He was running so hot that the rain was evaporating in smoke from his shoulders like he was on fire.

"Shh," she soothed, ghosting a hand up over his collarbone. Going up on tiptoes, she brushed petitioning fingertips over his chin.

He released a subtle shaking breath and then – eyes still trained behind her – he bent slowly down. Bracing her hands on his shoulders, she rubbed her jaw against his and then pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Who did I sleep with last night, hmm?" she murmured over his skin.

Rocking down onto her heels, she found his eyes cooled back to human black and darting over her face in that manic way they all did when they were teetering on the fulcrum of instinct. His gaze met hers and his hand came up to smooth over the side of her head. It was now shaking – which had to be a good sign.

Searching his struggling eyes for a moment more, she turned to assess the damage.

Showcasing nerves of steel and the quick study that he was, Josiah's head was bowed and tipped to the side to bare his neck where he courageously stood his ground in the doorway even though he was trembling like a leaf.

"Sorry, Josi," Bella offered quietly. "It's been a rough week for everyone."

He nodded silently into his chest.

A big hand settled on her shoulder and she glanced up as Jacob gently urged her aside. Behind him, Sam and Seth took the last stair up to the porch, wary eyes trained on their Alpha. Jacob drew in a deep breath and then released it slowly as he took a step forward and extended a hand to the man still frozen on the doorstep.

"Josiah," Jacob's velvet based caressed his name in acknowledgment – it was the closest to an apology that the man would get from a wolf.

Josiah glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and then slowly offered his own hand. They tentatively clasped forearms as he raised his head, his feverish eyes slipping to Bella and searching nervously for his cue. She gave him an encouraging smile.

"I believe we understand one another much better now," Josiah murmured, that silky voice stretched taut with stress.

"I understood you from the beginning," Jacob bit out quietly, releasing the man's forearm and giving him nothing comforting to work with. "You're a dominant."

"Yes, well," he sniffed a laugh as he ran a jittery hand over his short curls. "Those things are relative, I suppose.

"They are," Jacob crooned, with just a little too much feral undertone not to notice.

Josiah certainly did – his eyes listed uncomfortably to the side.

Bella bumped Jacob with her hip in light "play nice" reprimand, even though part of her knew they had to work this out before they could move forward.

Pulling his shoulders back with a breath, Josiah clasped his hands in front of him as his eyes lifted resolutely to the wolf's. "I owe you an apology, Jacob," he announced.

Bella glanced up to see Jacob's face shuttered behind that unnerving steel mask. He stared back at Josiah with diamond eyes.

The man soldiered on. "In thinking about yesterday I realized that you gave me what I asked for first and then I hopelessly bungled your request," he told him earnestly. "I'm not accustomed to lowering my eyes."

Bella blinked for a moment before she realized what he was talking about – in the kitchen altercation, she'd been surprised that Jacob had released Josiah's wrist when he'd been asked. Apparently it had been a ploy to make it easier to submit, but still Josiah hadn't taken the hint.

"Though I of all people should understand," his lips stretched in that charismatic smile. "In yet another uncanny twist of fate, I wrote a paper on canine pack behavior as part of my PhD."

Immune to his charms apparently, Jacob nodded once as his lips congealed into a wry smirk. "You're a brave man," he murmured – somewhere between a compliment and a threat.

Luckily Josiah was relaxing back into his easy-going self. He laughed freely as he stepped aside and motioned them in.

"I was thinking 'foolish' might be more accurate," he chuckled as Jacob guided her through the door with a possessive hand at the small of her back.

Seth pulled the man into a one-shoulder bump as he followed in their wake. Sam brought up the rear with a macho clasp of hands. She was going to get a headache from the toxic levels of testosterone in the room.

And she was alone on the estrogen front, apparently – Leah was nowhere to be seen.

Rubbing her hands on her jeans, Bella strode into a house that had finally gotten a facelift since her childhood. With potted plants, some framed art and matching covers on the couch, easy chair and a new loveseat, Sue had brought a woman's touch (and some taste) to the living room.

Rolling his shoulders, Jacob paced by her to claim Charlie's easy chair. Bella trailed after him while the other men skirted the far side of the room around the couch giving him a wide berth and some space to cool down. She watched Josiah stand nervously in front of the loveseat while Seth leaned against the radiator and Sam sat on couch. The man's body language was tense, uncertain, but yet something told her it wasn't due to the almost-disastrous scene on the porch. What could be worse?

Blue eyes darted across the room to cling to her like a life-preserver. From the easy chair, Jacob was still watching him like a hawk sights a mouse but the fact he hadn't gone for the kill was victory enough at the moment.

It was fascinating, really. Bella had intellectually understood the lupine vying for dominance, but as a woman, she hadn't really comprehended how deeply the instinct ran in the male species as a whole. Yet here these four men had arranged themselves in unconscious pecking order – Jacob on his throne, Sam lounging on the couch, Seth half-sitting on the periphery and Josiah the last to sit down.

She wasn't quite sure where she fit in – naturally she wanted to sit by Jacob, but she wasn't sure how open he wanted to be in front of his pack. She opted to lean her hip against the couch armrest and what she hoped was Switzerland.

"So how are you doing, Josi," Bella asked softly, infusing the words with fleecy female compassion to try to refocus the energy in the room.

Josiah rubbed his hands back over his hair again and sat stiffly down. "Well I must say," he coughed a laugh. "Things make a lot more sense." The way he said it made it sound like recent revelations had answered questions that had been hanging around for longer than this trip.

"How so?" she prompted with a tip of her head.

"Well aside from the obvious Pack subtext," he smiled weakly, scooting back on the loveseat. "I'd been wondering about Leah's secrets. Of course there'd been the blatant omission of anything to do with home over the years. But more than that, I'm starting to realize she's probably not been getting what she needs. This is what I wanted to talk to you about."

That didn't sound good.

Bella lowered herself to the couch. "What do you mean, Josi?" she whispered.

"Well there," he sat back and draped an arm over the back of the couch while his eye swept the ceiling. "All the years I've known her, she's been restless, like she was searching for something," he mused. "It took forever to get past that guard…" he chuckled, his eyes darting down to Bella's with a flash of shared humor. "But once I did, it felt like she needed more from me than she was willing to ask for… or accept," his brow furrowed. "I suppose that doesn't make any sense."

"No, it does," Bella contradicted quickly. Because it did – it made perfect sense and it was starting to come together in her head.

Josiah crossed his foot over his thigh, his hand falling to his ankle. "From what I know of your animal cousins," his gaze darted to Jacob, still sitting motionless in the chair. "When a wolf leaves a pack, it's usually because of lack of resources or social stress," his eyes flitted unconsciously to Sam. "And it makes perfect sense all things considered. But wolves in the wild create or find another Pack, otherwise they don't survive. In addition to her physicality, I feel the need for Pack is one that has remained even though she no longer Phases."

Jacob nodded once. "This is true for Jared."

"Where _is_ Lee?" Bella ventured.

Josiah tipped his chin toward the ceiling. "Upstairs… listening," he winked. "Her hearing's still quite good. Bella, she's upset with me - I'm afraid I've made a difficult situation worse."

Bella frowned. "What happened?"

"She and I spent all last night _discussing_ these things and where we should go from here," Josiah said carefully - 'discussion' was definitely a euphemism for a more spirited repartee. His eyes darted over to where Jacob listened stoically. "By the way, Jacob… I assure you that I understand the need for secrecy and you have my word that I'll keep it, no matter how this turns…"

Jacob dipped his chin minutely.

Bella didn't like the sound of that – her mind furiously tried to speed ahead. "What are you guys going to do?"

Josiah's foot slipped down to the floor and he sat up – looking distinctly uncomfortable. "The ball's in her court," he murmured. "But I figured having all the laundry aired at the same time would mean we could move forward, but I suppose I was wrong." He released a shaky sigh as he clapped his hands together and leaned over his thighs. "I thought she'd have seen it coming – I've been thinking about this move for a long time."

Ugh, his languid lilt just made her all the more impatient and she wanted to shake him so he'd spit it out. A glance at Seth's worried expression told her he felt the same way.

Josiah fidgeted yet again, shifting in his seat. He wiped a nervous knuckle over his lips and then looked up and met her eyes. "I asked her to marry me, of course," he whispered.

Bella stared at him like an idiot for several seconds while the words sifted through her poor adrenaline-addled brain.

Then she burst up from the couch. "Woo hoo!" she whooped, raising a fist high.

'

Bella leaned against the doorway and surveyed an eerily familiar room that looked like it had been hit by a hurricane. Clothes had exploded from the suitcase in the middle of the rug and were strewn over every horizontal surface.

In the middle of it all, Leah sat on the edge of the bed with her head bowed over her lap. She was twisting the new ring on her finger back and forth like she was trying to decide whether to wrench it free or cut off her hand.

"'You think I'm doing the right thing?" she mumbled suddenly.

Bella flicked her tongue over the back of her teeth as she pushed off the door frame. "Yeah, I think it's the best decision of your life," she whispered, keeping her eyes on her slumped stepsister while she picked her way across the minefield floor. "You do too, remember?"

Leah's eyes darted up under her lashes. "After two hours of water-boarding by you," she smirked.

Bella took the humor as a good sign. She stopped in front of the woman and watched her return to her fidgeting.

"Lee," she whispered, sitting down slowly on the bed beside her and catching her hand in her own. "What are you afraid of?"

It was a rhetorical question – she just wasn't sure if Leah understood yet. Once she'd soothed Josiah and settled the men downstairs in a tenuous peace in front of ESPN, she'd traipsed up the stairs to work on his would-be fiancée. After two hours of torture, Bella had extracted exactly what her sister was afraid of:

herself.

Lying side-by-side on the double bed that now inhabited Bella's old room, Leah had come clean about a lot of things. She'd talked about the anxiety and the yearning for Pack, explosive tempers and the itch in her muscles that had to be sated by daily exercise. Bella wondered if it wasn't in part because she'd tried to give the wolf up before she was balanced and ready, but now it was like some chronic addiction that required daily management to stay "sober."

It was certainly something Bella could understand these days.

"What happens if he changes his mind?" Leah breathed, twisting her fingers with Bella's with a kind of desperation.

"He's worried about that with _you_," Bella laughed, squeezing her hands.

Now that Josiah had learned her secret and had accepted her unconditionally, it was time for Leah to do the same for herself. Bella also understood that it would be a process that couldn't be flipped like a switch so she'd gone for the harm-reduction approach and talked her down enough from the ledge that she could accept what was being offered right now.

On bended knee, in front of her brother and step-sister, Josiah had again asked Leah to marry him.

_Tomorrow_ - Josiah was a smart man.

He'd convinced her to fly down to Vegas with him tonight so they could get their license. Ceremony and parties could come later, but waiting for pomp to catch up with the circumstances would only give her more time for chronic doubt.

Like this.

"What happens if he wakes up one day and realizes he's married a monster?" Leah cut her eyes over at Bella.

"Lee, you guys have been dating for three years and you've known him even longer," she pressed gently. "And after Jake nearly ripping off his head - _twice_ - you can't say he doesn't know what he's getting into. He wants _you_…" she paused, peering up into Leah's bloodshot eyes. Just like earlier, the conversation felt eerily similar to the ones she'd had with Jacob. "He wants _all_ of you."

Leah pulled her hands free and fell back on the bed, rubbing her face with her hands. Bella sighed softly as she lowered herself down beside her. With a glance at her friend, she inventoried the cobwebs in the corners while she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Y'know, you and Jake have more in common than you think," Bella whispered to the ceiling.

Leah surprised and her and instead of sarcasm, released a long sigh that sounded resigned. "How," she asked quietly.

"Well… Jake's been trying so hard to pretend he isn't human," she breathed. "You've been trying to pretend you're not a wolf." After a moment, she cut her eyes over at Leah – she was staring numbly up at the ceiling.

Bella's hand slipped down between them to cover Leah's who hesitated a heartbeat before she returned the grip. She absently fingered the ring on her friend's hand while ESPN announcers droned away downstairs over the crisp spatter of rain on the window . Bella slowly brought their hands up between them and her gaze washed over the stunning engagement ring – it was feminine but tailored and perfect for Leah in every way. Clasping her hand tighter, Bella turned her head and watched Leah blink as she tried to ignore the stare in her periphery.

"I think spending some time next week's a good idea, Lee," she whispered. In light of recent revelations, Josiah had made a stand, cancelled his appointments and gotten Leah to do the same so they could both have a little more time around the Pack.

Like Bella had said, Josiah was a smart man.

"Yeah," Leah turned her head with a smirk that didn't bode well. "At least we'll be here for your birthday."

Bella groaned, closing her eyes – in light of the disastrous Labor Day weekend, she'd forgotten that her birthday (and the potential for mortifying celebration) was next week.

Leah snickered wickedly. "I've got plans, Swan," she crooned, sitting up and pushing off the bed with a grunt.

Leah stood and stretched her arms to the ceiling. "Hey, do y'know who called me?" she groaned and then looked over her shoulder at Bella's confused gaze. "Who told me you needed me to come back?"

Licking her lips, Bella sat up slowly – she'd assumed Seth, Emily or Sue, so she went with the most unlikely answer that wasn't Sam. "My dad?"

Leah's lips hitched up on one triumphant side as she shook her head. "Jake."

Bella's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah that's what I thought too," she sniffed a laugh at Bella's expression. Leah watched the thoughts tumble behind her eyes for a moment and then let her head flop back. Staring at the ceiling, she sighed heavily.

"I know shit's complicated, Bella," she whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the light fixture. After a moment, she tipped her face down and met Bella's gaze. "And I know I've been a bitch. I'm just… worried." She paused a moment drawing in an open-mouthed breath. "And maybe all this with Jake reminds me just a little too much of my own shit."

Bella was caught off guard by both the admission and the apology that lurked underneath. She and Jacob had more in common than she'd ever imagined these days - they both processed far more than they let on.

Leah sucked her lip into her mouth with transparent insecurity and Bella quickly snapped back into the game. "In other words, business as usual," she quipped while an exonerating grin stretched across her face.

Leah rolled her eyes and then slapped her hands down to her thighs as she surveyed the mess strewn across the floor. "God, what am I going to wear?"

And just like that, the conversation was towed back into more comfortable waters.

"I love that yellow dress of yours that you just _happened_ to bring," Bella arched a brow.

Leah spun around. "We were going to stop off in Seattle on the way back home," she snapped defensively. "Y'know… decompress."

Bella nodded with a knowing smirk. "So I know you brought some triple-X lingerie and that's all you really have to worry about."

Leah tried to hide her smile with a frustrated huff.

"Lee, it's only two days, right?" she countered. "Pack something for the plane and something for dinner-..."

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and all thoughts ground to a stop as her hand dove into her jeans. Maybe it was Jacob.

When she'd come down with Leah the first time, Jacob and Sam had been nowhere to be seen. After the proposal and its emotional aftermath, Seth had pulled her aside and told her that they'd left for "Pack business" but Bella had suspected that once supernatural hearing had gleaned the outcome upstairs, they'd left to give the moment the freedom from complication that it deserved.

But she missed Jacob. Part of her had wished that he'd been there for the proposal, even if it had ratcheted up the tension – just so she could see his eyes. She pulled out her cell and her gaze swept down to the caller ID as she lifted it toward her cheek.

And every cell in her body lurched to a stop.

Shell-shocked eyes stared at the bold-faced number of a contact she'd deleted from her phone three months ago while it vibrated tauntingly in her hand. Bella went from surprise to denial to horror in the space of one ring before she threw the device onto the bed and sprang away like it was a communicable disease. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stumbled back, tripping on the suitcase in the middle of the room.

Leah's reflexes rescued her from falling on her ass. "Hey," she soothed, trying to pull her into her side.

Bella couldn't tear her eyes away from the phone, buzzing merrily in a pile of pantyhose. She shook her head slowly back and forth while the cell bleated its obscene demand one final time.

"Bella?" Leah whispered.

The screen went blank as voicemail heroically took the hit. Wide, numb eyes stumbled up to Leah's concern.

"Edward," she mouthed silently - the word felt like a curse too vulgar to be spoken aloud.

Like watching a time-lapsed thunderstorm roll in, Leah's face darkened into fury. "Oh _hell_ no," she hissed.

Bella clamped her eyes closed and unheeded tears surged over her cheeks. Doubling over, she tried to tame her ragged breath - she felt like she was hyperventilating.

Anger, fear, disgust… _hate_.

She couldn't get her head above the rushing rapids of every caustic emotion in the book – and a few they'd left out… for a reason.

But then the phone rang again.

With a shriek Bella bolted up and stared at the same ten numbers brazenly defiling her phone. Leah was watching her in her periphery but then suddenly she charged across the room.

"No!" Bella gasped, stumbling after her. She should have known better than to think she'd exorcised the demons of the past this easily.

Ignoring her, Leah ripped the phone off the bed and slammed the thing against her ear.

"Don't you fucking _ever_ call this phone again," Leah spat hotly. "She doesn't hear another word from your cold dead lying ass, you motherfucking leech."

Leah's eyes darted to Bella at whatever he said in response. "This is Leah Clearwater – her _sister_," she hissed. "And it's none of your fucking business. She doesn't want anything to do with you, you little prick. And I do mean _little_," she sneered. "She knows about the imprint and she knows you lied like the filthy sack of shit you are."

Leah spun around, turning her back. Bella squeezed herself tighter, wishing she had supernatural hearing.

"Save it for someone who gives a fuck," Leah laughed hatefully. "Bella made her decision- she left your glitter-ass years ago. Get the fuck over it!"

"Listen, and listen good… she's _our Alpha's_ _mate_. End of story," she ground out, a hybrid growl harshening the tone. "And if you come within a 100 miles of here, he'll rip you to shreds _no questions asked_," each word was flicked through her teeth like stones. "Then I might have to Phase again myself, just so I can _join in the fun_!"

With that Leah tore the phone down and pressed end. It shook in her hand for a moment before she threw it down like she'd been burned. Her body was trembling as she bowed her head to her chest.

Disoriented by her own emotional hangover, Bella took a single step toward her before instinct whipped her around to the door. Jacob had just landed like a throw of silk in the hallway having apparently taken the stairs in a single leap. Eyes locked on Bella, he straightened slowly, filling the entire doorway.

With the self-disgust evoked by the past, the traumatic present and a future that was precarious at best, Bella was reeling. Her heart was going a gazillion miles per hour trying to keep up with the adrenaline tsunami gushing through her veins.

Leah whimpered softly behind her, but Bella couldn't tear her eyes from the man who still hadn't so much as blinked looming in the hall. She felt ashamed somehow – like it was her fault the ghosts of the past were reaching out from the grave.

Jacob tipped his head absently to the side as he stepped through the low doorway, steely eyes darting over Bella's face. He prowled the few steps toward her without the comfort of any emotion folded into the hard lines of his expression. As soon as he neared, his gaze snapped beyond her and he took a heedless step over the suitcase toward Leah.

Squeezing her eyes closed, Bella took a resetting breath as she turned to where Leah was watching him approach with wide eyes and a vibrating tremor to her body. At first she thought that it was fear that made the woman shake, but the tension in her spine and jaw told another tale.

Leah was fighting with the lupine power that would always run through her veins.

Jacob stopped right in front of her and his eyes darted over her proud face tipped up with a gaze deferentially averted. He raised his hand to slip along her jaw and Leah jerked in surprise, her eyes snapping up to her Alpha's.

"Easy," he murmured, holding Leah's gaze while incandescent heat ignited the human iris. "Breathe through it, Lee."

A shuffle in the hallway made Bella glance over her shoulder at where Josiah was being held back from the door by Seth's hand on his chest while Sam blocked his entrance.

Leah blinked rapidly but couldn't seem to look away from Jacob's stare. For an outrageously long minute they stayed frozen like this while the rain tapped against the window, emphasizing the utter silence choking the house. But while Bella watched, the tremors magically stopped jerking at Leah's frame.

Without a word, Jacob blinked soundly one final time – his eyes returning to human black before he released her. Leah exhaled a hitching breath, her shoulders bowing like she was exhausted.

They all were.

Jacob took the step past her and swept the phone off the bed, clicking it on in one motion. Looking up from the screen, he turned and met Bella's eyes. There was nothing on his face that looked remotely like a question, but still somehow she knew he needed to hear her say it.

Bella squared her jaw – there was something deeply symbolic about handing him both the power and trust to take care of this as he saw fit. Just like he'd done with her in the car – this was _his_ strength.

"I have nothing to say to him," she told him quietly but firmly. "Not now, not ever."

Jacob nodded once and brought the phone to his ear and turned his back on the room as the phone call engaged. Seth finally released Josiah and he slipped in to wrap his arms around Leah who still looked shaken.

The call was picked up on the first ring.

"Cullen, this is Jacob Black," he crooned, viper slick and deadly. "If you contact her again – phone, email, text, a fucking birthday card, I don't care. I will hunt you down and rip you into a million little pieces –I'll count each one before I watch it burn," he licked his lips and continued in that sing-song calm that raised chills across her skin. "She wears my mark. She's mine. The treaty's fucking over – Chief Black will contact Carlisle with the terms."

He was concise and to the point and he certainly didn't wait for an answer.

"Did you have anything you wanted to add, Bells?" Jacob turned over his shoulder.

Even at a time like this, her old nickname on his lips made her smile. That Jacob Black was sneaky too– it was a calculated move to both put her at ease as well as dispel any possible misconceptions on the other end of the line.

"I think you covered it, Jake," she spoke clearly into his eyes.

Without another word to the voice she could just hear sputtering over the speaker, he clicked the phone off while he held her gaze and a hundred unspoken thoughts tumbled in endless human eyes. This had somehow meant a lot to him – more than either of them had realized.

And Bella didn't think or pause or worry who was watching: she took the distance between them in two steps and pressed her forehead over his heart, wrapping her arms around his waist. Where they belonged..

He only hesitated a second before heavy arms were swaddling her close. Bella released a shaking sigh as she turned her cheek and rode several of his deep breaths. This was the way things should be – she needed to stop waiting for him to make the moves past his defenses and just take what she needed.

As imprints their needs should match up a bunch of different ways but one thing was for certain: they needed each other.

She tipped her chin up, resting it on his pec and watching the pupils yawn and contract with the new territory in front of his Pack. His hand smoothed up over her shoulder blades and uncertain fingers traced so lightly along a curl it felt like a breeze.

She smiled openly up into his face without expectation or demand, watching micro expressions hitching under the hard lines of his private struggle. "I'm here," she whispered.

His eyes jerked back to attention in her gaze and then fluttered closed, ebony lashes nestling against his cheeks for a moment. Sucking in a breath, his palm slipped around to cup the back of her head and he pulled her in for a kiss to her hairline that was mixed with fierceness and a gritty whisper: "I know, Bells."

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_Review if you like._


	12. Part XII - Progress

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Song: Numb by Sia _(if you can get past the stupid intro, it fits this chapter)_

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_Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy. _

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**Part XII – Progress**

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Jacob pulled the car into the little gravel parking lot of the Fuller's deli shop. Bella watched him yank up the parking break and cut the engine. His spine was stiff, face shuttered and eyes lost behind roving thoughts.

Not exactly what she'd had in mind when she'd haggled for an "afternoon off."

After she'd made sure that Leah was actually going to _get into_ the rental car with Josiah to head for the airport, she'd begged him to hand over Pack and Council reports to Sam. After a few minutes of a clenched jaw and silent standoff, he'd finally relented.

And in spite of this unenthusiastic beginning, Bella was determined to make the most of it. Who knew when they'd get another chance?

"I'm starving," she announced a little too brightly as she snapped her seatbelt free.

Without glance or comment, Jacob promptly pushed his door open and slipped from his seat. With a bland flare of nostrils, Bella turned in her seat and pulled her backpack from the back, fishing around in the outside pocket for her wallet.

"You don't need that."

As her door was yanked open, the inky pronouncement was sucked into the car by the vacuum.

Bella whipped around to find Jacob challenging her with an arched brow. Her eyes narrowed for a moment and then she decided to flip things on their ear and to her advantage.

Her lips spread in a saccharine smile. "Oh, is this a _date_, Mr. Black?"

Her expression must have been pretty funny because the subtlest snort accompanied a shimmy of stalwart lips. Bella's face cracked in a grin and she held out a prissy hand.

She was rewarded with a flick of eyes and a warm, steady grip.

He hauled her out of the car with an incidental strength that made her stumble into him hard and she caught herself with palms on his chest and graceless aplomb. A chagrinned blush was just heating her cheeks when she suddenly remembered that this was a man whose control was so precise he could shatter a moving leech hand with a skipping stone.

And that a burly arm was still holding her to his side.

She felt the soft inhale at her temple as he leaned down by her ear. "If you want it to be, Miss. Swan," he murmured. That provocative bass sent a shudder down her spine.

The door thunked closed in punctuation and Bella looked up to a wry and subtle smile. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.

He held her gaze for a moment – poignant, loaded… trying. Trying so hard.

An unfettered smile spread across her lips and she leaned in and popped a playful kiss on his pec. Jacob sniffed a laugh and released her, stuffing both hands into his jeans as they turned to the little shop, surrounded by several cars and pick-ups. In Washington weather's psychotic tradition, the rain had let up for the moment and there were even a few wayward patches of blue on the horizon.

They fell into step with one another - Bella naturally listing toward him until their sides bumped, just like when they were kids. Jacob's arm subtly bowed out and without thinking, her hand curled into the crook of his elbow.

Bella's eyes darted up to strands of silky hair hanging over eyes glued to the gravel. In contrast to his surprising cooperation, he looked somber, thoughtful.

He needed to get out of that head for a little while.

She squeezed his arm a little tighter and hopped, kicking back her outside leg in an impish butt-punt of high school infamy. But even her best jump landed her heel somewhere in the middle of his thigh and herself in precarious danger of landing on her ass (thank God for his arm).

She barked a laugh as she shuffled in the gravel to regain her footing and Jacob's eyes cut over to her with a demi-smirk.

"Unfair!" she accused righteously berating her height handicap. "I can't even reach your knee! You'd probably hit the back of my head," she laughed.

"Oh, I'm a professional," he crooned, sounding like she'd just thrown down the gauntlet. And then proceeded to demonstrate with a soft pop of his heel square to her ass and not a break in his stride.

She squawked, springing away with a melodramatic rub of her butt.

A deep chuckle bounced in his chest as he wrapped a bicep around her neck and pulled her in by the palm on the top of her head.

He placed a quick peck on her hair. "Shrimp," he sniffed and then released her and took the last strides ahead to the door, pulling it open.

Bella looked up with a smile… and her feet stopped in their tracks.

It was shocking to how much could change in two steps. By the time he was standing back with the door held open - like the gentleman he'd always been - that sort-kinda-almost playfulness had evaporated from squared shoulders and a stoic stare. In that black tee, those jeans and kick-ass (literally) boots, it was impossible to believe this was the same man who'd reverted to high school for the walk across the parking lot of the Fuller's delicatessen.

She blinked, disconcerted.

"After you," he finally prompted with a raise of brow.

Bella took a breath and strode through the door, shoving her own hands into her jeans pockets and trying to reset.

The room was warm and steamy and smelled of baked bread. Along the far wall several laborers seated at plain diner tables eating sandwiches over wrinkled butcher wrap. Behind the deli case a middle-aged woman looked up… and paled.

"Hi Mrs. Fuller," Bella smiled, trying to put her at ease. They'd come here when she and Jacob were kids, but she'd never put it together until the bonfire this summer that it was Brady's family shop.

Like he'd heard the thought, Brady strode out of the back – his effervescent smile tamed to a serious stare over her head.

And suddenly Jacob's abrupt about-face made a lot more sense.

But as she'd already learned after that horrible phone call this afternoon, she needed to just be herself and take what she needed. Hopefully it would be what Jacob needed too – he was chopped up into too many disparate pieces.

If she needed him whole, she could help be the glue.

"Hey Brady," Bella called blithely, like last night – or the weekend - had never happened.

Brady tore his eyes from his Alpha with a sickly version of his infectious smile. "Hey Bella."

She heard the door close behind her with the soft tinkle of bell and watched every patron sit up a little straighter, casting nervous glances their way. In the back corner a man with a straggly grey-laced braid and overalls slinging his beer gut, stood and wrapped paper around the last half of his sandwich – obviously deciding to get while the getting was good.

Bella decided to pretend like she didn't see any of it.

She strode casually toward the counter - studying a sandwich board overhead that hadn't changed since high school - while she tried to find her center. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Brady wordlessly take his mother's place behind the counter. She tossed Bella an apologetic smile over her shoulder before she disappeared in the back.

God, it sure was hard to put things back together when everything around them had so drastically fallen apart. When she and Jacob were little they'd come here for sandwiches or – far more importantly – the soft-serve ice cream doled out by the machine in the corner. Mrs. Fuller would always give them a motherly smile, free sprinkles and a cherry even for a cone.

She could feel the prickle of their bond as Jacob stepped up behind her along with a wash of unnatural heat… even for him. He was feeling agitated too.

Her eyes swept down to where Brady was absently wiping the back counter and casting furtive glances out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh, is Jose coming to Lupper this weekend?" Bella asked casually, pretending that it had just popped into her head.

She caught him off-guard, which was, of course, the point. The two wolves were feeding off each other's tension, she could feel it. Maybe tying up the bonds would help a little.

Brady blinked and turned around. "Yeah," he hedged. Obviously things were so tumultuous right now for the Pack, that routine had been forgotten.

"Great," Bella smiled. "I ordered one of those laptops that we were talking about the other day but I also got some extra memory. 'Think he could help me put it in?"

"Yeah," Brady nodded, taking a step toward her. "Sure he could."

"I got it for ole Jake here," she yanked a thumb over her shoulder and used it as an excuse to glance behind her.

Jacob had his arms crossed over his chest and was staring at the menu board like he was two seconds from giving it a beat-down.

"To replace his freaking _Fred Flintstone_ laptop at the garage," she snorted.

Without a twitch of muscle, his eyes slipped down over the plains of his cheeks and she wrinkled her nose brattily before she turned back around.

Brady's eyes were darting between them with subtle interest as he stepped up to the counter.

"He's even got _dial-up_ internet! Can you believe it?" she balked. "Maybe Jose can help me pick out a wireless router and set it up too?"

Brady glanced hesitantly at his Alpha before offering her a little heartier smile. "Yeah, he loves to do that shit."

Bella nodded with a grin - holding his gaze for just a few more seconds and trying to infuse it with reassurance. By the way the corners of his mouth flipped up into that honeycomb smile it worked at least a little.

"So, hmm," Bella pulled her lip into her mouth as she glanced up at the board and took a few sneaky steps backwards until she bumped into Jacob. His body jerked at the contact like like she'd tasered him.

Giving him a moment to settle while she pretended to study the menu, she then rocked rhythmically back on her heels in a fidget designed to get him to uncross his arms. Finally it worked.

"I think I'll have a six inch cheese and veggie sub," she announced pertly (like she'd ever gotten anything else). "What are you gonna have?" Bella leaned back against his chest and tipped her head all the way back until she was staring at Jacob's chin.

"I'd like two roast beef bacon," he crooned like he was ordering a hit. He was still running hot.

Going for a little casual skin-to-skin, her hands sought his, hanging obstinately at his side. Their bond hummed as she laced her fingers through his and gave them a little encouraging swing. His eyes darted down over his cheeks at her and she smiled.

"And a root beer?" she asked – he'd always loved root beer as a kid.

He nodded imperceptibly.

Bella tipped her head down just in time to see Brady glancing at their joined hands before he met her gaze.

"And a diet coke and root beer, please," she added casually – there was nothing to see here. This was all completely normal.

He glanced again at their hands and then his smile impossibly broadened – the boy was not subtle.

"Double meat, Jake?" Brady left the grin on his face as he looked up at his Alpha.

She felt Jacob's terse nod.

But even in the face of Jacob's reticence, Brady kept that smile as he turned to the sink to wash up.

_Success._

Bella hummed to herself as she swung their hands back and forth and watched the flat-screen TV babble away on the far wall (all Jose – this was the most electronically advanced shop on the Rez). It might have been her imagination, but it seemed like the noise level had risen in the room too. Ranchers murmured to one another, a trucker crumpled paper, someone laughed at the commercial on the screen.

The bread door slammed closed just as perfectly-timed words were breathed into her ear: "You're trouble, 'know that?"

Bella kept her eyes on the screen. "Oh, I'm a professional," she murmured, copying his bratty brag in the parking lot.

Jacob chuckled low and brought a stop to her fidgets with his hands as he pulled them free.

She was just about to complain, when he folded his arms loosely around her, resting his biceps on her shoulders and clasping his elbows as he pulled her back against his chest. Surprised, it took her a moment to relax back against him.

She caught Brady's glance and the private smile tucked under along with his chin.

Actually this was a familiar position reminiscent of high school days, even though he was a little taller now. After he'd Phased, he'd often grabbed her up just like this to lean against her (usually with a requisite "shrimp" snickered in her ear). Now she knew he had been imprinted but back then it had just felt normal… _natural_ even.

But she could feel it clearly now – see it in the patron's glances cast their way - it was _intimate_. How the hell hadn't she recognized how close they were?

Her hand came up to rub over the warm satin over his steely forearm and hung there, relishing the hum that seemed to fuse their bodies together. He felt so incredibly good. _This_ felt so incredibly good.

And in that single moment, Bella realized she was _happy_. God, it had been a long time.

Apparently Jacob felt the same.

With a soft shaking breath that shimmied over her hair, he rested his chin on the top of her head as his body relaxed behind her, leaning just enough of his weight on her that she felt grounded. Otherwise she might have just floated away.

While the noises of the TV and delicatessen continued on around them Bella stood wrapped contently in Jacob's arms. From her little bubble, she watched Brady fix the sandwiches behind the deli case, casting glances up from under those lush lashes while he tried to smother his grin.

"Bray, go heavy on the beef," Jacob's croon vibrated her body with a cautionary acknowledgement of his covert stares.

Brady certainly understood the subtext. Clearing his throat, he straightened his face out as he looked up with an obedient nod for his Alpha. "Sure thing, Jake."

After that, he became much more seriously engaged in his professional sandwich-making. Bella smiled at both men as she leaned back into Jacob's chest.

A tinkling of the door's bell had Jacob picking his head up and straightening. He rubbed his hands absently down Bella's arms as he released her.

"Hello Mr. Little Elk," he said before he'd even turned around.

Bella watched the older man flinch like someone had just raised a gun to his head. Apparently even Jacob's customers were wary of him – good thing he was the best mechanic on the west coast otherwise he probably wouldn't have stayed in business.

"Jacob," he nodded. He glanced at Bella with an uncomfortable smile as he stepped forward to take the wolf's offered hand.

"Your van can be picked up at noon tomorrow," Jacob shook it cordially before taking a step back. He shoved both sets of fingers in his front pockets with body language that gave the man room to breathe but still somehow screamed casual dominion. "Sorry its late."

"No problem. Your father said there'd been a family emergency," he took several steps back himself under the guise of moving toward the counter. "Hope that all went alright."

Jacob nodded once. "It did," he bit out with a little too much feral undertone.

"Well, I-.." Mr. Little Elk cleared his throat with an uncomfortable smile as he jerked his chin toward the counter.

Brady was watching the interplay for his cue. "Your order's all ready," he told him and then called over his shoulder. "Ma! Can you come ring up Mr. Little Elk?"

Mrs. Fuller popped out of the back seconds later with a nervous glance at Jacob before she gave Mr. Little Elk a broad welcoming smile that was reminiscent of her son's.

Bella had taken the few steps to the sandwich side of the counter and turned back to watching Brady's deft hands putting together three masterpieces.

"Mayo?" he looked up and met her eyes.

She nodded with a smile, leaning her elbows down on the laminate. Jacob crossed the room behind her, giving the Fuller's space to do their business without his innate distraction. He leaned a shoulder against the wall beside her.

Brady wrapped her sandwich up in white butcher paper and set it aside to finish Jacob's two monster subs.

A tug on her belt loop had her complying before she could even be surprised. Jacob pulled her back into the grotto his body made lounging against the wall and wrapped a loose arm around her waist to keep her there, hooking a finger in a belt loop.

It seemed that now that he'd started touching her, he didn't want to stop. Bella was more than happy with that arrangement. She leaned her head back against his chest while her hand smoothed absently over his wrist. Their bodies were so comfortable being together. It soothed something deep inside that Bella had realized had been chronically flailing for going on eight years now.

And it felt like old times.

Small talk and the transaction at the register finished and Mr. Little Elk turned with a plastic bag filled with several items. Both he and Mrs. Fuller glanced over at them at the same time, like they'd just been waiting for an excuse.

Bella smiled openly (to make up for the probability that Jacob was giving them that unnerving stare).

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jacob," the man tipped up his chin, looking a little more relaxed.

Bella glanced up to find Jacob just pulling his eyes from TV screen. He gave the man nod.

The customer headed for the door and Mrs. Fuller fiddled with the touch-screen cash register (Jose) and then closed the door, throwing another glance their way.

Bella caught her eye and coaxed a smile from the woman who apparently decided things were not quite so dangerous in the front after all. Instead of retreating to the backroom, she scooted behind her huge son and washed her hands before wordlessly wrapping the remaining sandwich.

It was progress and it would be a lot easier for Jacob to start healing if everywhere he went people weren't scurrying for cover like he was the monster he thought himself to be. In fact, she was so pleased she found herself thinking a celebration might be in order. Her eyes drifted to the old stainless steel ice cream machine humming in the corner.

She straightened and turned around. Jacob kept his finger firmly hooked in her belt loop.

"Hey," she grinned up at him mischievously. " 'You want _ice cream_?"

Jacob's eyes slipped down from where they'd returned to the TV.

Bella bit her lip with an encouraging widening of her eyes.

He sniffed a laugh and picked his head up from the wall. "It's gonna melt before we get the sandwiches home," he murmured.

"Dessert first?" she raised her brows with a jaunty grin.

His eyes flitted over her face and a private smile curved those lucious lips. "Kay," he released her and pushed off the wall.

Bella turned back to Mrs. Fuller who was watching her expectantly. "Can we get two cones too?"

"Of course," the woman smiled. "Sprinkles too?"

In that one simple question and the sparkle to her eyes Brady's mother was communicating acceptance – of past and future. Brady had gotten his sensitive heart from his mother after all.

Bella turned to Jacob to find him watching her with a million thoughts behind his eyes. He blinked and his shoulder hopped in a shrug.

"Yes please," she told the woman who was already heading to the machine.

Feeling like a little girl, Bella stepped up the counter and watched her ready the cones with more excitement than was proper for a bone-fide adult. But right now, she was the happiest she'd been in longer than she could remember and she'd decided to make the most of it.

The machine chugged to life and doled out a long slow curl of vanilla (the only thing they had) into the little paper-wrapped manila cone. The woman set it carefully down on the square bottom and then started on the second.

At the sound of the cash register door, Bella glanced down the counter to see Jacob clasp macho forearms with Brady before taking the bag of sandwiches. She felt like she could _see_ tension slip from each man's shoulders at finally making skin-to-skin contact. Wolves _needed_ touch.

"Here you go."

Bella turned to two chocolate sprinkle-covered cones being offered to her from behind the counter.

"Sorry, dear," Mrs. Fuller handed off the cones. "We're out of cherries."

"Thanks. No problem," Bella sniffed a laugh. It was poetic, really: she and Jacob didn't have any cherries left to pop either. But that didn't mean that things couldn't be new again.

Suddenly Bella realized that this is what they were both unconsciously trying (and needing) to do: go back to the beginning and start again.

Bella hoped this time they'd get it right.

She sucked the pointy tip off one ice cream as she turned around, rolling the cool sweetness luxuriantly over her tongue. "Mm," she hummed happily.

Jacob was watching her with the softest smile she'd seen on that hardened face. Brady was full-on grinning.

Bella rolled her eyes at both of them. "See you and Jose on Sunday, Bray."

"'Kay," he wrapped a casual arm around his mother's shoulders as she stepped to his side. "Have fun."

"We will," she gave him a conspiratorial smile. "We're on a date."

Brady chuckled at her expression at the same time Jacob snorted loudly and headed for the door.

"Ain't no place classier than Fuller's Deli," Brady grinned.

"I agree," she pronounced with a sober nod. "Thank you, Mrs. Fuller."

"Bye Bella," she replied as the bell jingled harshly.

Jacob had shoved the door open and was holding it, waiting for her to go first. His nostrils were flared, but there was still just a touch of humor in those eyes.

"Trouble," he muttered under his breath as she started to shimmy by.

Bella gave him a smart-aleck grin and shoved his ice cream up to that mouth for a bite.

His eyes narrowed at the dare before, pointedly holding her gaze, his lips slooowwwwly caressed the top off of the ice cream with a suggestive jump of brow.

Blood rushed to her cheeks as she glanced over her shoulder to find Brady covertly watching while he cleaned up, but his mother turned back to business.

Deciding he'd won that round, she scowled as she passed him out the door and into the parking lot where a pickup truck was just pulling in.

"A date, huh?" Jacob chuckled as he caught up with her.

Bella took another bite of her ice cream. "Mm hm," she swallowed the coldness down her throat. "You said it'd be a date if I wanted it to be," she claimed. "I do."

"Hmm."

Bella looked up at where Jacob was walking with both hands in his pockets and the bag dangling from one wrist, hitting his thigh. His brow was furrowed as he considered the ground.

"What?" she breathed, hoping he wouldn't slip back into somber so quickly.

"Well," he dragged the word out and then looked up as a devilish grin jumped out for the punch. "If it's a date, we can't take these back home…"

Bella smiled and took another lick of her cone as the stopped at the passenger side of his convertible. Jacob leaned his hips back against the car while he considered her pensively for a moment.

"How about the bluffs," he whispered. "Sometimes clouds make the best sunsets." His eyes darted up to the overcast sky.

Her playfulness had evaporated for the moment as she tried to read his face.

Sucking in a breath through his teeth, he looked back down with a forced smile and raise of his brow.

"Okay," she nodded, wishing she understood what was dragging him down.

He smiled at whatever he saw in his face and his eyes grew mischievous, apparently deciding to lighten the mood. He reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled the forgotten ice cream up to his mouth.

Eyes locked with hers he licked all the way around one side with a languid tongue that by all rights should have turned the cone to a puddle right there. As was the obvious intention and a flush of heat rushed between her legs, making her weak at the knees.

Pulling back, his eyes curved with his roguish smile as they paced lazily between hers while he adjusted her limp wrist to his liking. And then he did the same thing with the other side, with sensual leisure and a sultry smile.

Bella was mesmerized.

And turned on something fierce.

But – honestly – also a little intimidated.

While she was certainly comfortable with sex, she'd never been very sophisticated with this sort of thing. And at that moment all she could think about was how Candy from the pool room would have stepped between his legs with some-… some _sexy comment_ (she couldn't even think of one) and probably licked the other side just as provocatively.

With a blink, Jacob's brow furrowed and he released her wrist. "What's wrong?" he licked the ice cream from his lips while he tried to read her.

As soon as he asked, some invisible dam seemed to break and suddenly – for some completely ridiculous reason – she felt like she was battling tears.

"Nothing," she forced a smile, taking an inadvertent step back.

Jacob frowned, pushing off the car. "Bells," he murmured, reaching out to her cheek. She didn't mean to, but she flinched away from his touch.

Suddenly it was all crashing down around her: how plain and inadequate she felt in comparison to those model-perfect busty girls. And the memory of Jacob, fondling and fawning over every one of them.

She just couldn't compete.

The sound of the car door opening made her look up. She hadn't realized her shoulders had bowed along with her head under the heavy load. Jacob was standing by the door, watching her with a shuttered face and unreadable eyes.

She'd ruined it.

Tucking her chin, she handed him his ice cream and then gingerly got in the car. He shut the door quietly and she watched him stalk around the front of the car to the driver's side, taking an absent lick from his cone.

He pulled open the driver's side and bent down, handing her his cone. She took it without meeting his eyes.

Jacob swung himself in while she stared at the two cones in her fist, suddenly wondering what she'd been thinking with the whole ice cream thing. It was awkward in the car.

And because he'd licked off the sprinkles, his was starting drip onto her hand. Without a thought, she lapped it off her knuckle and cleaned up the side.

"Did you just eat some of my ice cream?"

Bella froze guiltily in the middle of, in fact, doing just that.

Her eyes darted over to a wise-ass arched brow, impugning frown… and humor sparkling in Jacob's eyes. Bella drew offered him a tentative smile.

"Because you know what happens when you get between a wolf and his food, right?" He continued the ruse as he shut the door, watching her out of the corner of his eye.

"I can guess," Bella giggled, so incredibly happy to be back in this place.

"Well," he turned to her with a smack of his lips as he promptly reached for the cone. "I guess I can let it go this time." And then obliterated the entire head of ice cream (and a little of the cone) in on giant bite.

"Jake!" Bella shriek-laughed.

He chewed his monster mouthful with chomping slapstick finesse.

Slack-jawed, Bella watched in amazement as he chewed, holding her gaze defiantly. Mere seconds later he swallowed, clearly victorious. He gave her a shit-eating grin dripping with vanilla in the corners.

"Did you get brain-freeze?" she laughed, leaning in without thinking about it and thumbing the confection from his chin.

"I think I'm too hot-headed for that," he snorted, absently grabbing her hand as she pulled it away. "_Mine_," he murmured.

His eyes, though, were serious as lapped the sticky from her thumb and then pressed a soft kiss to the pad.

Bella's gaze darted over his face, collecting all the little things he wasn't saying.

"Need any help with that?" he nodded toward her forgotten hand.

She whipped around to find sprinkles sliding down the side. "Ew," she licked it a few times and then gave it up to the expert. Bella dug through the bag of sandwiches between the seats for napkins while Jacob went to work.

She cried out in joy at the two foil packets of wet wipes. Ripping one open, she cleaned of her hands while she checked on his progress. Jacob had already whittled the cone down to a manageable nub. He handed it back and Bella offered a wipe.

He shook his head and then promptly popped the entire rest of his cone into his mouth. Bella giggled and he looked up at her with a smile and then leaned over her, crunching away. She was confused for a second before she realized he was going for her seat belt.

She sat back, holding the ice cream out of the way, as he pulled the seat belt out and almost tenderly situated it over her shoulder, crunching all the while.

Clicking it into place and neglecting his own, he sat back and in his seat and shoved the keys in the steering column and turned the ignition. He revved it a few times, the engine roaring like the finely-tuned monster that it was, and Bella caught a whisper of a boyish smile flicker over his lips before he glanced her way.

She could barely understand his full-mouth mumble, "wocean?"

Bella nodded happily and took a lick of her ice cream cone.

'

"I'm full," Bella groaned, starting to fold over the paper on her half of a half sandwich. The Fullers had always been generous on the portions and the ice cream cone had done a number on her appetite.

A brown hand reached out and she looked up to Jacob's sly eyes. Sniffing a laugh, she handed it over to the man who had already finished two ginormous sandwiches in impossible time.

They were sitting side by side on a blanket from the trunk at the top of the bluffs overlooking the tossing sea. Jacob had turned on the radio for the ride over and she'd settled down in her seat with her sock feet on the dash and absently hummed along. They hadn't really talked much, but that was alright; they each needed the time to settle into this new (old) place.

But it seemed that, while on other fronts they were shakily progressing in jumps and starts, they were back to always touching: Bella didn't even think about it, but she found her hand shoved between the seat and his thigh. Arm resting cavalierly on the door, every time Jacob had shifted, he'd absently dragged his fingers over the swath of skin revealed by the ¾ sleeve sweater.

Bella took a sip of her soda and then lay back and pillowed her head on the big duffle bag of clothes he kept in the car (for obvious reasons). Jacob finished off Bella's sandwich in two measly bites and then balled up the paper and put it back in the bag along with the emptied root beer.

With a groan he lay back beside her, scooting over so their arms were touching while he stretched his long legs out toward the horizon.

Bella turned her head and watched him gazing up at the sky with thoughts clouding his eyes. Her hand searched for his and found it and their fingers automatically entwined like it was the most natural thing in the world (it had always been).

Finally seeming to register her hand and her stare, Jacob blinked twice and then turned his head.

"Thanks for lunch," she whispered.

Jacob smirked. "You mean '_lupper_?'"

Bella nearly choked on her laugh. "Oh my God, Leah was right!" It was hysterical to hear that from a macho man's lips.

Jacob didn't ask and just turned back to the sky with a smile on his lips. But lupper was right: sunset was probably just 20 minutes away. They'd gotten a late start to their afternoon off.

"What happened back there, Bella?" he whispered.

Bella froze like a deer on the wrong side of a rifle, watching him stare stoically up at the clouds just starting to blush. She wanted to play dumb or coy or anything but honest, but this was _Jacob_. Not only had he grown into a sharp man, he'd always been able to read her like a book.

It was just suddenly _so hard_ to honor her hard-earned vow of honesty.

Finally he turned his head, eyes intense and astute. She still hadn't been able to take a breath.

"By the car," he amended quietly. It was more of a prompt – her face told him plainly that she knew exactly what he was talking about.

She couldn't stand it anymore.

Bella burst away, releasing his hand at the same time she sat up. She leaned over her lap and raked both hands through her hair as she pulled her feet under her.

"God, this is so…" she hissed and then huffed out a frustrated breath. "I just feel so… so _lame_!" she whipped around to where he was watching her with his arms crossed behind his head.

"I mean God, Jake. I can't compete with _them_!" She flung her arm out wildly. "The Trixies, the Candies, and all the other-…" her voice broke and she turned back around, slumping over her lap and clapping her palms over her face. Suddenly everything felt like it was crashing down again – maybe they'd just be friends like this, maybe she'd have to watch him date girls like that, maybe...

"Bells," his whisper prefaced a big palm smoothing down her back. "I don't want them."

Bella frantically tried to press back sobs while she felt Jacob scoot his legs around her.

"Look at me honey."

Her breath hiccupped as fingers slipped up to urge her wrists away. But it was just impossible to resist that endearment in that voice.

Her hands fell away in defeat and the tears they'd held back sprinted down her cheeks. A gentle finger coaxed her chin up and she found herself looking into dark charred eyes that looked gutted by flame. He had caged her in a grotto created by his long legs – nestled in the crook of a knee, one was wrapped around her and the other bent and propping up his elbow.

He leaned his head against his fist. "I don't _want_ _them_, Bells," he sniffed a bitter laugh. He closed his eyes on the loathing that harshened the lines of his face.

Bella turned toward him a little more, propping her knee on his thigh and brushing a soothing hand down his arm.

Jacob squeezed his eyes shut and tucked his chin while he raked the hand propped on his knee through his hair.

He picked his head up and his eyes popped open, instantly focused in hers. "I want _you_," he whispered. "Always have, always will. Before the imprint. After… oh, God, _after_…" he coughed a caustic laugh.

He shook his head with an acrid open-mouthed smile. Leaving his elbow on his knee, his hand came down to ghost over her hair while his gaze followed it a moment.

"If there were no wolves and bullshit," he breathed, watching a finger stroke over a curl. "We'd have been together and you know it." His eyes darted back to hers.

Bella's brow furrowed at the pain in that searching stare and she reached up and caught his hand, ferrying to her cheek. She nuzzled against it for a moment, relishing the feel of his work-roughened knuckles against her cheek while she cradled his gaze in her heart.

"I do know," she whispered.

His eye searched hers a moment more then he sniffed with a sad smile. "You were so right," he mouthed the words.

Jacob's gaze dropped between them and Bella pressed a kiss to his knuckle and released him… waiting. His hand pushed through his hair again while the other shifted on her knee - it was only then that she realized their other hands were entwined.

"They were a sick substitute," he mumbled. "For you."

He looked back up, his eyes pushed into half-moons by disgust. "Oh I'd get a lay, maybe a little distraction… _touch_," he closed his eyes and huffed a long slow breath from his nose.

Bella's constricting heart was pushing tears from her eyes again. She lifted her hand to his cheek but he subtly shied away and she returned it to her lap.

A fist wiped a harsh sniffle from his nose as his eyes met hers from under his lashes. "I chose them 'cause they were looking to _get_ something, just like me. But none of 'em gave a fuck about me – hated me, really," he laughed – a hateful hollow sound.

His adam's apple bobbed with his swallow as his eyes fluttered closed again. "Just like I hate myself," he whispered.

Bella's heart shattered from the pressure. She drew in a breath filled with needles as she watched him claw a hand through his hair to grip the crown with a fist.

She had no idea what to do… what to say.

"Jake," she ventured.

He sucked in a harsh breath through his teeth and lifted his head, sitting up a bit more. His face was back to that stoic mask. "We're missing the sunset," his lips hitched up in a bitter smirk.

And with that he was pulling away.

For a few seconds, she watched in dismay as he hauled back across the blanket and then lay stiffly back down, folding his hands behind his head as he trained his eyes on the sky.

The only thing she could do was what he'd done for her in the deli parking lot when she'd broken down… just keep going.

Turning to the bruising horizon she scooted back to her spot, leaning slowly back down and shimmying closer so at least her cheek was near enough to feel the heat from his elbow. Folding her hands over her stomach she stared at the vibrant sky choked with kaleidoscope clouds and let her swollen mind stumble around while she listened to the percussion of the waves. He was starting to talk to her at least… starting to let his guard down, starting to process. She just wished she knew what to do to help him, but she was struggling to keep her head above her own stormy seas.

This was definitely not easy.

"This is the worst date ever," Jacob hissed.

Bella blinked back into focus in flushed clouds streaked with riotous purples. "I was actually thinking it was the best one I'd ever had," she pursed her lips. Because as hard as it was, it was also true: it was playful and messy and painful and fun and real and… Jacob.

"It's the _only_ date I've ever had," he barked a humorless laugh.

Bella glanced at him out of the corner of her eye to find him cursing the sky with his stare.

"Everything else was just a paying for a fuck," he spat under his breath.

Bella returned her eyes to the sky, but tipped her cheek against his elbow. The hum of skin to skin made her eyes flutter closed.

Jacob blew out a long breath. "God, I'm so fucked up, Bells," he murmured.

Her eyes popped open to the sky.

"I don't know how to do this. I'm scared I'm gonna fuck this up too."

"It's just me, Jake," she whispered. Her hand slipped from her stomach and crept across the space between them until she found his hip. She brushed her fingers over his jeans and – when he didn't move away – she slithered under his tee and hooked her fingers in the waistband of his jeans. An electric current zinged up her arm from the silken touch of his skin.

Jacob coughed a laugh. "You know I had our first date all planned before I Phased," he chuckled caustically. "I was going to take you up here in the Rabbit for a picnic like this – maybe some pizza or I'd make some sandwiches and shit," he murmured under his breath. "Then I was gonna take you to a movie. I'd drive you home… kiss you on your front step…"

Bella smiled. "Until Charlie came out with his gun."

Jacob sniffed a laugh. "Yeah."

"Well we could rent a movie off Amazon on my computer," Bella turned with a raised brow. "I've been wanting to see _Thor - the Dark World_," she boomed.

He finally turned his head and looked at her.

"Of maybe we could go for Sharknado?" she grinned.

"Sharknado," Jacob snorted as he turned back to the sky. "Stupid."

Bella smacked her lips. "C'mon like Killer Clowns wasn't stupid."

"That's a _classic_," Jacob sniffed, turning to her with a lazy smile. They were slowly pulling back on the road.

She gave him googly eyes. "Sharknado will be too someday."

Jacob rolled his eyes but shifted, pulling his arms from behind his head and scooting closer. His hand found hers at his waist and pulled it free. Their fingers automatically laced together like vines.

Bella smiled, watching the colors starting peak with the sunset while her mind spun. He'd done his best to address her issues about other women, but her insecurities went deeper still. He'd opened up a lot to her this afternoon – it was only fair of her to do the same.

She drew in a deep breath. "Y'know with that ice cream thing," she mumbled, feeling Jacob's muscles twitch to attention. "I-…" she wrinkled her nose in chagrin. "I don't know how to be sexy like that."

A dark chocolate chuckle rippled in his chest. "Oh yes you do," he crooned.

She blinked and turned to find him watching her with a sly hitch to his lips.

"In fact," he rolled over and pillowed his cheek on the duffle, keeping their hands joined. "Everything you do is sexy," he murmured as his eyes washed leisurely over her face.

Bella sniffed uncomfortably and returned her gaze to the clouds. "Just because I'm your imprint," she muttered.

"**No.**"

He contradicted her so emphatically that it sounded like an Order. She found her head whipping back to him without her permission.

The scowl on his face softened slowly as he took stock of the insecurity in her eyes. His hand reached out to brush a strand of hair from her forehead.

"You're sexy because you're _real_," he murmured under his breath like he was talking to himself. His eyes darted to his finger as it stroked slowly down her cheek. "Don't change a thing."

With a brusque sniff, his eyes found hers again. "And I was just playin' because I like the way you smell when I turn you on," his lips spread slowly in a roguish smile that was calculated to melt the panties off any woman in a nanosecond flat.

Of course, it worked like a charm.

That smile tipped into a grin that was, well, wolfish.

"Gah," Bella turned back to the sky in defeat.

"Mmm," he hummed scooting over and pushing his nose into her neck with a playful chuckle.

"_Jake_," she giggled pushing her cheek into his head, while he rooted and tickled.

Finally he relented and pulled back with the most glorious sunrise smile she'd ever seen.

And just like that, he banished all those shadows from her heart. For several heartbeats they just smiled at one another, lost in the soliloquy being whispered by yawning eyes while the ocean murmured and rocked the horizon.

With a soft breath, Jacob lay his cheek back on the duffel beside and his hand slipped over hers on her stomach. Her lips still bowed in peace, Bella returned her gaze to the sky, where color was building to a crescendo. It was breathtaking: angry reds, passionate purples, playful pinks and warm yellow streaked the sky as a fiery orange sun dove into a watery horizon.

Jacob was missing it. His cheek pillowed on the duffle beside her, she could just see those still, silent eyes tracing her profile in her periphery.

"You're missing the sunset," Bella murmured through a smile.

"This view's better," he sniffed.

Bella blinked, turning her cheek just enough to see him. Private thoughts were locked in the intense unreadable plains of his face.

She turned back to the sky as her hand on her stomach shimmied from under his and laced through his thick fingers.

But after only a few seconds, Jacob pulled free and his hand raised toward her face. She closed her eyes as a single finger ghosted down her forehead to the bridge of her nose.

"You're really beautiful, y'know that?" he whispered, pushing up and propping his cheek on his fist.

She grimaced uncomfortably. "I'm short and plain," she coughed a laugh.

Jacob ignored her words, tracing slowly down her profile. "You're beautiful," he repeated quietly as his finger slipped down the slope of her nose to her lips. "I love your eyes, your mind," his finger made a detour, following the shape of her mismatched lips to the corner before smoothing over the full bottom. "This mouth." He continued down her chin.

"And beautiful face," he breathed as his finger slowly skimmed down her throat. "God, I love this face." The pad of his finger settled in the hollow of her throat, skating back and forth along the curve. "And this body…" He expelled a breath from the back of his throat somewhere between a sigh and a grunt.

Bella's eyes opened, cutting over to where he was watching his finger hem her collar bone.

Blowing a long breath through pursed lips, his eyes closed as his hand returned to hers on her stomach. He murmured low and emphatically as he threaded his fingers with hers. "Mm… and… that… _awesome_… bubble ass."

"Jake!" she barked a laugh.

His eyes popped open. "Just had to throw that in there," he leered.

Bella rolled her eyes with a laugh in spite of a rushing blush that rivaled the sky.

"But you're half-right," he capitulated. "You _are_ short."

She turned back to a toothy grin. At 5'4 to his ginormous leap past six feet, there was no getting around that.

He held her gaze as the sun slowly faded from his face. "But I like it," he whispered, much more serious than she'd expected. "A lot. 'Makes me feel…" he scraped his lip with his teeth as his eyes darted off to the side. When they returned, they were thoughtful. "Makes me feel _protective_."

Jacob's hand shimmied free from hers and he lifted it to brush a strand of hair from her cheek while sober eyes washed over her face.

They finally found hers again and he licked his lips. "Bells, I-…"

A harsh buzz made her jump in surprise.

"Fuck!" Jacob spat, closing his eyes before he sat up and fished the phone from his pocket.

"You should have turned it off," she laughed.

He glanced over his shoulder. "Can't," he bit out.

The stress and bitterness in his voice instantly sobered her up. It reminded her that outside of this little sanctuary they'd carved out for themselves this evening, there was no getting away from reality: he was Alpha and he had a ridiculous amount of responsibility weighing on his shoulders at all times.

Bella pushed up off the blanket, watching him with concern as he brought the phone to his cheek.

"Yeah," he answered gruffly.

Pulling her knees up to her chest she watched him shove his hand through his hair and then congeal to his feet.

"I fucking _told them_ that wasn't happening yesterday," his voice instantly dove for the depths of an imperious bass. "And. It. Still. Fucking. Stands."

Jacob listened to the voice on the other end while he stalked away from her toward the edge of the bluffs. Abruptly he froze, his body quivering like an arrow that had hit its mark.

"_She's mine,"_ the growl was nearly unintelligible.

Bella blinked and squeezed her knees tighter – this was about her?

Suddenly Jacob huffed a breath from his cheeks and started pacing again. "They won't hear it from you, because they don't fucking _listen_, Sam," he snapped. "So what'd they say about Josiah?"

Jacob turned on his heel with incidental grace and started prowling the other way.

"They would," he barked a bitter laugh. "It's Lee's decision. I'm fucking _not_ gonna take that away from her. She's just strung tight because of all this leech shit. _And_ probably being around us is calling the wolf."

Jacob stopped in front of a tree and leaned a forearm on it as he listened.

"**No.**"

The twilight was flayed wide by a single word. "That's all there is to it. This is _my_ fucking Pack." Jacob banged his fist against the tree above his head. "She's _paid_ _her dues_. For crissakes _her mother's_ on the fucking Council!"

He barked a laugh – a dark twisted sound. "Yep, mine too."

Arm braced against the tree he hung his head while he held out the phone and listened like it was on speaker – of course it was for his hearing it was.

"No, Sam," he commanded sternly. "You're not gonna get wrapped up in any more of this bullshit. You're done. Next month we gotta start weaning you off. You don't wanna be tweaking when Em's like eight months and shit. You gotta be there, man."

He sniffed a laugh at whatever was said over the phone. "Anything else?"

He paused, lifting his head and absently watching his fingers claw into the bark while he listened for almost a silent minute. Bella's gaze swept out to the darkening horizon. A cold drop of water hit her cheek and she held out her palm.

Suddenly Jacob spat a disgusted sound from the back of his throat. _"Fucking bigmouth Brady,"_ he growled. "Put him on a double – have him do Paul's shift tomorrow morning. Rache's got a doctor's appointment and I need Paul at work in the afternoon so he can't switch out with Emb."

He bowed his head again, listening for a moment. "You're sure you're a go for tonight?" he paused. "Kay, keep Jedidiah running until about two – the Brothers are good with him."

The rain was starting to sprinkle and Bella stood up, starting to collect the trash, watching Jacob out of the corner of her eye while Sam apparently told him something else.

Frankly listening to this conversation blew her mind – no wonder the Pack loved him so much in spite of his temper and storms: he took good care of them. The amount of energy it must take to keep that many people's schedules and needs straight on top of work and the politics of the Council? Jacob _should_ be tired. But even more than then logistics was the _heart_ – in a single conversation it was clear he was a fierce advocate for what was best for each of them.

At the expense of himself.

"Sounds like you got it," Jacob murmured and Bella looked up to see him pushing off the tree. "Hey, thanks, man." With that he let the phone fall down in front of him while his head bowed with it.

Bella hugged the trash to her chest while the rain started tapping a little more enthusiastically over the scene of a man worn down to the weary end. Jacob slowly slid his cell into his back pocket.

And then snapped back his fist and slammed it into tree.

Bella jumped six inches of the ground at an impact that cracked like thunder. The huge tree groaned in its wake and swayed ominously, while needles fell down around him.

He still hadn't turned around, but was frozen, chin tucked, with his fist pushed into the splintered crater made in the tree trunk.

"Jake?" she whispered.

For a moment she didn't know if he'd answer. "Go to the car," he hissed.

"Let me clean up…"

She choked on her words as he whipped around, eyes lambent gold and burning. "_Go to the car_," he snarled.

In her surprise she'd dropped the trash, but she didn't stop to pick it up. She whipped around immediately and ran for the car, sitting silent in dark in the escalating rain. Yanking the door open, she threw herself into the passenger side, slamming it closed after her.

It wasn't that she was frightened of him per se… but in that moment she'd actually understood just how terrifyingly close to the edge he really was.

Any more push-back would only push him closer.

She settled in her seat and stared out the windshield at Jacob, wearing black and barely visible in the dusk, where he stood motionless with his head bowed and hands fisted at his sides.

Her heart felt like a fist had reached in and was squeezing it like a lump of raw meat. She wanted nothing but to run to him and wrap him in her arms and just hold him and shelter him from all this insanity until he could put himself together again. Today she'd seen definitively that the boy she'd loved was still in there somewhere.

But the only thing she could do at the moment was keep pushing forward.

The skies opened up then and released a downpour of rain. Jacob looked up and then stalked back to their picnic area with menace in his stride.

She watched his silhouette through the sluice of water over the windshield while she listened to it pattering on the top of the convertible. He balled up the blanket and grabbed the duffle and jogged up toward the car. As he passed on the driver's side, Bella suddenly remembered the trunk – he had keys but still... Throwing herself over his seat, she found the lever and popped it. The back clunked open while the rain continued to come down.

It was slammed down so hard the car swayed and a second later the driver's side door was being ripped open. Jacob slid into his seat and pulled the door closed behind him while Bella sat back and found her seatbelt.

She turned back around to find him squeegeeing the water from his face while he sifted through the keys. He was soaking wet.

He found the right one and shoved it into the steering column. Pushing his hand back through his sopping hair and tucking it behind each ear, he started the car and turned over his shoulder, bracing his hand on her seat to back up.

Bella took the opportunity to search his face but there was not even a speck of dust to collect off that burnished iron mask.

With a sigh, she leaned down and unlaced her sneakers and pulled them off so she could prop her feet up on the dash – she'd always done that with the Rabbit too. It was comfortable. She sat back and wiggled her sock feet into position while her hand absently dove under his thigh.

She felt his flinch and squirm but ignored it and leaned her head back on the seat and watched the windshield wipers manically pace the window.

She glanced every once and a while out of the corner of her eye at Jacob, driving like the Terminator or something down the road – upright and tense like he was sitting on a bed of nails, he'd traded his cavalier lounge for both hands on the wheel. Shifting like a precision machine, not once did he so much as brush her arm.

This had to end.

Taking time to cool down and process was one thing, but he should have passed that point miles ago. Right now he was doing nothing but fighting while burning in his own personal hell.

Just like she'd done at the deli, Bella resolved that she was going to make a stand…

She tugged her hand free and shifted sideways, pulling her knees up on the seat. "Talk to me," she whispered.

The muscles jumped in Jacob's jaw while he continued to send death-rays out ahead of them down the road.

"I'm your friend, Jake," she leaned her temple against the seat, watching his nostrils flare rhythmically. "Talk to me. You don't have to deal with this shit alone anymore."

She waited for an answer that never came and then reached out to his hand, braced on the wheel. With a grunt, he yanked it roughly away over his chest.

The rejection hurt… physically.

Bella flinched, her hand hovering for a while and then she slowly reeled it back in. She was out of ideas. Heaving a sigh through her nose, she bowed her head in defeat and watched her rejected hand fiddle aimlessly with the hem of her other sleeve.

"They think it's too dangerous for you to be alone with me," he bit the words out suddenly like thrown gravel hitting the side of the car.

Bella's head jerked up, an indignant scowl, locked and loaded. _"What?!"_

Staring straight ahead, he sniffed a laugh that cocked his mouth in a smirk that was downright creepy. "They want you to live with Sam or Seth until '_I can control of the wolf_.'"

"B-but-…" Bella searched the dashboard with open-mouthed shock. "But I'm your _imprint_…" she returned to that hard profile.

He ground a single loaded name in his molars. "Emily."

"But Sam was just -…"

"They're right," he interrupted her in a terse base.

He whipped around and pinned her with razor eyes. "**But I **_**can't**_** lose you again.**"

The intensity behind the words hit her like a blast of air from a 450˚ oven - for a moment she couldn't catch her breath.

Jacob snapped his gaze back out to the road. "Not now," he hissed, taking the heat down a few degrees. "Another week maybe-… I n-need-..." He expelled a breath and shoved a hand through his hair.

Bella sat up more, wishing he'd let her touch him. "Jacob, _I don't want to live anywhere else_," she declared vehemently. "Not in a week, not _ever_." Her eyes flitted over his face as insecurity kicked in. "I-I mean unless you-…"

He stopped her with a bland glance.

A high stressed laugh burst over her lips.

Jacob's face softened into just a little more human and his hand left the wheel, traveling to where hers was fidgeting in her lap. His skin was burning in contrast to the gentleness of his touch as his fingers caressed pleadingly over her knuckles. Their hands entwined seamlessly they were two puzzle pieces lined with magnets.

Jacob released a hissing sigh as he slumped back in his seat. With a glance, he squeezed her hand as he ferried it to his thigh.

Bella leaned her cheek against the upholstery again, waiting for more – he didn't need her empty reassurances right now, he needed to get his off his chest.

Jacob leaned his head back against the seat, drawing in a deep lungful of air while he watched the road over the plains of this cheeks.

"They meddle in shit they don't understand," he hissed under his breath. "Times have changed, but they're all about the _bullshit rules and traditions_," he twisted the words with sarcasm and as his mouth hitched up on one bitter side. "But these are people's _lives_, and I'll break any fucking rule in the book if it makes sense for my Pack."

Bella shifted and reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder.

He huffed out a breath and tipped his head to absently rub his jaw over her fingers for a moment.

"After all this shit with Josiah, everything's just gotten worse," he breathed sitting up and releasing her hand to make a turn.

Bella soothed her hand over his rock-solid shoulder – she couldn't massage it if she tried.

They pulled off the highway and then onto one of the Rez roads. Once he got the car in gear, he covered her hand again where she'd left it resting on his thigh.

"And now they're worried Leah's gonna start Phasing all of a sudden in the middle of New York fucking City," he snorted.

He shook his head slowly with a tired blink.

"They wanna make her stay. _Nope_," he popped the P with a smirk. "Not doin' it. Lee's made it this long. I think with the marriage, it's going to feel like they're an Alpha pair and the wolf is gonna settle down."

He worried his lip a moment and then glanced at her. "I heard what you told her," he met her eyes. "I think you're right about her stopping too soon. About her fighting the wolf."

Bella smiled and her gaze turned to her finger, tracing the bottom of his tattoo peeking out from his sleeve. "And how about how you two have more in common than you thought?"

Jacob barked a dismissive macho laugh and she flicked his shoulder in reprimand.

She caught his gaze when he glanced again and for a moment they just let their eyes silently speak while he magically drove in his periphery.

Finally his mouth softened in smile that transformed his whole face before he squeezed her hand and turned back to the road, just in time for at turn. He shifted onto one the last back road to their house.

_Their house._

Bella smiled to herself as her head fell heavily against the seat. In just passing moments ago – and carefully ignored by both of them - something had been decided that was so obvious that it should go without saying, yet at the same time it seemed like such a significant step. The pretense of living there for "a week or two before moving to a better place" had been exposed for the transparent and ludicrous sham it had always been.

There could _be_ no better place.

"What?"

Jacob's whisper, made her look up to where he was watching her with a shadow of a smile. He turned fluently back to the road just in time to make the driveway.

Bella picked her head up, sucking on her lip while she considered him a moment and the gravel crunched under the tires.

"_Our_ house," she told him cryptically.

Jacob's eyes fluttered closed briefly. His answer was no more than a breath that parted russet lips, "yeah."

A slow smile bloomed over her face, loosening up all the tension lodged in the muscles. "Wanna watch Sharknado?"

His gaze dropped to his hand as he threw the car into park and he smothered a private smile. "Yeah, I do."

'

'

Bella woke abruptly, sucking in a breath as her eyes popped open wide, while the world dropped into a disoriented keel. Her eyes sweeping the empty living room, she pushed up off the floor, a blanket pooling in her lap.

Grimacing at stiff muscles, she hauled herself around to lean back against the couch. Huffing out a bleary breath, she surveyed the field of cushions, two layers of comforters on the floor and the remnant junk food strewn around her laptop, set up like an altar in front of the fireplace.

Last night was starting to come back.

She and Jacob had come in and changed and then set up the living room properly for a b-rate movie night extraordinaire.

As if in silent agreement, there were no more heavy discussions or confessions. They'd danced around dealing with the shifting boundaries between them with the familiar touches and comfort of past friendship. Therefore, side by side and propped back against the couch, they'd laughed until their sides hurt at the movie playing on her laptop, expelling cares and worries for some good ole' campy b-movie fun. But as the shark carcasses piled up, Jacob lay her head in her lap and his chuckles became fewer and far between until they were traded for soft snores.

It wasn't nearly as fun to watch goofy gore by herself, so she'd stopped the show with her remote and watched him sleep instead. It was an infinitely better.

Finally at peace, the hard lines softened into a face that looked much more like the boy she'd known those many years ago, only aged and intensified to perfection. Lush russet lips with that minute under-bite, regal brow, high cheekbones and a strong jaw – he had a breathtaking masculine beauty that, even at rest, clearly communicated both potent virility and a sensitive heart.

She didn't know how long she'd watched him, just stroking her hands through his inky hair, listening to each languorous breath skate over lax lips but eventually sleep beckoned her to join him. Carefully extricating herself, she'd laid down beside him and he'd immediately curled around her, capturing her in warmth of sleepy arms. Head pillowed on his bicep, she'd drifted off in the heated musky grotto of his body.

Outside the sun was just starting to get serious with the day - she'd guess it was around six – and she could still feel the remnants of his unnatural heat, clinging to the blankets.

Jacob must have already gotten up to go for his run.

Today he had to go to work after morning Pack duties and she was going with him and hang out "in case the water pump came." Bella barked a laugh at the ruse and stood, stretching. She was a little sore from the floor, even buffered by the rug and comforters as it had been. Maybe they should try sleeping in an actual bed sometime.

Bella froze at the thought, her arms falling slowly to her sides. Suddenly she realized why they'd both unconsciously been hanging out in the living room like this: to set boundaries. Right now they were obviously working on rebuilding their friendship… just where _were_ those lines?

Did she want to have sex with him right now? Her body certainly did, but Bella realized she wasn't so sure herself.

Taking the few steps to the laptop, she squatted and closed the screen, picking it up off the floor and stowing it under her arm. No, she didn't want to have sex… she wanted to _make love_. And that's why things were swirling around in this confusing amorphous space: in one way or another, neither of them were ready.

And it was weird considering they had already technically had sex on multiple (multiple) occasions.

_God, it was so complex._

Bella realized that she'd already made love with part of him at least – his wolf was a sensitive and alternately passionate or tender lover. She suspected the man was too.

It hit her then like a bag of bricks: she'd only been with the man _once_. And that once would be a desperate angry carnal fucking against a public wall minutes after he'd had a blow job.

Bella slapped her hand over her face.

_God, it was so incredibly fucking complex._

And she had no idea how to get from that point, through all the others, to the place she wanted to be: in Jacob's arms. The real, whole Jacob.

One thing she did know, though was that it would break them both if they tried to rush this. There was a lot of emotion and damage that needed to be healed before those two points could be joined. For both of them, no doubt.

At least now it was starting to feel like a _when_, not an _if_.

She rubbed a hand down her face with a soft groan: thinking about this stuff should be illegal this early in the morning.

Laughing softly to herself, she turned and crossed the living room, tossing her laptop on the couch as she passed.

Jacob's black tee shirt was still thrown over the back of the couch where he'd stripped and tossed it as soon as he'd walked in the house. It had actually made Bella freeze in the doorway - not because he'd taken it off (it was soaked) or because that gorgeous back was on display, but _because he'd thrown it down on the living room couch_.

She fingered idly over the dried material. She hadn't been able to put her finger on it immediately but what her intuition had recognized before her brain caught up was that Jacob had kept an unnaturally _un_lived-in house (especially for the slob she'd known). Tidiness was one thing, but this had felt more like restraint.

Or, perhaps even more frightening, _preparation_.

His words haunted her from the beach and would pop up at odd times: _no mess left behind_. He'd take care of others even to his grave.

With a sad smile she picked up the shirt and brought it to her face and took an indulgent whiff of his scent. Tossing it back down on the couch, she made her way to the bathroom.

It was obvious he'd been there first - there was a pile of laundry on the floor and the tub was wet.

Closing the door behind her she decided a shower was in order for herself too.

She wondered if Jacob had taken a _cold_ shower because there was still plenty of hot water left and Bella basked in all of it. While hot water pelted her skin into a blush, she let her mind wander over many things from Pack politics to dates to boundaries and healing.

There seemed to be some real progress – the kind that made her really look forward to the day and what it might bring. And what she could bring to _it_. She hadn't done that in a long time.

Finally cooling water had chased her from the shower.

Wrapping her towel around her breasts she smeared away the condensation on the mirror and brushed through her hair while she continued to think things through. It all made her want to step up her game - to settle the pack around him, protect him and give that sun the space to shine. She'd done it without consciously thinking about it at the deli.

Next up was the Council.

Pressing her lips together until they turned white, she stared into the mirror wondering if she had the strength to slay that dragon today. Wouldn't she at least try for her best friend? Damn straight.

Well that's what Jacob was becoming again.

With a resolute nod she turned to pick up her dirty clothes. She added Jacob's pajama bottoms and tee to her sweats from last night with a huge smile on her face. His razor was also left on the sink along with the sprinkling of tiny hairs in the basin.

Slobbery was never so precious.

Chuckling she opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hall at the same time Jacob was pulling open his bedroom door.

They both froze like deer in headlights.

Jacob blinked free first, subtly clearing his throat as he turned to pull the door shut behind him. He was dressed in a wife beater, some beat up jeans and his hair was its usual casual hip, hanging messily around his jaw.

He turned back to the hall and Bella realized she should have bolted for her room in the opening. Chin subtly tucked, his eyes met hers from under his lashes and then seemed to be dragged by a super-human force down her body before he jerked them away. His hands curled into fists as he started down the hall.

"So I'm gonna, uh," he rolled his lips and then flowed on silent bare feet toward her. "Clean out the car from yesterday. Are you still coming to the garage?"

Squeezing the clothes against her chest, her eyes followed him but he kept them trained carefully away.

"Yeah," she took a step back into the bathroom to let him pass.

As he passed, intense eyes that looked like they committed every pore to memory did a brusque circuit of her face. "Come out whenever you're ready," he murmured.

Bella nodded and then watched him continue down the hallway with that mercury stride.

She had taken two steps toward her bedroom when Jacob jerked to an abrupt stop just inside the living room. It was an extreme enough change that Bella froze, frowning with concern as his head bowed and he rubbed his face with his hands.

"Can I touch you?" he mumbled into smearing palms.

Bella turned to face him, playing the words over and over in her head, trying to understand them.

He turned slowly around and lids blinked heavily up from eyes that were black and bottomless and swarming with emotion. "Just for a minute?" he whispered.

Bella was still unsure exactly what he was asking when she was standing before him, wrapped so vulnerably in just a towel. "W-what do mean?"

He rolled his lips and his eyes bobbed uncomfortably to the ground like he was trying to figure out how to explain something in a foreign language.

When he looked back up, there was an anguished furrow to his brow, like he was pleading. "I j-just-…" he rasped and then gulped the words down with a thick swallow. "I need touch."

Her eyes darted back and forth between his as understanding slowly washed over her, drowning her heart in its tide.

"Yes." Without hesitation, she dropped the clothes unceremoniously on the floor.

His eyes intensified, locking deeply in hers and he took a step toward her with an intensity that was a little bit frightening.

Still there was no question. "Come," she whispered, holding out her hands.

The distance between them was swallowed by jerking steps that brought his big body heavily to the floor in front of her, first on one knee, then the other.

As sad as it was, she was only a few inches taller when he was on his knees, and rather than watch those frenetic eyes drown in overwhelm – the pupils yawning so wide there was no iris left - she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close.

There was something primal about his need right now and so instinct had her rubbing her jaw over his. A low fleecy rumble lit in his chest as his hands slipped up to cling to her waist and he pushed his nose under her jaw and rooted with gentle nudges.

She'd never heard that sound from Jacob, the man.

Her hands smoothed over his shoulders soothingly as she tried to pull back and see his eyes, but those huge hands that nearly spanned even a towel-wrapped waist held her in a firm grip.

She felt the chills spill over his skin as she brushed her fingers up the nape of his neck on her way to comb through his hair.

"Jake," she whispered, cocking her head and trying to see his face while he rubbed his nose back and forth against her neck. "Honey?"

He froze a beat and then, slurping in a breath, he picked up his head.

"I j-just-…can I-…?" his mumble sounded as drunk as the eyes that peeked at her from under heavy lids looked but they were dark and human and drowning in the contentment being broadcast by the soft purr.

His hands slipped up to either side of her head, hovering in her hair while he leaned in and dragged the tip of his nose along her jaw. He drew in a long luxuriant breath as he pressed lips to her pulse and then rubbed his cheek against hers.

Bella's eyes fluttered closed as a smile curved her lips and her hands slipped to his shoulders to brace herself while he took what he needed.

He tipped her face down with the gentlest of pressure so he could press his forehead to hers and stayed there for a moment, rocking his head back and forth, his nose brushing over hers, while his ragged breath spilled over her face. She drew in a long reverent breath of the moist sweet air and then released it to his sucking inhale.

With a shaking sigh, he started moving again. He hemmed her jaw with lax lips and Bella tipped her head to the side so they could continue down the curve of her neck caressing her skin with his breath.

There was nothing sexual in his touch, only tender sensuality. Cocooned in his warmth and scent and the sparkling tingle of power or bond, Bella's body felt boneless.

His hands started roaming as he dragged his mouth along her unmarked shoulder and then drew his nose back along her collarbone. Palms squeezed her ribcage gently through the towel and then slipped down to measure her waist, next to rest on her hips like he was taking a relishing inventory of her frame.

Jacob nestled a lazy kiss in the hollow of her throat and then pressed his face into her chest while his arms wound around her body, one hand splaying on her shoulder blades, the clutching her hip.

Bella's eyes blinked slowly open, feeling drugged. Her fingers stroked through his hair while she tipped her head to look at him and brushed hair back from his cheek. His eyes were closed as he rested against her, one side of his face pressed against her sternum while he panting quietly.

Much like Jedi had done that first day.

Instinct made her want to push the towel away and shelter him between her breasts, but she also knew naked bodies were slippery slopes and, for now, this seemed to be good enough.

Smiling softly, Bella watched over him like she had when he was asleep, while her hands smoothed over his massive shoulders. They shimmied under his tank top to caress down his rippling back as far as she could reach, riding the vibrations of that deep rumble in his chest.

"_You smell so good." _His words were barely audible and ferried on a sigh.

Bella's eyes had drifted closed and they blinked open slowly.

"You _feel_ so good," he breathed in a lazy slur.

Bella tipped her head down and brushed his hair back from his cheek.

Jacob's eyes rolled under heavy lids as they opened, swimming for a moment as his hands firmly caressed from around her back to her sides. He picked his head up from her chest like it weighed a hundred pounds while he held her hips in a gentle grip.

Blinking sentience back into his eyes, they finally lifted to hers. They looked worn and bleary… but at peace, at least for the moment.

"I have to go slow," he told her quietly.

She wasn't exactly sure what he meant, but she smiled anyway because that's what she needed too. "I like slow."

His lips softened in a subtle curve. "I know," he whispered.

Bella blinked an uncertain smile.

Holding her gaze, Jacob rose toward her from where he sat on his heels.

"You like slow," he breathed as one hand left her hip to hoover under her jaw. "Gentle," he leaned in slowly and rubbed his jaw sensuously over hers, stubble and silk.

Pulling back just enough to capture her eyes, the calloused pads of his fingers skated along her collarbone. Then he leaned slowly in to her shoulder, holding her eyes as long as he could before he pressed a delicate kiss to his mark.

Bella hissed with the crackle of heat and pleasure that lanced through her body like lightning.

Jacob pulled back with heavy lids. "See?" he whispered.

It felt like _deja vue_… and suddenly she realized that this was an exact reenactment of the first night the wolf had come to her in human skin and she'd taught him how to touch her.

Jacob's eyes washed lazily over the recognition crystalizing in her face and he brushed her hair back from her cheek with gentle fingers.

His eyes met hers and Bella drowned in their intensity.

"You like a soft touch," he breathed, moist air fanning over her face before he leaned in and pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth.

His lips lifted from her skin, leaving a quiet smack and a cooling brand.

Jacob pulled back with black eyes that were unfathomable, secret thoughts flickering like apparitions behind them.

Finally, he licked his lips in slow motion, leaving them parted for a heartbeat before he spoke. "I wasn't careful with this body the first time…" he whispered, his eyes pacing between hers intensely as his hand slipped up to rest on her chest. "I wasn't careful with this _heart_-…"

Those simple words released a shocking flood of thoughts and emotions. They hopped over Bella's face in micro-expressions while latent hurt and fear bobbed up to the surface like corpses from a dredged lagoon.

His forehead crumpled as he cocked his head and brushed his knuckles over her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he breathed.

His face was growing blurry and Bella blinked, realizing her eyes had filled with tears. They sprinted over her cheeks in two cool tracks.

His gaze darted over them and a thumb smeared one across her cheek. Closing his eyes with a soft exhale, Jacob unfolded to his feet and pulled her into his chest.

Bella wrapped her arms around his waist, holding on for dear life through the emotional ambush. Yanking in open-mouthed breaths as silent tears herded in droves down her cheeks, she pressed her face into his shirt and tried to hold it together.

Jacob did it for her – wrapping her tightly in one hand while the other stroked soothingly over her head.

She had no idea how long they stood like this, holding one another and letting their hearts do the talking where words failed. But eventually the pressure had bled out along with the tears and those bruises under her skin weren't nearly as tender.

Bella drew in a long full breath and then released it through pursed lips. She thoughtlessly wiped her face on his shirt and then looked up to a soft smile. Realizing what she'd just done, her hand came around to fecklessly swat at the big wet spot over his heart.

He caught her wrist in gentle fingers and then pulled it up to press a kiss to her palm. "Take your time," he murmured over her skin.

Brushing her hair back from her forehead with a final searching circuit of her face, he turned without another word and headed for the living room.

Bella wrapped her arms around herself. "Jacob," she called.

He stopped mid stride, cheek turned just enough over his shoulder that she could see his profile.

"I forgive you," she whispered.

His head bowed for a moment and then he continued to the door.

"Jake," she called again and again he froze. "Love you."

She heard his soft sniff. "Love you more," he breathed over his shoulder and then pulled open the front door.

'

She pulled the door closed behind her - he never locked it, no one would be idiotic enough to mess with his house.

Bella _had_ taken her time.

She'd sat on the edge of her mattress, fiddling with the hem of the towel - for, God, she had no idea how long - while her mind cataloged memories and then stowed them away. Bella had always thought herself to be a practical girl who was now in pretty good contact with how she was feeling these days, but being blindsided like that by emotion had been unsettling.

As tourniquets were untied, all the things they held together naturally fell apart. It was part of the process - sometimes things got worse before they got better. This herky-jerky pace of theirs was perfect testimony to that truism.

Hitching her backpack higher on her shoulder she jogged down the stairs still feeling a little raw, but lighter than she had in a while.

And the day was cooperating with the sentiment. The storm had rolled over and it pleasant for September– cool and cloudy but with a few winks of blue overhead. She'd dressed in comfortable jeans, purple chucks, a lacy camisole and tomboy flannel. Buttoning up the shirt against the chill, she made her way to where Jacob was sitting in her car with the seat tipped all the way back, looking like he was meditating – his body was too stiffly controlled to be napping.

Bella pulled open the passenger door. "Hey," she murmured, slipping into her seat.

She turned to stuff the backpack in the back as Jacob righted the seat, his eyes however staying in his lap. Depositing her bag, she watched him adjust it, ignoring her completely.

"Jake?" she frowned.

He turned to her with shuttered eyes.

"**Hey**," she raised her brow emphatically.

"Hey," he murmured, turning back to the wheel and starting the car. Clicking on her seatbelt she watched him out of the corner of her eye as he mechanically went through the motions of backing it out of the drive and then pulling them out on the road.

Letting her head fall limply back on the seat, she huffed out a sigh as she stared out the front window feeling prickly and frustrated.

Back and forth, holding close and pushing away, open hearts and slammed doors… after this morning, she was tired. She knew they both were - even before they'd started trying climb this mountain of baggage. But that was the price she had to pay for depriving both of them of their other half for eight years.

Closing her eyes, Bella blew a breath from her cheeks and let the movement of the car soothe her raw soul for several miles.

When he spoke, his murmur was so quiet, she almost couldn't hear it over the sound of the engine. "How can I live with this shit, Bella?"

Bella squeezed her eyes closed tighter while she licked her lips and tried to scrape together the right words to say.

Right here was the crux of the matter for both of them.

Drawing in a breath she opened her eyes and let her head flop to the side. Jacob had one arm propped on the door, his other hand at the bottom of the wheel but there was nothing remotely relaxed about his posture.

"Because I forgive you," she told him quietly.

He closed his eyes briefly and then glanced at her.

"All of it," she continued. "I forgive you and love you. It's over, Jake – we're both starting new."

He searched her face a moment longer and then turned back to the road. Exhaling a long slow breath, he leaned his head back against the seat like he was trying to force himself to relax.

Bella's eyes drifted over his strong profile down to the tattoo on his shoulder and then up to that jutting adam's apple. It bobbed once and then his hands switched positions.

The muscles flexed under the Pack crest as his hand went in search of hers.

She met him halfway.

"Do you forgive _me_?" she asked quietly.

Without moving his head, he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Because after the way I treated you with… _Edward_," she spat his name with a disgusted shake of her head as she returned her eyes to the road. It still made her sick to her stomach to think about how she'd kicked him and everyone she'd loved in the teeth just to be with him.

"Because it seems like poetic fucking justice if you ask me," she bit out bitterly.

Jacob tugged gently on her hand and she turned to where he'd picked his head up and was watching her. That steel had fallen away and his eyes were completely bare and unadorned: a direct glimpse into a soul that had been gutted but was slowly starting to fill again.

"I forgive you," he pronounced, quiet and firm.

Bella couldn't help but smile into the face of that boyish earnestness. She picked his hand up from his thigh and ferried it to her lips for a kiss.

"Well then all that's left to do is the impossible, huh?" she sniffed a humorless laugh as she replaced their entwined hands on his thigh and stared out the window. "Forgive _ourselves_."

Jacob didn't say anything but just rested his head against the seat and drove them down the road.

The miles passed in silence – each of them lost in their own thoughts but still together in their joined hands, sending unconscious Morse code squeezes back and forth. Finally he had to slip free to shift down to a stop on the edges of town.

Bella drew in a breath as she sat up more, rubbing her face with both hands and trying to reset. There were other items on the agenda today, and important ones too.

Ones she _wished to God_ that could wait…

"Hey, Jake," she called softly. "Can I ask you something?" She knew she could, but somehow this made it seem more formal.

He picked up on it too and with a nod, he sat up a little straighter.

Bella licked her lips, hoping this was the right move and it wasn't going to make things worse. But she needed to do whatever she could to make sure that he didn't have to bear his impossible burden alone.

She dove in. "At the beach, your dad told me that as your imprint, I had the same rights as-…"

"I heard what he said," he interrupted quietly, without taking his eyes from the road.

For a moment, she was disconcerted – trying desperately to remember all they'd talked about – until she realized it didn't matter. She needed to be able to tell Jacob anything.

She looked back up from where her eyes had drifted to her lap. "Well would you mind if I went and saw him today?" she asked. "I'd like to talk to him about all this crap with the Council."

Jacob glanced at her once and then settled back in his seat and shrugged a shoulder. "Then do it."

Bella blinked at him for a moment. He didn't hesitate or question or ask what she was going to say or… anything. Was he mad?

"Are you sure?" she ventured.

Jacob nodded, shifting back up and then reaching for her hand on her lap. He ferried it back to his lap as he cast a furrowed glance her way.

"You don't have to ask me for _permission_," he frowned incredulously.

Bella sucked on her lip. "But it's _your Pack_."

"It's _your_ Pack too," he asserted, returning his eyes to the road as his hand left her to shift a turn. "We work different angles, but we're equals, Bells. If it comes down to keeping you or the Pack safe… well, I don't give a fuck what anyone says," he barked a laugh that sounded kind of sinister.

He glanced at her with a furrow to his brow. "But I'll stand behind whatever you think the Pack needs."

Bella stared dumbly at him for a several seconds while her mind spun - he trusted her and respected her judgment… he was letting her help him…

"Haven't I done that?"

She blinked back into focus in his eyes.

He had – while their relationship had been rife with landmines, from Jedi to being fed ice cream in front of tribal men and one of his wolves, he'd never refused or contradicted her.n

Bella's face cracked in a grin at the memory. "Yeah, you have."

Jacob's face lightened and he squeezed her hand as he returned his eyes to the road. The garage and another hurtle was just around the next corner.

But suddenly Bella was looking forward to it.

Even if it was the first time he was going to see everyone but Seth since the "incident" with Josiah, based on what she'd overheard of Sam's conversation, it sounded like her choreographed play from the deli had already seeped out into the Pack.

He pulled her car up into the crunching gravel surrounding the garage, his eyes scanning the cars in the lot like a vulture – obviously starting to think about work already. He probably had some catching up to do with other vehicles besides the Little Elks'- today was Thursday and he'd missed three days of work already.

He got out of the car without a glance and stretched his muscles with a groan. Bella was just about to do the same when her own door was pulled open.

Seth was standing outside with one of his cotton candy grins. "Hey sis."

Bella smiled and got out of the car, glancing out in surprise to where Paul, Quil and the Brothers were trailing out of the garage looking… well, like the cats who'd spent time with a flock of canaries.

Seth closed the door and turned around. "Did you have-…"

Interrupting him, she threw her arms around his middle and squeezed him tight. "Hey Seth," she grinned up at him.

His eyes were as big as saucers and trained in utter terror on his Alpha on the other side of the car.

Following his gaze, she had to agree that Jacob did look pretty dangerous – his nostrils were flared and his eyes were narrowed like they were contemplating murder.

Bella ignored him. "Hug me," she urged.

Seth's eyes stumbled back down to her and she raised prompting brows. His arms hesitantly circled her like he was anticipating them to be ripped off at any second.

He squeezed her gently.

On the other side of the car, Jacob growled petulantly and whipped around, pacing away while he shoved his hands through his hair.

Seth's eyes returned to her in wonder. She grinned and placed a pert kiss on his chest.

Turning out of his embrace, she took on the twins next. "Hey Elan," she wrapped him in a hug.

"I'm Nebi-…"

"Ugh!" she groaned, glaring up at him. "Enough already!"

He gave her a wide grin and a gentle hug and she moved on.

" 'Sup, Boss?"

Bella turned her head to catch Seth clapping hands with Jacob and offering him the same candied smile.

Paul was already next in line with a macho forearm clasp.

Bella was pleased.

She rounded the car with the twins in her wake and got a side hug from Quil on the way. Jacob was already talking shop, but the atmosphere was relaxed and collegial - like they were friends, coming back together for work after an extended vacation.

In other words, exactly as I should be.

Paul pressed his luck and a kiss to her head.

"Hey, don't you have a doctor's appointment?" Bella accused.

"Yeah but it's not until 11," he sniffed, pulling back and patting her on the head (annoying, but that was Paul).

"10:30, dickhead," a gruff bass corrected.

Bella turned to see Jacob with his arms crossed over his chest and glaring at his wolf. "Don't you fucking remember telling me that last week?"

Paul shrugged not looking particularly concerned. "Doctor's always late anyway," he snorted.

"Rache isn't," Jacob ground out. Obviously this new routine had him wound tighter than normal.

"It's the hormones," Bella told Jacob in a stage whisper as she moved to his side.

The twins snickered and Quil patted Paul's tummy as he passed. "Baby's getting big…"

Paul slapped him off with a deafening crack and Quil cackled as he strode up to Jacob and slapped a greeting into his hand.

"Hey boss, you' got the whole Rez talking about you at the Fuller's Deli," he grinned, stuffing his hands in his pockets and taking things too far as usual.

Jacob's body went stone cold still beside her. "Why," he bit off the question with gritted teeth.

It was more than enough warning for anyone with a love for life. In fact, the Brothers and Seth both took subtle steps back.

"_Wait for it,"_ Paul's intoned under his breath, his lips spreading in an anticipatory leer.

Quil, however, was blissfully undaunted and gave Jacob a grin and just another excuse. "Rumor has it you were actually _nice_. Even had an ice-…"

Jacob launched out with a lightning fist to Quil's gut. But he didn't really put his heart into it, because his prey merely doubled over and fell to the gravel with a groan.

"Yes!" Paul crowed.

Jacob straightened and tossed a dismissive sniff over his victim. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

Taking a step back to Bella's side, he hooked his arm around her neck and pulled her in for a long unapologetic sniff and kiss to her hairline.

"C'mon Bells," he murmured into her hair, leaving the arm draped around her shoulders. "Let's let these assholes get back to work."

Bella giggled and wrapped her arm around his waist, throwing a smile over her shoulder at the five sets of grins.

"Wanna coke?" he murmured as they casually bumped sides on their stroll to the garage.

"Yeah," she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Yeah I do, Jake."

'

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'

_Review if you like.  
_


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